During my year inRome, I kept a paperback next to my bed: “TheUnbearable Lightness of Being,” of course. Every morning I reread page 8 andthe sentences I had underlined as a moody,un-laid teen-ager already anticipating his

deathbed: “What happens butonce . . . might as well not have happened at all. If we have only one life tolive, we might as well not have lived at all.” Next to this I had written inshaded teen-aged block letters: “EUROPEAN CYNICISM OR VERY SCARY TRUTH???”Perhaps it was this book that had first launched my search for immortality.Joshie himself once said to a very important client, “Eternal life is the onlylife that matters. All else is just a moth circling the light.” He hadn’tnoticed me standing by the door to his office. I had returned to my desk intears, feeling abandoned to nothingness, mothlike, yet stunned by Joshie’sunusual lyricism. The part about the moth, I mean.

Here’s how I look at it. Money equals

life. By my estimate, even the preliminarybeta-dechronificationtreatments—forexample, the insertion of SmartBlood to regulate my ridiculous cardiovascularsystem—would run three million yuan per year. With each second I have spent inRome, lustily minding the architecture, drinking and eating enough dailyglucose to kill a Cuban sugarcane farmer, I have been paving the toll road tomy own demise.

But don’t bury me yet, judgmental diary. Anew Lenny heart beats more convincingly than the old one. Eunice Park will saveme. You just watch.

Last night, the last night of my Eurosabbatical, I told myself, Remember this, Lenny. Develop a sense of nostalgiafor something, or you’ll never figure out what’s important. Remember how youmet Eunice at your last orgiastic Roman party, how you rescued her fromwhat’s-his-face, the diabetic American sculptor with the Beatlesque mop andstubby teeth, how you dragged that nano-sized woman into the night with you.

我在羅馬的那年，床邊一直放著本平裝書，當(dāng)然是《生命中不可承受之輕》。每天早上我都會重讀第八頁，讀那些我劃線的句子，一如一個還未下葬的郁郁寡歡少年人預(yù)知了自己的眠床：僅發(fā)生一次的事......還不如從未發(fā)生的好。如果我們僅有此生，那倒不如從未來過?！迸赃吺俏胰缜嗌倌臧阒赡鄣暮谏髮懽帜福簹W洲式的憤世嫉俗抑或令人恐怖的真理？

或許正是這本書誘導(dǎo)我探索永恒。約西曾親口對一個非常重要的客戶說過：永恒的生命才是唯一有意義的生命，其他的不過是繞光飛舞的飛蛾?！彼麤]注意到站在他辦公室門邊的我。我回到座位，滿眼淚光，覺得自己陷入虛無，如飛蛾般，但仍震驚于約西異于尋常的抒情腔調(diào)。我是說，關(guān)于飛蛾那部分。

我的看法是：金錢等同于生命。據(jù)我估計，甚至初步的反慢性化治療——比如，注射smartblood（斯瑪特血液）來規(guī)整我糟糕的心血管系統(tǒng)——每年就要耗費300萬。在羅馬的每分每秒我都在精神振奮地研究此地建筑，吃吃喝喝所消耗的葡萄糖足可以讓一個古巴蔗農(nóng)破產(chǎn)，我呢，一直以來都是在花錢把自己送往去往死亡的路上。

但是現(xiàn)在不要埋葬我，愛論是非的日記老兄?，F(xiàn)在的列尼心跳比過去的那個要有力的多。尤尼斯·帕克會拯救我的。你就等著瞧吧。

昨晚，我在歐洲休假的最后一晚，我告訴自己：列尼，一定要記住這些。一定要對某些事有一種懷舊感，否則你永遠(yuǎn)搞不明白什么是重要的。記住你是怎樣在最后的羅馬狂歡聚會上遇到尤尼斯，你是怎樣將她從那個誰，那個頂著披頭士風(fēng)格的掃把頭、牙齒短短的患糖尿病的美國雕塑者身邊救出來的，你怎樣把那個身材嬌小的女孩拉到夜里和你在一起的。