續(xù)接：自深深處——王爾德致波西的信（八）
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作者：奧斯卡·王爾德
譯文：真念一思
配樂：Listening（傾聽）這是一首瑜伽冥想音樂
All I know is that a feeling of utter horror had come over me, and that I'd felt that unless I left the room at once, you would have done, or tried to do, something that would have been even to you, a source of life long shame. It was not the first time I had been obliged to save you from yourself.
You concluded your letter by saying:" When you are not on your pedestal. you are not interesting. The next time you are ill I will go away at once."
What entire lack of imagination! How callous! How common!How often have those words come back to me in the wretched solitary cell of the various prisons I have been sent to. I settled with myself drive to your father to state that I determined never under any circumstances to allow you to enter my house, to talk to me, walk with me, or anywhere and anytime to be my companion at all.
我只知道當時心中升起一股極度的恐懼，感到要是不馬上離開房間，你說不定就會做出、或者試圖做出什么事來，釀成甚至會讓你羞愧一生的憾事。這已經(jīng)不是第一次我覺得有責任要救你一把，免得你害了自己。
在信的結(jié)尾你聲稱，“作為偶像，當你沒有高高立在你的底座上的時候，是沒啥意思的”，下次你要是病了，我會立馬走開?！?
在我被關(guān)押過的各處監(jiān)獄中，在那凄涼孤寂的牢房里，這些話會時?；仨懺谖叶叀Ｎ医K于下定決心，開車去到你父親那兒，向他表明，我已決定在任何情況下，都絕不允許你再進入我的房子，同我講話、與我散步，換言之，就是無論何時何地，都絕不再與你在一起了。
On Friday morning, as I was sitting at breakfast.I happened to open the newspaper and saw in it that your elder brother had been found dead in a ditch with his gun lying discharged beside him.
The horror of the circumstances now known to have been an accident, but then stained with a darker suggestion; the pathos of the sudden death of one so loved by all who knew him, my idea of what your own sorrow would, or should be; my consciousness of the misery awaiting your mother at the loss of the one who, as she told me once herself, had never caused her to shed a single tear.
Out of the confluence of these thoughts and emotions came infinite pity for you and your family. I telegraphed to you my deepest sympathy, and in the letter that followed invited you to come to my house as soon as you were able.
星期五早上，我坐下來準備吃早餐，無意間翻開報紙，看到上面刊登了一則消息，說你哥哥被發(fā)現(xiàn)死在一道壕溝里，身邊丟著他那把已發(fā)射過的槍。
這可怖的悲劇，現(xiàn)在據(jù)悉是出于意外，可當時卻暗指另有蹊蹺。這樣悲慘的變故，一個人人都喜歡的年輕人竟如此遽然離世，這讓我想到你會有多么悲傷，或者，該會有多么悲傷；我還想到你母親，失去這樣一個親人，她會面臨怎樣的哀傷，有次她曾親口告訴我，你哥哥從出生以來，就沒有讓她掉過一滴淚。
在這千般思緒，百種情感的交融下，我內(nèi)心涌起對你和你家人的無限同情。我當即給你致電，表達我最深切的同情，并隨后去信，邀請你只要一走得開，就馬上到我家來。
On your return to town you came at once to me very sweetly and very simply, in your suit of woe, and with your eyes dim with tears. You sought my consolation and help, as a child might seek it. I opened to you my house, my home, my heart. I made your sorrow mine also, that you might have help in bearing it.
Your grief, which was real, seemed to me to bring you nearer to me.
The flowers you took from me to put on your brother's grave were to be a symbol not merely of the beauty of his life, but of the beauty that in all lives lies dormant and may be brought to light. The gods are strange. It is not of our vices only they make instruments to torture us. They bring us to ruin through what in us is good, gentle,humane, loving. But for my pity and affection for you, I would not now be weeping in this terrible place.
一回到城里，你馬上就到我這兒來了，穿著喪服，淚眼蒙蒙，一副可憐單純的模樣，像個尋求安慰的孩子，你要我安撫、求我?guī)湍?。我向你敞開了我的房子，我的家，我的心。我將你的悲傷也當作了自己的悲傷，希望我的分擔，能對你有所幫助。你那真切的悲痛，讓你似乎離我更近了些。你從我這兒拿去供在你哥哥墓前的鮮花，不僅僅是他如花生命的象征，也是靜靜蘊藏在所有生命中，或?qū)⒁怀`放的美的象征。
可神靈總是那么捉摸不定。他們不僅僅會利用我們的惡，來作為懲罰我們的工具，也會借助我們內(nèi)心的美好、溫善、仁慈、關(guān)愛，把我們引向毀滅。如果不是因為對你的同情和鐘愛，我現(xiàn)在也不會在這可惡的地方悲泣……（待續(xù)）
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? 圖片來自好友，感謝Mary?L！
題圖詩：廬陽第一怪：
? ? 青峰環(huán)繞攏云煙，海闊天空行樓船。
? ? 順風無須使蠻力，飄搖直入銀河灣。
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ———\ 一絲怪念組合????
? （感謝廬陽第一怪配詩鼓勵支持?。?/b>
題圖詩：蠻力
? 小船劃行水中央，煙云繚繞風輕揚。
? 閑度光陰垂釣客，鱸魚釣得一籮筐。
? ? ? （感謝蠻力配詩鼓勵支持?。?/b>
