2017.05.07
我多想放棄我自己，
因?yàn)槲覑勰恪?/p>
我多想放下我那些偏執(zhí)的、失根的、沒有方向的信仰，
因?yàn)槲覑勰恪?/p>
可是，我又將成為誰？
我向著時(shí)間深處極目望去
看到一幅幅歡樂的景象
或許那時(shí)我已體態(tài)臃腫
身上浸滿了油煙
但我看到我的臉頰依舊不可抑制的發(fā)紅
你站在我身后
輕輕抱住我
我轉(zhuǎn)過身可以親吻你的雙唇
我把你放在柔軟的沙發(fā)上
親手送上為你熬的湯
我蜷縮在世界的一角
看著我的、你的身邊的女孩
她們一個(gè)個(gè)走向銀行的柜臺
公司的格子間
一座座威嚴(yán)而樸素的大樓里的辦公室
她們衣著得體、優(yōu)雅大方
你將帶著她們其中一個(gè)回家
仿佛每一個(gè)都比我更適合你
都能比我更能讓你幸福
我嘗試著讓自己靠近那些擺放著綠植的窗臺
當(dāng)我走在路上
看到了大廈下的玻璃門
我覺得它要把我吞噬
又重新感受到那種恐懼
我覺得我會消失在那些七彩的玻璃中
我恨我自己
我悄悄地推開你心前那扇門
靜靜地觀賞其中美麗的景象
我回頭望去
看到了那些與我無關(guān)的幸福時(shí)刻
我駐足觀賞
露出欣喜的微笑
可是突然間
看到一個(gè)我突兀地站在中央
那個(gè)房間開始變得吵鬧
抖動(dòng)
有人離開
我看到那些悲傷掙扎和痛苦
我看到你滿心的悔恨留戀和思念
直到它們在我眼前變成層層疊疊的影子
突然間我站在了一團(tuán)團(tuán)迷霧之間
你把那團(tuán)迷霧丟開在一個(gè)角落里
我想我該離開了
可我久久徘徊留戀
可我流下的淚水又驚擾了你
我恨我自己
I love you too much to like me
I aspire to become you more than to become who I am
I wanna abandon all those my illiberal, groundless beliefs
without direction
Cause I really love you
But who will I be ?
Before I leave myself for the one you like
I have to admit the fact
that I am not that one
with tears in my heart
And then who will I be?
When this day is through
I see excelente drama we two perform
I sniff the boiling soup’s smell
you hug me from behind with hands around my waist
I look back not avoiding eye contact
and kiss your lips
you are nestled on the sofa
It’ my duty to carry the bowl of soup to you
I hide myself in a corner
watching so many girls around in my and your world
I can’t refrain from considering everyone fit for you but me
I see those girls moving towards bank counters
Towards office cubicles
They are well-dressed, wearing exquisite makeup
You’ll take one of them back home with happiness one day
I make my way to one of those beautiful buildings
Stand in front of the glass door feeling the fear over again
As if i would be swallowed by that translucent glass and vanish
I hate myself
I slipped into your heart?
Caught sight of many happy scenes irrelevant to me
I stood a long time and smiled
All of a sudden
I found myself there
noisy and trembling the room
I saw sorrows, anguish, pathos in it
I saw it full of remorse and miss
Until all became a cloud of mist
You put it away and went about emptying? the room
It’ time I left, I think
But it’s hard for me to tear myself away
looking back every now and then
My shedding tears disturbed you
I hate myself
