本文原載于 《BBC》?

作者：Laura Clarke

譯者：武守晗 ? 校對：劉? ?蕊

為什么你總是游走在遲到邊緣？

It’s not always rudeness or scatter-brained behaviour – it can be something much deeper.

遲到并不總是意味著無禮或者心不在焉——遲到背后可能有更深層次的含義。

Confession: I am a late person. At least, one in recovery. In fact, I’ve repeatedly, and embarrassingly, missed the deadline for this article. I’d love to pretend this is some journalistic form of ‘method’ acting. It is not.?

坦白：我經(jīng)常遲到。至少我正在改變這一習慣。事實上，這篇文章我很尷尬地一次次拖稿。我很樂意假裝這是某種為完成這篇文章而進行的行為藝術(shù)。但事實不是這樣。

I know I’m not alone. We all know that person: there’s the child minder who is always late, the colleague who misses every deadline, even if just by a few hours, the friend you must tell to arrive 30 minutes earlier than she needs to for your lunch reservation.

我知道像我這樣的人還有很多。每個人身邊總有那么一個人：或是總是遲到的保育員；或是每次都“完美”錯過最后期限的同事，盡管可能只有幾個小時；或是你必須把午餐約定時間故意提前30分鐘的朋友，這樣他才會“準時”到來。

There are few habits as infuriating as someone making us wait. But, despite what may be running through your mind as you’re kept waiting again, it’s unlikely your friends and colleagues are just being selfish. A look into the psychology of lateness offers a glimpse into a mind that that may be malfunctioning. But there’s also more than one fix.

等待真得非常令人炸裂。但是，盡管你在等待期間腦海里可能有一些想法，遲到卻并不意味著你的朋友和同事很自私。通過深入地研究遲到心理，可以了解到遲到是由于頭腦中出現(xiàn)“故障”，但同時也有很多個修復“程序”可用。

No, late people aren’t rude and lazy

遲到的人不是無禮而懶惰

Perceptions of unpunctual people are almost always negative — even if misguided.

對不守時的人的看法幾乎總是負面的，這可能是種誤導了。

“It is easy to perceive them as disorganised, chaotic, rude and lacking in consideration for others,” says Harriet Mellotte, a cognitive behavioural therapist and a clinical psychologist in training in London. “Outside of my clinical practice, others being late is something that can particularly get under my skin!”

“人們很容易將遲到的人視為無組織無紀律無禮貌不考慮他人的人。”倫敦的一位認知行為治療師和臨床心理學家哈麗雅特·梅洛特說道：“除非是臨床實踐，其他人遲到會讓我特別生氣！”

Many late people are at least somewhat organised and want to keep friends, family and bosses happy. The punctually-challenged are often excruciatingly aware and ashamed of the damage their lateness could do to their relationships, reputations, careers and finances.

許多遲到的人有一定的組織能力，并且希望朋友，家人和老板的開心。他們很痛苦地知道因為自己遲到對朋友關(guān)系、自身聲譽、職業(yè)發(fā)展和財務狀況造成影響，他們?yōu)榇烁械叫呃ⅰ?/p>

“While there are those who get a charge out of keeping others waiting, if you’re typical, you dislike being late,” Diana DeLonzor writes in her book Never Be Late Again. “Yet tardiness remains your nemesis.”

戴安娜·德隆佐爾在她的《不再遲到》一書中寫道：雖然有些人會從讓別人等待中找到樂趣，但正常人還是很討厭遲到，縱然如此，遲到仍是你的克星?！?/p>

Excuses, excuses

遲到的借口

Some excuses, particularly for acute lateness, are fairly universally accepted —an accident or illness, for example. But others aren’t so easy to swallow. Some late people will pass it off as a symptom of being big-thinking and concerned with loftier matters than time-keeping, as an endearing?quirk, a mark of doing one’s best work under pressure, or having the body clock of a night owl rather than a lark.

一些遲到的借口，特別是事關(guān)緊急性遲到，已經(jīng)被普遍接受——例如偶發(fā)事故或突發(fā)疾病。但其他借口就不太能讓人接受。一些遲到的人會把它歸因為自己思考太多，關(guān)注的事情優(yōu)先度高于時間，這個可愛的舉措是在壓力之下做事情盡職盡責的體現(xiàn)，或者說其生物鐘是“晚起貓頭鷹型”而非“早起云雀型”。

quirk?/kw??k; kw?k/ n habit or action that is peculiar to sb/sth （某人[某事物]特有的）習慣, 舉動

Joanna, a teacher in London who didn’t want her surname used, says her reputation for being unpunctual can sometimes be attributed to a difference in opinion. “A friend will ask me to come over, and they’ll say ‘come any time from seven,’” she says. “But if I do turn up at eight or later, they’re annoyed.”

倫敦的一位不愿透露姓氏的老師喬安娜說，她不守時的原因有時可以歸因于觀點不同。一位朋友如果約我過去，他們會說“七點后都可以”，但如果我八點鐘或更晚時間到，他們會很生氣?！?/p>

Being consistently late might not be your fault. It could be your type. The punctually-challenged often share personality characteristics such as optimism, low levels of self-control, anxiety, or a penchant for thrill-seeking, experts say. Personality differences could also dictate how we experience the passing of time.

總是遲到可能不是你的錯，或許你就是這樣的人。專家認為，不守時的人往往具有樂觀、自控能力差、焦慮或喜歡追求刺激等特點。個性差異也可能決定我們?nèi)绾胃惺軙r間的流逝。

In 2001, Jeff Conte, a psychology professor at San Diego State University ran a study in which he separated participants into Type A people (ambitious, competitive) and Type B (creative, reflective, explorative). He asked them to judge, without clocks, how long it took for one minute to elapse. Type A people felt a minute had gone by when roughly 58 seconds had passed. Type B participants felt a minute had gone by after 77 seconds.

2001年，圣地亞哥州立大學心理學教授杰夫·康特進行了一項研究，他將參與者分為A型（雄心勃勃，富有競爭力）和B型（創(chuàng)造性，善于思考探索）。他讓參與者在沒有鐘表的情況下判斷一分鐘有多長。 A型參與者感知的一分鐘大約是58秒，而 B型參與者足足有77秒。

You are your own worst enemy

你是你自己最大的敵人

Late people often have a “bizarre compulsion to defeat themselves,” wrote self-proclaimed late person and TED speaker Tim Urban in 2015. He gave these poor souls a name: CLIPs, Chronically Late Insane People.

曾在TED進行演講的蒂姆厄本自稱自己是個遲到者，他在2015年提出遲到的人常常有一種“要打敗自己的異樣強迫”，他給這些可憐的人取了個名字：慢性遲到精神病人。

Of course, there are other reasons for lateness, but many remain self-inflicted. For starters, there’s the anticipation of being late, or even too much attention to detail.

當然，遲到還有其他原因，但許多還是自身原因。對于遲到新手而言，他們對遲到有預期，或者對細節(jié)過分關(guān)注。

For Joanna, the most distressing example is writing school reports. “I never make the deadline, which looks like I don’t care,” she explains. “I think about [the reports] for weeks, and put so much angst into really assessing each child. But the fact that they are late undermines that.”

對喬安娜來說，最痛苦的例子莫過于寫學校報告?！白詈笃谙迣ξ覜]用，這讓我看起來毫不上心。”她解釋說，“我會為這些報告思考幾個星期，并且心情焦慮地對每個孩子進行認真的評估。但報告遲交這一事實會讓我看上去沒那么認真?！?/p>

For some, lateness is a “consequence of deeply distressing common mental health or neurological conditions,” says Mellotte.

“對于某些人來說，遲到是由于心理健康問題或神經(jīng)系統(tǒng)疾病深感憂慮導致的?！泵仿逄卣f。

?“People with anxiety diagnoses often avoid certain situations,” for instance, says Mellotte. “Individuals with low self-esteem are likely to be critical about their abilities which may cause them to take more time to check their work.” And depression often comes with low energy, making mustering the motivation to get a move on all the harder.

“患有焦慮癥的人往往會避免某些特定情況?！泵仿逄卣f。 “自卑的人可能會對自己的能力持批評態(tài)度，這可能會導致他們花更多時間來檢查自己的工作?！倍钟舭Y往往伴隨著負能量，從而調(diào)動積極性越來越難。

Fix your brain, be on time?

修理大腦，準時？

Dr Linda Sapadin, a psychologist in private practice in New York and author of How to Beat Procrastination in the Digital Age, says some persistent lateness comes from “an?obsessive?thinking problem.”

紐約私人心理學家、《如何在數(shù)字時代打敗拖延》一書的作者琳達·薩帕丁博士說，一些人反復遲到是因為“強迫性思考”。

obsessive?/?b?ses?v/ adj thinking or worrying about something all the time, so that you do not think about other things enough - used to show disapproval縈繞于心的;有執(zhí)著想法的

In short, she says, the procrastinator focuses on a fear attached to the event or deadline for which they are running late. Rather than figuring out how to get beyond the fear, the fear becomes the excuse – usually expressed with a ‘but’ statement. For instance, you might tell yourself, “I wanted to be on time for that event but I couldn't decide what to wear; I started to write an article but I was afraid my colleagues would find it not good enough,” she explains.

簡而言之，她表示，拖延癥患者通常深陷對事件或最后期限延誤的恐懼之中，而不是想方設法如何戰(zhàn)勝恐懼?？謶殖蔀榻杩凇ǔＳ谩暗恰甭暶鱽肀磉_。例如，你可能會告訴自己，“我想要準時參加那個活動，但是我在穿什么上糾結(jié)了很久；我開始寫一篇文章，但是我擔心我的同事會覺得不夠好?！彼忉屨f。

“Whatever comes after the 'but' is what counts,” says Sapadin. She tells people to change the word ‘but’ to ‘a(chǎn)nd’. ‘But’ denotes opposition and blockage; ‘And’ denotes connection and resolution, she explains, so “the task becomes less daunting, the fear less of an obstacle.”

“無論發(fā)生什么，‘但是’后面才是最重要的?！彼_帕丁說。她告訴人們要將’but’改為’and’。“but”表示反對和妨礙，她解釋說，“and”表示銜接和解決，這樣的話，“任務變得不那么令人畏懼，恐懼也不再是障礙。”

DeLonzor started on her path to punctuality by identifying, and adapting the very thing that seemed to always make her late. That was only after she failed over and over again to improve her timeliness, she says. And then she realised it was the thrill of being rushed that she craved. Changing what she craved was the only way to improve.

德隆佐爾通過認清并接受那些似乎總是讓她遲到的事情，開始了她的守時之路。 她說，在她一次次失敗之后，她意識到自己渴望的是緊迫感帶來的刺激。改變這種渴望是讓她守時的唯一方法。

“As I worked towards the goal of being more timely, I began to see the importance of being a reliable person,” DeLonzor says, “Developing that side of myself soon became a priority.”

“當我努力做到守時的時候，我開始意識到成為一個可靠的人有多重要?！钡侣∽魻栒f，“努力成為可靠的人很快就成了我的首要任務?！?/p>

Then there are the friends and loved ones who simply can’t take it anymore. Instead of getting angry or upset, you can take a stand and set boundaries.

當然，還是會有朋友和親人總是遲到。碰到這種情況不要生氣或不高興，你可以闡明立場劃清底線。

For those left waiting, there is hope. You, too, can dictate what you’re willing to put up with.

對于那些愿意等待的人來說，還是有希望。你也可以告訴他們那些你愿意忍受的事情。

“Instead of getting angry or upset, you can take a stand and set boundaries,” she says. “Talk about what you will do if the other person isn’t on time.” For instance, tell your late friend you’ll go into the movie without them if they’re more than ten minutes late. Tell that colleague who never turns his part of the project in on time that it just won’t be included next time — and the boss will know about it.

“不要生氣或不高興，你可以闡明立場劃清底線。”她說。 “告訴對方如果不準時后果是什么?！崩?，告訴老是遲到的朋友，如果他們遲到超過十分鐘，你會獨自去看電影。告訴那位從不按時完成項目的同事，下次項目中不會有他的名字，甚至告知老板。

For me, a turning point came when a good friend drew her line in the sand. I was an hour late for a run in our local park. That was it, she said. She wasn’t going to make any more plans with me. And so she set in motion the best thing for me: accountability and identifying and addressing underlying problems that led to my perpetual lateness.

我的一位好友有次聲明要和我劃清界限，由此開啟了我人生中的一個轉(zhuǎn)折點。我和她約在當?shù)毓珗@里跑步，我卻遲到一個小時。她說，就這樣吧，她不會再跟我約任何事情。因此，她反而激發(fā)了我：我開始承擔責任，確認并解決導致我一直遲到的根源性問題。

As the adage goes, old habits die hard, and the agonising over this article is a deft illustration of that. But the next time I find myself keeping someone waiting, I’ll be looking at my thinking, and I’ll try to change it, even just a little.

老話說得好，江山易改本性難移。寫這篇文章所經(jīng)歷的痛苦就是一個很好的例證。但是當我下次發(fā)現(xiàn)自己讓別人等待時，我會審視自己，我會盡力去改變，哪怕只是一點。

翻譯是我們觀察世界的方式，也是我們的興趣所在。