今天才是真正結(jié)束。
Unconsciousness and subconscious區(qū)別：無意識和潛意思，無意識是沉浸在心智深處，它的作用比潛意識和意識都更重要但我們察覺不到；而潛意識會作用在我們的夢境里，或者某種心靈感應，第六感等等，位于意識和無意識之間是個橋梁。
So much to remember！
晚上8點后拿到手機我直接去了辦公室充電，開始看有啥緊急事。處理完，出來加入聊天的女人們：
一個俄羅斯女孩英語并不好，重復幾遍我才聽明白她之前在尼泊爾上了一個課程叫Mystic growth，說是一起大笑，大哭，抒發(fā)情感，這個我上過紐約類似課程，基本是笑為主，符合美國精神。
一個我一直要認識來自慕尼黑白衣女子，當她聽說西班牙女人馬上要去印度上35天課程說“我非殺了我自己不可！”我大笑，性情中人非常強勢德國精英女士，她曾經(jīng)12年前就來過緬甸去了所有地方，很推薦良烏，之后和女兒也來過，這次第三次；提到內(nèi)觀前幾天她幾乎受不了了，要走，雖然之前也做過，但因為人生經(jīng)歷了不同的境況現(xiàn)在變得更艱難；以我歷來的傾向我都會試圖和她認識示好保持聯(lián)系，因為有一定相似點，但何苦結(jié)實另一個和我一樣受苦的靈魂呢？I will kill myself,Munich lady is saying to the Barcelona woman when knowing she is taking 35 days, she has been in Myanmar 12 years ago and all over, highly recommend Maruak U, she is looking tense and typical my type of woman which I try to say hi to her to start with; then why making another suffering friend as I am.
今天凌晨2.26起來瑜伽，腦海中一直泛濫著“dhamma太贊了”，昨天下午看錄像時托缽僧沿著艱難的沙漠赤足魚貫而走的時候情不自禁落淚，內(nèi)觀結(jié)束可以表達感情時發(fā)現(xiàn)非常容易大笑，沒心沒肺開心和動容流淚，情緒突然真實表達出來：為啥我對僧侶的受苦如此動容和感同身受，也許前世有過類似經(jīng)歷；還記得在Octave組織一次冥想中當僧侶奏鳴響起，一首歌“我是佛前一朵蓮”想起涕淚交流的時候，之后反復聽這首歌很長時間，沒有出家的動力但并不是沒有閃過腦海。每次想到出家做完內(nèi)觀就放棄了，太辛苦了，這只是一小滴出家人生活，我已經(jīng)感恩可以回到世俗中去。Dhamma is so wonderful this word all around me this morning 2.26am starting yoga;when yesterday afternoon watching video when Sidhdart and monks walking bare foot holding their bowl I was tearing;I wonder why I feel so connected to this type of life and suffering and monks,maybe I was doing the same in my previous life,just so hitting the heart,like last time in Octave festival when bell ringing with the song我是佛前一朵蓮I was tearing so heartedly;listening to the song for months feel so attached,but I am not even closer to life like renunciation and actually Vipa is suffering for me which is a tip of taste of water of monk life,
巴塞羅那女人聽我說必須要獨立房間就推薦英國和巴黎附近的中心，但歐洲都是爆滿，要提前很久定，看來歐洲痛苦需要解脫的靈魂非常多，供不應求。我問她15次內(nèi)觀后提高，她只說“人安靜了很多！即使這么多次，每次都不容易！”我一聽，這沒啥提高??！Barcelona woman said London and one closer to Paris matched my single room condition,she is talking about the benefit: more quite after 15 times of Vipa I told German lady: it is not getting easier,even not a lot of improvement which u can tell.
第10天基本還是老行程，只有晚上冥想短一些；結(jié)束discourse我急急忙忙去取手機，同時問自己為啥著急，應該享受當下啊，還是邊充電邊查看工作，沒我挺好的，一切正常，我試圖讓自己發(fā)揮點作用，不大。So 10th day the schedule fo group sitting is all the same,evening discourse is a bit shorter,then we go to pick up phone I was rushing out,but telling myself why so,in the moment;then I was charing the phone in the office,obviously I was not that needed,not much things need my attention,I try to make myself useful with colleagues and very few;back room at 9.20pm
俄羅斯女孩用磕磕巴巴英語和我講訴她“只活在當下”生活，曾經(jīng)紐約呆過一陣不喜歡那里的能量，她亞洲到處游蕩，在尼泊爾接受一個課程時發(fā)現(xiàn)“自己無法從腹部開始笑，都只是喉嚨笑”，就是不是真心的笑！她問我接下來做啥，我說“傳播愛，和平和慈悲給全世界！”她笑得渾身亂顫，不只腹部，背部都抖動；我說“我治好你的問題啦！”自己也笑得一塌糊涂，vipa之后哭和笑都很抽風！Another Russian girl talking bad English tries to explain to me her moment to moment life in Asia and New York which she did not like the energy in NYC. She can not laugh from belly then I told her my next is to give love,peace and compassion to the world,she laughed from all over the body,I was serious then also laughed hard,seems after vipa both tearing and laughing is easy!!!
最后一節(jié)6-7點冥想我感覺最好，free flow和空腹的輕盈感，很開心我們沒有提前給手機，否者分心。Last session of 6-7pm sitting is actually? the best I feel sensation,free flow and empty belly holiness. Great,so good they did not give us phone earlier which I was not that pleased.?
今天早晨沒有設(shè)鬧鐘但還是2點起來，就瑜伽吧，vipa讓我10天沒有cafe但休息足夠就醒來，我提前去了食堂4.10充電，結(jié)果早晨最后一次discourse關(guān)于開示和之后如何每天練習的，第一次我因為定了太早航班錯過一部分，結(jié)果這次過癮了，因為一直斷電，G的唱頌我們聽了5遍；頭天下午關(guān)于烏巴慶百年誕辰錄像我了解到烏巴慶是非常高校政府官員，堅信佛陀去世2500年后dhamma會重新興旺；確定葛英卡是對的人，讓他回印度傳播從他1951年開始內(nèi)觀到現(xiàn)在全球300多家內(nèi)觀中心不過時68年；葛英卡是個非常出色的生意人，英雄和導師，我的偶像，但對于佛陀serve留下最強的印記；以后每天有時間哪怕5分鐘都要做內(nèi)觀，做一個更好的有效的人！This morning did not set up clock earlier but wake up at 2am,this is vipa,no cafe but enough rest;then I was in dinning place at 4.10am to charge the phone,old man came,then during the discourse at least 5 times break of electricity and chanting again and again;I learned about烏巴慶efficient office life and commttimment on Dhamma,yesterday it is video on his 100 years anniversary it is toughing but also he is so confident that 2500 years later it is time Dhamma is going to expand without anything stopping it and he knows Goenka should go back to India just like that from his parents,from his first 1951 coming to now 300 over centers,he is a good business man and hero and role model for me;but I was most touched by Buddha to serve; back to morning, also G waking and sleeping 5 minutes, anytime in the day vipa, being a much better person with higher efficiency.
一結(jié)束我去早餐幾乎很開心看到?jīng)]有自己能吃的東西（當?shù)孛鏃l早餐）就拿了水果開心的回到房間，坐在走廊里看著繁茂的樹木吃完早餐，打掃房間迫不及待離開，一期學員竟然有比我還積極離開的，我第一次也是一分鐘都無法忍耐，琢磨一下還是背著包而不是留下來寄存，即使如此還買了兩本書很沉的背著，本來朝著噪音（chanting）寺廟走過去想探個究竟，結(jié)果一個學員和她老公開著車，問我去哪，很熱心把我?guī)У绞袇^(qū)；路上我知道女同學和兩個孩子都參加vipa但是老公不參加，夠聰明，讓家人變得更好，自己日子也幸福！Then brining a bit fruit back room,quick cleaning and run out of center,bought two books,one is heavy on buddha teaching,was trying to explore the chanting resource but offered by a local lady and her husband to bring me to junction city: he does not do vipa but his two children and wife do.
我離開中心7點，7.30就到了市區(qū)，看到香格里拉酒店和mall，結(jié)果mall 9點才開門，我就沿著街區(qū)跟剛從牢里出來放飛的小鳥一樣，啥都新鮮，喝了當?shù)乜Х?00k，吃了當?shù)厮崮?，買了單條賣的益生菌，都是澳洲產(chǎn)品，魚油也是一粒粒賣；現(xiàn)在我在一個英國殖民地風格tea house喝著拿鐵，我的以往生活開始恢復：接著貪嗔癡都會開始誘惑我，很容易就會落網(wǎng)。我現(xiàn)在很感恩自己已有的一切，確實夠了，之前從來沒有如此感受過，可以每天開始感恩自己足夠多的人生。I left at 7am,in the center at 7.30 being told market mall opening at 9am,with my big bag walking on the street is fun,getting local breakfast for cafe 500,sweet,yoghurt 850,pharmacy 900 probiotics per sachet,Sule,now this beautiful teahouse British style and my typical life back,remember craving,aversion,ego so easily kick in!!! gratitue and enough,I am having enough,why I did not feel so before,giving without return and gratitude on whatever others giving me. It is good practice from now on.
又開始做計劃：去河邊，14年前住過的strand hotel，mall，坐火車體驗，太開心了，vipa結(jié)束繼續(xù)生活！Plan: river,strand hotel,junction city and train,spa,that is the day,I am so happy vipa over and come back to ife.
