9
初中畢業(yè)考試，我的其他課程得了八分，拉丁語(yǔ)和意大利語(yǔ)得了九分，是學(xué)校里成績(jī)最好的學(xué)生，比阿方索成績(jī)好——他的平均分是八分，要比吉諾的成績(jī)好得多。很多天，我都沉浸在那種第一名的喜悅里。我父親表?yè)P(yáng)了我，從那時(shí)候開(kāi)始，他開(kāi)始在所有人面前夸獎(jiǎng)自己的長(zhǎng)女：意大利語(yǔ)和拉丁語(yǔ)都得了九分。讓人驚異的是我母親，她正在廚房里，站在水池前面擇菜，她忽然頭也沒(méi)回地對(duì)我說(shuō)：“星期天，你可以戴上我的銀手鐲，但當(dāng)心別弄丟了?！?/p>
I passed the exams at the end of middle
? school with eights, and a nine in Italian and nine in Latin. I was the best
? in the school: better than Alfonso, who had an average of eight, and much
? better than Gino. For days and days I enjoyed that absolute superiority. I
? was much praised by my father, who began to boast to everyone about his
? oldest daughter who had gotten nine in Italian and nine, no less, in Latin.
? My mother, to my surprise, while she was in the kitchen washing vegetables,
? said to me, without turning:“You can wear my silver bracelet Sunday, but
? don’t lose it.”
我在院子里沒(méi)那么受歡迎，在院子里，只有男女愛(ài)情才是重要的話題。當(dāng)我告訴卡梅拉·佩盧索我在學(xué)校里考第一時(shí)，她馬上對(duì)我說(shuō)，阿方索經(jīng)過(guò)她身邊時(shí)，死死地盯著她看。吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛非常痛苦，因?yàn)樗睦≌Z(yǔ)和數(shù)學(xué)都不及格，她想挽回一點(diǎn)面子，就說(shuō)吉諾在追她，但她不愿意，因?yàn)樗龕?ài)上了馬爾切洛·索拉拉，可能馬爾切洛也愛(ài)她。當(dāng)我一門(mén)門(mén)告訴莉拉我的成績(jī)時(shí)，她也沒(méi)表現(xiàn)得特別高興，她還是用平常那種壞壞的語(yǔ)氣，笑著說(shuō)：
I had less success in the courtyard.? There only love and boyfriends counted. When I said to Carmela Peluso that I? was the best in the school she immediately started talking to me about the? way Alfonso looked at her when he went by. Gigliola Spagnuolo was bitter? because she had to repeat the exams for Latin and mathematics and tried to? regain prestige by saying that Gino was after her but she was keeping him at? a distance because she was in love with Marcello Solara and maybe Marcello? also loved her. Even Lila didn’t show particular pleasure. When I listed my? grades, subject by subject, she said laughing, in her malicious tone,?
“他們沒(méi)給你十分??？”
“You didn’t get ten?”
我覺(jué)得很難過(guò)，只有平時(shí)表現(xiàn)的成績(jī)才能得十分，主要課程的成績(jī)，老師沒(méi)給任何人十分。但她那句話，讓我心里馬上敲起了鼓：假如她和我一起去上中學(xué)，和我在同一個(gè)班，假如她家人允許的話，那她現(xiàn)在的分?jǐn)?shù)應(yīng)該都是十分。這是我一直都明白的事情，她也明白這一點(diǎn)，她在提醒我。
I was disappointed. You only got ten in
? behavior, the teachers never gave anyone a ten in important subjects. But
? that sentence was enough to make a latent thought become suddenly open: if
? she had come to school with me, in the same class, if they had let her, she
? would have had all tens, and this I had always known, and she also knew, and
? now she was making a point of it.
我回到家里，內(nèi)心很痛苦，雖然我得了第一名，但我并不是名副其實(shí)的第一名。另外，我父母已經(jīng)開(kāi)始商量著怎么安頓我的問(wèn)題，現(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)有了初中畢業(yè)證。我母親想求文具店的老板娘讓我當(dāng)售貨員。她覺(jué)得我學(xué)習(xí)那么好，非常適合賣(mài)學(xué)校里用的鋼筆、鉛筆、本子和書(shū)籍。我父親幻想著通過(guò)他在市政府里認(rèn)識(shí)的熟人，讓我謀到一份好差事。我內(nèi)心很憂(yōu)傷，但無(wú)法描述是一種什么東西，那種憂(yōu)傷一直在上升、膨脹，以至于周末的時(shí)候，我都不想出家門(mén)。
I went home with the pain of being first
? without really being first. Further, my parents began to talk about where
? they could find a place for me, now that I had a middle-school diploma. My
? mother wanted to ask the stationer to take me as an assistant: in her view,
? clever as I was, I was suited to selling pens, pencils, notebooks, and
? schoolbooks. My father imagined future dealings with his acquaintances at the
? city hall that would settle me in a prestigious post. I felt a sadness inside
? that, although it wasn’t defined, grew and grew and grew, to the point where
? I didn’t even feel like going out on Sunday.
我不再覺(jué)得滿(mǎn)意，所有一切都讓我感到迷惘。我經(jīng)?？粗R中的自己，我沒(méi)有看到自己想看到的東西：金色的頭發(fā)現(xiàn)在變成了栗色，我的鼻子很寬，很扁，我的身體在橫向發(fā)展，沒(méi)有長(zhǎng)高。我的皮膚也變得很糟糕：額頭、下巴和腮幫子上出現(xiàn)了一片片紅色的丘疹，慢慢有些發(fā)紫，疹子上還有一個(gè)發(fā)黃的尖。我開(kāi)始主動(dòng)幫母親打掃衛(wèi)生，做飯，收拾弟弟們搞亂的東西，照顧小妹妹埃莉莎。空閑的時(shí)候，我也不出門(mén)，坐在角落里讀我從圖書(shū)館借來(lái)的小說(shuō)：格拉齊亞·黛萊達(dá)、皮蘭德羅、契訶夫、果戈理、托爾斯泰和陀思妥耶夫斯基。
I was no longer pleased with myself,? everything seemed tarnished. I looked in the mirror and didn’t see what I? would have liked to see. My blond hair had turned brown. I had a broad,? squashed nose. My whole body continued to expand but without increasing in? height. And my skin, too, was spoiled: on my forehead, my chin, and around my? jaws, archipelagos of reddish swellings multiplied, then turned purple,? finally developed yellowish tips. I began, by my own choice, to help my? mother clean the house, to cook, to keep up with the mess that my brothers? made, to take care of Elisa, my little sister. In my spare time I didn’t go? out, I sat and read novels I got from the library: Grazia Deledda,? Pirandello, Chekhov, Gogol, Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky.?
有時(shí)候，我非?？释バ扌匿?zhàn)永镎依蚶退務(wù)撃切┪蚁矚g的小說(shuō)人物，還有我背下來(lái)的那些話，但后來(lái)不了了之。我知道她會(huì)潑冷水，她可能會(huì)說(shuō)起她和里諾的計(jì)劃：鞋子、鞋廠和錢(qián)。我慢慢覺(jué)得自己讀的那些小說(shuō)一點(diǎn)用處也沒(méi)有，我的生活很蒼白，未來(lái)我會(huì)成為一個(gè)肥胖、臉上長(zhǎng)滿(mǎn)痘痘的售貨員，在教堂對(duì)面的文具店里賣(mài)東西，或者成為市政府的一個(gè)職員，一個(gè)老姑娘，遲早會(huì)成為一個(gè)斜眼的跛子。
Sometimes I felt a strong need to go and
? see Lila at the shop and talk to her about the characters I liked best,
? sentences I had learned by heart, but then I let it go: she would say
? something mean; she would start talking about the plans she was making with
? Rino, shoes, shoe factory, money, and I would slowly feel that the novels I
? read were pointless and that my life was bleak, along with the future, and
? what I would become: a fat pimply salesclerk in the stationery store across
? from the parish church, an old maid employee of the local government, sooner
? or later cross-eyed and lame.
一天，我收到一份書(shū)面邀請(qǐng)，上面有我的名字，費(fèi)拉羅老師讓我星期天早上去圖書(shū)館。我決定采取行動(dòng)，開(kāi)始打扮自己，我想像小時(shí)候那樣漂亮，假裝自己還是以前的樣子。我用了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間擠臉上的痘痘，后來(lái)臉比之前更紅了。我戴上了母親的銀手鐲，把頭發(fā)散開(kāi)，但還是不喜歡我自己，我很郁悶。在那個(gè)炎熱的季節(jié)，從早上開(kāi)始，熱氣就像一只發(fā)燒的手一樣籠罩著整個(gè)城區(qū)，我走到了圖書(shū)館。
One Sunday, inspired by an invitation
? that had arrived in the mail in my name, in which Maestro Ferraro summoned me
? to the library that morning, I finally decided to react. I tried to make
? myself pretty, as it seemed to me I had been in childhood, as I wished to
? believe I still was. I spent some time squeezing the pimples, but my face was
? only more inflamed; I put on my mother’s silver bracelet; I let down my hair.
? Still I was dissatisfied. Depressed I went out into the heat that lay on the
? neighborhood like a hand swollen with fever in that season, and made my way
? to the library.
我馬上看到那里有一小群人，有小學(xué)生和他們的家長(zhǎng)，還有一些中學(xué)生，他們從大門(mén)里進(jìn)去，情況和平時(shí)不一樣。我也進(jìn)去了，那里有一排排椅子，位子上都坐滿(mǎn)了人，墻上有彩色條幅，神父、費(fèi)拉羅老師，甚至連小學(xué)校長(zhǎng)和奧利維耶羅老師都在場(chǎng)。我發(fā)現(xiàn)，費(fèi)拉羅老師推出了一個(gè)獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)優(yōu)秀讀者的辦法，他按照登記簿，給那些借書(shū)最多的人獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)一本書(shū)。因?yàn)楠?jiǎng)勵(lì)儀式馬上要開(kāi)始了，所以暫時(shí)停止借書(shū)。我坐在大廳最后一排，用目光搜尋著莉拉，但我只看到吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛，她和吉諾還有阿方索在一起。我很不安地坐在椅子上，非常不自在。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，卡梅拉和她哥哥帕斯卡萊坐在了我身邊。我們打了招呼。你好。你好。我用頭發(fā)擋住了發(fā)紅的臉頰。
I immediately realized, from the small
? crowd of parents and elementaryschool children flowing toward the main
? entrance, that something wasn’t normal. I went in. There were rows of chairs
? already occupied, colored festoons, the priest, Maestro Ferraro, even the
? principal of the elementary school and Maestra Oliviero. Ferraro, I
? discovered, had had the idea of awarding a book to the readers who, according
? to his records, had been most assiduous. Since the ceremony was about to
? begin and lending was suspended for the moment, I sat at the back of the
? room. I looked for Lila, but saw only Gigliola Spagnuolo with Gino and
? Alfonso. I moved restlessly in my chair, uneasy. After a while Carmela Peluso
? and her brother Pasquale sat down next to me. Hi, hi. I covered my blotchy
? cheeks better with my hair.
那個(gè)小小的頒獎(jiǎng)儀式開(kāi)始了，得獎(jiǎng)的人有：第一名拉法埃拉·賽魯羅，第二名費(fèi)爾南多·賽魯羅，第三名農(nóng)齊亞·賽魯羅，第四名里諾·賽魯羅，第五名埃萊娜·格雷科——也就是我。
The small ceremony began. The winners
? were: first Raffaella Cerullo, second Fernando Cerullo, third Nunzia Cerullo,
? fourth Rino Cerullo, fifth Elena Greco, that is, me.
這讓我覺(jué)得很好笑，帕斯卡萊也想笑，我們相互看著，壓抑著笑聲。這時(shí)候，卡梅拉小聲問(wèn)：“你們笑什么？”我們都沒(méi)回答，又相互看了一眼，用手捂著嘴笑。我感覺(jué)我的眼睛里洋溢著笑，忽然間我覺(jué)得很快樂(lè)。費(fèi)拉羅老師問(wèn)了好幾次，賽魯羅家的人有沒(méi)有到場(chǎng)，后來(lái)我被叫上去領(lǐng)第五名的獎(jiǎng)品。費(fèi)拉羅老師贊揚(yáng)了我，把杰羅姆·K.杰羅姆的《三人出海記》交到了我手上。我對(duì)他表示感謝，然后怯生生地問(wèn)：
I wanted to laugh, and so did Pasquale.? We looked at each other, suffocating our laughter, while Carmela whispered? insistently, “Why are you laughing?” We didn’t answer: we looked at each? other again and laughed with our hands over our mouths. Thus, still feeling? that laughter in my eyes, and with an unexpected sense of well-being, after? the teacher had asked repeatedly and in vain if anyone from the Cerullo? family was in the room, he called me, fifth on the list, to receive my prize.? Praising me generously, Ferraro gave me Three Men in a Boat, by Jerome K.? Jerome. I thanked him and asked, in a whisper,?
“我能不能把賽魯羅家的獎(jiǎng)品也領(lǐng)了，我會(huì)帶給他們的?！?/p>
“May I also take the prizes for the
? Cerullo family, so I can deliver them?”
老師把獎(jiǎng)給賽魯羅家的所有書(shū)都給了我。我們出去時(shí)，卡梅拉滿(mǎn)臉不悅地趕上了吉耀拉——她正和阿方索、吉諾聊得興高采烈。這時(shí)候，帕斯卡萊用方言對(duì)我說(shuō)，里諾看書(shū)把眼睛都看壞了；鞋匠費(fèi)爾南多晚上不睡，不停地看書(shū)；農(nóng)齊亞太太站在灶火旁，一邊煮土豆和面條，一邊看書(shū)，一只手拿著一本書(shū)，另一只手拿著長(zhǎng)柄勺。他說(shuō)的這些話讓我覺(jué)得更好笑了。他上小學(xué)時(shí)和里諾一個(gè)班，而且是同桌。他眼睛里泛著喜悅的淚花，告訴我，他們倆加在一起——他和同桌里諾相互幫助，加上留級(jí)的那幾年，他們上了六七年學(xué)之后，勉強(qiáng)能讀出來(lái)的字是：鹽、香煙、肉食店、郵局、電報(bào)……他問(wèn)我，他以前的同桌得到的獎(jiǎng)品是什么。
The teacher gave me the prize books for
? all the Cerullos. As we went out, while Carmela resentfully joined Gigliola,
? who was happily chatting with Alfonso and Gino, Pasquale said to me, in
? dialect, things that made me laugh even more, about Rino losing his eyesight
? over his books, Fernando the shoemaker who didn’t sleep at night because he
? was reading, Signora Nunzia who read standing up, next to the stove, while
? she was cooking pasta with potatoes, in one hand a novel and in the other the
? spoon. He had been in elementary school with Rino, in the same class, at the
? same desk—he said, tears of amusement in his eyes—and both of them, he and
? his friend, even though they took turns helping each other, after six or
? seven years of school, including repeats, managed to read at most:
? Tobacconist, Grocery, Post Office. Then he asked me what the prize for his
? former schoolmate was.
“《死去的布魯格斯》。”
“BrugesMorte.”
“是不是鬼故事？”
“Are there ghosts?”
“我不知道?！?/p>
“I don’t know.”
“我可不可以和你一起去找他，把書(shū)給他？最好是讓我親手交給他，好嗎？”
“May I come along when you give it to
? him? Rather, may I give it to him, with my own hands?”
我們又笑了起來(lái)。
We burst out laughing again.
“可以啊?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“他們把獎(jiǎng)?lì)C給了里諾，真是太逗了！分明是莉拉讀了那些書(shū)，我的天啊！那姑娘實(shí)在太厲害了?！?/p>
“They’ve given Rinuccio a prize. Crazy.
? It’s Lina who reads everything, good Lord, that girl is clever.”
帕斯卡萊·佩盧索對(duì)我的關(guān)注讓我倍受安慰，我喜歡和他一起笑。也許我也沒(méi)那么丑，我想，也許是我無(wú)法欣賞自己。
The attentions of Pasquale Peluso
? consoled me greatly, I liked that he made me laugh. Maybe I’m not so ugly, I
? thought, maybe I can’t see myself.
這時(shí)候我聽(tīng)到有人叫我，是奧利維耶羅老師。我走到她跟前，她用一種審判的目光看著我，她用一種權(quán)威的語(yǔ)氣對(duì)我說(shuō)：
At that moment I heard someone calling
? me. It was Maestra Oliviero.I went over and she looked at me, as always
? evaluating, and said, as if confirming the legitimacy of a more generous
? judgment about my looks:
“你長(zhǎng)大了，你真漂亮?！彼脑拵缀踝屛覍?duì)自己的長(zhǎng)相產(chǎn)生了自信。
“How pretty you are, how big you’ve
? gotten.”
“老師，這不是真的?！?/p>
“It’s not true, Maestra.”
“真的，你像一個(gè)明星，身體很棒，很豐滿(mǎn)，而且功課也很好。我聽(tīng)說(shuō)你在學(xué)校得了第一名。”
“It’s true, you’re a star, healthy, nice,
? and plump. And also clever. I heard that you were the top student in the
? school.”
“是的?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“現(xiàn)在你打算做什么？”
“Now what will you do?”
“我要開(kāi)始上班?！?/p>
“I’ll go to work.”
她驚嘆了一下，說(shuō)：“想都不要想！你應(yīng)該繼續(xù)讀書(shū)?！?/p>
She darkened.“Don’t even mention it, you
? have to go on studying.”
我不安地看著她，我還有什么要學(xué)的呢？我一點(diǎn)都不了解教育體系，不知道在初中畢業(yè)之后還有什么，我對(duì)高中、大學(xué)這些詞匯都沒(méi)有概念，它們就像我在小說(shuō)里讀到的那些詞匯一樣抽象。
I looked at her in surprise. What was
? there left to study? I didn’t know anything about the order of schools, I
? didn’t have a clear idea what there was after the middle school diploma.
? Words like high school, university were for me without substance, like many
? of the words I came across in novels.
“我不能繼續(xù)讀書(shū)，我父母不會(huì)讓我繼續(xù)念書(shū)的?！?/p>
“I can’t, my parents won’t let me.”
“拉丁語(yǔ)老師給了你多少分？”
“What did the literature teacher give you
? in Latin?”
“九分?！?/p>
“Nine.”
“你肯定？”
“Sure?”
“肯定。”
“Yes.”
“那我和你父母談。”
“Then I’ll talk to your parents.”
我做出要離開(kāi)的樣子，我得說(shuō)當(dāng)時(shí)自己有些害怕。假如奧利維耶羅老師真的到我家里去，讓我父母親繼續(xù)供我讀書(shū)，家里又會(huì)爆發(fā)新的戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)，我一點(diǎn)也不想看到這個(gè)場(chǎng)面。我更愿意接受現(xiàn)在的狀況：在家里幫母親干活，在文具店里工作，接受我臉上長(zhǎng)的痘痘，身體健壯、肥美——就像奧利維耶羅老師說(shuō)的那樣，過(guò)著悲慘、辛苦的生活。莉拉不是已經(jīng)有三年沒(méi)上學(xué)了？那個(gè)鞋匠家的女兒，不是曾經(jīng)也滿(mǎn)懷夢(mèng)想嗎？
I started to leave, a little scared, I
? have to admit. If Maestra Oliviero really went to my father and mother to
? tell them to let me continue in school, it would again unleash quarrels that
? I didn’t want to face. I preferred things as they were: help my mother, work
? in the stationery store, accept the ugliness and the pimples, be healthy,
? nice, and plump, as Maestra Oliviero said, and toil in poverty. Hadn’t Lila
? been doing it for at least three years already, apart from her crazy dreams
? as the sister and daughter of shoemakers?
“老師，謝謝，”我說(shuō)，“再見(jiàn)?！?/p>
“Thank you, Maestra,” I said. “Goodbye.”
但奧利維耶羅老師拉住了我的胳膊。
But Oliviero held me by one arm.
“你別和那人浪費(fèi)時(shí)間，”她指著帕斯卡萊對(duì)我說(shuō)，帕斯卡萊這時(shí)候在等我，“他做泥瓦匠，不會(huì)有什么前途，而且他出身很糟糕，他父親是一個(gè)Communists，還把堂·阿奇勒殺了。我不希望你和他來(lái)往，他和他父親一樣，一定也是個(gè)Communists?！?/p>
“Don’t waste time with him,” she said,
? indicating Pasquale, who was waiting for me. “He’s a construction worker,
? he’ll never go farther than that. And then he comes from a bad family, his
? father is a Communist, and murdered Don Achille. I absolutely don’t want to
? see you with him—he’s surely a Communist like his father.”
我點(diǎn)頭表示同意，沒(méi)和帕斯卡萊打招呼就離開(kāi)了。開(kāi)始的時(shí)候，他有些不知所措，但后來(lái)就跟了過(guò)來(lái)，距離我大約十幾步遠(yuǎn)。他不是一個(gè)很帥氣的小伙子，但我也不是個(gè)漂亮姑娘。他鬈曲的頭發(fā)是黑色的，因?yàn)榻?jīng)常曬太陽(yáng)，所以皮膚黝黑，他的嘴很大，他是一個(gè)殺人犯的兒子，也許還是個(gè)Communists。
I nodded in assent and went off without
? saying goodbye to Pasquale, who seemed bewildered. Then, with pleasure, I
? heard him following me, a dozen steps behind. He wasn’t goodskinned, and
? sunburned, he had a wide mouth and was the son of a murderer, maybe even a
? Communist.
我心里在琢磨著“Communist”這個(gè)詞，這個(gè)詞對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)沒(méi)什么意思，但在老師的嘴里成了一個(gè)貶義詞。Communist！Communist！Communist！我覺(jué)得這個(gè)詞很迷人，Communist、殺人犯的兒子。這時(shí)候，我走到了拐彎的地方，帕斯卡萊趕上我了，我們一起走了段路，一直到離我家很近的地方。我們又笑了起來(lái)，約好了第二天見(jiàn)面，一起去鞋匠的鋪?zhàn)永铮涯切?shū)給莉拉和里諾。在離開(kāi)之前，帕斯卡萊對(duì)我說(shuō)，他、他妹妹還有幾個(gè)愿意去吉耀拉家的人下個(gè)星期天會(huì)一起學(xué)跳舞。他問(wèn)我愿不愿意去，又說(shuō)我也可以叫上莉拉。我驚異得張大了嘴巴，我知道母親是不會(huì)讓我去的，但我還是說(shuō)：“好吧，我想一下?！彼斐鍪謥?lái)，我還不習(xí)慣那種方式，就猶豫了一下，然后輕輕握了握他的手。他的手很硬，很粗糙，我馬上把手縮了回去。
I turned the word over and over in my
? head, Communist, a word that was meaningless to me, but which the teacher had
? immediately branded with negativity. Communist, Communist, Communist. It
? captivated me. Communist and son of a murderer.Meanwhile, around the corner,
? Pasquale caught up with me. We walked together until we were a few steps from
? my house and, laughing again, made a date for the next day, when we would go
? to the shoemaker’s shop to give the books to Lila and Rino. Before we parted
? Pasquale also said that the following Sunday he, his sister, and anyone who
? wanted were going to Gigliola’s house to learn to dance. He asked if I wanted
? to go, maybe with Lila. I was astonished, I already knew that my mother would
? never let me. But still I said, all right, I’ll think about it. Then he held
? out his hand, and I, who was not used to such gestures, hesitated, just
? brushed his, which was hard and rough, and withdrew mine.
“你一直做泥瓦匠??？”我問(wèn)他，盡管我知道他在做什么。
“Are you always going to be a
? construction worker?” I asked, even though I already knew that he was.
“是的?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“你是Communist嗎？”
“And you’re a Communist?”
他用不安的眼神看著我。
He looked at me perplexed.
“是的?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“你去波橋監(jiān)獄看你父親嗎？”
“And you go to see your father at
? Poggioreale?”
他變得很?chē)?yán)肅。
He turned serious:?
“我一有機(jī)會(huì)就去。”
“When I can.”
“再見(jiàn)。”
“Bye.”
“再見(jiàn)?！?/p>
“Bye.”
10
當(dāng)天下午，奧利維耶羅老師沒(méi)有事先通知突然就到我家來(lái)了。她的造訪讓我父親非常緊張，母親也非?；艁y。她讓我父母保證，他們會(huì)把我送到最近的文科高中讀書(shū)，她說(shuō)她會(huì)幫我找到上學(xué)用的課本。她對(duì)我父親說(shuō)話時(shí)，眼睛很?chē)?yán)厲地看著我，她說(shuō)她看到我和帕斯卡萊·佩盧索單獨(dú)走在一起，這很不得體，因?yàn)槲沂且粋€(gè)很有前途的女孩，他根本不配和我走在一起。
Maestra Oliviero, that same afternoon,
? presented herself at my house without warning, throwing my father into utter
? despair and embittering my mother. She made them both swear that they would
? enroll me in the nearest classical high school. She offered to find me the
? books I would need herself. She reported to my father, but looking at me
? severely, that she had seen me alone with Pasquale Peluso, company that was
? completely unsuitable for me, who embodied such high hopes.
我父母沒(méi)有勇氣反駁她，他們莊嚴(yán)地向老師保證，會(huì)讓我去讀高中。我父親陰著臉說(shuō)：“萊諾，你要小心點(diǎn)！以后不要和帕斯卡萊說(shuō)話了?！彼蛣e老師之前，她問(wèn)了我莉拉的情況。我告訴她，莉拉在她父親和哥哥的鋪?zhàn)永飵兔τ涃~。她做了一個(gè)鄙視的表情，然后問(wèn)我：
My parents didn’t dare contradict her.? They swore solemnly that they would send me to the first year of high school,? and my father said, in a menacing tone, “Lenù, don’t you dare ever speak to? Pasquale Peluso again.” Before she left, the teacher asked me about Lila,? still in the presence of my parents. I answered that she was helping her? father and her brother, she kept the accounts and the shop in order. She made? a grimace of contempt, she asked me:?
“她知道你的拉丁語(yǔ)得了九分嗎？”
“Does she know you got a nine in Latin?”
我點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。
I nodded yes.
“你告訴她，你現(xiàn)在要學(xué)習(xí)希臘語(yǔ)，告訴她吧！”
“Tell her that now you’re going to study
? Greek, too. Tell her.”
最后，她仰首挺胸地向我父母告別，感嘆說(shuō)：
She took leave of my parents with an air
? of pride.
“這個(gè)姑娘會(huì)成為你們的驕傲！”
“This girl,” she exclaimed, “will bring
? us great satisfaction.”
當(dāng)天晚上，我母親怒不可遏，說(shuō)現(xiàn)在不得不送我去有錢(qián)人的學(xué)校上學(xué)，否則奧利維耶羅老師會(huì)不停地折騰我們，還可能會(huì)進(jìn)行報(bào)復(fù)，讓小埃莉莎考試不及格。我父親關(guān)注的是另一個(gè)問(wèn)題，威脅我說(shuō)如果他再發(fā)現(xiàn)我和帕斯卡萊·佩盧索單獨(dú)在一起，就會(huì)打斷我的腿。這時(shí)候，我們聽(tīng)見(jiàn)一聲尖叫，那是梅麗娜的女兒艾達(dá)在喊“救命”。
That evening, while my mother, furious,
? was saying that now there was no choice but to send me to the school for rich
? people, otherwise Oliviero would wear her out by tormenting her and would
? even fail little Elisa in reprisal; while my father, as if this were the main
? problem, threatened to break both my legs if he heard that I had been alone
? with Pasquale Peluso, we heard a loud cry that silenced us. It was Ada,
? Melina’s daughter, crying for help.
我們都跑到窗戶(hù)跟前，院子里亂哄哄的。我們都知道，自從薩拉托雷全家搬走了之后，梅麗娜通常都表現(xiàn)得挺好的。她當(dāng)然有些憂(yōu)郁，有些心不在焉，但她的奇怪舉動(dòng)變得很少，也基本不會(huì)攪擾到別人。比如說(shuō)，之前病得嚴(yán)重的時(shí)候，她在打掃樓梯時(shí)，會(huì)非常大聲地唱歌；看都不看有沒(méi)有人經(jīng)過(guò)，就把臟水潑到路上。她現(xiàn)在又發(fā)瘋了，這次是幸福得發(fā)瘋了。她大笑著，在家里的床上跳著，她把裙子撩起來(lái)，對(duì)著幾個(gè)驚恐的孩子露出自己消瘦的大腿和內(nèi)褲。我母親很了解這類(lèi)事情，她向其他從窗口探出頭的女人打探。我看到農(nóng)齊亞·賽魯羅和莉拉也下樓去看發(fā)生了什么事。我想出門(mén)加入她們，但我母親阻止了我。她整理了一下頭發(fā)，一瘸一拐地出去探個(gè)究竟了。
We ran to the window, there was a great
? commotion in the courtyard. It seemed that Melina, who after the Sarratores
? moved had generally behaved herself—a little melancholy, yes, a little
? absentminded, but in essence her eccentricities had become infrequent and
? harmless, like singing loudly while she washed the stairs of the buildings,
? or dumping buckets of dirty water into the street without paying attention to
? passersby—was having a new crisis of madness, a sort of crazy outburst of
? joy. She was laughing, jumping on the bed, and pulling up her skirt,
? displaying her fleshless thighs and her underpants to her frightened
? children. This my mother found out, by questioning from her window the other
? women looking out of their windows. I saw that Nunzia Cerullo and Lila were
? hurrying to see what was happening and I tried to slip out the door to join
? them, but my mother stopped me. She smoothed her hair and, with her limping
? gait, went herself to see what was going on.
她回來(lái)時(shí)有些氣憤，說(shuō)有人給梅麗娜寄了一本書(shū)。是的，一本書(shū)，梅麗娜頂多上到小學(xué)二年級(jí)，一輩子從來(lái)都沒(méi)有讀過(guò)一本書(shū)。書(shū)的封面上寫(xiě)著多納托·薩拉托雷的名字，在書(shū)的第一頁(yè)用鋼筆寫(xiě)著一行贈(zèng)言，還寫(xiě)著梅麗娜的名字，上面用紅筆寫(xiě)著：這些詩(shī)歌是寫(xiě)給她的。
When she returned she was indignant.
? Someone had delivered a book to Melina. A book, yes, a book. To her, who had
? at most two years of elementary school and had never read a book in her life.
? The book bore on the cover the name of Donato Sarratore. Inside, on the first
? page, it had an inscription in pen to Melina and also marked, with red ink,
? were the poems he had written for her.
我父親聽(tīng)到這件奇怪的事情，罵了那位鐵路職工兼詩(shī)人很多臟話。我母親說(shuō)真應(yīng)該有人把那個(gè)混蛋男人的腦袋打破。整個(gè)晚上，我們都聽(tīng)到梅麗娜在幸福地唱著歌，還聽(tīng)見(jiàn)幾個(gè)孩子——尤其是安東尼奧和艾達(dá)的聲音，他們盡量想讓母親平息下來(lái)，但失敗了。
My father, hearing that strange news,
? insulted the railway-worker poet obscenely. My mother said someone should
? undertake to bash the disgusting head of that disgusting man. All night we
? heard Melina singing with happiness, we heard the voices of her children,
? especially Antonio and Ada, trying to calm her but failing.
這件神奇的事情震撼了我。在同一天，我吸引了一個(gè)神秘的青年帕斯卡萊；我面前冒出來(lái)一所新學(xué)校；我還發(fā)現(xiàn)一個(gè)以前住在這個(gè)城區(qū)的人——就住在我們這棟樓的對(duì)面，他出版了一本書(shū)。最后這件事證明莉拉說(shuō)得對(duì)，出版書(shū)的這種事情有可能也會(huì)發(fā)生在我們身上。雖然她已經(jīng)放棄了，但我呢？我可能會(huì)自己寫(xiě)一本書(shū)，就像薩拉托雷那樣，說(shuō)不定呢？假如事情順利的話，我可能會(huì)在莉拉做出她的鞋子、建立她的鞋廠之前變成有錢(qián)人。
I, however, was overcome with amazement.
? On a single day I had attracted the attention of a young man like Pasquale, a
? new school had opened up before me, and I had discovered that a person who
? until some time earlier had lived in the neighborhood, in the building across
? from ours, had published a book. This last fact proved that Lila had been
? right to think that such a thing could even happen to us. Of course, she had
? given it up now, but perhaps I, by going to that difficult school called high
? school, fortified by the love of Pasquale, could write one myself, as
? Sarratore had done. Who knows, if everything worked out for the best I would
? become rich before Lila with her shoe designs and her shoe factory.
11
第二天，按照和帕斯卡萊·佩盧索約定的時(shí)間，我悄悄出去了。他氣喘吁吁地跑了過(guò)來(lái)，身上穿著工地的衣服，渾身都是汗，衣服上沾滿(mǎn)了石灰的白點(diǎn)。在路上，我把多納托和梅麗娜的事情告訴他了。我對(duì)他說(shuō)，最近發(fā)生的事情證明了梅麗娜不是一個(gè)瘋子，多納托的確是愛(ài)上了她，而且依然還愛(ài)著她。我說(shuō)這些話時(shí)，帕斯卡萊表示同意，他表現(xiàn)出了對(duì)愛(ài)情的極大興趣。我意識(shí)到，這件事情的最新發(fā)展，最讓我振奮的是多納托·薩拉托雷最近出版了一本書(shū)。這個(gè)鐵路職員變成了一本書(shū)的作者，費(fèi)拉羅老師完全可以把這本書(shū)放入他的圖書(shū)館里讓大家借閱。我告訴帕斯卡萊，我們所有人都認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)非凡的人：多納托看起來(lái)好像被妻子莉迪亞整得服服帖帖的，但他卻是一個(gè)詩(shī)人。無(wú)論如何，他的悲劇愛(ài)情在我們的眼皮底下發(fā)生了，讓他產(chǎn)生靈感的是一個(gè)我們都很熟悉的人，也就是梅麗娜。我覺(jué)得非常興奮，心跳得很快，但我意識(shí)到，談到這個(gè)話題時(shí)，帕斯卡萊根本跟不上我的思路，他說(shuō)同意只是不想違背我。過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，他就開(kāi)始轉(zhuǎn)移話題，問(wèn)我莉拉的事情：她在學(xué)校表現(xiàn)怎么樣？她人怎么樣？我們還是不是朋友等等。我很樂(lè)意回答他的問(wèn)題。這是第一次有人問(wèn)我關(guān)于我和她之間的友誼，一路上我都在興致勃勃地講著。我第一次感覺(jué)自己需要找到合適的詞匯，來(lái)講述我們之間的友誼，因?yàn)橹皬膩?lái)都沒(méi)有講過(guò)，我盡量把我和莉拉之間的關(guān)系淡化，壓抑了很多高調(diào)的表述和感嘆。
The next day I went secretly to meet
? Pasquale Peluso. He arrived out of breath and sweaty in his work clothes,
? spotted all over with splotches of white plaster. On the way I told him the
? story of Donato and Melina. I told him that in these latest events was the
? proof that Melina wasn’t mad, that Donato really had been in love with her
? and still loved her. But as I spoke, even as Pasquale agreed with me,
? revealing a sensitivity about things to do with love, I realized that, of
? these developments, what continued to excite me more than anything else was
? the fact that Donato Sarratore had published a book. That employee of the
? state railroad had become the author of a volume that Maestro Ferraro might
? very well put in the library and lend. Therefore, I said to Pasquale, we had
? all known not an ordinary man, put upon by the nagging of his wife, Lidia,
? but a poet. Therefore, right before our eyes a tragic love had been born,
? inspired by a person we knew very well, that is to say Melina. I was very
? excited, my heart was pounding. But I realized that here Pasquale couldn’t
? follow me, he said yes only so as not to contradict me. And in fact after a
? while he became evasive, and began to ask me questions about Lila: how she
? had been at school, what I thought of her, if we were close friends. I
? answered willingly: it was the first time anyone had asked me about our
? friendship and I talked about it enthusiastically the whole way. Also for the
? first time, I felt how, having to search for words on a subject where I
? didn’t have words ready, I tended to reduce the relationship between Lila and
? me to extreme declarations that were all exaggeratedly positive.
到了鞋匠的鋪?zhàn)樱覀冞€在談?wù)撨@個(gè)話題。費(fèi)爾南多回家睡午覺(jué)了，莉拉和里諾面對(duì)面坐著，滿(mǎn)臉陰郁，他們低頭看著一個(gè)什么東西，一臉不滿(mǎn)。他們透過(guò)玻璃門(mén)看到了我們，就馬上把東西收了起來(lái)。我把費(fèi)拉羅老師的獎(jiǎng)品交給莉拉。這時(shí)候，帕斯卡萊和他的朋友里諾開(kāi)玩笑，把他得的那本書(shū)在他面前打開(kāi)，戲弄他說(shuō)：“你看完了這本《死去的布魯格斯》之后，告訴我你喜歡不喜歡，如果寫(xiě)得好的話，我也讀一讀?！彼麄z笑了起來(lái)，咬耳朵說(shuō)了很多關(guān)于布魯格斯的話，當(dāng)然是不堪入耳的話。我注意到，盡管帕斯卡萊在和里諾開(kāi)玩笑，他還是偷偷地看了一眼莉拉。為什么他要這么看她？他在尋找什么？他看到了什么？那意味深長(zhǎng)的目光，莉拉甚至都沒(méi)覺(jué)察到。我覺(jué)得，里諾比我更注意到了這一點(diǎn)，他把帕斯卡萊拖到了街上，好像是想避免我們聽(tīng)到他們的玩笑話，但實(shí)際上，他很討厭自己的朋友看妹妹的眼光。
When we got to the shoemaker’s shop we
? were still talking about it. Fernando had gone home for the afternoon rest,
? but Lila and Rino stood next to each other scowling, bent over something that
? they looked at with hostility, and as soon as they saw us outside the glass
? door they put it away. I handed Maestro Ferraro’s gifts to Lila, while
? Pasquale teased Rino, opening the prize under his nose and saying, “After
? you’ve read the story of this Brugesdead tell me if you liked it and maybe
? I’ll read it, too.” They laughed a lot, and every so often whispered to each
? other remarks about Bruges, which were surely obscene. But I noticed that
? Pasquale, although he was joking with Rino, looked furtively at Lila. Why was
? he looking at her like that, what was he looking for, what did he see there?
? They were long, intense looks that she didn’t seem to be aware of, while—it
? seemed to me—Rino was even more aware of them than I was, and he soon drew
? Pasquale out into the street as if to keep us from hearing what was so funny
? about Bruges, but in reality irritated by the way his friend was looking at
? his sister.
我陪莉拉來(lái)到了鋪?zhàn)雍竺娴姆块g，我努力地看著她，想從她身上看出是什么東西吸引了帕斯卡萊的注意。我覺(jué)得她還是那個(gè)柔弱的小姑娘：瘦骨嶙峋，臉色蒼白，唯一能吸引人的可能就是她的大眼睛，還有微微起伏的胸脯。她把那些書(shū)放在了自己的書(shū)中、舊鞋子還有一些皺巴巴的筆記本中間。我跟她提到了梅麗娜發(fā)瘋的事，但我尤其想向她傳遞的是我激動(dòng)的心情。我終于可以說(shuō)，我們認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)剛剛出版了一本書(shū)的人——多納托·薩拉托雷。我用標(biāo)準(zhǔn)意大利語(yǔ)對(duì)她說(shuō)：“想想看，他兒子尼諾和我們?cè)谝凰鶎W(xué)校上學(xué)，薩拉托雷家發(fā)財(cái)了。”她有些懷疑地做了一個(gè)笑臉。
I went with Lila to the back of the shop,
? trying to perceive in her what had attracted Pasquale’s attention. She seemed
? to me the same slender girl, skin and bone, pale, except perhaps for the
? larger shape of her eyes and a slight curve in her chest. She arranged the
? books with other books she had, amid the old shoes and some notebooks with
? battered covers. I mentioned Melina’s madness, but above all I tried to
? communicate my excitement at the fact that we could say we knew someone who
? had just published a book, Donato Sarratore. I murmured in Italian: “Think,
? his son Nino was in school with us; think, the whole Sarratore family might
? become rich.” She gave a skeptical half smile.
“你說(shuō)的是這本書(shū)嗎？”她說(shuō)。她伸出手，給我展示出了薩拉托雷的那本書(shū)。
“With this?” she said. She held out her
? hand and showed me Sarratore’s book.
那本書(shū)是梅麗娜的大兒子安東尼奧送給她的，他不想讓母親看到這本書(shū)。我拿過(guò)書(shū)，仔細(xì)地看了一眼。這本詩(shī)集的題目是《晴朗的證明》，封面是紅色的，圖案是山頂上有一枚光芒四射的太陽(yáng)?？吹皆?shī)集的封面上寫(xiě)著多納托·薩拉托雷的名字，我非常激動(dòng)。我打開(kāi)書(shū)，大聲讀著上面的贈(zèng)言：“送給激起我靈感的梅麗娜。多納托，那不勒斯，一九五八年六月十二日?！蔽矣X(jué)得很激動(dòng)，脖子上有觸電的感覺(jué)，那種感覺(jué)一直延伸到發(fā)梢。我說(shuō)：“尼諾會(huì)有一輛汽車(chē)，比索拉拉兄弟的汽車(chē)還漂亮。”
Antonio, Melina’s oldest son, had given
? it to her to get it out of the sight and hands of his mother. I held it, I
? examined the slim volume. It was called Attempts at Serenity. The cover was
? red, with a drawing of the sun shining on a mountaintop. It was exciting to
? read, right above the title: “Donato Sarratore.” I opened it, read aloud the
? dedication in pen: To Melina who nurtured my poetry. Donato. Naples, 12 June
? 1958. I was moved, I felt a shiver at the back of my neck, at the roots of my
? hair. I said, “Nino will have a better car than the Solaras.”
莉拉用她特有的目光，注視著我手上的書(shū)。
But Lila had one of her intense looks and? I saw that she was focused on the book I had in my hand.?
“會(huì)發(fā)生什么事情，我們很快會(huì)知道的。”她嘀咕了一句，“到目前為止，這些詩(shī)歌只帶來(lái)了災(zāi)難?！?/p>
“If it happens we’ll know about it,” she
? muttered. “For now those poems have done only damage.”
“為什么？”
“Why?”
“薩拉托雷沒(méi)勇氣親自來(lái)找梅麗娜，他寄過(guò)來(lái)這本書(shū)?！?/p>
“Sarratore didn’t have the courage to go
? in person to Melina and in his place he sent her the book.”
“這不是一件很美的事情嗎？”
“Isn’t it a fine thing?”
“誰(shuí)知道呢？現(xiàn)在梅麗娜在等著他，假如薩拉托雷不來(lái)，她比之前要更受罪?！?/p>
“Who knows. Now Melina expects him, and
? if Sarratore doesn’t come she’ll suffer more than she’s suffered till now.”
多精彩的分析?。∥铱粗尊钠つw，臉上很光滑，一顆痘痘也沒(méi)有。我看著她的嘴唇和耳朵精致的輪廓。是的。我想可能她變了，不僅僅是身體上的，她的表達(dá)方式也變了。我覺(jué)得——按照今天的話來(lái)說(shuō)——她不僅能用一種我熟悉的語(yǔ)氣把一件事情說(shuō)清楚，比小時(shí)候還要清楚；現(xiàn)在她列舉事實(shí)，很自然地加強(qiáng)了這些事實(shí)的分量，用短短幾句話就能加強(qiáng)了事情的感染力。我同時(shí)很高興地發(fā)現(xiàn)，在她表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)時(shí)，我覺(jué)得自己也有能力那么說(shuō)話。我試了一下，效果很好。我很高興地想，這就是我和卡梅拉以及其他女生之間的差別：我會(huì)和她一起談得熱火朝天，會(huì)回應(yīng)她。她的雙手是多么有力??！她的動(dòng)作和目光是多么優(yōu)美?。?/p>
What wonderful conversations. I looked at
? her white, smooth skin, not a blemish. I looked at her lips, the delicate
? shape of her ears. Yes, I thought, maybe she’s changing, and not only
? physically but in the way she expresses herself. It seemed to me—articulated
? in words of today—that not only did she know how to put things well but she
? was developing a gift that I was already familiar with: more effectively than
? she had as a child, she took the facts and in a natural way charged them with
? tension; she intensified reality as she reduced it to words, she injected it
? with energy. But I also realized, with pleasure, that, as soon as she began
? to do this, I felt able to do the same, and I tried and it came easily.
? This—I thought contentedly—distinguishes me from Carmela and all the others:
? I get excited with her, here, at the very moment when she’s speaking to me.
? What beautiful strong hands she had, what graceful gestures came to her, what
? looks.
當(dāng)莉拉和我談?wù)?、分析?ài)情時(shí)，那種交談的樂(lè)趣忽然中斷了，因?yàn)槲矣辛艘粋€(gè)很丑陋的想法。忽然間我明白自己錯(cuò)了：泥瓦匠帕斯卡萊，那個(gè)Communists、殺人犯的兒子，他陪我到這里來(lái)，不是為了我，而是為了她，是為了能有機(jī)會(huì)看到她。
But while Lila talked about love, while I
? talked about it, the pleasure was spoiled by an ugly thought. I suddenly
? realized that I had been mistaken: Pasquale the construction worker, the
? Communist, the son of the murderer, had wanted to go there with me not for me
? but for her, to have the chance to see her.
12
一想到這一點(diǎn)，我就忽然喘不過(guò)氣來(lái)。兩個(gè)小伙子從外面進(jìn)來(lái)，打斷了我們的談話，帕斯卡萊笑著坦白說(shuō)，他從工地出來(lái)時(shí)沒(méi)告訴工頭，他要馬上回去干活兒。我注意到他還是一直盯著莉拉看，幾乎有些不由自主。他這么說(shuō)，也許是為了暗示她：我冒著被開(kāi)除的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)，只是為了看到你。最后，他對(duì)里諾說(shuō)：
The thought took my breath away for a
? moment. When the two young men returned, interrupting our conversation,
? Pasquale confessed, laughing, that he had left the work site without saying
? anything to the boss, so he had to go back right away. I noticed that he
? looked at Lila again, for a long time, intensely, almost against his will,
? perhaps to signal to her: I’m running the risk of losing my job just for you.
? Addressing Rino, he said:
“星期天，我們都去吉耀拉家，萊農(nóng)奇婭也來(lái)。你們?nèi)ゲ蝗ィ俊?/p>
“Sunday we’re all going dancing at
? Gigliola’s, even Lenuccia’s coming, will you two come?”
“星期天還遠(yuǎn)著呢，我們會(huì)考慮的?！崩镏Z回答說(shuō)。
“Sunday is a long way off, we’ll think
? about it later,” Rino answered.
帕斯卡萊又看了一眼莉拉，但莉拉根本就沒(méi)有注意到。最后，他問(wèn)都沒(méi)有問(wèn)我要不要和他一起走，就很快離開(kāi)了。
Pasquale gave a last look at Lila, who
? paid no attention to him, then he slipped away without asking if I wanted to
? go with him.
我感覺(jué)很不舒服，也很焦慮。我不停用手指摸著發(fā)紅的臉頰，但我意識(shí)到這一點(diǎn)之后，就強(qiáng)迫自己不要那么做。里諾從工作臺(tái)下拿出一包東西，那是在我們到之前他們正在忙活的事情，他有些不安地研究著。我試著又和莉拉談起書(shū)籍，還有愛(ài)情。
I felt an irritation that made me? nervous. I began touching the most inflamed areas of my cheeks with my? fingers, then I realized it and forced myself not to. While Rino took out? from under the bench the things he had been working on before we arrived, and? was studying them in bewilderment, I started talking again to Lila about? books, about love affairs.?
我們盡情地談?wù)撝_拉托雷，梅麗娜為愛(ài)瘋狂，還有那本書(shū)的作用。現(xiàn)在會(huì)發(fā)生什么事呢？不看這本書(shū)的內(nèi)容本身，只看它的封面、標(biāo)題，還有上面的姓名，就能在那個(gè)女人的內(nèi)心重新燃起多大的激情?。∥覀冋?wù)摰媚敲礋崃?，以至于后?lái)里諾失去了耐性，他對(duì)我們吼道：
We inflated excessively Sarratore,? Melina’s love madness, the role of the book. What would happen? What? reactions would be unleashed not by the reading of the poems but by the? object itself, the fact that its cover, the title, the name and surname had? again stirred that woman’s heart? We talked so fervently that Rino suddenly? lost patience and shouted at us:?
“你們說(shuō)夠了沒(méi)有？莉拉，我們看看這活兒怎么干？爸爸待會(huì)兒回來(lái)，我們什么都干不了了！”
“Will you stop it? Lila, let’s get to
? work, otherwise Papa will return and we won’t be able to do anything.”
我們不說(shuō)了。我看了一眼他手頭上正在做的東西，那是一個(gè)木楦，周?chē)鷣y七八糟地放著鞋底、條狀的皮子、一塊塊的厚皮革，還有刀子、各種型號(hào)的錐子，以及其他工具。莉拉對(duì)我說(shuō)，她和里諾正在試著做一雙旅行用的男鞋。她哥哥很快就急了，讓我以我妹妹埃莉莎的性命做擔(dān)保，發(fā)誓不對(duì)任何人說(shuō)起這件事情。他們背著費(fèi)爾南多干活，里諾通過(guò)一個(gè)在“卡薩諾瓦”皮革廠打零工的朋友搞到了一些皮子。他們利用一些零散的時(shí)間，今天五分鐘明天十分鐘來(lái)做這雙鞋，因?yàn)樗麄儧](méi)法說(shuō)服父親幫助他們。不僅如此，每次他們一提到這件事，費(fèi)爾南多都會(huì)怒火中燒，讓莉拉趕緊回家，說(shuō)不想在鋪?zhàn)永锟吹剿Ｋ€威脅說(shuō)要把里諾打死，說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十九歲了，還是那么不懂事，不把他父親放在眼里。
We stopped. I glanced at what they were
? doing: a wooden form besieged by a tangle of soles, strips of skin, pieces of
? thick leather, amid knives and awls and various other tools. Lila told me
? that she and Rino were trying to make a man’s traveling shoe, and her
? brother, right afterward, made me swear on my sister Elisa that I would never
? say a word about it to anyone. They were working in secret from Fernando,
? Rino had got the skins and the leather from a friend who worked at a tannery
? at Ponte di Casanova. They would devote five minutes here, ten tomorrow, to
? making the shoe, because there was no way to persuade their father to help
? them; in fact when they had brought up the subject Fernando had sent Lila
? home, shouting that he didn’t want to see her in the shop anymore, and
? meanwhile he had threatened to kill Rino, who at the age of nineteen was
? lacking in respect and had got it in his head to be better than his father.
我假裝對(duì)他們的秘密行動(dòng)很感興趣，盡管兄妹倆都把我當(dāng)成了知己，盡管這樁事我只能作為見(jiàn)證人，莉拉會(huì)一個(gè)人走在這條路上，做出一些偉大的事情，實(shí)際上我后來(lái)懊悔了。尤其讓我失落的是：我們那么熱烈地談?wù)摿嗽?shī)歌和愛(ài)情之后，她把我送到門(mén)口，她會(huì)覺(jué)得一雙鞋要比愛(ài)情更有意思嗎？談到薩拉托雷和梅麗娜時(shí)，我們的談話是那么精彩。我不能相信的是：她談到那堆皮子和工具時(shí)，馬上就忘記了那個(gè)為愛(ài)遭受痛苦的女人，而我還念念不忘。做鞋子跟我有什么關(guān)系呢？我的心里、眼睛里，還在體驗(yàn)著愛(ài)的激情，那種被打破的忠貞，還有寫(xiě)成書(shū)的愛(ài)之歌，那種感覺(jué)就像我和她在鋪?zhàn)永镆黄鹂戳艘槐拘≌f(shuō)，周末在教會(huì)電影院里看了一部悲情電影。
I pretended to be interested in their? secret undertaking, but in fact I was very sorry about it. Although the two? siblings had involved me by choosing me as their confidant, it was still an? experience that I could enter only as witness: on that path Lila would do? great things by herself, I was excluded. But above all, how, after our? intense conversations about love and poetry, could she walk me to the door,? as she was doing, far more absorbed in the atmosphere of excitement around a? shoe? We had talked with such pleasure about Sarratore and Melina. I couldn’t? believe that, though she pointed out to me that heap of leathers and skins? and tools, she did not still feel, as I did, the anxiety about a woman who? was suffering for love. What did I care about shoes. I still had, in my? mind’s eye, the most secret stages of that affair of violated trust, passion,? poetry that became a book, and it was as if she and I had read a novel? together, as if we had seen, there in the back of the shop and not in the? parish hall on Sunday, a dramatic film.?
這種不對(duì)應(yīng)的情感讓我感到痛苦，我不得不離開(kāi)了。因?yàn)樗矚g在鞋子上的這場(chǎng)冒險(xiǎn)，而不是我們的談話；因?yàn)樗仟?dú)立的，而我需要她；因?yàn)樗幸粋€(gè)可以投身的世界；因?yàn)榕了箍ㄈR——一個(gè)年齡比我們大的男人，而不是一個(gè)小男孩，他肯定已經(jīng)找到了其他機(jī)會(huì)去看她，去挑逗她，想暗地里成為她的男朋友，和她接吻，撫摸她，就像其他男女朋友那樣?？傊?，現(xiàn)在我覺(jué)得，對(duì)于她，我越來(lái)越?jīng)]有存在的必要了。
I felt grieved at the waste, because I
? was compelled to go away, because she preferred the adventure of the shoes to
? our conversation, because she knew how to be autonomous whereas I needed her,
? because she had her things that I couldn’t be part of, because Pasquale, who
? was a grown-up, not a boy, certainly would seek other occasions to gaze at
? her and plead with her and try to persuade her to secretly be his girlfriend,
? and be kissed, touched, as it was said people did when they became boyfriend
? and girlfriend—because, in short, she would feel that I was less and less
? necessary.
因此，幾乎是為了驅(qū)趕我當(dāng)時(shí)內(nèi)心的不快，為了強(qiáng)調(diào)我的價(jià)值，以及我在她生活里不可取代的位置，我忽然對(duì)她說(shuō)，我要去上高中了。我是在鋪?zhàn)娱T(mén)口告訴她的，當(dāng)時(shí)我已經(jīng)走到了路上。我告訴她，這個(gè)決定是奧利維耶羅老師強(qiáng)加給我父母的，她還說(shuō)要為我搞到上學(xué)用的課本，以及一些不要錢(qián)的舊書(shū)。我這么說(shuō)是因?yàn)槲蚁胱屗庾R(shí)到：我是獨(dú)一無(wú)二的，盡管她可能會(huì)和里諾一起做鞋子發(fā)財(cái)，但她永遠(yuǎn)都會(huì)離不開(kāi)我，就像我永遠(yuǎn)都離不開(kāi)她一樣。
Therefore, as if to chase away the
? feeling of revulsion these thoughts inspired, as if to emphasize my value and
? my indispensability, I told her in a rush that I was going to the high
? school. I told her at the doorway of the shop, when I was already in the
? street. I told her that Maestra Oliviero had insisted to my parents,
? promising to get me used books, for nothing, herself. I did it because I
? wanted her to realize that I was special, and that, even if she became rich
? making shoes with Rino, she couldn’t do without me, as I couldn’t do without
? her.
她很不安地看著我。
She looked at me perplexed.
“什么是高中？”她問(wèn)。
“What is high school?” she asked.
“就是上完初中后要上的學(xué)校。”
“An important school that comes after
? middle school.”
“你去高中干什么？”
“And what are you going there to do?”
“學(xué)習(xí)啊?！?/p>
“Study.”
“學(xué)什么？”
“What?”
“拉丁語(yǔ)。”
“Latin.”
“就學(xué)這個(gè)嗎？”
“That’s all?”
“還學(xué)希臘語(yǔ)?！?/p>
“And Greek.”
“希臘語(yǔ)？”
“Greek?”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
她做出了一副很迷惘、不知道該說(shuō)什么的表情，最后她說(shuō)了一句前言不搭后語(yǔ)的話：
She had the expression of someone at a
? loss, finding nothing to say. Finally she murmured, irrelevantly,
“上個(gè)星期，我的月經(jīng)來(lái)了?！?/p>
?“Last week I got my period.”
盡管里諾沒(méi)叫她，她還是進(jìn)去了。
And although Rino hadn’t called her, she
? went back inside.
