提問：每當(dāng)別人做的不夠好時，我就會不由自主的用語言或者冷漠不搭理的方式指責(zé)對方。這樣做的結(jié)果是雙方都不開心。我意識到這樣不對，還是會不由自主的這么做。即使克制住不說出來，身體和面部也會表現(xiàn)出來。處在情況當(dāng)中，我很矛盾，事后，又覺得這么做不對。是我自己無法平靜的面對自己和他人，怎么做？
提問：The question is when other people don’t perform well I can’t help blaming them by words and cold manners, which makes both sides unhappy. I realize it’s inappropriate to do this but I can’t control myself. Sometimes I can keep my mouth shut, but my body gesture will sold me out. I feel contradicted in this situation I know I can’t confront myself and other people calmly, what should I do to improve.
回答：首先你需要明白你對自己很嚴(yán)厲，當(dāng)你自己表現(xiàn)不好的時候你會責(zé)怪自己。你想想看是這樣的嗎？當(dāng)然我們會以對待自己的方式來對待別人。如果你對自己的要求很高很嚴(yán)格，那么我們對別人的要求自然也會很高。如果你能明白這點，答案就很簡單了。你需要學(xué)會接受不完美的自己。我們會犯錯，有時候表現(xiàn)不好，但這些都是可以接受的。
我們盡力做到最好，這就夠了。如果我們能夠接受自己的不完美，那么我們就能夠接受其他人的。然而要學(xué)會這些比較不容易，所以為此我們開設(shè)了維持6天的研習(xí)班。我們可以學(xué)習(xí)如果尊重、接受和愛自己， 這些都是從兒童時代習(xí)得的。當(dāng)你還是個孩子的時候，如果沒有得到你想要的尊重和肯定，你會通過讓自己變得更完美來獲得，自然你對自己的要求就會很高。
當(dāng)你長大了你還是通過這種方法來獲得別人的肯定，并且以相同的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來要求別人。因為你覺得自己這樣做，那么理所當(dāng)然別人也應(yīng)該這樣。所以問題的答案在于你需要學(xué)會如何尊重和愛一個并不完美的自己。
回答：Well the first thing is to understand that you treat yourself like this, you only blame yourself, you’re hard on yourself when you don’t perform well. Just take a moment to see if that’s true. And of course the way we treat ourselves is how we treat other people. If we have very high standards and high judgments on ourselves, we will do the same with all the people around us, and if we can see that, then the answer is clear, the answer is to learn how to accept ourselves to learn yes we’re not always perfect, we make mistakes, we don’t always perform well and that’s okay.
We do our best, and that’s good enough. Now if we can really learn to accept that about ourselves of course we will have accepted in other people. But it’s very difficult to learn to do this to ourselves that’s why we have a whole 6 days workshop just for this. The Emoil? workshop where we learn how to respect, accept and love ourselves as we are. And it’s important to understand that this is something comes from childhood, and obviously when you’re a child, you didn’t get the respect, the approval that you needed and so you were desperately to get that by being perfect, by being the best, and you put very high standards on yourself.
Then of course you’ve forgotten that you’re still doing that now even though you’re grown up and consciously you’re still trying to get approval from other people by being perfect and then you will treat everyone else ?surround you, If you have to do that, then you feel they should also be doing that. So the answer lies in just bringing back yourself. How can you learn to love and respect yourself even when you’re not perfect?
