All This I Did Without You 未與你共度的一切??

July 31st, 1978? 1978年7月31日

My darling McGeorge, 我親愛的(?????)

You said that things seemed clearer when they were written down.

當(dāng)著這些話被寫下來(lái)的時(shí)候，你說(shuō)事情變得更清晰了。

Well, here with a very boring letter in which I will try and put everything down so that you may read and reread at horror at your folly in getting involved with me.

沒(méi)錯(cuò)，這是一封沒(méi)意思的信，我會(huì)盡力把所有的東西放下，這樣你就可以讀并且在重讀的時(shí)候發(fā)現(xiàn)你在參與我的愚蠢行為。

Deep breath.

深呼吸。

To begin with I love you with a depth and passion that I have felt for no one else in this life and if it astonishes you it astonishes me as well.

最初，我深戀著你，我覺得在我生命中再無(wú)另一個(gè)人，如果這使你驚訝了，其實(shí)這也同樣使我驚訝。

Not, I hasten to say, because you are not worth loving.

不(;｀O′)o，我急忙說(shuō)，因?yàn)槟闶遣恢档脨鄣摹?/p>

Far from it.

遠(yuǎn)非如此

It's just that, first of all, I swore I would not get involved with another woman.

其實(shí)首先，我發(fā)誓我不會(huì)涉足例外一個(gè)女人。

Secondly, I have never had such a feeling before and it is almost frightening.

第二，我?guī)缀鹾芎ε?，在這之前我從未有過(guò)如此的感覺。

Thirdly, I would never have thought it possible that another human being could occupy my waking (and sleeping) thoughts to the exclusion of almost everything else.

第三，我也從未想過(guò)另一個(gè)女人幾乎除了每件其他事情占據(jù)我的大腦。

Fourthly, I never thought that – even if one was in love – one could get so completely be sotted with another person, so that a minute away from them felt like a thousand years.

第四，我從未想過(guò)，即使一個(gè)在愛情中的人- 一個(gè)人也可以被另一個(gè)人寵溺，以至于離開一分鐘會(huì)讓人覺得像是一千年。

Fifthly, I never hoped, aspired, dreamed that one could find everything one wanted in one person.

第五，我從未希望或夢(mèng)想著某一天能夠在某一個(gè)人身上找到一個(gè)人的一切。

I was not such an idiot as to believe this was possible.

我不是一個(gè)相信這種可能的所謂的傻瓜。

Yet in you I have found everything I want: you are beautiful, gay, giving, gentle, idiotically and deliciously feminine, sexy, wonderfully intelligent and wonderfully silly as well.

但是在你身上我找到了我想要的一切:你的美麗，大方，溫雅，可愛和美好的女性氣質(zhì)，性感，聰慧和小孩子氣等等。

I want nothing else in this life than to be with you, to listen and watch you(your beautiful voice, your beauty), to argue with you, to laugh with you, to show you things and share things with you, to explore your magnificent mind, to explore your wonderful body, to help you, protect you, serve? you, and? bash you on the head when I think you are wrong …

相比于和你在一起我不想要在我生命中的其他事情，去聆聽你，注視你，與你爭(zhēng)論亦與你歡笑，給你或帶你看一些東西，與你分享一些事情，去發(fā)現(xiàn)你的美好，去幫助保護(hù)你，當(dāng)我覺得你錯(cuò)了的時(shí)候在腦子里嚴(yán)厲的批評(píng)你。

Not to put too fine a point on it I consider that I am the only man outside my thology to have found the crock of gold at the rainbow's end.

坦率說(shuō)，我認(rèn)為我是神話中僅有的在彩虹盡頭找到了金罐頭的男人。

But – having said all that – let us consider things in detail.

但是，說(shuō)了這么多，還是讓我們從細(xì)考慮事情吧。

Don't let this become public but … well, I have one or two faults.

不得不公開的是，我有一兩個(gè)錯(cuò)誤。

Minor ones, I hasten to say.

小事情，我急忙說(shuō)。

For example, I am inclined to be overbearing.

舉個(gè)例子，我總是難以控制。

I do it for the best possible motives (all tyrants say that) but I do tend (without thinking) to tread people underfoot.

我做事的動(dòng)機(jī)是好的（所有暴君都這樣說(shuō)），但是我做事往往（沒(méi)有考慮）傷害了你。

You must tell me when I am doing it to you, my sweet, because it can be a very bad thing in a marriage.

當(dāng)我對(duì)你做了這種事的時(shí)候你一定得告訴我，親愛的，因?yàn)檫@在婚姻里不是件好事情。

Right. Second blemish.

沒(méi)錯(cuò)，這是瑕疵。

This, actually, is not so much a blemish of character as a blemish of circumstance.

實(shí)際上，當(dāng)一個(gè)缺點(diǎn)經(jīng)常犯的時(shí)候這不是缺點(diǎn)的特征。

Darling I want you to be you in your own right and I will do everything I can help you in this.

親愛的我想要成為在你的正確的人。還有，在這一生中我將為你做我可以為你做的任何事情。

But you must take into consideration that I am also me in my own right and that I have a head start on you …

但是你一定要考慮到，我也有我自己的權(quán)利,而且我對(duì)你有一個(gè)新的開端。

What I am trying to say is that you must not feel offended if you are sometimes treated simply as my wife.

作為我的妻子如果有時(shí)你被簡(jiǎn)單對(duì)待時(shí)，我要說(shuō)你沒(méi)必要覺得不舒服

Always remember that what you lose on the swings you gain on the round abouts.

永遠(yuǎn)記住你在回合中獲得的波動(dòng)中所失去的東西。

But I am an established 'creature' in the world, and so – on occasions – you will have to live in my shadow.

但是我是世界上一個(gè)已經(jīng)被確定的＂生物＂，因此，在某些情況下你將不得不生活在我的陰影之下。

Nothing gives me less pleasure than this but it is a fact of life that has to be faced.

沒(méi)有比這讓我更高興的了，但這是一個(gè)必須要面對(duì)的事實(shí)。

Third (and very important and nasty) blemish: jealousy.

第三個(gè)瑕疵:嫉妒（非常重要又最令人討厭）

I don't think you know what jealousy is (thank God) in the real sense of the word.

我認(rèn)為你不知道嫉妒這個(gè)詞的真正意義。（感謝上帝）

I know that you have felt jealousy over Lincoln's wife and child, but this is what I call normal jealousy, and this – to my regret – is not what I've got.

我知道你看到林肯的妻子和孩子會(huì)感到嫉妒，但這就是我說(shuō)的普通的嫉妒，而且這也是我所悔恨的—我沒(méi)能得到的東西。

What I have got is a black monster that can pervert my good sense, my? ? ? goodhumour and any goodness that I have in my make- up.

我所得到的是一個(gè)在我的修飾下的會(huì)隔離我的美好感覺, 我的幽默和任何的優(yōu)點(diǎn)的黑色的怪物。

It is really a Jekyll and Hyde situation … my Hyde is stronger than my goodsense and defeats me, hard though I try.

這的確是一個(gè)善惡雙重人格。我的惡比我的優(yōu)點(diǎn)更強(qiáng)大而且它打敗了我，我很難努力去思考。

As I told you, I have always known that this lurks within me, but I could control it, and my monster slumbered and nothing happened to awake it.

當(dāng)我告訴你，我一直知道它潛伏在我身邊，但是我控制不了它，而且我的怪物睡著了，沒(méi)有什么事能叫醒它。

Then I met you and I felt my monster stir and become half awake when you told me of Lincoln and others you have known, and with your letter my monster came out of its lair, black, irrational, bigoted, stupid, evil, malevolent.

然后我遇到了你，當(dāng)你告訴我林肯和其他你已經(jīng)知道的人，我感到我的怪物微微動(dòng)了開始半醒了，通過(guò)你的信從它的巢穴出來(lái)，黑色的，非理性的，頑固的，愚蠢的，邪惡兇狠的。

You will never know how terribly corrosive jealousy is; it is a physical pain as though you had swallowed acid or red hot coals.

你將從不會(huì)知道有害的嫉妒是多么的糟糕：它像是一種你已經(jīng)吞下酸或熾熱的煤的對(duì)身體上的傷害。

It is the most terrible of feelings.

這是最壞的感受。

But you can't help it – at least I can't, and God knows I've tried.

但是你不能忍受它－至少我不能，上帝也知道我已經(jīng)嘗試過(guò)。

I don't want any ex-boyfriends sitting in church when I marry you.

在我娶你的時(shí)候我不想你任何的前男友坐在席位上。

On our wedding day I want nothing but happiness, both for you and me, and I know I won't be happy if there is a church full of your ex-conquests.

在我們結(jié)婚的那天我不想要除了你和我的幸福之外的任何東西。而且我知道，如果在坐的滿滿的都是你的前男友的話，我會(huì)不開心。

When I marry you I will have no past, only a future: I don't want to drag my past into our future and I don't want you to do it, either.

當(dāng)我娶你的時(shí)候，我打算不思考過(guò)去，只有未來(lái)：我不想要把我的過(guò)去牽扯進(jìn)將來(lái)，而且我也不想這樣做。

Remember I am jealous of you because I love you.

記住我為你嫉妒因?yàn)槲覑勰恪?/p>

You are never jealous of something you don't care about.

你從不會(huì)嫉妒一些你不關(guān)心的事情。

O. K. enough about jealousy.

好了，這些就是有關(guān)嫉妒的。

Now let me tell you something.

現(xiàn)在讓我給你講些事。

I have seen a thousand sunsets and sunrises, on land where it floods forestand mountains with honey coloured light, at sea where it rises and sets like ablood? orange in a multicoloured nest of cloud, slipping in and out of the vast ocean.

我見過(guò)一千次日出日落，在一片泛著蜜黃色光芒的山巒上，在海中，它像一個(gè)橙子??一樣在一個(gè)五彩繽紛的云巢里又升又落，在浩瀚的海洋中穿梭。

I have seen a thousand moons: harvest moons like gold coins, winter moons as white as ice chips, new moons like baby swans' feathers.

我見過(guò)一千次月落：秋天的月就像金色的硬幣，冬天的月像白色的冰塊，新月就像孩童那天鵝般的羽毛。

I have seen seas as smooth as if painted, coloured like shot silk or blue as a kingfisher or transparent as glass or black and crumpled with foam, moving ponderously and murderously.

我見過(guò)如畫般順暢的大海，彩色的像是變色的綢緞，藍(lán)色的像翠鳥，或如玻璃般透明，或被泡沫弄皺變黑，笨重而又兇惡的移動(dòng)著。

I have felt winds straight from the South Pole, bleak and wailing like a lost child; winds as tender and warm as a lover's breath; winds that carried the astringent smell of salt and the death of seaweeds; winds that carried the moist rich smell of a forest floor, the smell of a million flowers.

我感覺過(guò)風(fēng)徑直從南極,像一個(gè)迷失的孩子凄冷的哀嚎；像投標(biāo)般溫暖如一個(gè)愛人的呼吸；它帶著鹽澀味和海藻的死亡；帶著充滿潮濕的森林地表的氣味，這是無(wú)數(shù)鮮花的氣味。

Fierce winds that churned and moved the sea like yeast, or winds that made the waters lap at the shore like a kitten.

猛烈的風(fēng)酵母般翻攪推動(dòng)著海洋，又或撩著水像只貓咪靠了岸。

I have known silence: the cold, earthy silence at the bottom of a newly dug well; the implacable stony silence of a deep cave; the hot, drugged midday silence when everything is hypnotised and stilled into silence by the eye of the sun; the silence when great music ends.

我了解過(guò)寂靜：在新挖井底部的寒冷的、泥土般的寂靜；一個(gè)深穴里頑石般的寂靜；當(dāng)一切被太陽(yáng)的眼睛遮住并催眠，那炎熱的、被麻醉的中午的寂靜；當(dāng)偉大的音樂(lè)結(jié)束時(shí)的寂靜。

I have heard summer cicadas cry so that the sound seems stitched into your bones.

我聽過(guò)夏天蟬鳴，這個(gè)聲音像縫在你的骨頭里。

I have heard tree frogs in an orchestration as complicated as Bach singing in a forest lit by a million emerald fireflies.

我聽過(guò)一個(gè)編曲中的樹蛙，與在一個(gè)被一百萬(wàn)只翡翠螢火蟲照亮的森林里唱歌的巴赫一樣復(fù)雜。

I have heard the Keas calling over grey glaciers that groaned to themselves like old people as they inched their way to the sea.

我聽過(guò)食肉鸚鵡向灰色的冰川的呼叫，當(dāng)它們慢慢朝向海洋時(shí)，他們抱怨自己像老人一樣。

I have heard the hoarse street vendor cries of the mating Fur seals as they sang to their sleek golden wives, the crisp staccato admonishment of the Rattlesnake, the cobweb squeak of the Bat and the belling roar of the Red deer? knee-deep in purple heather.

??我聽過(guò)嘶啞的街頭小販對(duì)交配的海豹叫喊聲，一邊唱著他們圓滑的金色妻子，一邊嘎吱嘎吱嘎嘎地敲著響尾蛇，蝙蝠的蛛網(wǎng)吱吱聲，還有紫羅蘭石楠的深紅色的鈴聲吼叫。

I have heard Wolves baying at a winter's moon, Red howlers making the forest vibrate with their roaring cries.

我在一個(gè)冬天的月下聽到過(guò)狼的嚎叫，紅色吼叫者的咆哮聲讓森林都震顫。

I have heard the squeak, purr and grunt of a hundred multicoloured reef fishes.

我聽到過(guò)吱吱的叫聲，是一百種多色礁魚的咕嚕聲。

I have seen hummingbirds flashing like opals round a tree of scarlet blooms, humming like a top.

我見到過(guò)忙碌的小鳥，陀螺般的嘰嘰喳喳著，就像蛋白石環(huán)繞著一棵鮮紅且繁茂的樹，

I have seen flying fish, skittering like quick silver across the blue waves,drawing silver lines on the surface with their tails.

我見到過(guò)飛翔著的魚??，飛濺著就像水銀穿過(guò)了藍(lán)色的洞，用他們的尾巴在水面畫著銀線。

I have seen Spoonbills flying home to roost like a scarlet banner across the sky.

我見到過(guò)琵鷺飛回家去了，像紅色的旗幟越過(guò)天空。

I have seen Whales, black as tar, cushioned on a corn flower blue sea, creating a Versailles of fountain with their breath.

我見到過(guò)鯨魚??，黑如柏油，在一朵矢車菊般藍(lán)色的海床上緩緩漂浮。I have watched butterflies emerge and sit, trembling, while the sun irons their wings smooth.

我曾坐著，看到蝴蝶出現(xiàn)，它們顫動(dòng)著，而太陽(yáng)則熨平它們那光滑的翅膀。

I have watched Tigers, like flames, mating in the long grass.

我看到過(guò)老虎們??，像火焰般在深草里交配。

I have been dive bombed by an angry Raven, black and glossy as the Devil'shoof.

我被一只兇怒的渡鴉俯沖轟炸過(guò)，黑且有光澤的像魔鬼的靴子。

I have lain in water warm as milk, soft as silk, while around me played a host of Dolphins.

我曾躺在水中，像牛奶般溫暖，如絲一樣的軟，而許多的海豚??則在我旁邊嬉戲。

I have met a thousand animals and seen a thousand wonderful things …

我遇到過(guò)一千種動(dòng)物，也看到了一千種美好的事物。

All this I did without you.

全部的這些都未曾與你度過(guò)。

This was my loss.

這是我的損失。

All this I want to do with you.

這些我全都想和你去做。

This will be my gain.

這將是我所得到的。

All this I would gladly have

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????（簡(jiǎn). 翻譯）