-*-
33
菲利普罵她，威脅要告發(fā)她偷竊，要扣她工資，要罰款。她也回敬了菲利普。這件事情發(fā)生時，布魯諾一直都沒有出現(xiàn)，盡管他一直在工廠里，他的車還停在院子里。莉拉感覺到，從那時候開始，她的處境會越來越惡化。
Threats to report her for theft.
? Deductions from her salary, fines. And insults, Filippo’s hurled at her, and
? hers at Filippo. Bruno didn’t appear, and yet he was surely still in the
? factory, his car was in the courtyard. Lila guessed that from then on things
? would get even worse for her.
她回到家里，比平時更加疲憊，她對詹納羅很兇，因為孩子想留在鄰居家里。她開始做晚飯。她對恩佐說，她不能和他一起學(xué)習(xí)函授課程，然后就上床睡覺了。但她的身子一直暖和不過來，她起身在睡衣上又穿了一件毛衣，她又重新躺下。這時候沒有什么直接的原因，她的心一下子就跳到了嗓子眼，跳得那么厲害，讓她感覺那是別人的心臟。
She went home wearier than usual; she got
? angry at Gennaro, who wanted to stay at the neighbor’s; she made dinner. She
? told Enzo that he would have to study on his own and she went to bed early.
? Since she couldn’t get warm under the covers, she got up and put on a wool
? sweater over her nightgown. She was getting back in bed when suddenly, for no
? obvious reason, her heart was in her throat and began pounding so hard that
? it seemed like someone else’s.
她以前有過這種癥狀，伴隨著這種癥狀的還有其他幻覺——在十一年之后，在一九八〇年她把這種幻覺稱為“界限消除”——但這一次，要比之前任何一次都要強烈。尤其是，這是第一次她單獨待著，周圍沒有人時出現(xiàn)的情況，而之前出現(xiàn)這些癥狀，是因為這樣或者那樣的原因。她意識到，在一陣陣的恐懼之中，她其實并不是一個人，從她失控的腦子里，冒出了那天她遇到的人、聽到的聲音。那些人漂浮在房間里——門衛(wèi)、工友、娜迪雅、大會上遇到的兩個男孩、出現(xiàn)在風(fēng)干室里的布魯諾——就像一部無聲電影那樣，他們的動作都很快，報警器的紅燈閃得頻率也很高，包括從她手上奪過香腸，高聲威脅她的菲利普，也是像被快進一樣。這都是腦子的幻覺：房間里除了詹納羅，沒有別人，孩子躺在旁邊的小床上，呼吸很平穩(wěn)。沒有其他真實的人和聲音，但這并沒有讓她平靜下來，反倒讓她更加恐懼。她的心跳得那么猛烈，好像要把周圍的東西震開，事物之間的緊密咬合變得松散，就連房間的墻壁也變得不再那么堅固，她的心跳猛烈地撞擊著身下的床，好像會讓墻上的泥灰產(chǎn)生裂紋，會讓她的頭骨松動，也許會傷到孩子。是的，也許他會像賽璐璐玩偶一樣被毀壞，他的胸部、肚子和腦子都會裂開，會露出五臟六腑。她想：我應(yīng)該遠離他，我離他越近，就越有可能傷害他。但她想起了另一個離開她的孩子，那個從來都沒在她肚子里成形的孩子——斯特凡諾的兒子，是我把那個孩子從肚子里排擠出去的，至少皮諾奇婭和吉耀拉在我背后是這么說的。也許這是真的，我故意把他從我身體里排除出去。到現(xiàn)在為止，我還沒做成任何一件事情，為什么我要保留那些破碎的東西？但她的心跳并沒有慢下來，周圍的那些幻影和他們的聲音都在逼迫著她。她又從床上起來，坐在床邊上。她渾身都是黏糊糊的冷汗，她覺得那像冰冷的油。她把赤裸的雙腳，放在詹納羅的床邊上，輕輕地向前推，想把他推開一點，但也不能離得太遠：孩子在身邊，她擔(dān)心傷害到他。她小步走到廚房，她靠著家具，靠著墻壁，但她一直在看身后，擔(dān)心地板會下陷，會把詹納羅也卷進去。她從水龍頭那里喝了一些水，用水洗了一下臉，她的心跳忽然停了，她整個人突然前傾，就像急剎車一樣。
She already knew those symptoms, they
? went along with the thing that later—eleven years later, in 1980—she called
? dissolving boundaries. But the signs had never manifested themselves so
? violently, and this was the first time it had happened when she was alone,
? without people around who for one reason or another set off that effect. Then
? she realized with a jolt of horror that she wasn’t alone. From her unstuck
? head figures and voices of the day were emerging, floating through the room:
? the two boys from the committee, the guard, her fellow-workers, Bruno in the
? drying room, Nadia—all moving too rapidly, as in a silent film. Even the
? flashes of red light from the partial came at very narrow intervals, and
? Filippo who was tearing the sausage out of her hands and yelling threats. All
? a trick of the mind: except for Gennaro, in the cot beside her, with his
? regular breathing, there were no real persons or sounds in the room. But that
? didn’t soothe her, in fact it magnified the fear. Her heartbeats were now so
? powerful that they seemed capable of exploding the interlocking solidity of
? objects. The tenacity of the grip that held the walls of the room together
? had weakened, the violent knocking in her throat was shaking the bed,
? cracking the plaster, unsoldering the upper part of her skull, maybe it would
? shatter the child, yes, it would shatter him like a plastic puppet, splitting
? open his chest and stomach and head to reveal his insides. I have to get him
? away, she thought; the closer he is to me, the more likely he’ll break. But
? she remembered another baby that she had pushed out, the baby that had never
? taken shape in her womb, Stefano’s child. I pushed him out, or at least
? that’s what Pinuccia and Gigliola said behind my back. And maybe I really
? did, I expelled him deliberately. Why hasn’t anything, so far, really gone
? well for me? And why should I keep the things that haven’t worked? The
? beating showed no sign of diminishing, the figures of smoke pursued her with
? the sound of their voices, she got out of the bed again, and sat on the edge.
? She was soaked with a sticky sweat, it felt like frozen oil. She placed her
? bare feet against Gennaro’s bed, pushed it gently, to move it away but not
? too far: if she kept him next to her she was afraid of breaking him, if she
? pushed him too far away she was afraid of losing him. She went into the
? kitchen, taking small steps and leaning on the furniture, the walls, but
? repeatedly looking behind her out of fear that the floor would cave in and
? swallow up Gennaro. She drank from the faucet, washed her face, and suddenly
? her heart stopped, throwing her forward as if it had braked abruptly.
結(jié)束了，周圍的事物開始又粘合在一起，她的身體也逐漸復(fù)原了，她擦干了臉。她現(xiàn)在在發(fā)抖，她那么疲憊，以至于她感覺周圍的墻壁都在旋轉(zhuǎn)，她擔(dān)心自己會暈倒。她想：我應(yīng)該去找恩佐，我要暖和暖和，我現(xiàn)在要進入他的被窩，我要從背后抱著沉睡的他，睡過去。但是她放棄了，她想到了自己臉上那個討好的微笑，那是她對布魯諾說話時自己做出來的表情：你要相信我。我家里有小孩。這事兒真不是我做的。雖然她覺得很惡心，但那是女性身體的自然反應(yīng)——一種女性的媚態(tài)，也許是有誘惑力的。她覺得很羞恥：她既然知道索卡沃在風(fēng)干室對她所做的，她怎么能做出那樣的舉動，說出那樣的話？??！就像柔順的小母獸一樣，依附于那些男性，這不是她想做的！不能再繼續(xù)這樣下去了！在過去，出于不同的目的，她做過這樣的事情，有時候是在沒有意識到的情況下，她和斯特凡諾、尼諾、索拉拉，或者和恩佐也出現(xiàn)過這種情況，但她再也不想這樣下去了。她也在設(shè)想那些場景：門衛(wèi)、她的工友、那些學(xué)生、索卡沃對她無法放棄的期望，她在和這些人與事的沖撞中，感到精疲力竭，已經(jīng)瀕臨崩潰。
Over. Objects were sticking together
? again, her body slowly settled, the sweat dried. Lila was trembling now, and
? so tired that the walls were spinning around her, she was afraid she would
? faint. I have to go to Enzo, she thought, and get warm: get in his bed now,
? press myself against his back while he sleeps, go to sleep myself. But she
? gave it up. She felt on her face the pretty little expression she had made
? when she said to Bruno: Trust me, I have a small child, I didn’t do this
? thing, a charming affectation, perhaps seductive, the body of a woman acting
? autonomously in spite of disgust. She was ashamed: how could she behave like
? that, after what Soccavo had done to her in the drying room? And yet. Ah, to
? push men and drive them like obedient beasts toward goals that were not
? theirs. No, no, enough, in the past she had done it for different reasons,
? almost without realizing it, with Stefano, with Nino, with the Solaras, maybe
? even with Enzo. Now she didn’t want to anymore, she would take care of things
? herself: with the guard, with her fellow workers, with the students, with
? Soccavo, with her own mind, which, full of demands, would not resign itself
? and, worn out by the impact of persons and things, was collapsing.
-*-
34
她醒來的時候，發(fā)現(xiàn)自己在發(fā)燒，她吃了一些阿司匹林，依然去上班了。天還沒有大亮，有一道微弱的藍光，勾勒出周圍低矮的建筑，還有長在泥潭里的草和路邊的垃圾。她剛走到那段通往工廠的土路上，當(dāng)她繞過那些積水潭時，她發(fā)現(xiàn)這次有四個學(xué)生在那里，其中兩個她前一天看到了，第三個也和他們年紀(jì)相仿，還有一個二十歲上下，非常粗壯，絕對超重了的學(xué)生。他們在工廠的圍墻上張貼一些標(biāo)語，呼吁工人參與戰(zhàn)斗，他們也分發(fā)寫著同樣內(nèi)容的傳單。假如前一天，那些男女工人出于好奇或者禮貌會接過宣傳冊，但現(xiàn)在大部分工人都是低著頭匆匆走過，即便接過了傳單，也會馬上揉成一團扔掉。
Upon waking she discovered that she had a
? fever; she took an aspirin and went to work anyway. In the still dark sky
? there was a weak bluish light that licked the low buildings, the muddy weeds
? and refuse. Already as she skirted the puddles on the unpaved stretch of road
? that led to the factory, she noticed that there were four students, the two
? from the day before, a third about the same age, and a fat kid, decidedly
? obese, around twenty years old. They were pasting on the boundary wall
? placards that called on the workers to join the struggle, and had just begun
? to hand out a leaflet of the same type. But if, the day before, the workers,
? out of curiosity, out of courtesy, had taken the pamphlet, the majority now
? either kept going with their heads down or took the sheet and immediately
? crumpled it up and threw it away.
莉拉一看到那些學(xué)生已經(jīng)出現(xiàn)在那兒，開展政治工作比她上班還要準(zhǔn)時，這讓她很煩。這種情緒后來演變成了一種敵意，前一天出現(xiàn)的其中一個男孩認出她，手里拿著一大沓傳單，很熱情地向她跑了過來問：
As soon as she saw that the youths were
? there, punctual as if what they called political work had a schedule stricter
? than hers, Lila was annoyed. The annoyance became hostility when the boy from
? the day before recognized her and hurried toward her, with a friendly
? expression, and a large number of leaflets in his hand.
“同志，一切都好吧？”
“Everything all right, Comrade?”
莉拉沒有看他，她喉嚨生疼，太陽穴在跳。那個男孩跟在她后面，有些遲疑地說：
Lila paid no attention, her throat was
? sore, her temples pounding. The boy ran after her, said uncertainly:
“我是達里奧，可能你不記得了，我們在法院路上見過。”
“I’m Dario, maybe you don’t remember, we
? met on Via dei Tribunali.”
“我知道你是誰！”她忽然爆發(fā)了，說，“但我不想和你，還有你的那些朋友有任何關(guān)聯(lián)。”
“I know who the fuck you are,” she
? snapped, “but I don’t want to have anything to do with you or your friends.”
達里奧說不出話來，他放慢了腳步，幾乎是自言自語地說：
Dario was speechless, he slowed down, he
? said almost to himself:
“你不想要傳單嗎？”
“You don’t want the leaflet?”
莉拉沒有回答，因為她不想再說什么難聽話。她腦子里一直想著那個男孩不知所措的臉，這種表情就好像在說：他覺得自己是對的，但無法理解為什么其他人不認同他的觀點。她想，她也許應(yīng)該好好解釋一下：為什么在開會時，她會說那些話；那些話后來出現(xiàn)在這些宣傳冊上，為什么這讓她覺得難以忍受；為什么她覺得那四個學(xué)生的行為是愚蠢的，是白費工夫。他們本應(yīng)該還在床上，或者是馬上要進教室上課，但他們卻冒著嚴(yán)寒，在這里分發(fā)著這些寫滿字的傳單，而這工廠的工人認字都很困難，而且他們也沒必要費力去讀這些東西，因為他們了解這里的情況，這是他們每天都面對的現(xiàn)實，他們還能講述一些更糟糕的，更加難以啟齒的，別人沒有說過、寫過和讀過的事情，揭示他們被剝削的處境背后的真實原因。但她在發(fā)燒，她對這一切感到厭倦，她懶得說這些。等她走到工廠門口時，情況變得更加復(fù)雜。
Lila didn’t answer, so that she wouldn’t
? yell something hostile at him. But the boy’s disoriented face, wearing the
? expression people have when they feel they are right and don’t understand how
? it is that others don’t share their opinion, stayed in her mind. She thought
? that she ought to explain to him carefully why she had said the things she
? had said at the meeting, and why she found it intolerable that those things
? had ended up in the pamphlet, and why she judged it pointless and stupid that
? the four of them, instead of still being in bed or about to enter a
? classroom, were standing there in the cold handing out a densely written
? leaflet to people who had difficulty reading, and who, besides, had no reason
? to subject themselves to the effort of reading, since they already knew those
? things, they lived them every day, and could tell even worse: unrepeatable
? sounds that no one would ever say, write, or read, and that nevertheless held
? as potential the real causes of their inferiority. But she had a fever, she
? was tired of everything, it would cost her too much effort. And anyway she
? had reached the gate, and there the situation was becoming complicated.
門衛(wèi)在對著那個年齡最大、肥胖的男孩破口大罵，用的是方言，他說：“你丫跨過這條線試試，這樣你就是不經(jīng)允許，進入到私人領(lǐng)地，看我敢不敢開槍。”那個學(xué)生也非常激動，他笑著回答說——是那種很大聲的嘲笑——他一邊笑，一邊罵，他用意大利語大聲喊道：你這個看門狗，你開槍啊，讓我見識見識，你怎么開槍，這不是私人領(lǐng)地，這里的所有東西都屬于人民。莉拉經(jīng)過他們倆身邊——這樣的場面，她已經(jīng)見過多少次了：里諾、安東尼奧、帕斯卡萊甚至是恩佐，都是這方面的大師——她很嚴(yán)肅地對菲利普說：“滿足他的請求吧，別白費口舌了，一個本可以在家里睡覺，或者上學(xué)的人，卻跑到這里來搗亂，真應(yīng)該給他一槍。”門衛(wèi)看到她，聽到她的話，驚異地張大了嘴巴，他想搞清楚，她到底是真的在鼓勵他做出這種瘋狂的事，還是在開他的玩笑。但那個學(xué)生卻完全當(dāng)真了，他滿臉憤怒地盯著她，對著她叫喊：“去吧，進去吧，進去舔老板的屁股吧！”他搖著頭，向后退了幾步，在距離柵欄門兩米多的地方分發(fā)傳單。
The guard was yelling at the oldest boy,
? the fat one, shouting at him in dialect: You cross that line, cross it, shit,
? then you’re entering private property without permission and I’ll shoot. The
? student, also agitated, replied with a laugh, a broad aggressive laugh,
? accompanied by insults: he called him a slave, he shouted, in Italian, Shoot,
? show me how you shoot, this isn’t private property, everything in there
? belongs to the people. Lila passed both of them—how many times had she
? witnessed bluster like that: Rino, Antonio, Pasquale, even Enzo were masters
? of it—and said to Filippo, seriously: Satisfy him, don’t waste time
? chattering, someone who could be sleeping or studying and instead is here
? being a pain in the ass deserves to be shot. The guard saw her, heard her,
? and, openmouthed, tried to decide if she was really encouraging him to do
? something crazy or making fun of him. The student had no doubts: he stared at
? her angrily, shouted: Go on, go in, go kiss the boss’s ass, and he retreated
? a few steps, shaking his head, then he continued to hand out leaflets a few
? meters from the gate.
莉拉向院子里走去。才早上七點，她就已經(jīng)很疲憊了。她覺得眼睛很疼，八個小時的工作時間，對她來說簡直是無窮無盡。這時候她身后傳來了剎車聲，還有男人叫喊的聲音，她轉(zhuǎn)過頭去，有兩輛汽車開到了這里，一輛是灰色的，一輛是藍色的。有人已經(jīng)從第一輛車上下來，他們開始把墻上那些剛張貼上去的標(biāo)語撕下來。糟糕了！莉拉想，出于本能，她退了回來，盡管她知道，她應(yīng)該像其他人一樣，趕緊走進去上班。
Lila headed toward the courtyard. She was
? already tired at seven in the morning, her eyes were burning, eight hours of
? work seemed an eternity. Meanwhile behind her there was a noise of screeching
? brakes and men shouting, and she turned. Two cars had arrived, one gray and
? one blue. Someone had got out of the first car and begun to tear off the
? placards that had just been pasted on the wall. It’s getting bad, Lila
? thought, and instinctively went back, although she knew that, like the
? others, she ought to hurry in and start work.
她倒退了幾步，清楚看到，坐在那輛灰色汽車的方向盤前的人是吉諾。她看到他打開車門，他個子很高，渾身都是肌肉，他從汽車?yán)锍鰜頃r，手里拿著一根棍子。其他人——那些從墻上撕下標(biāo)語的人，也懶洋洋地從車?yán)锍鰜?，大概有七八個，手里拿著鐵鏈和鐵棍。這些人都是他們那個城區(qū)的法西斯分子，莉拉認得其中幾個。他們都是法西斯分子，像斯特凡諾的父親堂·阿奇勒一樣，斯特凡諾后來也成了這樣。他們也像索拉拉家的人——祖父、父親和孫子，盡管出于利益，他們時不時會站在君主主義者或者天主教民主黨的一邊，但他們本質(zhì)上都是法西斯。她從小就非常討厭他們，她想象著他們的種種罪行，后來她覺得沒有辦法擺脫他們，沒辦法把一切清零，過去和現(xiàn)在的聯(lián)系都無法斷開。城區(qū)的大部分人還是擁護他們，愛他們，在任何需要打架的時候，都會為他們兩肋插刀。
She took a few steps, enough to identify
? the youth at the wheel of the gray car: it was Gino. She saw him open the
? door and, tall, muscular as he had become, get out of the car holding a
? stick. The others, the ones who were tearing off the posters, the ones who,
? more slowly, were still getting out of the cars, seven or eight in all, were
? carrying chains and metal bars. Fascists, mostly from the neighborhood, Lila
? knew some of them. Fascists, as Stefano’s father, Don Achille, had been, as
? Stefano had turned out to be, as the Solaras were, grandfather, father,
? grandsons, even if at times they acted like monarchists, at times Christian
? Democrats, as it suited them. She had hated them ever since, as a girl, she
? had imagined every detail of their obscenities, since she had discovered that
? there was no way to be free of them, to clear everything away. The connection
? between past and present had never really broken down, the neighborhood loved
? them by a large majority, pampered them, and they showed up with their filth
? whenever there was a chance to fight.
達里奧，就是她在法院路上見到的那個男孩，他是第一個采取行動的，他跑過去，阻止那些撕標(biāo)語的人，他手上還拿著一些傳單。莉拉想：趕緊扔掉，傻子！但他沒有那么做，她聽見他用意大利語對那些撕標(biāo)語的人說：“不要這樣，你們沒有權(quán)力這么做?！边@時候，他轉(zhuǎn)向自己的同伴求救，他根本就不會打架。在她生活的城區(qū)里，一個人打架的時候，必須目不轉(zhuǎn)睛地看著對手，大家都很少廢話，頂多會瞪著眼睛大喊大叫，嚇唬對手，同時他們會動手，盡可能地痛毆對方，毫不松手，直到有人阻止的時候才停下來，假如旁人拉得住的話。那些撕下標(biāo)語的人，其中有一個就是這么做的：他一言不發(fā)，毫無征兆就打在了達里奧的臉上，一拳就讓他倒在地上，倒在了那些散落在地上的傳單上，然后那個人上前去，接著打，周圍飛揚的傳單好像也受到了這種殘酷場面的震動。這時候，那個超重的學(xué)生跑過來，幫助那個倒在地上的男孩，但他赤手空拳，還沒過來就被一個拿著鐵鏈的人攔住了，鐵鏈打在他的手臂上。那個胖學(xué)生抓中了鐵鏈，想把鐵鏈奪過來，他們兩個僵持了幾秒鐘，相互痛罵。這時候，吉諾從后面過來，用一根棍子打中了那個胖學(xué)生。
Dario, the boy from Via dei Tribunali,
? was the first to move, he rushed to protest the torn-*-eyed, to inspire fear,
? and meanwhile you were the first to strike, causing as much injury as
? possible, without stopping—it was up to others to stop you if they could. One
? of the youths who were tearing down the posters acted just like that: he
? punched Dario in the face, with no warning, knocking him to the ground amid
? the leaflets he had dropped, and then he was on him, hitting him, while the
? pages flew around as if there were a fierce excitement in the things
? themselves. At that point the obese student saw that the boy was on the
? ground and hurried to help him, bare-handed, but he was blocked halfway by
? someone armed with a chain, who hit him on the arm. The youth grabbed the
? chain furiously, and started pulling on it, to tear it away from his
? attacker, and for several seconds they fought for it, screaming insults at
? one another. Until Gino came up behind the fat student and hit him with the
? stick, knocking him down.
這時候，莉拉忘記了自己在發(fā)燒，也忘了疲憊，她跑到柵欄門那兒，但她沒有一個具體的目的。她不知道是想看得清楚一點，還是想去幫助那些學(xué)生，很簡單，她只是像以往一樣，出于本能在行動，再加上打架斗毆這些不會讓她感到害怕，只是會點燃她的怒火，但她沒有時間來到路上，因為有一群工人正涌進工廠。有人已經(jīng)試圖阻止那些用棒子打人的人，當(dāng)然是艾多和其他人，但沒能攔住那些法西斯分子，那些人都四散逃開了。在兩個拿著鐵棒的男人的威脅下，那些男人女人都在四處逃散。有一個女人叫伊沙，是一個辦公室職員，她一邊跑，一邊對著菲利普喊：“你趕緊啊，做點兒什么，叫警察?。 边@時候，艾多一只手在流血，他大聲地自言自語說：“我現(xiàn)在把斧頭拿過來，我們再較量?！弊詈蟮慕Y(jié)果是，當(dāng)莉拉跑到土路上，那輛藍色汽車已經(jīng)發(fā)動了，吉諾正要上那輛灰色的汽車。他認出了莉拉，非常驚異地停了下來，說：“莉娜，你跑到這里來了？”最后，他被一個同伴拉進了汽車，車子開動了。他從窗口那里大聲喊道：“你以前是個闊太太，看你現(xiàn)在變成什么逼樣兒了！”
Lila forgot her fever and her exhaustion,
? and ran to the gate, but without a precise purpose. She didn’t know if she
? wanted to have a better view, if she wanted to help the students, if she was
? simply moved by an instinct she had always had, by virtue of which fighting
? didn’t frighten her but, rather, kindled her fury. She wasn’t in time to
? return to the street, she had to jump aside in order not to be run over by a
? group of workers who were rushing through the gate. A few had tried to stop
? the attackers, including Edo, certainly, but they hadn’t been able to, and
? now they were escaping. Men and women were running, pursued by two youths
? holding iron bars. A woman named Isa, an office worker, ran toward Filippo
? yelling: Help, do something, call the police, and Edo, one of whose hands was
? bleeding, said aloud to himself: I’m going to get the hatchet and then we’ll
? see. So by the time Lila reached the unpaved road, the blue car had already
? left and Gino was getting into the gray one, but he recognized her and
? paused, astonished, saying: Lina, you’ve ended up here? Then, pulled in by
? his comrades, he started the engine and drove off, but he shouted out window:
? You acted the lady, bitch, and look what the fuck you’ve become.
-*-
35
上班的一整天時間，莉拉都在不安中度過，像往常一樣，她用鄙夷或者霸道來掩蓋自己的不安。所有人都讓她明白：這個本來安安寧寧的工廠，現(xiàn)在氣氛忽然變得很緊張，這都是她的錯。但很快工廠的工人分成了兩派：第一派是少數(shù)，他們想要在午休期間碰一個頭，他們想利用現(xiàn)在這個狀況，促使莉拉去找老板，讓她提一下加工資的事兒；另一派占多數(shù)，他們不再搭理莉拉，他們反對任何會使他們的生活變得更加復(fù)雜的舉措，因為生活已經(jīng)太艱難了。這兩派人沒有任何可以達成一致的可能。艾多屬于第一派，他的手疼讓他很煩躁，他對一個不贊同他的人說：“假如我的手感染了，我會去你家，給你家倒一桶汽油，把你和你全家人都燒了?！崩蚶耆珶o視這兩派，她把自己封閉起來，一直在埋頭工作，像往常一樣高效，完全不理會閑話、辱罵還有感冒。但她一直琢磨著等待她的是什么，在她發(fā)熱的腦子里，有各種各樣的想法：那些被打的學(xué)生現(xiàn)在怎么樣了？他們給她惹了這么大的麻煩，他們逃到哪里去了？吉諾肯定要在整個城區(qū)說她的閑話，他會把每件事情都講給米凱萊·索拉拉聽。如果她向布魯諾求助，那真是一件丟臉的事，但現(xiàn)在實在沒有其他出路。她很擔(dān)心被解雇，她很擔(dān)心失去自己的工資，盡管錢少得可憐，但也能夠允許她可以愛恩佐，卻不把他當(dāng)成她和詹納羅生活的依靠。
The workday passed in an anxiety that, as
? usual, Lila contained behind an attitude that at one moment was contemptuous,
? the next threatening. They all made it clear that they blamed her for the
? tensions that had emerged suddenly in a place that had always been peaceful.
? But soon two parties formed: one, a small group, wanted to meet somewhere
? during the lunch break and take advantage of the situation to urge Lila to go
? to the owner with some cautious wage demands; the other, the majority,
? wouldn’t even speak to Lila and was opposed to any undertaking that would
? complicate a work life that was already complicated. Between the two groups
? there was no way to reach agreement. In fact Edo, who belonged to the first
? party and was worried about the injury to his hand, went so far as to say to
? someone who belonged to the second: If my hand gets infected, if they cut it
? off, I’m coming to your house, I’ll pour a can of gasoline on it, and set you
? and your family on fire. Lila ignored both factions. She kept to herself and
? worked, head down, with her usual efficiency, driving away the conversation,
? the insults, and the cold. But she reflected on what awaited her, a whirl of
? different thoughts passed through her feverish head: what had happened to the
? injured students, where had they gone, what trouble had they got her into;
? Gino would talk about her in the neighborhood, he would tell Michele Solara
? everything; it was humiliating to ask Bruno for favors, and yet there was no
? other way, she was afraid of being fired, she was afraid of losing a salary
? that, even though it was miserable, allowed her to love Enzo without
? considering him fundamental to her survival and that of Gennaro.
最后，她想到了可怕的前一晚。發(fā)生了什么事情？她應(yīng)該去看醫(yī)生嗎？假如醫(yī)生檢查出來她有病，那工作怎么辦，孩子怎么辦？要小心，不能太激動，她需要整理整理思緒。然而，在午飯休息時間，她實在太擔(dān)心了，就自己去找布魯諾了，她要和布魯諾談一下那根香腸的惡作劇，還有吉諾帶來的法西斯分子，她要重申自己沒有錯。在她去找布魯諾之前，盡管很鄙視自己，但她還是把自己關(guān)在了廁所里，整理了一下頭發(fā)，涂了一點兒口紅。秘書說布魯諾不在，而且他整個星期都不會來。她越來越不安，越來越焦慮了。她想和帕斯卡萊說一下，讓他告訴那些學(xué)生，讓他們不要再來工廠大門口了。她想，假如工會的那些學(xué)生不來了，法西斯分子也就會消失，工廠就會慢慢地平靜下來，恢復(fù)到之前的秩序。但是，怎么能找到帕斯卡萊·佩盧索呢？她不知道他在哪個工地工作，去城區(qū)里找他？她覺得自己做不到，她很擔(dān)心遇到自己的母親、父親，尤其是哥哥，她不想和哥哥產(chǎn)生沖突。再加上她自己的好多問題，她走投無路，最后決定直接去找娜迪雅。下了班之后，她跑回家里，給恩佐留了一張紙條，讓他做晚飯。她給詹納羅穿上大衣，戴好帽子，換了一輛又一輛車，最后到達了維托利奧·埃馬努埃萊大街。
Then she remembered the terrible night.
? What had happened to her, should she go to a doctor? And if the doctor found
? some illness, how would she manage with work and the child? Careful, don’t
? get agitated, she needed to put things in order. Therefore, during the lunch
? break, oppressed by her cares, she resigned herself to going to Bruno. She
? wanted to tell him about the nasty trick of the sausage, about Gino’s
? fascists, reiterate that it wasn’t her fault. First, however, despising
? herself, she went to the bathroom to comb her hair and put on a little
? lipstick. But the secretary said with hostility that Bruno wasn’t there and
? almost certainly wouldn’t be all week. Anxiety gripped her again.
? Increasingly nervous, she thought of asking Pasquale to keep the students
? from returning to the gate, she said to herself that, once the boys from the
? committee disappeared, the fascists, too, would disappear, the factory would
? settle back into its old ways. But how to find Peluso? She didn’t know where
? he worked, she didn’t want to look for him in the neighborhood—she was afraid
? of running into her mother, her father, and especially her brother, with whom
? she didn’t want to fight. So, exhausted, she added up all her troubles and
? decided to turn directly to Nadia. At the end of her shift she hurried home,
? left a note for Enzo to prepare dinner, bundled Gennaro up carefully in coat
? and hat, and set off, bus after bus, to Corso Vittorio Emanuele.
天上一絲云彩都沒有，天空是一種柔和的顏色，午后的陽光正在慢慢暗淡下來，風(fēng)很大，吹著紫色的天空。她清楚地記得那座房子、那道大門，她記得每樣?xùn)|西，還有幾年之前遭受的屈辱，這讓她的敵意更加強烈。過去發(fā)生的一切是那么松散，一直在塌陷，落在她的身上。在那所房子里，她和我曾經(jīng)一起走上去，參加一場聚會。那場聚會讓她遭受了很大的痛苦，現(xiàn)在，尼諾之前的女朋友娜迪雅也冒了出來，這讓她更加痛苦。但她并不是一個坐以待斃的人，她拉著詹納羅的手上樓去了，她想告訴娜迪雅大小姐：“你和你的那伙人已經(jīng)讓我和我兒子處于困境，對于你來說，這是一個消遣，你不會遇到任何嚴(yán)重的問題，但對于我，對于我兒子卻不是這樣，這是一件非常嚴(yán)肅的事情，因此，要么你采取一些挽救措施，要么我就撕破你的臉皮?！彼拇_是打算這么說的，她咳嗽得很厲害，而且越來越氣憤，她迫不及待地想發(fā)泄一下。
The sky was pastel-*-afternoon light was
? fading and a strong wind was blowing in the violet air. She remembered the
? house in detail, the entrance, all of it, and the humiliation of the past
? intensified the bitterness of the present. How brittle the past was,
? continually crumbling, falling on her. From that house where she had gone
? with me to a party that had made her suffer, Nadia, Nino’s old girlfriend,
? had tumbled out to make her suffer even more. But she wasn’t one to stay
? quiet, she walked up the hill, dragging Gennaro. She wanted to say to that
? girl: You and the others are making trouble for my son; for you it’s only an
? amusement, nothing terrible will happen to you; for me, for him, no, it’s a
? serious thing, so either do something to fix it or I’ll bash your face in.
? That was what she intended to say, and she coughed and her rage mounted; she
? couldn’t wait to explode.
她看到下面的大門開著，她走上了樓梯。她想起了我和她來這里的情景，想起了斯特凡諾把我們送到這里，那時候我們穿的衣服和鞋子，還有我們在回去的路上說的每個字。她摁了門鈴，是加利亞尼老師親自給她開的門，她和莉拉記憶中的一模一樣，非?？蜌?，家里也整整齊齊。相比而言，莉拉覺得自己很臟，她渾身上下全是生肉的味道，感冒讓她的呼吸很不通暢，發(fā)燒讓她的情感很凌亂，再加上孩子用方言抱怨著，讓她很沒有面子。她很唐突地問了一句：
She found the street door open. She
? climbed the stairs, she remembered herself and me, and Stefano, who had taken
? us to the party, the clothes, the shoes, every word that we had said to each
? other on the way and on the way back. She rang, Professor Galiani herself
? opened the door, just as she remembered her, polite, orderly, just like her
? house. In comparison Lila felt dirty, because of the odor of raw meat that
? clung to her, the cold that clogged her chest, the fever that confused her
? feelings, the child whose whining in dialect irritated her. She asked
? abruptly:
“娜迪雅在嗎？”
“Is Nadia here?”
“不在，她在外面?！?/p>
“No, she’s out.”
“她什么時候回來？”
“When will she be back?”
“很抱歉，我不知道，也許過十分鐘，也許過一個小時，她想什么時候回來就什么時候回來?！?/p>
“I’m sorry, I don’t know, in ten minutes,
? in an hour, she does as she likes.”
“您能告訴她，莉娜來找了她嗎？”
“Could you tell her that Lina came to see
? her?”
“是緊急的事情嗎？”
“Is it urgent?”
“是的?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“您能告訴我嗎？”
“Do you want to tell me?”
告訴她什么？莉拉有些迷惑，她看了一眼加利亞尼身后，她隱約看到房子里那些貴族風(fēng)格的古老家具和吊燈，看到那些曾經(jīng)讓她入迷、堆滿書籍的書架，還有墻上珍貴的古畫。她想：這就是尼諾和我陷入泥潭之前，他出入的環(huán)境。她想：對于那不勒斯的這一面，我了解什么？我一點兒也不了解；我永遠都不會生活在這樣的環(huán)境里，詹納羅也不會；真希望這個地方被毀掉，被大火燒掉，希望火山的熔巖一直沒過山頂。最后，她終于回答說：“不了，謝謝，我要直接和娜迪雅說。”真是白跑了一趟，但老師在談到自己女兒時用的不滿語氣，讓她很喜歡。她正要告別，但她忽然用輕浮的聲調(diào)感嘆了一句：
Tell her what? Lila gave a start, she
? looked past the professor. She glimpsed the ancient nobility of furniture and
? lamps, the book-filled library that had captivated her, the precious
? paintings on the walls. She thought: This is the world that Nino aspired to
? before he got mixed up with me. She thought: What do I know of this other
? Naples, nothing; I’ll never live there and neither will Gennaro. Let it be
? destroyed, then, let fire and ashes come, let the lava reach the top of the
? hills. Then finally she answered: No, thank you, I have to talk to Nadia. And
? she was about to leave, it had been a fruitless journey. But she liked the
? hostile attitude with which the professor had spoken of her daughter and she
? exclaimed in a suddenly frivolous tone:
“您知道，幾年前，我來這里參加過一場聚會？我當(dāng)時對這場聚會充滿向往，但后來我覺得很厭煩，迫不及待地想離開?！?/p>
“Do you know that years ago I was in this
? house at a party? I don’t know what I expected, but I was bored, I couldn’t
? wait to leave.”
-*-
36
加利亞尼老師也應(yīng)該感受到某些她喜歡的東西，也許是莉拉的直接坦率，幾乎可以說是沒教養(yǎng)。莉拉提到了我們之間的友誼，老師看起來很高興，她感嘆了一句：“是呀，格雷科沒有再出現(xiàn)，她現(xiàn)在成功了，已經(jīng)目中無人了?！彼尷蚶秃⒆舆M到客廳里，一個金發(fā)小男孩在那里玩兒，那是她孫子。她幾乎是用命令的語氣說：“馬爾科，跟這位新朋友打個招呼。”莉拉把兒子推向前，說：“去吧，詹納羅，你和馬爾科玩一會兒?！彼谝粡埞爬系纳嘲l(fā)上，沙發(fā)是綠色的，非常舒適，她們接著談起了幾年前的那場聚會。加利亞尼老師有些懊惱，因為她對莉拉一點印象也沒有，但莉拉卻記著所有細節(jié)。莉拉說，那是她一輩子所經(jīng)歷過的最糟糕的夜晚之一。她講了自己當(dāng)時怎么樣的不合時宜，她用非常諷刺的語氣，談到了那些人聊的內(nèi)容，當(dāng)時她在那兒聽著，但什么都不懂。她用一種過于歡快的聲音說：“我當(dāng)時很無知，我現(xiàn)在比那時候更無知。”
Professor Galiani, too, must have seen
? something she liked, maybe a frankness verging on rudeness. When Lila
? mentioned our friendship, the professor seemed pleased, she exclaimed: Ah
? yes, Greco, we never see her anymore, success has gone to her head. Then she
? led mother and son to the living room, where she had left her grandson
? playing, a blond child whom she almost ordered: Marco, say hello to our new
? friend. Lila in turn pushed her son forward, she said, go on, Gennaro, play
? with Marco, and she sat in an old, comfortable green armchair, still talking
? about the party years ago. The professor was sorry she had no recollection of
? it, but Lila remembered everything. She said that it had been one of the
? worst nights of her life. She spoke of how out of place she had felt, she
? described in sarcastic tones the conversations she had listened to without
? understanding anything. I was very ignorant, she exclaimed, with an excessive
? gaiety, and today even more than I was then.
加利亞尼老師聽著，莉拉誠實、迷惑人心的語氣，鞭辟入里的意大利語，還有那種恰如其分的諷刺讓她很震撼。我想象著，她應(yīng)該在莉拉的身上感受到一種難以捕捉的東西，就像妖女塞壬的那種力量，一方面誘惑著她，另一方面讓她很警惕：任何人都會感覺到這一點，她當(dāng)然也感受到了。她們之間的談話中斷了，因為這時候詹納羅打了馬爾科一巴掌，從他手里搶過一輛綠色的小汽車，而且還用方言罵人。莉拉怒氣沖沖地站了起來，她拉住了兒子的一只胳膊，狠狠地打了那只打了人的手。盡管加利亞尼老師柔聲細語地說：“算了吧，都是孩子?！钡蚶€是強迫詹納羅把玩具還給人家。馬爾科在哭，詹納羅一滴眼淚也沒有，而且還很不屑地把玩具摔給了他。莉拉又打了他，這次是打在頭上，打得非常狠。
Professor Galiani listened and was
? impressed by her sincerity, by her unsettling tone, by the intense Italian of
? her sentences, by her skillfully controlled irony. She must have felt in
? Lila, I imagine, that elusive quality that seduced and at the same time
? alarmed, a siren power: it could happen to anyone, it happened to her, and
? the conversation broke off only when Gennaro slapped Marco, insulting him in
? dialect and grabbing a small green car. Lila got up quickly, and, seizing her
? son by the arm, forcefully slapped the hand that had hit the other child, and
? although Professor Galiani said weakly, Let it go, they’re children, she
? rebuked him harshly, insisting that he return the toy. Marco was crying, but
? Gennaro didn’t shed a tear; instead, he threw the toy at him with contempt.
? Lila hit him again, hard, on the head.
“我們要走了。”她很不耐煩地說。
“We’re going,” she said, nervously.
“別這樣，您再待一會吧。”
“No, stay a little longer.”
莉拉又坐了下來。
Lila sat down again.
“他不是總這樣?！?/p>
“He’s not always like that.”
“他是一個很漂亮的孩子，是不是，詹納羅？你是一個又漂亮又乖的孩子？”
“He’s a very handsome child. Right,
? Gennaro, you’re a good boy?”
“他不乖，一點兒也不乖，但他很聰明。盡管年齡很小，但已經(jīng)會寫所有字母，大寫和小寫都會。詹納羅，你要不要給這位老師展示一下你怎么念書？”
“He isn’t good, he isn’t at all good. But
? he’s clever. Even though he’s little, he can read and write all the letters,
? capitals and small. What do you say, Gennà, do you want to show the professor
? how you read?”
莉拉在水晶小茶幾上拿了一本雜志，在封面上隨手指了一個詞說：“來吧，讀一下。”詹納羅拒絕了，莉拉拍了一下他的肩膀，用威脅的語氣說：“讀吧，詹納羅。”他很不情愿地讀了四個字母：“d-*-s-t……”他忽然停了下來，用憤怒的目光盯著馬爾科的小汽車。馬爾科把小汽車緊緊抱在懷里，笑了一下，很輕松地讀完了那個詞：“destinazione（注定）”。
She picked up a magazine from a beautiful
? glass table, pointed to a word at random on the cover, and said: Go on, read.
? Gennaro refused. Lila gave him a pat on the shoulder, repeated in a
? threatening tone: Read, Gennà. The child reluctantly deciphered, d-*-s-t,
? then he broke off, staring angrily at Marco’s little car. Marco hugged it to
? his chest, gave a small smile, and read confidently: destinazione.
莉拉很不高興，她的臉色陰沉下來了，用很厭煩的目光看著加利亞尼老師的孫子。
Lila was disappointed, she darkened, she
? looked at Galiani’s grandson with annoyance.
“他讀得真好?！?/p>
“He reads well.”
“因為都是我教的，我花了很長時間教他，他父母總是在外面?！?/p>
“Because I devote a lot of time to him.
? His parents are always out.”
“他幾歲了?！?/p>
“How old is he?”
“三歲半?！?/p>
“Three and a half.”
“看起來要大一些?！?/p>
“He seems older.”
“是呀，長得很結(jié)實。您的孩子幾歲了？”
“Yes, he’s sturdy. How old is your son?”
“快五歲了。”莉拉很不情愿地承認。
“He’s five,” Lila admitted reluctantly.
老師撫摸了一下詹納羅，對他說：
The professor caressed Gennaro, and said
? to him:
“你媽媽讓你讀了一個很難的詞，但你很聰明，能看出來你已經(jīng)會讀書了。”
“Mamma made you read a difficult word,
? but you’re a clever boy, I can see that you know how to read.”
這時候聽到一陣喧鬧，樓梯間的門打開和關(guān)上的聲音、腳步聲，還有男人和女人說話的聲音。加利亞尼說：“我的幾個孩子回來了?！比缓笏辛艘宦暎骸澳鹊涎牛 钡鹊涎艣]有露面，喧鬧聲停了下來，一個身材苗條的女人進來了，她非常蒼白，金色的頭發(fā)，眼睛是天藍色的，那么藍，簡直像假的一樣。那個女人張開雙臂，對著馬爾科喊道：“誰來親親媽媽啊？”孩子跑了過去，她抱住左親右親了一陣子。隨后，阿爾曼多露面了，他是加利亞尼老師的長子，莉拉也一下子想起來了。她看著他把馬爾科從母親懷里拽過來，大聲喊道：“至少要親爸爸三十下?！瘪R爾科開始在父親的臉上親，一邊親一邊數(shù)：“一、二、三、四……”
Just then there was a commotion, the door
? to the stairs opened and closed, the sound of footsteps scurrying through the
? house, male voices, female voices. Here are my children, Professor Galiani
? said, and called out: Nadia. But it wasn’t Nadia who came into the room;
? instead a thin, very pale, very blond girl, with eyes of a blue so blue that
? it looked fake, burst in noisily. The girl opened wide her arms and cried to
? Marco: Who’s going to give his mamma a kiss? The child ran to her and she
? embraced him, kissed him, followed by Armando, Professor Galiani’s son. Lila
? remembered him, too, immediately, and looked at him as he practically tore
? Marco from his mother’s arms, crying: Immediately, at least thirty kisses for
? papa. Marco began to kiss his father on the cheek, counting: One, two, three,
? four.
“娜迪雅！”加利亞尼老師忽然用一種帶著惱怒的聲音喊，“你聾了嗎？快過來，有人找你。”
“Nadia,” Professor Galiani called again
? in a suddenly irritated tone, “are you deaf? Come, there’s someone here to
? see you.”
娜迪雅終于出現(xiàn)在房間里，跟在她的身后是帕斯卡萊。
Nadia finally looked into the room.
? Behind her was Pasquale.
-*-
37
莉拉的怒火又一次爆發(fā)了。帕斯卡萊干完活之后，他是來這些人的家里，置身在這些母親、父親、奶奶、姑姑還有幸福的孩子中間。盡管他只是一個泥瓦匠，身上還帶著勞作了一天之后的汗臭，但這里每個人都充滿情感，都很有教養(yǎng)，非常寬容地接納了他，把他當(dāng)成家中的一員？
Lila’s bitterness exploded again. So
? Pasquale, when work was over, rushed to the house of those people, amid
? mothers and fathers and grandmothers and aunts and happy babies, all
? affectionate, all well educated, all so broad-minded that they welcomed him as
? one of them, although he was a construction worker and still bore the dirty
? traces of his job?
娜迪雅擁抱了她，還是那種非常激動的方式。你能來這里太好了！她說，讓我媽媽看著孩子，我們要談?wù)劇＠蚶懿豢蜌獾鼗卮鹫f，是的，我們應(yīng)該談一下，她來這里就是這個目的。然后她說，她只有很短的時間。帕斯卡萊自告奮勇說，可以開車送她回家。就這樣，他們離開了客廳、孩子們和加利亞尼老師，他們幾個聚在娜迪雅的房間里，包括阿爾曼多，還有那個金發(fā)女人，她名叫伊莎貝拉。那是一個非常寬敞的房間，里面放著一張小床，一張寫字臺，一個上面放滿書的書架，還有一些歌手的宣傳畫，電影和革命斗爭的海報，都是莉拉知之甚少的東西。房間里還有三個男青年，其中一個是達里奧，另外兩個莉拉從來都沒有見過，達里奧被打得夠嗆，仰兒八叉地躺在娜迪雅的床上，鞋子踩在粉紅色的床頭毯子上。三個人都在抽煙，房間全是煙味。莉拉已經(jīng)迫不及待了，她沒有回應(yīng)達里奧的招呼，就說，他們根本就沒有考慮過她的處境，現(xiàn)在給她惹了很大的麻煩，她可能要被開除，那些宣傳冊已經(jīng)引起了一場沖突，他們不應(yīng)該再來工廠大門口了。因為他們的緣故，那些法西斯分子也來了，現(xiàn)在工廠里的人對法西斯黨和其他黨派都很憤恨。然后，她咬牙切齒地對達里奧說：“至于你，如果你不會打架，你最好在自己家里待著，你知不知道，他們可能會打死你？”有兩次帕斯卡萊試著打斷她，但她毫不客氣地讓他閉嘴，就好像他出現(xiàn)在那所房子里，就是一種背叛。其他人都在靜靜地聽著。只有在莉拉說完時，阿爾曼多才插了一句，他的面部線條像他母親，很秀氣，眉毛很黑，非常濃密，剃過胡子的臉頰有些發(fā)青，大胡子一直蔓延到顴骨上，他的聲音很溫暖，很有磁性。他先自我介紹了一下，他說他很高興認識莉拉，他說他很遺憾，沒有去參加那次會議，沒聽到她的發(fā)言，但她說的那些事情，他們已經(jīng)討論過了，他們都覺得那是一個非常重要的貢獻，最后他們一起決定把那些話寫下來。他最后平靜地說：“你不要擔(dān)心，我們會想盡一切辦法來支持你，還有你的那些工友。”
Nadia embraced her in her emotional way.
? Lucky you’re here, she said, leave the child with my mother, we have to talk.
? Lila replied aggressively that yes, they had to talk, right away, that’s why
? she was there. And since she said emphatically that she had only a minute,
? Pasquale offered to take her home in the car. So they left the living room,
? the children, the grandmother, and met—also Armando, also the blond girl,
? whose name was Isabella—in Nadia’s room, a large room with a bed, a desk,
? shelves full of books, posters showing singers, films, and revolutionary
? struggles that Lila knew little about. There were three other young men, two
? whom she had never seen, and Dario, banged up from the beating he’d had,
? sprawled on Nadia’s bed with his shoes on the pink quilt. All three were
? smoking, the room was full of smoke. Lila didn’t wait, she didn’t even
? respond to Dario’s greeting. She said that they had got her in trouble, that
? their lack of consideration had put her at risk of being fired, that the pamphlet
? had caused an uproar, that they shouldn’t come to the gate anymore, that
? because of them the fascists had showed up and everyone was now angry with
? both the reds and the blacks. She hissed at Dario: As for you, if you don’t
? know how to fight stay home, you know they could kill you? Pasquale tried to
? interrupt her a few times, but she cut him off contemptuously, as if his mere
? presence in that house were a betrayal. The others instead listened in
? silence. Only when Lila had finished, did Armando speak. He had his mother’s
? delicate features, and thick black eyebrows; the violet trace of his
? carefully shaved beard rose to his cheekbones, and he spoke in a warm, thick
? voice. He introduced himself, he said that he was very happy to meet her,
? that he regretted he hadn’t been there when she spoke at the meeting, that,
? however, what she had told them they had discussed among themselves and since
? they had considered it an important contribution they had decided to put
? everything in writing. Don’t worry, he concluded calmly, we’ll support you
? and your comrades in every way.
莉拉咳嗽了一下，房間里的煙味，讓她本來就很難受的喉嚨更受不了。
Lila coughed, the smoke in the room
? irritated her throat.
“你們應(yīng)該事先告訴我一聲?！?/p>
“You should have informed me.”
“你說得有道理，但當(dāng)時沒有時間。”
“It’s true, but there wasn’t time.”
“假如你想的話，時間總會有的?！?/p>
“If you really want the time you find
? it.”
“我們?nèi)耸趾苌伲顒釉絹碓蕉??！?/p>
“We are few and our initiatives are more
? every day.”
“你做什么工作？”
“What work do you do?”
“什么意思？”
“In what sense?”
“你做什么工作謀生？”
“What do you do for a living?”
“醫(yī)生?！?/p>
“I’m a doctor.”
“就像你父親？”
“Like your father?”
“是的?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“做這些事情的時候，你有沒有冒著失去工作的風(fēng)險？你有沒有可能隨時和你的孩子流落街頭？”
“And at this moment are you risking your
? job? Could you end up in the street at any moment along with your son?”
阿爾曼多很不高興地搖了搖頭，說：
Armando shook his head unhappily and
? said:
“比賽誰冒得風(fēng)險更大，這是不對的，莉娜?！?/p>
“Competing for who is risking the most is
? wrong, Lina.”
帕斯卡萊說：
And Pasquale:
“他已經(jīng)被逮捕了兩次，我背著八場官司，這里沒有誰的風(fēng)險大一些，誰的風(fēng)險小一些。”
“He’s been arrested twice and I have
? eight charges against me. Nobody here risks more or less than anyone else.”
“??？是嗎？”
“Oh, no?”
“是這樣的，”娜迪雅說，“我們現(xiàn)在都戰(zhàn)斗在第一線，隨時準(zhǔn)備承擔(dān)起自己的責(zé)任。”
“No,” said Nadia, “we’re all in the front
? lines and ready to assume our responsibilities.”
這時候，莉拉忘記了自己是在別人家里，她大聲地叫喊著說：
Then Lila, forgetting that she was in
? someone else’s house, cried:
“假如我失去工作的話，我就來這里生活，你們要給我吃飯，你們來承擔(dān)我的生活？”
“So if I should lose my job, I’ll come
? and live here, you’ll feed me, you’ll assume responsibility for my life?”
娜迪雅不動聲色地回答說：
Nadia answered placidly:
“假如你愿意?！?/p>
“If you like, yes.”
短短的五個字。莉拉明白，那不是開玩笑的話，娜迪雅是說真的。假如布魯諾·索卡沃解雇他所有的員工，她也會用她嗲嗲的聲音，說出同樣沒有任何意義的話。她認為自己是為工人服務(wù)，而同時她的房間面朝大海，房間里擺滿書，她想指導(dǎo)你，想告訴你應(yīng)該怎么做，她可以代替你，決定你的工作，假如你流落街頭的話，她也馬上會找到解決辦法。莉拉的話就在舌尖上，幾乎要脫口而出：“假如我愿意的話，我的破壞能力比你更強，你這個假惺惺的騷貨！我不需要你用圣女般的聲音，告訴我該怎么想，我應(yīng)該怎么做?！钡套×藳]有說，她轉(zhuǎn)過臉，對帕斯卡萊說：
Four words only. Lila understood that it
? wasn’t a joke, that Nadia was serious, that even if Bruno Soccavo fired his
? entire work force she, with that sickly-sweet voice of hers, would give the
? same senseless answer. She claimed that she was in the service of the
? workers, and yet, from her room in a house full of books and with a view of
? the sea, she wanted to command you, she wanted to tell you what you should do
? with your work, she decided for you, she had the solution ready even if you
? ended up in the street. I—it was on the tip of Lila’s tongue—if I want, can
? smash everything much better than you: I don’t need you to tell me, in that
? sanctimonious tone, how I should think, what I should do. But she restrained
? herself, and said abruptly to Pasquale:
“我馬上要走了，你要做什么，留在這里，還是送我回去？”
“I’m in a hurry, are you going to take me
? or are you staying here?”
一陣沉默。帕斯卡萊看了一眼娜迪雅，嘀咕了一句：“我送你回去?！崩蚶l都沒有打招呼，正要走出房間。娜迪雅趕忙帶她出去，一邊說，莉拉描述的工作環(huán)境簡直太令人無法接受了，所以現(xiàn)在需要點燃斗爭的星火，諸如此類的話。在進到客廳之前，她最后說：“你不要后退?！钡蚶瓫]接茬。
Silence. Pasquale glanced at Nadia,
? muttered, I’ll take you, and Lila started to leave the room, without saying
? goodbye. The girl rushed to lead the way, saying to her how unacceptable it
? was to work in the conditions that Lila herself had described so well, how
? urgent it was to kindle the spark of the struggle, and other phrases like
? that. Don’t pull back, she urged, finally, before they went into the living
? room. But she got no response.
加利亞尼老師坐在客廳的沙發(fā)上，正在皺著眉頭看東西，她抬起目光，完全無視自己的女兒，也完全無視滿臉尷尬跟上來的帕斯卡萊，只是看著莉拉。
Professor Galiani, sitting in the
? armchair, was reading, a frown on her face. When she looked up she spoke to
? Lila, ignoring her daughter, ignoring Pasquale, who had just arrived,
? embarrassed.
“您要走了嗎？”
“You’re leaving?”
“是的，已經(jīng)很晚了。趕緊過來，詹納羅，把小汽車給馬爾科，穿上外套。”
“Yes, it’s late. Let’s go, Gennaro, leave
? Marco his car and put your coat on.”
加利亞尼老師對著有點不高興的孫子微笑了一下。
Professor Galiani smiled at her grandson,
? who was pouting.
“馬爾科把小汽車送給他了?！?/p>
“Marco gave it to him.”
莉拉的眼睛瞇了起來，成了兩道縫。
Lila narrowed her eyes, reduced them to
? cracks.
“在這個家里，你們所有人都很慷慨，謝謝?！?/p>
“You’re all so generous in this house,
? thank you.”
她在給兒子穿大衣時，兒子在抗?fàn)?，不愿意配合，老師的眼睛打量著她?/p>
The professor watched as she struggled
? with her son to get his coat on.
“我能不能問您一個問題？”
“May I ask you something?”
“請講。”
“Go ahead.”
“您學(xué)的是什么專業(yè)？”
“What did you study?”
這個問題似乎刺激到了娜迪雅，她插了一句：
The question seemed to irritate Nadia,
? who broke in:
“媽媽，莉娜要走了?！?/p>
“Mamma, Lina has to go.”
莉拉第一次從娜迪雅小女孩般的聲音里聽到了一絲不耐煩，這讓她很享受。
For the first time Lila noticed some
? nervousness in the child’s voice, and it pleased her.
“你就不能讓我說兩句？”加利亞尼用同樣不耐煩的聲音回答了她。然后，她用一種很柔和的聲音，對莉拉重復(fù)了那個問題：“您學(xué)的是什么專業(yè)？”
“Will you let me have two words?”
? Professor Galiani snapped, in a tone no less nervous. Then she repeated to
? Lila, but kindly: “What did you study?”
“什么專業(yè)也沒學(xué)。”
“Nothing.”
“聽您說話——叫喊，好像并非如此?！?/p>
“To hear you speak—and shout—it doesn’t
? seem so.”
“的確是這樣，我只上到小學(xué)五年級?！?/p>
“It’s true, I stopped after fifth grade.”
“為什么？”
“Why?”
“我沒有能力?！?/p>
“I didn’t have the ability.”
“您怎么知道？”
“How did you know?”
“格雷科有那個能力，但我沒有。”
“Greco had it, I didn’t.”
加利亞尼老師搖了搖頭，表示不同意，她說：
Professor Galiani shook her head in a
? sign of disagreement, and said:
“假如您上學(xué)的話，一定會和格雷科一樣成功。”
“If you had studied you would have been
? as successful as Greco.”
“您怎么知道？”
“How can you say that?”
“這是我的職業(yè)。”
“It’s my job.”
“你們這些老師都堅持讓大家學(xué)習(xí)，因為你們就是吃這口飯的，但學(xué)習(xí)沒什么用處，也不會使人變好，有時候甚至?xí)谷俗儔??！?/p>
“You professors insist so much on
? education because that’s how you earn a living, but studying is of no use, it
? doesn’t even improve you—in fact it makes you even more wicked.”
“埃萊娜變得比以前壞了嗎？”
“Has Elena become more wicked?”
“不，她沒有?！?/p>
“No, not her.”
“為什么？”
“Why not?”
莉拉把毛線帽戴到兒子頭上，說：“我們從小有一個約定：我是那個壞女孩?！?/p>
Lila stuck the wool cap on her son’s
? head. “We made a pact when we were children: I’m the wicked one.”
