Three V's of communication

• verbal
• vocal
• visual

The difficulty of listening

1. Listening is hard
2. Speech differential
3. Selective listening
4. Competition
5. Overuse of assumptions
6. We talk too much
7. Conversation killers
8. No listening skills training

90% of communication is non verbal, including

• voice qualities
• body language
  posture, gesture, head and feet movement, eyes
• facial expressions
• clothing and grooming

Levels and degrees of listening

non-listeners: a person who fails to listen.
marginal listeners: a person who hears sounds and words, bu is not able to pick up on the meaning of the message.
evaluative listeners: a person who is concentrating and working at acquiring the message. He or she is evaluating the content but not focusing on the non verbal portion of the message.
active listeners: a person practicing active, aggressive listening.

As a person moves from the first through the second and third and on to the fourth, his or her potential for understanding, trust and effective communications increases.

Seven specific active listening skills

1. Concentrate
2. Listen for ideas and feeling
   Four levels of listening: facts, thoughts, feelings, Cliches
3. Acknowledge the speaker
4. Research
5. Practice emotional control
6. Pay attention to the non verbal Message
7. Structure
   indexing, sequencing, comparing

Checklist of being a better listener

1. Be prepared to work hard since listening is work.
2. Concentrate your attention on the speaker's words, voice, body language, facial expressions, clothing and grooming. Listen with your ears and eyes. Stop, look and listen.
3. Listen to understand and relate. Respecting the speaker and keeping your personal bias and attitudes in check improves listening.
4. Know when to be quiet and when to talk. You need to listen before you speak.
5. Take notes when and if possible.
6. Hold back on your need to interrupt. Wait until questions are invited or until there is a natural break.
7. Don't kill the messenger. Keep your emotions in check. Being in check doesn't mean not to react. However, remember to pause, make eye contact and visualize something relaxing.
8. Summarize and evaluate. State in your own words what you think was said. Say it in a way that you can be informed and where you can identify issues that need clarification.