【原創(chuàng)·文/譯文】
精靈和姑娘走在了一起。
這道風(fēng)景的結(jié)合有如黃昏般明艷。他是一道新出的皎潔的月光，她像晚霞般濃艷奔放。她突然愛笑了，生命似乎有太多歡喜她曾經(jīng)失去，她過去太冷，而如今，似乎她的大笑挽回了那些不該丟失的樂趣。而精靈的微笑是朦朧的。像一個淺淺的謎。
像一潭清清的水。玫瑰姑娘笑著在水中瞥望。只有他的純凈清冽，才能讓她如此看清自己。那是一汪清澈見底的水。一汪淺淺的水。她迷住了水中那個恍恍惚惚的影子。那是一個柔軟的世界。她含著笑，無可避免地向美麗的影子走去。那畢竟是一汪淺水！
纖指情不自禁地?fù)崦鹚械拿纨嫛?/p>
愛情中的人不僅僅為情人而陶醉。
交織著不均勻的陽光的水底就在眼前……那些光麗晶體，莫不是久藏的珍寶向她呼喚？
清冽的水舔得她的手臂有些發(fā)癢。水溫如三四月的春風(fēng)般剛好。
她含笑，把臉湊上……水底的寶石喚起回憶中一個個熟悉的笑容，燦爛誘人……
精靈是一個淺淺的謎，一汪清冽的泉水。
人人都說玫瑰姑娘更美了。也許是愛情的滋潤。
有一個許久以來戀著玫瑰姑娘的金龜子紅著眼睛偷偷地瞅著這一切。精靈發(fā)現(xiàn)了他。這個丑陋卑微的小生物是嫉妒么？但他發(fā)紅的眼睛是那樣無力而無害，那種徒勞的嫉妒如同精靈自己對于翅膀的紋理，對于黑暗光明，對于生命的叛逆的抗議一樣，喚起精靈的淡淡的憂傷和深深的同情。是淚水，而不僅僅是無奈的恨，哭紅金龜子的雙眼。
太美好的事物總會受到侵?jǐn)_。盡管金龜子是善良的動物，精靈知道，他那無害的嫉妒也有可能是造成往后悲劇的原因。
玫瑰姑娘對此卻全然不知。每個真正陷入愛情的女人似乎都如同少女般無知，因而才能找到少女方有的最為純和真的快樂，是一種生命頂峰的極致。
詛咒是一道裂縫，美好的事物的悲的命運往往自此而始。是一條繩上的傷，是一個潛在的斷點。
至少精靈是這么想的。否則，他無法解釋玫瑰姑娘離開的原因。
她的確走了。
前一天晚上，她一如往常般美麗明艷，好像一朵盛開的鮮花，完全敞開了胸懷，吐納快樂的馨香，接受和稀釋塵埃。她一如往常一般光耀，笑臉是她最鮮艷的雙頰的紅暈。
她那極致的美，讓金龜子默默流下了眼淚。
在精靈的懷里，在他們纏綿入睡之前，她笑著說她不小心落到了那汪淺淺的水里——水底的東西太美了，而且似乎近在咫尺……水是冷的，但溶解在水中的金色的陽光讓她忘記了肌膚的刺痛，忘記身在何處，好像自己只是一朵沐浴在能夠觸摸的陽光中的花……
精靈在復(fù)述這些話的時候，金龜子的眼睛一直是紅的——像以前一樣。唯一不同的是，這一次它們都哭得腫了。精靈失神的目光掠過低著頭、落著淚，撿一地落花瓣的金龜子的背，瞥向一個月亮漸漸升起，天空由紅變紫的逝去的黃昏。
夜來臨。
金龜子硬冷的地面和單身的孤單猶在，但他的玫瑰姑娘不在了。
像那第一朵花一樣不在了……精靈記得。
……記得。
記得當(dāng)初是溫?zé)岬某跸牡娘L(fēng)拂過?？諝庵谐溆醴诺姆疾莸能跋?，生命的氣息，好像狗尾巴叢般熙熙攘攘。精靈抬起頭的時候，湛藍(lán)的天被新生的團團的綠葉切割成碎碎的小塊。他的眼睛在細(xì)碎的從葉縫間漏出的陽光中，如同秋水般一塵不染。
那一份純潔、癡情的凝視，恰到好處的美，只是，迷惘這片多余的葉落下，他的眼神的水面微皺。
記得那天靠在肩上的女孩子突然離開了，那朵飄著陽光般金發(fā)的花，那個陪伴他度過冬的余冷和春的新暖的姑娘。
他獨自沿著他們曾依偎著漫步而過的香徑走過，蟬鳴初響，如同一道水面上的耀眼的反光，把夏天的光熱返還。
夏的清涼中也透著燥熱。樹林和草叢都是浮躁的，春天疏密剛好的枝葉，如今擁擁攘攘，新枝舊葉，淌著汗液，把手臂往清涼的空氣中伸長，貪婪地展開手指，好像要無盡地抓取。
他獨自從新枝舊葉絕望的手指尖梢頭走過。
陽光如時間如水，從新枝舊葉交叉祈禱的嶙峋的指節(jié)間漏過，一滴一滴地、如雪人的淚水般滴落，發(fā)出露珠閃光般清脆尖細(xì)的輕響。這種樂音的頻率，只有精靈的耳才能捕捉得到、分辨得出。
他聽到了……
土壤中落葉分解的聲音……
千萬顆蛹被剝不及待的生命撕裂的聲音……
翅膀舒張的聲音——激涌的體液如夏的洪水沖擊著綿軟無力的半透明色的經(jīng)脈，好像被兩枚無形的手指所俘，他敏感的雙翅被灼熱的能量燙傷，因而振顫起來，濁重的空氣攪起漩渦，不是他的身體突然變得輕盈，而是由翅梢轉(zhuǎn)到空氣中的強大的力，讓他的雙腿騰空而起——這一瞬間的驚顫，不亞于懸崖邊失足的驚心！……
垂直向上伸展的草葉仰起頭對他呼喊。
陽光像她的手臂，柔軟而溫暖，溫柔地?fù)崦募贡澈统岚颉?/p>
柔勁的風(fēng)擠壓著他的肺；前方的視野異常開闊，只有一根自由的韁繩在將他牽引……
只是……那個金發(fā)的女孩子，那個笑容如初春的陽光般明朗動人的純潔的姑娘……
她是一個美麗的陷阱。眼底下生機勃勃的美景中，她的影像無端地浮現(xiàn)在他腦海之際，好像夢境初醒，他感到身體的重量，靈魂與肉體似乎同時失落，在毫無經(jīng)驗可循的氣流中，他無助地滑落……無助地滑墜。
空中往下看時那片瘋長的樹叢就像綠油油的海綿。直到他墜入其中，枯黃的枝葉才顯現(xiàn)眼前，還來不及讓人喘息，它們貪婪地索取著的指尖就無情地割傷他的皮膚、面頰，妄圖鉤破他的翅膀。
他跌入一片死寂的幽林中。沒有陽光——這雪人的淚滴早就被焦渴的枝葉吸干。
腐敗的殘葉潮濕綿軟，每一步的觸覺都像是不均勻的爛泥被涂在了腳底上。似有糜爛的酒的氣味，那，不過是樹葉死亡發(fā)出的氣息，是死神莫測的笑容，在他的俘虜?shù)亩叺妮p語：“忘記了吧……忘記了吧……喝下這杯美酒。”
精靈顫抖著。恐懼已經(jīng)來不及讓他恐慌。
而讓他真正恐慌的是昏暗中，眼前微弱的光明……淡淡的、金色的，初春陽光般的光暈……
啪嗒啪嗒，他的腳丫掙扎在那段咫尺之遙，然而成為他生命中最漫長的經(jīng)歷的路途之上……他的第一朵花，她落在一個環(huán)形的坑中，坑里面微弱的生命的光如深秋夜里蟋蟀的哀鳴，此起彼伏，然而她獨特的顏色將他吸引。
他的心被她所牽引。
這是一個巨大的花冢。
他不知道她為什么會來到這里，這是他一輩子沒有來得及問的問題。
他看到她凄涼而坦然的眼神，他的身體不由自主地向她的方向靠攏，那新生的力量在他的翅膀的經(jīng)脈中涌動，他飛了起來，低低而飛快地滑過花冢，像一只矯健的蜻蜓。
空氣的渦攪動起花冢中的遺體，有些已經(jīng)完全消散為灰燼，有些徒剩半透明的花瓣表面的膜，其中的色彩和飽滿的、散發(fā)氣息的血肉已經(jīng)順著水氣流淌而去。甚至有些被枯黃侵蝕的殘存著一部分色彩的花瓣，在空氣流中飛揚起來，有些如雨點般打到他的身上，他聽到那些死去的花最后的呼嘯，似乎是荒唐的大笑，也許死去的生命再也不懂得哭泣……
他抱起了陷落在花冢中唯一一朵尚生還的花——他的她。
他如同一只勇敢的蜻蜓，低低地穿過厚重的空氣，緊緊摟著懷中的戰(zhàn)利品，直往前方……他感到她同樣緊緊地?fù)ё∷念i，她的手臂早已變得冰涼，而此刻他的體溫于她，似乎是生命的某種能源……直到穿過重重昏暗的樹叢，直到夏的那種光明，出現(xiàn)在最后一片交織的枝葉之后，直到他聽到，雪人的眼淚般的陽光從樹縫隙滴落的聲音，啪嗒、啪嗒……
他跌落在離光明僅幾步的黑暗之中，精疲力竭。那可是重重的一摔，他感到翅膀受了傷……可這一摔，換了她，她可怎么經(jīng)受得住？
精靈幸福地微笑了，他仰臥在粗糙的地面上，而她仍安全地在他溫暖的懷里。
他的花靠在他胸前，顫抖著，啜泣著……他感到胸口濕了，是她的淚。
可她的嘴角明明微笑著，盡管她的眼里飽含淚花。
“我們再也不分開了，”他知道她的心意，盡管她沒有說話。
那寂靜的愛情再一次讓他們緊緊相依，他深情地親吻她絲滑的面頰，她是那么年輕，他怎能讓無情的花冢將她奪去……
可是，當(dāng)他的手撫過她金色的長發(fā)的時候，那綢緞?wù)沉耸帧龖?zhàn)栗著，倒吸了幾口氣，眼里的坦然的絕望似乎向他訴說著最壞的消息——她早已接受的最壞的命運。
幾絲，不，是一縷美麗的金發(fā)從他的手指尖飄然落地。
他們緊緊相依的身體不知不覺分開了。
精靈顫抖著，不敢正視她的眼睛。那縷落地的金發(fā)如尸體慘敗的皮膚一樣觸目驚心。他感到，幽林帶給他的、剛剛被他暫時忘記的恐懼此刻逐漸俘虜了他的身體和靈魂。
她的手指還輕靠著他的面頰。最后一觸是他的唇，好像一個破碎的吻，最后她凄涼一笑，似乎一切盡在不言中，她匆匆消失在昏暗之中，他顫抖著飛向光明。
精靈第一次感到如此的空虛迷惘……那空洞的心靈，曾經(jīng)裝滿的是幸福。
接著苦澀涌上心頭。痛苦，也許是痛苦……也許……他說不出。總之……那是一段需要適應(yīng)失去幸福的過程……讓情感和理智一次次碰撞回憶和現(xiàn)實，然后在記憶上刻寫，此刻幸福不在。
他笑著飛起來，飛向明亮溫暖的陽光，他的笑聲像殘敗的碎花瓣最后的呼告一樣在空氣的渦流中碰撞、回響……
And the elf was with Lady Rose now.
The combination of the two sceneries was as brilliant as the nightfall. He was the bright new moon, and she was gorgeous as the afterglow. She surprisingly found herself started to enjoy laughing – she had been far too cold in the past and had missed too much joy. But now, it seemed her laughter retrieved the unfortunately lost joy. But his smiles were misty. Like a swallow pond of myth.
Yes…just likes wallow limpid water. Lady Rose smiled and looked down into the water. Only his crystal-like transparency allowed her to look at herself so clearly. It was so pure that she could see through the underwater, the swallow and pure water. She was deeply captivated by the rippled reflection. It was a soft world inside. She couldn't help approaching the harmless beautiful reflection with smiles on her face…It was merely water anyway!
Her slim fingers couldn't help stroking the face in the reflection of water…
A woman in love was not only intoxicated by her lover.
The glittering under water world was right in front of her now…Weren't the shiny crystals underneath, and treasures hidden long ago, calling her, asking her to take them away?
Cool water was licking her arms, a bit itchy. The temperature of the water was pleasant as the breeze in March or April, when spring arrived.
Her face approached nearer to the water…the jewels underneath reminded her of many familiar smiles, bright and charming…
And the elf was a swallow pond of myth, a pond of pure and cool spring water.
Everyone said that Lady Rose became more beautiful. Perhaps moisturised by love.
A beetle, who loved Lady Rose unrequitedly, watched this quietly with his red eyes. The elf discovered him. Was the ugly humble little creature jealous of it? But his ruby eyes were so powerless and harmless. His vain jealousy aroused the elf’s sadness and compassion, just as the grains on his wings, confusion of darkness and brightness, and his rebellion against fate did. It was tears rather than helpless hatred caused the congestion of blood in the beetle’s eyes.
It seemed beautiful things were often vulnerable to fade. Although the elf was aware of the kindness of the beetle, his harmless jealousy could still account for the following tragedy.
However, Lady Rose was unaware of anything that had happened. Every woman in love was as ignorant as a young girl, and that’s why they could experience the most innocent happiness ever, the wonderful pinnacle of life.
Curse was a crack, where the tragic end of the beauty usually began; a potential break point on a taut string.
At least the elf believed so, or he could not come up with another reason to explain why Lady Rose left.
And she did.
But she was beautiful and bright as usual just the day before she went away, looked like a flower in full boom, which completely opened its mind, gave out the pleasant fragrance, accepted and diluted the dust. She was gorgeous as always; her smile made her face rosy.
The pinnacle beauty of her moved the beetle to tears.
In the arms of the elf before they fell asleep, she smiled and said that she carelessly dropped into the swallow water – things underneath were so beautiful, and they seemed so near… the water was bitterly cold, but the sun melt in the water let her forget the sting of skins, forget where she was, as if she was a bloom bathing in the tangible sunshine…
The eyes of the beetle kept red as usual while the elf was recounting the story. The only difference was his eyes became puffier this time. The elf, at lost, looked over the sobbing beetle who was picking up the fallen petals around with his head low, and looked into the sky where the colour of red turned into purple and the moon rose as the nightfall progressed.
The night came.
The beetle’s lonely state of being single did not change at all, but the elf’s Lady Rose had fade away.
Just like his first flower…He could still remember.
Yes…h(huán)e could still remember.
He remembered the gentle warm of breeze in the early summer. Scents of fresh flowers and grasses were around in the air – that was the scent of life, which was as lively as the bustle green bristle grasses. When the elf looked up, the azure sky was divided into bits by the dense fresh branches and leaves. His eyes were as pure as the water of autumn in the broken bits of sunshine dripping from the gaps between leaves.
This innocent deep gaze, this perfectly smooth water surface of his eyes, however, was rippled by the fall of an undesired leaf called ‘confusion’.
He remembered of the girl who used to lean on his shoulder left unexpectedly – the beauty with blonde hair glamorous as sunshine, who companied him through under the remaining cold of winter and the following warm of spring.
He alone passed through the fragrant path where they had roamed through, hearing the cry of a cicada that was as bright as a sharp reflection of the lake, showing the energy of summer.
Indeed, you could feel torridness even in the cool breeze of summer. And so were woods and grass. The carefully constructed bushes in the spring became bustle and messy now; branches and sticks were sweaty, stretching their arms greedily into the cooler air, unfolding their hands, fingers fully stretched, as if they were to catch whatever reachable.
He alone went past the desperate fingernails of branches and sticks.
The sunshine was the water dipping from the crossed bony fingers of branches and sticks. Dip by dip, shiny like tears of a snowman, sounded like the subtle bright notes when the dew sparkled. This frequency could only be captured and distinguished by ears of an elf.
And he heard it…
Also the sound of the decomposition of fallen leaves in the soil…
Also the sound of cracking pupas torn by impatient new lives…
And the stretching of wings behind…the flooding body liquid flushed through the supple translucent lines on the wings. Felt like being captured by two invisible fingers, his sensitive wings were burnt by the hot energy and fluttered. Eddies were formed in the heavy air. It was not because his body became lighter, but the strong force formed when his wings pushed through the air that lifted his legs off the ground – at the instant he felt as thrilling as dropping from a steep cliff!
Now the up stretching branches raised their heads, calling him to stay.
Sunshine was as gentle as his flower’s arms, soft and warm, stroking his back and wings.
Springy wind was suppressing his lungs; sceneries forward were extremely open, and the only thing attached him was the string called ‘freedom’…
But…that blonde girl; that innocent girl with bright sunny smiles…
She was a beautiful trap. he felt as if he saw her in the lively sceneries below, which dragged him out of this dreamlike feeling, and he perceived his weight again,both soul and body helplessly fell and fell… in the unfamiliar air streams which he could not yet proficiently control.
The untrammelled growing woods were like green sponges as he looked down in the air. Not until he dropped inside the woods could he see withered branches, which greedily scratched his skins, face, trying to break his wings with their sharp nails before he could ever take a breath.
He fell into somewhere dead silent in the woods. No sunshine dripping – the tears of the snowman had already been soaked up by the thirsty branches.
Rotten leaf bits were damp and soft; every time you step onto them, it felt just like your feet were rubbed with uneven mud. And there was a stink of sour wines around;however, that was merely the smell of the dead tree – the sly grin of demon,who whispered aside his captives:?“forget…just to forget...and drink up the wine.”
The elf was shivering.He was too scared to remember his fear.
But he was astonished by the dim light ahead in the dark…the quiet, golden, warm light,gentle like the sunshine in the early spring…
His feet started to struggle in the distance between her, which was actually not too far but felt like the longest distance he had ever covered in his entire life… His first flower fell inside a round concave basin, where the dim light from dying creatures were sobbing like cries of crickets in the late autumn, here and there. It was her unique colour that drew his attention.
It was her that always attached him so tightly.
And this was a huge grave for flowers.
He didn't know why she came here, which was a question he failed to ask in his life.
He saw her sad but composed eyes. His body couldn't help moving in her direction. The fresh power inside his wings gushed and enabled him to fly; he swiftly skimmed over the grave of flowers, like a vigorous dragonfly.
The eddies in the air stirred the belongings in the grave, some of which had completely turned into ash, while others still had some translucent membranes of petal left, and the colourful, fragrant flesh of the petal had gone with moisture. Some petals - mostly rotten but still a bit colour remained - spiralled into the air, bumped onto his body like rains. He heard the last cry of those dead flowers which sounded like absurd laughter, perhaps dead creatures were no longer able to learn how to weep, only to express with blind laughter…
He lifted the only alive flower – his flower.
He was as brave as a dragonfly, flying low through heavy air, holding his trophy tightly, and heading forward…He could also feel how tightly her cold arms were around his neck, and his body temperature was some sort of energy of life to her. Flying…until passing through the dim thick woods, until the light of summer appeared behind the last crossing branches, until he heard the dripping sounds of sunshine which dropped from the gaps between branches like the tears of a snowman,tip-tack, tip-tack…
He fell off in the dark just few steps away from the brightness, exhausted. That was a heavy fall off, and he could feel the hurt of the wings…but how could she bear it if it had been her who hit the ground first?
The elf smiled happily, lying on the rough ground, holding her safely in his warm arms.
His flower lay on his chest, trembling and weeping…h(huán)e could feel his chest was wet by her tears.
He could see her broken smile.
“We shall never leave each other again,” he knew what she was thinking, although she didn't say anything.
The silent love once again brought them together. He kissed her smooth face with full love. She was so young, and how could he let the grave of flower took her away ruthlessly…
However, her blonde silky hair clung to his hand as he stroked it…she shuddered, gasped, the composed desperate in her eyes was to tell him the worst news – she had already prepared to accept the worst fate.
A thread of,no, a trail of her beautiful blonde hair fell off his fingers.
Their closely huddled body separated unconsciously.
The elf was trembling and he dared not look into her eyes again. The trail of blonde hair which had fallen onto the ground was as shocking as the ashen skins of a corpse. He could feel the previously neglected fear when he was in the woods,which now captured both his body and soul.
Her fingers were stilling on his face lightly. The last touch was on his lips, like a broken kiss, and she smiled gloomily. Everything was in silence. She went into the dark in haste, while he flew towards the brightness.
It was the first time he felt so desperately empty and confused…h(huán)ow could he believe that it was this empty heart once had filled with happiness.
Then bitterness appeared, or rather pain; yes it was perhaps pain, to be exact… No, no. He couldn't tell. In a word, he had to experience the entire process of letting go happiness…during which emotion and senses flushed against reminiscence and reality over and over again, and then they would carve on his memory for the fact that emptiness came home.
He laughed and started to fly towards the bright warm sun. His laughter echoed in eddies of air, just like the last cry of those broken petals…
【原創(chuàng)于2009年秋，英格蘭，約克；自譯于2011年，約克】
【愿借此以文會友·歐美文學(xué)粉】
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