這個是我特別喜歡的一段托馬斯老師跟一個同學的對話，同學問的問題很簡單，怎么樣才能去認識新的伴侶。
托馬斯很深刻的回答了（同時也完全沒有回答）這個問題。
這個老師有一種很幽靜和具有“空間感”的品質(zhì)，推薦大家?guī)腺|(zhì)量好的耳機，在聽的過程中，打開身體的感受，讓它和托馬斯的聲音共振。
（文字音頻）
T：I want you with me the same as you ask for my attention to listen to you. I want that you tell it to me. When I approach you, when I come closer with my energy to your energy, I have the feeling that part of you is leaving, you’re not staying here. So your body is still here, and you’re still looking at me, but when I really come closer as a man to meet this woman, one part of you is like a bit of a ghost leaving your body. You’re not anymore here with your full sensitivity, full connection, with your full feeling, to me meet me.”
T：就像你希望我在傾聽你的時候把注意力放在你身上一樣，我也希望你把剛才的話“對著我說”。因為當我用我的能量靠近你的能量時，我能感覺到你的一部分離開了，你沒有完全留在這里。你的人還在這里，你也在注視著我，但是我作為一個男性，要真正“遇見”?你這位女性，你的一部分，像是魂魄飄離了你的身體。你已經(jīng)不是用你全部的連接，情感和敏感度來與我相遇。
“And I think if you want to get stronger in your resting here in life, then we need to find a way that you first become aware that a part of you is a bit out of your body: that you’re not fully in your body. And when you first come back, you will be feeling fear, and then maybe you will feel a kind of tightness that you’re living in that your power cannot fully flow out. So now we do need to find a way to create a space between us, where all of this stuff can happen in a more present way, then it will transform into power.
我覺得如果你想要在這個生命中更“安住”，更穩(wěn)定和有力量，那么我們要一起找到方法。首先你要覺察到剛才你的某個部分，離開了：也就是意識到你的“神”不是完全住在身體里的。然后你第一次完全回來時，你會感受到恐懼，然后也許有點緊縮感，在這種緊縮里，你的力量沒有辦法流動。到了這步我們就需要找到一個方法，在我們之間建立一個空間，來承載剛才這一切，這個空間是帶著“臨在”的。這樣，剛才的經(jīng)歷才會轉(zhuǎn)化為“力量”。
Your fear needs to be part of “us”, because in the moment we meet, we are also “us”. So when I meet you, for me it’s very relevant what is happening within you as well, because this is part of us. So the fear needs to have a very open space that we call us. And the fear needs to be there, you need to be seen with this fear, and you need to see that aggression caused a lot of fear also in your upbringing and that you didn’t know how to deal with this fear, and that you would rather leave your body rather than to deal with the intensity of this aggression. And now, my invitation is that you come to me with this fear, and we can learn that we can meet even if there is a terror, even if there is a very strong frightened feeling. You’re still meeting me.”
你的恐懼，需要被“我們”這個容器去容納，因為“相遇”的那一刻，“我們”這個空間已經(jīng)產(chǎn)生。所以我“遇見”你時，你的內(nèi)在發(fā)生著什么和我息息相關(guān)，因為它屬于“我們”?？謶衷凇拔覀儭边@個關(guān)系里，需要有足夠的敞開的空間。恐懼是允許存在在這個空間里的，你需要被如其所示的看到，你還需要看到為什么你不得不離開自己的身體。你的成長過程中遭受到了暴力或者攻擊，由此產(chǎn)生的恐懼你不知道如何處理，所以你寧愿離開你的身體也沒辦法面對這些攻擊能量的強烈度。?而現(xiàn)在，我邀請你，來與我“相遇“，帶著你的恐懼，讓我們學會：即使你這么害怕，你的恐懼很強烈，我們還是可以完全的”相遇“，你還是遇見了我。
I always find it very helpful if we start going into deeper places of ourselves that we don’t visit so often, that we start acknowledging every step. So the first step is: “for me, it resonates a lot when I feel you, I also feel like a tension in you.” Then you say “OK, I feel tense” and then you acknowledge feeling tense, and this means “yes” to the current situation. Then you will relax into feeling tense; there is nothing good about it, and nothing bad about it. This is what it is. Yeah. And you allow this. This is who we are in this moment. This is our common reality. And if I really meet you, then I will meet you also and I will be able to feel the tension within your body, and I will be able to stay with you feeling tense. This creates an intimacy. And why I go into this like this is because in every relationship dynamic, we will face this again and again and again. And we need to be able to go with all these subtle movements. If we want to have real intimacy or real sexual connection, then these are the real basics, the real basic tools of meeting in a very intimate way. We need to go through all these levels where we avoid each other to come to a place where we really meet each other. So in this moment now when we are sitting here, we will totally acknowledge that a part of you is feeling tense, and I think it is good that we give it a space. We allow it, we explore it, we don’t try to have it different, we just say “yeah”.
我發(fā)現(xiàn)如果我們要探索自己內(nèi)在比較深的，不經(jīng)常去觸碰的地方，有個辦法很有幫助，那就是每走一步我都有一個“承認“的步驟。
第一步，就像剛才，我能感受到你內(nèi)在有些緊縮，這時候你說：好，我有些緊縮，我承認這個緊縮，這個意味著對目前的情況說“是“。?然后你放松的去感受你的緊縮，沒什么好的，也沒什么不好。?是什么樣就是什么樣。嗯，然后你允許這個的發(fā)生。?我們此刻就是這樣的。這個就是我們倆此刻空間里的實相。如果我真的”遇見“了你，那么我自然會遇到/也會感受到此刻你身體里的緊縮，然后我也會有能力待在那里，與你的緊縮共處。這種過程才能產(chǎn)生”親密“。?我為什么要探討這個過程呢，因為在每一段親密關(guān)系里面，這類的時刻會一次又一次的浮現(xiàn)，我們需要覺察和跟隨著這些精微的流動。如果伴侶想要有真正的親密關(guān)系，真正的的性的連接，這些能力和工具是最基礎(chǔ)的”遇見“。我們需要一層一層的往下深挖，找出我們是如何”回避“對方的，直到我們來到一個真正”相遇“的空間。那么現(xiàn)在在此刻，我們坐在這里，我們一起完完全全全的承認你的緊縮，我們給它存在的空間，我們允許它，探索它，不想把它變成其他的樣子，我們只是說”好的，是的“。
?By you having a space to feel tense in a connection you will see that first of all it is not wrong, second that there is a higher tendency to feel which kind of feelings you need to shut down right now when we meet by being tense. So in this tension, there are some feelings. Don’t try to go away into the future or the past: just stay with me. Because the intimacy of our meeting is only here. This is what we have. This is the reality. And we acknowledge this feeling here. Because as it seems to me when I meet you as a man at the moment and I come closer to this woman, is that a part of this woman sitting here learned to shut down her system and learned to go a bit out of her body to not fully experience the intensity. And maybe this intensity was very scary for some time, and you learn this is as a mechanism. And when you say your desire is to meet a man again, then I think it will be good that you become aware of this and that you come back again, going through all these feelings in there.
你的緊縮在我們連接的空間中有一席之地，可以讓你看到：首先，緊縮不是錯誤，沒有什么問題。第二你這時候更有能力去感受一下，緊縮起來是為了不去感受緊縮背后的哪些情緒？在這個緊縮里面，封存著一些情緒。?嗯現(xiàn)在不要跳到過去或者未來，請和我留在這里。因為我們相遇的親密只是在此刻，我們只有此刻這個東西，這有這個是真實的。我們承認這里有緊縮。因為我發(fā)現(xiàn)此時此刻，我作為一個男人與你這個女人遇見的時候，?我看到這個坐在這里的女人，曾經(jīng)需要學會關(guān)閉自己的系統(tǒng)，離開身體，以便于不去完全感受當下體驗的強烈。也許這種強烈的體驗帶來的恐怖感曾經(jīng)在你生命中持續(xù)了一段時間，所以你學會了這個防御機制。?所以你在提問的時候說，想要認識新的男性（去約會），我覺得你需要關(guān)注到我們剛才討論的點，然后一次又一次的回來，去經(jīng)歷那些強烈的感受，所有封存在那里面的體驗。
And what you tell me between the lines energetically is “no, no, no, no. Be careful with me. Be tender with me. Don’t hurt me. Be very careful, I am very fragile. I cannot handle this noise. I cannot handle this fear. I cannot handle this aggression, this intensity. I am very, very scared.” And I respect this. I respect that is this what you tell me without words. And the tension that you feel in your body saying “no, no, no, no. You are too scary for me, go away. I cannot let you come closer. It is very painful if I allow this to be closer.” This needs to be respected. And many bodies say many things between the lines. And this is the important message that we need to get.
能量上，你向我傳達的是：?不，不，不，不。小心點。對我溫柔一點。不要傷害我。小心點，我很脆弱。我受不了這種噪音。我無法控制這種恐懼。我無法應付這種攻擊性。我非常非常害怕。我尊重這一點。這是你無聲的表達。我也尊重你身體里那種說“不，不，不，不”的緊張感。你在說：你太嚇人了，走開。我不能讓你靠近。如果你更近的話，我會非常痛苦。?這些需要得到尊重。許多人在字里行間說了許多話。這些語言縫隙之間的信息很重要，我們需要接收到。
Because if I don’t see this in you, I will approach you, going on top of it. And you will go out of your body, and you will not be fully here meeting me. If I respect this, then the chances are much higher that you will find trust in me, that I really hear what you are saying, because you were not able to speak it; you only say it quietly. But this is very important, otherwise you always need to leave you body when I as a man come closer. Because some people need to say the truth only quietly, between the words. Because they have had no place to say the truth, so it comes differently. So I think also in an intimate relationship, we need to be able to hear the exact truth of the moment, not the symptoms. The ones in between the lines, like now. Because I think if I respect, as a man, meeting you as a woman, this truth, some trust will come, in time. And this is what will open your body as a woman again to a man. That you make the experience, that you will be seen in what you really feel deeply inside. And we will not override it; we will give you the space to be it, and even if this means that you need to sit over there and I need to sit over here four meters away to not be a danger, we acknowledge this, that this is the space that you need at the moment. And then I think you will be able to relax into our meeting more and more and more.?
因為如果我在你身上看不到這些，我就會靠近你，無視那些需求。你反之就會離開你的身體，不能完完全全的在這里與我相遇。但是如果我尊重你無聲的信息，?那么你對我的信任可能更多，信任我真正的能聽到你內(nèi)心的聲音。因為那些訊息你不會真正的用語言表達，?你只能無聲地去訴說。但這些信息這是非常重要的，否則我作為一個男性接近你時，你總是需要離開你的身體?。因為有些人只能無聲的說出自己的心聲，在語言的縫隙中說?。因為他們的真話無處所說，所以他們要表達內(nèi)心的時候是去用其他的方式呈現(xiàn)的。?所以我認為在親密關(guān)系中，需要能夠聽到當下準確的真相，不只是聽表面癥狀。比如此刻，如果我作為一個男性能夠尊重你作為一個女人的內(nèi)在的真相，慢慢的信任會被建立起來。這種信任才能讓你作為女人的身體再次向男性敞開。你需要創(chuàng)造這種你的內(nèi)在真相在關(guān)系中真正的感受被看到的體驗，我們不去忽視它，踐踏它，我們給它空間，?即使這意味著你需要坐在那邊而我需要坐在四米開外的地方你才有安全感，?這就是你現(xiàn)在需要的空間。在這個之后，你才能越來越放松地“相遇”。
Because often when people meet my feeling is that often in sexual contact, one or the other partner is not fully here. And we need to learn to live a sexual relationship by being totally aware if we ourselves are present, and to also feel if our partner is present. And if it is not, we also need to share it, because something that is not allowed and therefore we go un present. So we need to come back and allow all the feelings, and then we open to a deeper level of intimacy. And then it can happen again that we encounter something else, so if I don’t allow our shame, then we will go out of our body in the sexual meeting, and we will still be bodily here, but energetically we will not be here. This is a very sublte thing that needs a practice, but this practice will transcend in time all our separation we really meet as one lover.?That we meet deeply, as the space that we deeply are, that includes the two bodies that are making love.
我發(fā)現(xiàn)往往人們在性上面“相遇”的時候，其中一方或雙方不是完全在那個當下的。我們需要去學習通過完全覺察自己是否有臨在的存在一段親密關(guān)系中，同時也要學會感受我們的伴侶是否臨在當下?。如果答案是否定的，我們也需要溝通這種不臨在，因為只有當下有些事情不被允許，我們才會離開，或者說不再臨在。所以我們需要回來，允許所有的感覺，然后我們可以打開一個更深層次的親密。
不臨在可能再次發(fā)生，我們會遇到其他議題，比如，如果我不允許我們的羞恥感，那么我們會在性的相遇中離開我們的身體，我們身體在那里，能量上已經(jīng)不再了。這是一件需要練習的非常精微的事情，但這種練習最終會超越我們的分離感，我們最終會在一個地方相遇，那個地方不是兩個愛人，而是合一的一個愛人。?它存在那深刻的，我們臨在的空間，同時包含了兩個正在做愛的身體。
If we look into the Tantric traditions, this unified experience is nothing else than the deepest place in you and the deepest place in me become one space including all the two universes that are merging into one space, and then we are one lover. This is what the essence of marriage is basically.
如果我們觀察覃崔的傳統(tǒng)，這個統(tǒng)一的體驗只不過是你最深的地方和我最深的地方融合成為一個空間，包括所有兩個宇宙合并在一起，兩個人變成一個愛人?。這就是婚姻的本質(zhì)。
So as a child, even if there was a lot of aggression towards you, you had no choice but to leave your body. Because it was too intense to you. You said: “I cannot handle this pain anymore; I will go away.” And this was also a creative choice. Because this is how you learned to cope with the situation. Parents need to be aware of the fact that they have a prisoner. This child cannot go somewhere else so easily. He(the child) needs to be with you neurosis in a way. Because you’re (the child) in this set of constellation, and this is what you are dealing with all the time. But now if you want to meet a man very intimately, this choice doesn’t support you, because this choice is happening moment to moment again. If you have made fundamental childhood choices, it’s not something that happened many years ago: it’s happening every moment again and again and again and again… So this so-called “past” is very present in the now because it colors the now. This childhood decision is something that happens right now between us. Because as we feel each other now, one part of you is not fully able to rest in this meeting, and this causes tension in the body.
所以當你還是孩子的時候，即使面對很多暴力，你也別無選擇，你只能離開你的身體。因為被攻擊的體驗太強烈了。你說:?“我再也不能忍受這種痛苦了;?我還是離開吧”。
“離開”也是一個創(chuàng)造性的選擇。因為離開是你學到的最好的處理方式。?父母需要意識到一個事實，孩子是他們的囚徒?，他們無法離開父母而存活。?在某種程度上，你的孩子別無選擇地要面對有著神經(jīng)官能癥的父母，孩子出生在這個家庭，就每時每刻都在面對這些（每時每刻需要離開）。但是現(xiàn)在，如果你想和一個男人真正“親密”的相遇，“離開身體”這個習慣就無法幫到你了。因為這是一個每時每刻重新在做的決定（離開還是安住身體）。
如果你已經(jīng)做出了基本的童年選擇，這個選擇就不是很多年前的事了:?它每時每刻都在發(fā)生，一遍又一遍，一遍又一遍……所以所謂的“過去”是當下發(fā)生的，浸染了當下。那個童年的決定此刻就發(fā)生在我們之間。因為當我們現(xiàn)在感覺彼此的時候，你的一部分不能完全的安住在我們的“相遇”空間，這種無法安住導致身體上面的緊縮。
I think that if two people in a relationship really decide to go on this journey, to use the relationship as an awakening tool, then we will encounter a lot of this [type of situation], but a lot of healing will happen. Like now, what we started now, if we go more deeply into this because this is what we need to practice together. And I think if I would continue with you, I would just give a space to to the fact you say “I’m very fragile. I’m very afraid. I cannot handle this intensity. I cannot handle fully that you come closer to me, it scares me, and I need to shut down my feeling in order to meet you.” And this level where you say “no, go away”, this need to be more in your conscious awareness. And if you give space to this and if you learn to feel this, you will see that your energy will come back more to inhabit your experience here. And this is the first gate: the only thing that you feel is that your body feels tense. And when I tune in with this energy it tells me that your body says “go away, you’re a danger.” And not me personally; this is what your experience makes out of the meeting with men. It’s not about the personal.?
我認為，如果一段關(guān)系中的兩個人真的決定踏上這段（修行）的旅程，把這段關(guān)系當作一種覺醒的工具，那么我們會遇到很多這樣的情況，而這些情況也可能帶來很多的療愈。?就像現(xiàn)在，我們剛才開啟的一個過程，如果我們更深入地去探究，是需要一起練習的。
如果我們更深入，我會再給你一些空間，讓你表達出來的內(nèi)容在關(guān)系中，有一席之地。那些內(nèi)容不是用言語表達的：“我很脆弱，我很害怕。我無法承受這種強度。我無法完全接受你靠近我，這讓我害怕，跟你互動，我需要關(guān)閉我的感情。”
而你需要在內(nèi)心升起這些話的層面，給到更多的覺知和照見。?如果你給它空間，如果你學會去感受它，你會看到你的能量更多地回到當下來，你的神會注入你此刻的體驗中。
這是第一扇門:?你唯一感覺到的就是你的身體的緊張。當我調(diào)頻接受到你這種能量，它告訴我你的身體說“走開，你很危險?！?這個不是針對我個人的，這就是你和任何男性“遇見”的體驗。
Therefore, I often say that many people take the reflections of other people too personal. And then we are caught in personal stuff around these things. And sometimes we take it too personal because we don’t see the other person, really. And then we think it’s about *us*, and then we collapse into our own stuff instead of staying present and really seeing where it comes from, because often it has nothing to do with the people that we meet: it’s our past talking through us. But if you see this we will not contract from each other, we will be able to meet even deeper.
因此，我經(jīng)常說，許多人把別人的反應太往心里去了，然后陷入自己的還未解決的議題之中。我們之所以這么容易往心里去，是因為我們看不到真實的對方。然后我們認為那些東西是針對“我”的，然后陷入到自己的東西里，而不是停留在當下，真正看到它從何而來。因為我們的反應往往與我們面前的人無關(guān): 那是我們的“過去”在通過我們說話。但如果你看到這一點，我們就不會面對彼此的時候往回縮，我們就能夠更深入地遇見彼此?！?/p>
我的公眾號：?
