This semester, □I have been moving from a relatively mindset to maturity and stability, which is related to some of my own experiences and also to the major courses. After the passing of time, this noblel thought of helping people find the meaning of life has entered my blood and can naturally emerge.

In elementary school, □my teachers and classmates taught me how to think and be a person from a utilitarian perspective,□ and no matter how good my grades or awards were, my future interests were still worthful of worrying. In short, I have been anxious about tomorrow for my whole life. □So I always thought that a child coming to this world was forced, being born is a punishment, because they will just wait for the end of a tormented life, and finally, able to be liberated. □The biggest change that the big course has brought to me is learning to see beauty,having the corage to look towards the future, and not struggling with how to live on the level of emotions.□

If it weren’t for the course, I might not have been able to think about the fundamental question of "who I am, where I come from, and where I am going" at the level of meaning. □From childhood to adulthood, I have been suppressing my emotions and feelings, and feeling extremely insecure. I have been timid and hesitant towards anyone, and have done countless things to prevent them from being unhappy. A single word from others can affect me for a long time. □The most important thing is that I am most afraid of others not understanding me,I think and judge when I do not understand the real me.

But because of the major curriculum of □Confucius, □Mencius, and□ Yangming,□ I have learned to constantly return to myself to find a foundation. I started to truly focus on myself, rather than the world around me. Gradually, I learned to trust myself instead of being overly emotional. I had the courage not to cater to others, not to be understood or liked by others. When I have opinions, I learn to stand up and express myself instead of obeying, so finally, I start speaking up for myself. I believe that everyone should have the courage to be misunderstood and the courage to speak out for that wish in their hearts.□

So now, I realize that growth is about experiencing a lot of influences on the inner world, experiencing some reflection, some pain, some deep thinking and exploration, which is created by the sedimentation of time. People need to constantly grow, and don't be afraid of pain □-Yangming also realized his "conscience" in the midst of a hundred deaths and thousands difficulties, when I was most conflicted and was in the most confused view of life, It's also when my growth milestone arrives. I can always hold an open and longing heart for light, with my own interpretation and expectations for each day,full of love. After all,what is the meaning of life if one has never grown?

□In short, now, with the guidance of these role models, I willve no fear the difficulties of the present, so I will live happily. However, at the same time, I will also pursue the future with worries due to the limited life and the longing for meaning.

這個(gè)學(xué)期，我從比較幼稚的心態(tài)不斷走向成熟穩(wěn)重，這跟我自己經(jīng)歷的一些事情有關(guān)，也跟大課程有關(guān)。經(jīng)過(guò)時(shí)間的沉淀，這種高貴的，幫助人尋找生活的意義的思想，進(jìn)入我的血液，并以一種自然而然的方式流露。

小學(xué)時(shí)，身邊的老師和同學(xué)教給我的就是□如何以功利的角度思考問題和做人，□并且不管有多好的成績(jī)，得多少的獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)，未來(lái)的利益仍然讓人憂慮?？傊褪且簧荚跒槊魈旖箲]。□所以我一直以為一個(gè)孩子來(lái)到這個(gè)人間是被逼迫的，是一種懲罰，等待煎熬的一生的結(jié)束，就終于可以解放了。而大課程對(duì)我最大的改變就是學(xué)會(huì)看到美好，敢于看向未來(lái)，不在利益和情感層面糾結(jié)于如何活著。而是在意義層面做出選擇。

如果不是大課程，我可能根本就無(wú)法在意義層面思考“我是誰(shuí)，從哪里來(lái)，到哪里去”這個(gè)根本大問題。從小到大我都在壓抑自己的情緒和感受并極度自卑，對(duì)任何一個(gè)人都畏畏縮縮，為了不讓對(duì)方不開心做了無(wú)數(shù)事情，別人的一句話可以影響我好久。最重要的是，我最懼怕他人的不理解，在不了解真實(shí)的我時(shí)去思考和評(píng)判。因?yàn)榇笳n程，因?yàn)榭鬃?、孟子、?yáng)明這些榜樣，我學(xué)會(huì)不斷返回自身來(lái)尋找根基。我開始真正把重點(diǎn)放在自己身上，而不是我周圍的世界。漸漸地，我學(xué)會(huì)了自我信任，而不在情感層面過(guò)分糾結(jié)，我有勇氣不去迎合別人，有勇氣不被別人理解，不被別人喜歡。在我有意見的時(shí)候，我學(xué)會(huì)站出來(lái)，去表達(dá)，而不是服從，我終于開始為自己發(fā)聲。我認(rèn)為，每一個(gè)人都應(yīng)該有被不理解的勇氣，有為心中那個(gè)愿望發(fā)聲的勇氣。

所以，現(xiàn)在，我意識(shí)到，成長(zhǎng)，就是經(jīng)歷很多外界對(duì)內(nèi)心的影響，經(jīng)歷一些反思，一些痛，一些深度的思考探索，由時(shí)間的沉淀所造就的，人需要就不斷的成長(zhǎng)，不要懼怕痛苦——陽(yáng)明先生也是在百死千難中才悟得“良知”，而我自己最矛盾，對(duì)生活的看法最悲觀和迷茫的時(shí)候，也是我巨大成長(zhǎng)節(jié)點(diǎn)到來(lái)的時(shí)候。我可以永遠(yuǎn)懷著一顆打開的，向往光明的心，對(duì)每一天都有一個(gè)自己的解讀和期待，抱著滿滿的熱愛。如果人生下來(lái)從來(lái)都沒有成長(zhǎng)過(guò)，那人生又有什么意義呢？

總之，現(xiàn)在，因?yàn)橛辛诉@些榜樣的引導(dǎo)，我不會(huì)懼怕當(dāng)下的困難，所以“快樂”地活在當(dāng)下，但同時(shí)，也會(huì)因?yàn)樯挠邢藓蛯?duì)理想的向往，而“憂患”地追尋未來(lái)