這一課，Tal繼續(xù)講self-fulfilling prophecy（自證預(yù)言），然后開(kāi)始講focus（焦點(diǎn)）。
1. How do we become more optimistic?
1) To take action, to put ourselves on the line. 采取行動(dòng)，讓自己冒險(xiǎn)。
Hard work and coping inevitably leads to success.That success contributes to our self-efficacy, to our self-confidence. And then, that self confidence in turn motivates us to work harder. We start to believe in ourselves more.
努力和面對(duì)最終會(huì)導(dǎo)向成功，成功會(huì)進(jìn)一步提高我們的自我效能和自信。然后，自信會(huì)激勵(lì)我們更加努力，我們慢慢會(huì)更相信自己。
More discerning with praise, in the long term they are detrimental.
Whether it comes from the inside or the outside.
Do we just tell the students, you are terrific, you are wonderful, you are great, or do we like Marva Collins, make them actually work hard so that they succeed more, so that they see themselves going back to self-conception theory, see themselves working hard, see themselves putting themselves on the line, coping and failing, and getting up again.
無(wú)論是來(lái)自?xún)?nèi)在還是外在的不加批判的表?yè)P(yáng)，從長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)來(lái)說(shuō)都是有害的。
我們不應(yīng)該告訴學(xué)生，你很棒，而應(yīng)該像Marva Collins一樣，讓學(xué)生努力獲得成功，讓他們看到自己通過(guò)努力，通過(guò)冒險(xiǎn)，面對(duì)和處理失敗，然后重新站起來(lái)。
It works also in a similar way to our physical immune system.
When we get sick, when we get ill, our body send ani-bodies, and we actually become immune to whatever it is that we had. Our body become immunize through failure. Same on the psychological level, failure is underrated.
我們生病的時(shí)候，我們的身體產(chǎn)生抗體，我們將來(lái)會(huì)對(duì)我們?cè)?jīng)得過(guò)的疾病有免疫。我們的身體是通過(guò)失敗來(lái)獲得免疫的。在心理學(xué)層面是一樣的，失敗的意義常常被低估了。
One of the things that I wish for you, and I mean it genuinely, is that you fail more. And coupled with that, I hope that when you fail, you will also learn to interpret it in a different way than most of us usually interpret failure. There is no other way to success, there is no other way for growth. It’s an illusion that a life looks like this (always going up).
我真心祝福，希望你們遇到更多的失敗，同時(shí)你們?cè)谑〉臅r(shí)候，能學(xué)習(xí)如何不像大多數(shù)人那樣解讀失敗。成功和成長(zhǎng)沒(méi)有別的方法，幻想人生一路向上是不實(shí)際的。
A healthy life, a real life, and a happy life ultimately looks like this, spiral with ups and downs, not as a straight line.
一個(gè)健康的，真實(shí)的，幸福的人生最終是上下波動(dòng)的，而不是一條直線。
When we see ourselves cope, when we see ourselves work hard, we derive conclusions about ourselves, our self-confidence goes up, our motivation goes up, our belief goes up and so on and so on, in an upward spiral of growth.
當(dāng)我們看到自己努力去面對(duì)和處理困境，我們對(duì)自己得出積極的結(jié)論 ，我們的自信心增加，動(dòng)力增加，這就形成了一個(gè)向上的成長(zhǎng)螺旋。
This model also works the other way around.
同樣的，如果我們不去努力面對(duì)和處理困境，就會(huì)形成相反的向下螺旋。
2)?To visualize – imagining success 視覺(jué)化，想象成功
When you see something, there are certain neurons in my brain that are firing that actually take on the shape of this hand.
當(dāng)我們看到一個(gè)東西的時(shí)候，我們大腦里的某些神經(jīng)元會(huì)被激活，比如說(shuō)當(dāng)我在看自己的手，我的神經(jīng)元會(huì)形成一個(gè)手的形狀。
If I imagine looking at my hand, the exact same neurons are firing. In other words, my brain does not know the difference between the real thing and the imaginary thing. This explains why dreams are so vivid.
如果我想象看自己的手，同樣的神經(jīng)元會(huì)被激活。換句話說(shuō)，我的大腦不知道真實(shí)和想象的區(qū)別。這也是為什么夢(mèng)境常常非常真實(shí)。
Just like a pilot, you would hope to practice in a simulator before they take you on across the Atlantic. The mind is a simulator, this is why it works.
就像飛行員需要在飛躍大西洋之前經(jīng)過(guò)模擬訓(xùn)練一樣。大腦就是一個(gè)模擬器。
The key is to focus not just on the destination.
關(guān)鍵在于不僅僅關(guān)注結(jié)果。
有這樣一個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)：
Students in two random groups:
Group 1: imagine themselves getting an A, and imagine it over and over again.
Group 2: imagine themselves getting an A, but also saw themselves work and persist in the library, prepare for it, and then, get to that final A.
The second group imagined both the journey and the destination was much more successful, much better results in the exam.
兩組學(xué)生，一組反復(fù)想象自己得了A。另一組不僅想象自己得了A，也想象自己在圖書(shū)館努力堅(jiān)持學(xué)習(xí)，最終得了A。結(jié)果第二組學(xué)生比第一組在考試中取得的成績(jī)更好。
Another thing that we need to do when we imagine success is to make it as real as possible, by involving as many senses as we can. Why? Because the more senses we can imagine, the more our mind is fooled to believe that it is the real thing.
另外一點(diǎn)是在想象成功時(shí)動(dòng)員盡量多的感官，因?yàn)閯?dòng)用越多的感官，我們的大腦就越容易被欺騙。
Finally it’s about evoking emotions, you have to evoke emotions to create motion.
最后，要刺激到情緒，情緒會(huì)帶來(lái)行動(dòng)。
3) Cognitive therapy 認(rèn)知治療
External event – evaluation of the event (thought) – evokes an emotion – motion
A lion is running towards me –OMG, it’s gonna eat me – fear – run away or fight the lion
外在事件——對(duì)事件的評(píng)估（想法）——引發(fā)情緒——行動(dòng)
一只獅子向我跑來(lái)——獅子要吃我——恐懼——逃跑
If we want to change emotions, whether it’s of depression, whether it’s of anxiety, where we need to intervene is here – is that the level of evaluation and the level of thought.
如果我們要改變情緒，無(wú)論是抑郁還是焦慮，我們需要干預(yù)的是我們對(duì)事件的評(píng)估和思考。
Sometimes our thoughts are irrational.
What cognitive therapy does is just restore that rationality by saying “It hurts, it’s tough, but…”
Where do I distort the reality? Where do I have distortion in terms of evaluation in terms of thoughts that lead to certain negative emotions that are unnecessary?
Because if I restore rationality, I will not feel the same emotion to the same degree.
我們的想法常常是不理智的。
認(rèn)知療法要做的是重塑理性，告訴自己說(shuō)：這很痛，很難，但是。。。
問(wèn)自己：我在哪里扭曲了事實(shí)？我在哪里扭曲了對(duì)事件的評(píng)價(jià)和想法導(dǎo)致了不必要的消極情緒？當(dāng)我回復(fù)了理性，我就不會(huì)感受到之前那種程度的情緒了。
2. 3 M’s – 3 traps of irrational thoughts 三個(gè)不理智想法的陷阱
1) Magnify – exaggerating something happens 放大，夸大發(fā)生的事實(shí)
Induction is very natural 通過(guò)事件歸納是很正常的?
The All or Nothing approach – perfectionism?
It’s catastrophizing failure, not seeing failure as an opportunity, as a steppingstone, but seeing it as the end of the world.
完美主義是“全”或“無(wú)”的想法，把失敗災(zāi)難化，看不到失敗帶來(lái)的機(jī)會(huì)，不把失敗看成成功的墊腳石，而是世界末日。
2) Minimizing – “tunnel vision” 縮小化，“隧道視野”
Tal舉了一個(gè)例子，他在接受一次采訪的時(shí)候說(shuō)了一句覺(jué)得自己不該說(shuō)的話，然后就一直反復(fù)在想自己多不應(yīng)該說(shuō)那樣一句話，完全忘了他的書(shū)在當(dāng)時(shí)成為了暢銷(xiāo)書(shū)。
Cognitive therapy – bring realism into the equation.?Zoom out, evaluation thought, irrational, recover more promptly.
認(rèn)知療法是把事實(shí)帶回等式，把視野放大，重新評(píng)價(jià)自己的想法是不是不理智，以更快從負(fù)面情緒里復(fù)原。
3) Making up / fabricating 臆造
We personalize or we blame.
遇到困境，我們會(huì)歸因自己或者責(zé)備他人。
Emotional reasoning 情緒歸因
I am envious – I am a bad person 我感覺(jué)嫉妒，所以我是一個(gè)壞人。
We taking an emotion and making it into reality. Whereas instead of understanding an emotion is an emotion, it does not necessarily capture reality. It is my evaluation of reality.
我們常常把情緒當(dāng)成事實(shí)。我們應(yīng)該理解，情緒是情緒，情緒不一定是事實(shí)，只是我對(duì)事實(shí)的評(píng)價(jià)。
Ask yourself 常常問(wèn)自己這些問(wèn)題：?
1. Is my conclusion tie to reality? 我的結(jié)論是事實(shí)嗎？
2. Is it rational? 這理智嗎？
3. Am I ignoring something important? 我有沒(méi)有忽略了什么重要的東西？
4. What important evidence do I still need to take into consideration? 我還需要考慮什么重要的證據(jù)？
This is about disputing, it’s evidence, it’s get real. 這是跟自己爭(zhēng)論，通過(guò)證據(jù)聯(lián)系現(xiàn)實(shí)。
5. What am I magnifying? What am I minimizing? Am I falling into one of the traps? 我在放大什么？我在縮小什么？我有沒(méi)有陷入3M陷阱？
6. Am I ignoring anything that is going well? 我有沒(méi)有忽略美好的東西？
7. Am I ignoring anything that is not going well? 我有沒(méi)有忽略需要改進(jìn)的東西？
3. Self-fulfilling prophecy 自證預(yù)言
Looking at the 10% of the happiest people out there:
These people did not experience painful emotions any less times than the rest of the people. The difference between them and the rest was that they recovered more promptly as a result of different interpretations.
世界上最快樂(lè)的那10%的人不比其他人經(jīng)歷的痛苦情緒要少，區(qū)別在于他們因?yàn)閷?duì)事情的不同解讀能更快地從痛苦情緒里復(fù)原。
Events happen, things happen in the world, very often out of our control.
We don’t create everything that we encounter. Some of the events are bad, some are negative.
What matters more is what we do with them after, how we evaluate them.
And what happens is that our evaluation becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
世界上的事情一直在發(fā)生，而且常常不受我們的控制。我們不能創(chuàng)造我們遇見(jiàn)的事情，總會(huì)有負(fù)面的事情發(fā)生，重要的是我們?cè)趺醋?，怎么評(píng)價(jià)這些事情，我們的評(píng)價(jià)就會(huì)成為自證預(yù)言。
There are no short cuts. There are no easy steps to well-being, to success, to high level of beliefs in ourselves. It takes work, it takes effort, whether it’s work visualizing, whether it’s hard work and coping, or whether it’s work learning to dispute irrational thoughts.
通向幸福，成功，自信都沒(méi)有捷徑。我們需要努力，無(wú)論是視覺(jué)化，面對(duì)處理，還是跟自己的非理性想法爭(zhēng)論。
And it’s not enough to just understand it once and then we are all set. We are all inoculated for the rest of our lives.
并不是說(shuō)我們現(xiàn)在明白了就夠了，這需要一生的努力。
4. Focus 聚焦/關(guān)注
It appears that the way people perceive the world is much more important to happiness than objective circumstances.
人們看世界的方式比客觀環(huán)境更能影響幸福水平。
We know a lot of people who seemingly have everything and they are still miserable.
While there are people who have very little, who have experienced hardship after hardship, and who never cease to celebrate life.
Then there are people who have everything going for them and really appreciate it, don’t take it for granted and are happy.
There are people who don’t have much and never cease to complain.
Happiness depends on what we choose to focus on.
有的人看起來(lái)什么都有了但是不快樂(lè)，有的人擁有的很少，不斷經(jīng)歷苦難但是從來(lái)沒(méi)有停止為生活喝彩，有的人擁有很多并心存感激，不把什么都當(dāng)成理所應(yīng)當(dāng)，也有人擁有的不多并且一直抱怨。是否幸福取決于我們關(guān)注什么。
Emerson: To different minds, the same world is a hell and a heaven.
艾默生：對(duì)不同的人來(lái)說(shuō)，一樣的世界可能是地獄也可能是天堂。
Shakespeare: Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
莎士比亞：沒(méi)有好或者壞的東西，我們的思想?yún)^(qū)分了好壞。
Very often we complain about life and we think things are terrible and awful not realizing that we are the cause of it, either by imagining it and then beliefs become self-fulfilling prophesies, or because we just focus on what is not working.
我們常常抱怨生活覺(jué)得事情很糟糕但是沒(méi)有意識(shí)到我們?cè)斐闪诉@一切，或者通過(guò)想象然后信念變成自證預(yù)言，或者因?yàn)槲覀兛偸顷P(guān)注行不通的地方。
This does not mean that there is no objective terrible circumstances out there. But to a great extent, we co-create our reality.
這并不是說(shuō)客觀上不存在糟糕的情境，但是從很大程度上來(lái)說(shuō)，我們對(duì)創(chuàng)造事實(shí)出了一份力。
Tal講了一個(gè)故事，來(lái)自一本書(shū)Way of the Peaceful Warrior。
有一群工人，每天中午會(huì)在一起吃午飯。其中一個(gè)工人，每天打開(kāi)飯盒都會(huì)抱怨：今天又吃花生醬和果凍三明治！終于有一天，一個(gè)工友問(wèn)他，你那么討厭吃花生醬和果凍三明治，為什么不告訴你老婆做點(diǎn)別的？這個(gè)工人說(shuō)：我沒(méi)有老婆，三明治是我自己做的！
Very often, we make our own sandwiches and we don’t even notice it because the questions that we ask determine our reality.?
我們經(jīng)常意識(shí)不到是自己給自己做了三明治，因?yàn)槲覀兲岢龅膯?wèn)題決定了現(xiàn)實(shí)。
5. Two archetypes 兩種原型
1) Benefit-finder 積極發(fā)現(xiàn)者
Focuses on what works, looks on the bright side of life, find the silver lining in the dark cloud, find miracle in the common.
這類(lèi)人關(guān)注什么行得通，關(guān)注生活里的積極面，努力尋找烏云背后的陽(yáng)光，從尋常里尋找奇跡。
The detached benefit-finder is certainly not an archetype that I would advocate nor would it lead to mental health in the long run.
不切實(shí)際的積極發(fā)現(xiàn)者不是我們說(shuō)的原型，從長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)來(lái)看對(duì)心理健康也不利。
There is a need in the world to respect reality.
尊重現(xiàn)實(shí)是很重要的。
2) Fault-finder 消極發(fā)現(xiàn)者
People who always focuses on things that don’t work.?The fault-finder will find fault even in paradise.
這類(lèi)人總是去關(guān)注什么行不通。他們?cè)谔焯美锒寄苷业絾?wèn)題。
We all exist on the continuum of between the extreme fault-finding and extreme benefit-finding. Our target is to move a little bit more from the fault-finding toward the benefit-finding.
我們都在極端積極發(fā)現(xiàn)者和極端消極發(fā)現(xiàn)者的連續(xù)譜上。我們的目標(biāo)就是離積極發(fā)現(xiàn)者更近一些。
Never let a good crisis go to waste. Crisis has the potential through growth.
Things don’t happen for the best but there are people who accept the situation and are able to make the best of it.
Stuff happens. We can either let it pollute or make fertilizer out of it.
永遠(yuǎn)不要浪費(fèi)危機(jī)。危機(jī)里潛藏著成長(zhǎng)。
總會(huì)有不如意的事情發(fā)生但是能接受現(xiàn)實(shí)的人更能從中獲益。
事情總會(huì)發(fā)生，我們可以選擇被打倒或者把它作為自己成長(zhǎng)的養(yǎng)料。
3/8/2018
