33
我在廚房默默哭了一個(gè)晚上，在凌晨時(shí)睡著了。內(nèi)拉叫醒了我，她責(zé)備我，說尼諾是在天臺(tái)上吃的早餐，因?yàn)樗幌氪驍_我，他已經(jīng)走了。
I cried all night, in the silent kitchen.
? I fell asleep at dawn. Nella came to wake me and reproached me, she said that
? Nino had wanted to have breakfast on the terrace in order not to disturb me.
? He had left.
我急忙穿好衣服，她發(fā)現(xiàn)我很難過，就心軟了，說：“你去吧，也許還能趕上?！蔽遗艿礁劭冢Ｍ诖霭l(fā)之前趕到，但我到的時(shí)候，船已經(jīng)開走了。
I dressed in a hurry, and she saw that I
? was suffering. “Go on,” she yielded, finally, “maybe you’ll be in time.” I
? ran to the Port hoping to get there before the ferry left, but the boat was
? already out at sea.
有幾天我都過得很糟糕。在收拾房間時(shí)我發(fā)現(xiàn)了一張?zhí)焖{(lán)色的卡片，那是尼諾的書簽，我把書簽藏了起來。晚上在廚房里，我躺在床上，嗅著書簽發(fā)出的氣息，吻著它，用舌尖輕輕舔著它，默默地哭泣。那種絕望的愛情，讓我自己都很感動(dòng)，我被自己感動(dòng)哭了。
Some difficult days passed. Cleaning the
? rooms I found a blue paper bookmark that belonged to Nino and I hid it among
? my things. At night, in my bed in the kitchen, I sniffed it, kissed it,
? licked it with the tip of my tongue and cried. My own desperate passion moved
? me and my weeping fed on itself.
最后，多納托·薩拉托雷來了，開始了他十五天的假期。他兒子已經(jīng)離開了，這讓他覺得有些懊惱，但他同時(shí)很高興尼諾和他同學(xué)見面、一起學(xué)習(xí)?！八且粋€(gè)認(rèn)真的孩子，”多納托對(duì)我說，“像你一樣。我為他感到自豪，我覺得你父親也會(huì)為你感到自豪?！?/p>
Then Donato Sarratore arrived for his
? two-week holiday. He was sorry that his son had left, but pleased that he had
? joined his schoolmates in the Avellinese to study. “He’s a truly serious
? boy,” he said to me, “l(fā)ike you. I’m proud of him, as I imagine your father
? must be proud of you.”
那個(gè)讓人有安全感的男人出現(xiàn)之后，我覺得平靜一些了。他想認(rèn)識(shí)瑪麗莎的新朋友，有一天晚上，他邀請(qǐng)這些朋友在沙灘上搞了一場篝火晚會(huì)。他親自把撿來的木柴堆放在一起，跟那些年輕人一直玩到很晚。那個(gè)和瑪麗莎關(guān)系曖昧的男孩在彈吉他，多納托唱歌，他的聲音美極了。夜已經(jīng)深了，多納托自己彈起了吉他，他彈得不錯(cuò)，又彈了幾支舞曲，有人開始跳舞，瑪麗莎最先跳了起來。
The presence of that reassuring man
? calmed me. He wanted to meet Marisa’s new friends, he invited them one
? evening to have a big bonfire on the beach. He himself gathered all the wood
? he could find and piled it up, and he stayed with us until late. The boy with
? whom Marisa was carrying on a half-steady relationship strummed a guitar and
? Donato sang, he had a beautiful voice. Then, late at night, he himself began
? to play and he played well, he improvised dance tunes. Some began to dance,
? Marisa first.
我看著那個(gè)男人，心想：他和他兒子在長相上也沒有任何共同之處。尼諾很高，面孔很秀氣，頭發(fā)烏黑，蓋住了額頭，他的嘴唇總是緊緊閉著，嘴唇很誘人；而多納托中等身材，臉上的線條很粗礪，鬢角禿得很厲害，嘴巴很小，嘴唇非常薄。尼諾總是板著面孔，好像充滿驚恐地看著眼前人和事；多納托的目光總是很熱情，他喜歡出現(xiàn)在他眼前的每樣?xùn)|西、每個(gè)人，他一直滿臉堆笑。尼諾的內(nèi)心有某種東西在折磨、吞噬著他，就像莉拉一樣，這是一種天賦，也是一種讓人痛苦的事：他們都不高興，都不放松，總在擔(dān)心發(fā)生在周圍的事情。但多納托卻全然不同，他好像熱愛生命的任何表現(xiàn)，他生活的每一秒都是絕對(duì)晴朗的。
I looked at that man and thought: he and
? his son have not even a feature in common. Nino is tall, he has a delicate
? face, the forehead buried under black hair, the mouth always half-closed,
? with inviting lips; Donato instead is of average height, his features are
? pronounced, he has a receding hairline, his mouth is compact, almost without
? lips. Nino has brooding eyes that see beyond things and persons and seem to
? be frightened; Donato has a gaze that is always receptive, that adores the
? appearance of every thing or person and is always smiling on them. Nino has
? something that’s eating him inside, like Lila, and it’s a gift and a
? suffering; they aren’t content, they never give in, they fear what is
? happening around them; this man, no, he appears to love every manifestation
? of life, as if every lived second had an absolute clarity.
從那晚開始，尼諾的父親成了一個(gè)非常堅(jiān)實(shí)的替代品，不僅僅可以驅(qū)趕尼諾在我內(nèi)心留下的黑暗——那是在一個(gè)幾乎感覺不到的吻別之后，他留給我的；還有莉拉從不回信給我造成的內(nèi)心空洞。我想，莉拉和尼諾不是很熟，他們從來都沒有交往過，但我覺得他們很像。意識(shí)到這一點(diǎn)時(shí)，我也覺得很驚異。他們不需要任何事情、任何人，他們總是知道怎么行、怎么不行。但假如他們錯(cuò)了呢？馬爾切洛·索拉拉到底有什么讓人害怕的地方呢？多納托·薩拉托雷有什么特別讓人討厭的地方呢？我不明白。我愛著莉拉和尼諾，用不同的方式想念他們。我感激那個(gè)被尼諾仇恨的父親，他對(duì)我和其他孩子都很關(guān)注，在瑪隆蒂海灘的夜里，他能給我們帶來平靜和快樂。忽然間，我很高興我愛的那兩個(gè)人都不在島上。
From that evening on, Nino’s father
? seemed to me a solid remedy not only against the darkness into which his son
? had driven me, departing after an almost imperceptible kiss, but also—I
? realized with amazement—against the darkness into which Lila had driven me by
? never responding to my letters. She and Nino scarcely know each other, I
? thought, they have never been friends, and yet now they seem to me very
? similar: they have no need of anything or anyone, and they always know what’s
? right and what isn’t. But if they’re wrong? What is especially terrible about
? Marcello Solara, what is especially terrible about Donato Sarratore? I didn’t
? understand. I loved both Lila and Nino, and now in a different way I missed
? them, but I was grateful to that hated father, who made me, and all us
? children, important, who gave us joy and peace that night at the Maronti.
? Suddenly I was glad that neither of the two was present on the island.
我繼續(xù)開始看書，給莉拉寫了最后一封信，在信中我對(duì)她說，因?yàn)闆]收到她的回信，我不會(huì)再給她寫信了。我和薩拉托雷家人的關(guān)系變得更加密切，我感覺自己像瑪麗莎的姐妹，像皮諾和小西羅的姐姐，現(xiàn)在西羅很喜歡我，只有和我一起玩的時(shí)候，他才不淘氣。他很安靜，我們一起找貝殼。莉迪亞一改之前對(duì)我的敵意，變得對(duì)我很友好，她很喜歡我，還經(jīng)常表揚(yáng)我，說我做任何事情都很認(rèn)真：布置桌子，收拾房間，洗盤子，照顧孩子，讀書和學(xué)習(xí)。有天早上，她讓我試穿她的日光浴衣，那件浴衣她穿著太緊了。我穿上后，她馬上叫內(nèi)拉和薩拉托雷來看，他們都很激動(dòng)，都說我穿上非常合身，最后莉迪亞把那件日光浴衣送給我了。有時(shí)候，我甚至覺得她喜歡我超過瑪麗莎。她說：“瑪麗莎很懶，愛慕虛榮，我沒教育好，她不愛學(xué)習(xí)。你很懂事，你真的很像尼諾。”有一次她補(bǔ)充說：“只是你很開朗，無憂無慮，他總是很憂愁。”聽到妻子的這句批評(píng)，多納托馬上就開始贊美他的長子。“他是個(gè)好孩子，沒得說?！彼贿呎f，一邊用目光尋求我的認(rèn)可，我非常肯定地點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。
I began reading again, I wrote a last
? letter to Lila, in which I said that, since she hadn’t ever answered me, I
? wouldn’t write anymore. I bound myself instead to the Sarratore family, I
? felt I was the sister of Marisa, Pinuccio, and little Ciro, who now loved me
? tremendously and with me, only with me, wasn’t naughty but played happily; we
? went looking for shells together. Lidia, whose hostility had conclusively
? turned into sympathy and fondness, often praised me for the precision that I
? put into everything: setting the table, cleaning the rooms, washing the
? dishes, entertaining the baby, reading and studying. One morning she made me
? try on a sundress that was too tight for her, and, since Nella and even
? Sarratore, called urgently to give an opinion, thought it very becoming, she
? gave it to me. At certain moments she even seemed to prefer me to Marisa. She
? said, “She’s lazy and vain, I brought her up badly, she doesn’t study;
? whereas you are so sensible about everything.” “Just like Nino,” she added once,
? “except that you’re sunny and he is always irritable.” But Donato, hearing
? those criticisms, responded sharply, and began to praise his oldest son.
? “He’s as good as gold,” he said, and with a look asked me for confirmation
? and I nodded yes with great conviction.
游了很久的泳之后，多納托會(huì)躺在我旁邊，在太陽底下晾干自己。他會(huì)讀報(bào)紙——《羅馬報(bào)》是他唯一的讀物。一個(gè)寫詩的人、一個(gè)出版過一本詩集的人從來都不看書，這讓我很驚異。他自己沒帶書，也從來沒對(duì)我讀的那些書產(chǎn)生過興趣。有時(shí)候，他會(huì)大聲念出一些文章段落，那些句子和詞匯可能會(huì)使帕斯卡萊非常憤怒，當(dāng)然，加利亞尼老師聽了也一定會(huì)很生氣，但我一句話也不說，我覺得自己不該和一個(gè)這么文雅的人爭論，如果發(fā)生爭論的話，可能會(huì)打破我在他心目中的美好形象。有一次，他給我讀了一整篇文章，每讀兩句，他都會(huì)微笑著看看莉迪亞，莉迪亞也微笑著看著他。最后他問我：
After his long swims Donato lay beside me? to dry in the sun and read his newspaper, Roma, the only thing he read. I was? struck by the fact that someone who wrote poems, who had even collected them? in a volume, never opened a book. He hadn’t brought any with him and was? never curious about mine. At times he read aloud to me some passage from an? article, words and sentiments that would have made Pasquale extremely angry? and certainly Professor Galiani, too. But I was silent, I didn’t feel like? arguing with such a kind and courteous person, and spoiling the great esteem? he had for me. Once he read me an entire article, from beginning to end, and? every two lines he turned to Lidia smiling, and Lidia responded with a? complicit smile. At the end he asked me,?
“你喜歡嗎？”
“Did you like it?”
那是一篇關(guān)于火車的文章，贊美火車的便捷快速，不像之前的旅行——在鄉(xiāng)間車道上乘坐雙輪馬車或者步行。文中有很多激昂的句子，他用一種感人的語氣讀了一遍。
It was an article on the speed of train
? travel as opposed to the speed of travel in the past, by horse carriage or on
? foot, along country lanes. It was written in high-flown sentences that he
? read with great feeling.
“是的，很喜歡。”我回答道。
“Yes, very much,” I said.
“你看這是誰寫的。你看到這里了嗎？”
“See who wrote it: what do you read
? here?”
他把那張報(bào)紙伸了過來，放在我眼皮底下。我非常激動(dòng)地讀道：
He held it out toward me, put the paper? under my eyes. With emotion, I read:?
“多納托·薩拉托雷?！?/p>
“Donato Sarratore.”
莉迪亞笑了起來，他也笑了起來。他們讓我待在沙灘上照看西羅，他們下水游泳去了，還是往常的方式，兩個(gè)人緊緊貼著，在竊竊私語。我看著他們，心里想：可憐的梅麗娜。但我并沒覺得薩拉托雷有什么不對(duì)。
Lidia burst out laughing and so did he.? They left me on the beach to keep an eye on Ciro while they swam in their? usual way, staying close to each other and whispering. I looked at them, I? thought, Poor Melina, but without bitterness toward Sarratore.?
即使尼諾說的對(duì)，他們倆真發(fā)生過什么，即使薩拉托雷真的背叛了莉迪亞，比之前還變本加厲，在和薩拉托雷相處后——我對(duì)他有了一定的了解——我覺得自己沒辦法怪罪于他。我覺得他妻子也沒有怪罪他，盡管當(dāng)時(shí)是她強(qiáng)迫丈夫離開那個(gè)城區(qū)的。至于梅麗娜呢，我也理解她，她感覺到愛的幸福，因?yàn)檫@個(gè)男人比一般男人要好很多——一個(gè)火車上的檢票員，同時(shí)也是一個(gè)詩人和記者。她脆弱的神經(jīng)無法再適應(yīng)沒有他的生活，那種荒蕪平庸的生活。這些想法讓我很高興，那幾天所有事情都讓我覺得滿意：我對(duì)尼諾的愛情、我的憂傷、圍繞著我的溫情，還有我獨(dú)自讀書、思考和反思的能力。
Assuming that Nino was right and that
? there really had been something between the two of them; assuming, in other
? words, that Sarratore really had betrayed Lidia, now, even more than
? before—now that I knew him somewhat—I couldn’t feel that he was guilty,
? especially since it seemed to me that not even his wife felt he was guilty,
? although at the time she had compelled him to leave the neighborhood. As for
? Melina, I understood her, too. She had felt the joy of love for that so far
? from ordinary man—a conductor on the railroad but also a poet, a
? journalist—and her fragile mind had been unable to readjust to the rough
? normality of life without him. I was satisfied with these thoughts. I was
? pleased with everything, in those days, with my love for Nino, with my
? sadness, with the affection that I felt surrounded by, with my own capacity
? to read, think, reflect in solitude.
34
八月末，那些神奇的日子快結(jié)束時(shí)，忽然有兩件重要的事在同一天相繼發(fā)生。那是八月二十五日，我記得非常清楚，因?yàn)槟翘焓俏业纳?。我起床給所有人準(zhǔn)備早餐，在餐桌上，我說：“今天我年滿十五歲了。”說這些話時(shí)，我想到了莉拉在八月十一日已經(jīng)過了生日，那幾天我太激動(dòng)了，以至于都沒想起來。按照習(xí)俗，我們一般都會(huì)慶祝命名日，那時(shí)候生日不是非常重要，但薩拉托雷一家人和內(nèi)拉堅(jiān)持要在晚上搞一場聚會(huì)，慶祝一下。我非常高興，他們回房間準(zhǔn)備去海邊的東西，我在收拾餐桌。這時(shí)候，郵遞員來了。
Then, at the end of August, when that
? extraordinary period was about to come to an end, two important things
? happened, suddenly, on the same day. It was the twenty-fifth, I remember with
? precision because my birthday fell on that day. I got up, I prepared
? breakfast for everyone, at the table I said, “Today I’m fifteen,” and as I
? said it I remembered that Lila had turned fifteen on the eleventh, but, in
? the grip of so many emotions, I hadn’t remembered. Although customarily it
? was the saint’s day that was celebrated—birthdays were considered irrelevant
? at the time—the Sarratores and Nella insisted on having a party, in the
? evening. I was pleased. They went to get ready for the beach, I began to
? clear the table, when the postman arrived.
他從窗子探進(jìn)頭來，說有一封給格雷科的信。我馬上跑了下樓去，心怦怦亂跳。我排除了父母給我寫信的可能。是莉拉寫給我的，還是尼諾？最后我看到是莉拉的信，我把信封撕開了，里面有五頁信紙，寫得密密麻麻的。我匆匆看了一遍，但一點(diǎn)兒也沒看明白——現(xiàn)在看來，這似乎非常不正常，但當(dāng)時(shí)就是如此。在明白信的內(nèi)容之前，首先打動(dòng)我的是莉拉的文字里包含著她的聲音。不僅如此，開始的幾行就讓我想起了《藍(lán)色仙女》里的文字，那是繼小學(xué)的那篇小作文之后，我唯一讀過的她寫的東西。我現(xiàn)在明白了，為什么當(dāng)時(shí)我那么喜歡她寫的那篇小說，《藍(lán)色仙女》里有一種品質(zhì)，到現(xiàn)在還打動(dòng)著我：莉拉能通過文字說話，她的文字和我的文字，以及薩拉托雷的那些文章和詩歌也不一樣；她和我讀過以及正在讀的很多小說家都不一樣。盡管她沒有繼續(xù)上學(xué)，但表達(dá)非常精確考究，沒有一個(gè)錯(cuò)誤。還有一點(diǎn)，她的句子里沒有任何矯揉造作、不自然的東西，也沒有一般書面語的矯飾。在讀她的信時(shí)，我感覺自己能看到、聽到她，她的文字傳遞著她的聲音，這讓我感覺很震撼。這比我們面對(duì)面交談更吸引我，因?yàn)閷懗鰜淼臇|西要比交談時(shí)更加純凈，去掉了口語中那些混亂的東西，文字栩栩如生。我想象這樣的文字應(yīng)該產(chǎn)生于天帝宙斯的頭腦，而不是格雷科和賽魯羅之間的交流。
I stuck my head out the window, the
? postman said there was a letter for Greco. I ran down with my heart pounding.
? I ruled out the possibility that my parents had written to me. Was it a
? letter from Lila, from Nino? It was from Lila. I tore open the envelope.
? There were five closely written pages, and I devoured them, but I understood
? almost nothing of what I read. It may seem strange today, and yet it really
? was so: even before I was overwhelmed by the contents, what struck me was
? that the writing contained Lila’s voice. Not only that. From the first lines
? I thought of The Blue Fairy, the only text of hers that I had read, apart
? from our elementary-school homework, and I understood what, at the time, I
? had liked so much. There was, in The Blue Fairy, the same quality that struck
? me now: Lila was able to speak through writing; unlike me when I wrote,
? unlike Sarratore in his articles and poems, unlike even many writers I had
? read and was reading, she expressed herself in sentences that were well
? constructed, and without error, even though she had stopped going to school,
? but—further—she left no trace of effort, you weren’t aware of the artifice of
? the written word. I read and I saw her, I heard her. The voice set in the
? writing overwhelmed me, enthralled me even more than when we talked face to
? face: it was completely cleansed of the dross of speech, of the confusion of
? the oral; it had the vivid orderliness that I imagined would belong to
? conversation if one were so fortunate as to be born from the head of Zeus and
? not from the Grecos, the Cerullos.
我寫的那些幼稚的東西，那些夸大其詞、輕浮虛假的歡快，還有做作的語調(diào)真讓我臉紅，不知道莉拉是怎么評(píng)論我的。我對(duì)杰拉切老師也產(chǎn)生了鄙視和憤怒，因?yàn)樗o我的語文打了九分，這讓我產(chǎn)生了幻覺。在我十五歲生日那天，那封信產(chǎn)生的第一個(gè)結(jié)果就是讓我感覺自己是一個(gè)騙子。對(duì)于我來說，學(xué)校失去了光環(huán)，證據(jù)就在那里——在莉拉的信里。
?I? was ashamed of the childish pages I had written to her, the overwrought tone,? the frivolity, the false cheer, the false grief. Who knows what Lila had? thought of me. I felt contempt and bitterness toward Professor Gerace, who? had deluded me by giving me a nine in Italian. The first effect of that? letter was to make me feel, at the age of fifteen, on the day of my birthday,? a fraud. School, with me, had made a mistake and proof was there, in Lila’s? letter.
最后，我慢慢看到了信的內(nèi)容。莉拉首先祝我生日快樂，她說從來都沒有回信給我，是因?yàn)槲以诙燃佟裉?。我和薩拉托雷家人處得很好，我愛尼諾，我喜歡這個(gè)島嶼還有瑪隆蒂海灘，她為我感到高興，不想破壞我的假期，因?yàn)榘l(fā)生在她身上的事都很糟糕。她現(xiàn)在很迫切地需要打破沉默。在我出發(fā)后，馬爾切洛·索拉拉得到了費(fèi)爾南多的許可，幾乎每天晚上都會(huì)來家里吃飯。他會(huì)在八點(diǎn)半準(zhǔn)時(shí)到達(dá)，十點(diǎn)半離開。每次他都會(huì)帶點(diǎn)東西來：面條、巧克力、糖或者咖啡。晚飯時(shí)，她一口飯都不吃，也不和他交談，他一聲不吭地看著她。經(jīng)過第一個(gè)星期的折磨之后，馬爾切洛看到她假裝自己不存在，就決定震撼她一下。一天早上，他和一位身材非常高大的伙計(jì)一起出現(xiàn)，那人渾身是汗，他們?cè)诓蛷d里放了一只巨大的紙箱子，從里面取出一個(gè)大家都認(rèn)識(shí)，但小區(qū)里很少有人擁有的東西：一臺(tái)電視機(jī)。這個(gè)設(shè)備讓人們可以從它的屏幕上看到圖像，就像在電影院里，但圖像不是通過一臺(tái)放映機(jī)放映的，而是靠設(shè)備里一個(gè)神秘的叫“陰極管”的管子，因?yàn)檫@個(gè)管子的緣故——那個(gè)大汗淋淋的壯漢一直在說——這個(gè)設(shè)備有幾天不能用。他們?cè)嚵擞衷嚕詈箅娨暀C(jī)開始能看了，小區(qū)里的一半人，包括我父母還有幾個(gè)弟弟，都去賽魯羅家里看這個(gè)神奇的設(shè)備。但里諾不看，他現(xiàn)在好一些了，高燒徹底退了，他不再和馬爾切洛說話。當(dāng)馬爾切洛出現(xiàn)時(shí)，他就開始說電視的各種壞話，或者過一會(huì)兒連飯都不吃就去睡覺，要么就和帕斯卡萊、安東尼奧在街上晃悠，一直到深夜才回來。莉拉說她很愛看電視，尤其是喜歡和梅麗娜一起看，她每天晚上都來，一個(gè)人靜悄悄地看，非常專注。
Then, slowly, the contents reached me as? well. Lila sent me good wishes for my birthday. She hadn’t written because? she was pleased that I was having fun in the sun, that I was comfortable with? the Sarratores, that I loved Nino, that I liked Ischia so much, the beach of? the Maronti, and she didn’t want to spoil my vacation with her terrible? stories. But now she had felt an urge to break the silence. Immediately after? my departure Marcello Solara, with the consent of Fernando, had begun to? appear at dinner every night. He came at eightthirty. He always brought? something: pastries, chocolates, sugar, coffee. She didn’t touch anything,? she kept him at a distance, he looked at her in silence. After the first week? of that torture, since Lila acted as if he weren’t there, he had decided to? surprise her. He showed up in the morning with a big fellow, all sweaty, who? deposited in the dining room an enormous cardboard box. Out of the box? emerged an object that we all knew about but that very few in the neighborhood? had in their house: a television, an apparatus, that is, with a screen on? which one saw images, just as at the cinema, but the images came not from a? projector but rather from the air, and inside the apparatus was a mysterious? tube that was called a cathode. Because of that tube, mentioned continuously? by the large sweaty man, the machine hadn’t worked for days. Then, after? various attempts, it had started, and now half the neighborhood, including my? mother, my father, and my sister and brothers, came to the Cerullo house to? see the miracle. Not Rino. He was better, the fever had definitely gone, but? he no longer spoke to Marcello. When Marcello showed up, he began to? disparage the television and after a while he either went to bed without? eating or went out and wandered around with Pasquale and Antonio until late? at night. Lila said that she herself loved the television. She especially? liked to watch it with Melina, who came every night and sat silently for a? long time, completely absorbed.?
那是家里唯一太平的時(shí)刻。其他時(shí)候，所有的憤怒都發(fā)泄到她身上：她哥哥憤怒，因?yàn)樗辉俟芩?，任憑他成為父親奴隸，而她會(huì)通過這門婚事成為一個(gè)闊太太；費(fèi)爾南多和農(nóng)齊亞生氣是因?yàn)樗龑?duì)索拉拉態(tài)度很不好，很粗魯；最后，馬爾切洛也很惱火，因?yàn)槔蚶瓘膩矶紱]有接受過他，但他越來越覺得自己是莉拉的男朋友，事實(shí)上是她的主人。他想通過默默的付出得到一些回報(bào)，比如說接吻。他會(huì)詢問她整天都去了哪里、和誰見面，問她有沒有別的男朋友，有沒有人碰過她等等。她從來都不回答他的問題，更糟糕的是，她還捉弄他，跟他講她和那些不存在的男朋友之間的熱吻和擁抱。有天晚上，馬爾切洛很嚴(yán)肅地在她耳邊說：“你玩我？你記不記得你用刀子威脅我的事？好吧，假如我發(fā)現(xiàn)你喜歡別的男人，你要想清楚了，我不會(huì)只是威脅你，我會(huì)直接殺了你?！本瓦@樣，她不知道怎么逃脫那個(gè)困境，她一直隨身帶著武器以防萬一，她很害怕。她在信的最后幾頁寫道：她感覺到整個(gè)小區(qū)的罪惡都圍繞著她，在黑暗中混作一團(tuán)，好壞摻合在一起，善惡相互助長。想一想，馬爾切洛是一個(gè)不錯(cuò)的對(duì)象，那些好人會(huì)作惡，惡人也會(huì)行善，這種混雜讓她喘不過氣來。幾天前發(fā)生了一件事情，讓她受到了驚嚇。馬爾切洛走了，電視也關(guān)了，家里空蕩蕩的，里諾在外面晃蕩，父母都上床了。她一個(gè)人在廚房里收拾盤子，她很累，一點(diǎn)力氣也沒有。忽然間，她聽到了什么東西碎了，她轉(zhuǎn)過身，發(fā)現(xiàn)一口大銅鍋無緣無故自己就裂了。那口鍋掛在釘子上，還在平時(shí)的位置，但鍋中間有一道很長的裂縫，一個(gè)非常明顯的口子，整口鍋都變形了，就好像沒法保持鍋的模樣。她母親穿著睡衣跑了過來，說是她把鍋摔壞了，但一口銅鍋即使是掉在地上，也不會(huì)變形成那個(gè)樣子?！澳欠N事，”莉拉最后總結(jié)說，“讓我很害怕，要比馬爾切洛，要比任何人都讓我感到害怕。我感覺只要找到一個(gè)解決的辦法，如果沒找到解決方案的話，那種事會(huì)一件接一件地發(fā)生，毀掉一切，所有的一切?！弊詈螅龑?duì)我說再見，寫了很多祝福我的話，雖然她渴望的是相反的東西：她迫不及待地想見到我，迫切需要我的幫助。但她最后還是希望我待在島上，和熱情的內(nèi)拉太太待在一起，希望我再也不用回到我們的小區(qū)。
It was the only moment of peace.
? Otherwise, everyone’s anger was unloaded on her: her brother’s anger because
? she had abandoned him to his fate as the slave of their father while she set
? off on a marriage that would make her a lady; the anger of Fernando and
? Nunzia because she was not nice to Solara but, rather, treated him like dirt;
? finally the anger of Marcello, who, although she hadn’t accepted him, felt
? increasingly that he was her fiancé, in fact her master, and tended to pass
? from silent devotion to attempts to kiss her, to suspicious questions about
? where she went during the day, whom she saw, if she had had other boyfriends,
? if she had even just touched anyone. Since she wouldn’t answer, or, worse
? still, teased him by telling him of kisses and embraces with nonexistent
? boyfriends, he one evening had whispered to her seriously, “You tease me, but
? remember when you threatened me with the knife? Well, if I find out that you
? like someone else, remember, I won’t merely threaten you, I’ll kill you.” So
? she didn’t know how to get out of this situation and she still carried her
? weapon, just in case. But she was terrified. She wrote, in the last pages, of
? feeling all the evil of the neighborhood around her. Rather, she wrote
? obscurely, good and evil are mixed together and reinforce each other in turn.
? Marcello, if you thought about it, was really a good arrangement, but the
? good tasted of the bad and the bad tasted of the good, it was a mixture that
? took your breath away. A few evenings earlier, something had happened that
? had really scared her. Marcello had left, the television was off, the house
? was empty, Rino was out, her parents were going to bed. She was alone in the
? kitchen washing the dishes and was tired, really without energy, when there was
? an explosion. She had turned suddenly and realized that the big copper pot
? had exploded. Like that, by itself. It was hanging on the nail where it
? normally hung, but in the middle there was a large hole and the rim was
? lifted and twisted and the pot itself was all deformed, as if it could no
? longer maintain its appearance as a pot. Her mother had hurried in in her
? nightgown and had blamed her for dropping it and ruining it. But a copper
? pot, even if you drop it, doesn’t break and doesn’t become misshapen like
? that. “It’s this sort of thing,” Lila concluded, “that frightens me. More
? than Marcello, more than anyone. And I feel that I have to find a solution,
? otherwise, everything, one thing after another, will break, everything,
? everything.” She sent me many more good wishes, and, even if she wished the
? opposite, even if she couldn’t wait to see me, even if she urgently needed my
? help, she hoped I would stay in Ischia with kind Signora Nella and never
? return to the neighborhood again.
35
那封信讓我非常不安，就像往常一樣，莉拉的世界迅速地超越了我的世界。我在七八月間寫的那些信讓我覺得自己很平庸，我現(xiàn)在要找到一種彌補(bǔ)的辦法。我沒有去海邊，想馬上寫一封嚴(yán)肅的信回復(fù)她，言簡意賅，清楚明了，用她那種陳述的語氣。但是，之前那些信我寫得非常輕易——我在短短幾分鐘就可以寫滿一頁，一氣呵成，不用修改?，F(xiàn)在寫的那封信，改了又改，重寫了好幾次。當(dāng)我談到尼諾對(duì)他父親的仇恨、梅麗娜事件在這種仇恨的孳生過程中扮演的角色，還有我和薩拉托雷全家人的關(guān)系，甚至我對(duì)正在發(fā)生的事情感到的不安，我都沒辦法寫好。多納托在現(xiàn)實(shí)中是一個(gè)不同凡響的男人，但落在紙上，就成了一個(gè)平庸的父親。關(guān)于馬爾切洛，我也只能提出一些非常膚淺的建議。最后，我覺得唯一真實(shí)的感情是：我不痛快，因?yàn)樗矣须娨?，我家沒有。
This letter disturbed me greatly. Lila’s
? world, as usual, rapidly superimposed itself on mine. Everything that I had
? written in July and August seemed to me trivial, I was seized by a frenzy to
? redeem myself. I didn’t go to the beach, I tried immediately to answer her
? with a serious letter, one that had the essential, pure yet colloquial tone
? of hers. But if the other letters had come easily to me—I dashed off pages
? and pages in a few minutes, without ever correcting—this I wrote, rewrote,
? rewrote again, and yet Nino’s hatred of his father, the role that the affair
? of Melina had had in the origin of that ugly sentiment, my entire
? relationship with the Sarratore family, even my anxiety about what was
? happening to her, came out badly. Donato, who in reality was a remarkable
? man, on the page became a banal family man; and, as far as Marcello was
? concerned, I was capable only of superficial advice. In the end all that
? seemed true was my disappointment that she had a television at home and I
? didn’t.
總之，我沒法給她寫回信，盡管我沒去曬太陽，沒和西羅玩耍，沒和皮諾、克萊利亞、莉迪亞、瑪麗莎、薩拉托雷一起去海邊，我也寫不出來。幸虧后來內(nèi)拉來天臺(tái)上陪我，給我端了一杯大麥茶。幸運(yùn)的是，薩拉托雷全家人從海邊回來，他們都說很遺憾，我待在家里，沒和他們一起去海灘，他們又提起了為我慶祝生日的事情。莉迪亞要親手給我做一個(gè)蛋糕，上面有厚厚一層奶油；內(nèi)拉開了一瓶苦艾酒；多納托開始播放那不勒斯民歌；瑪麗莎送給我一個(gè)海馬布偶，那是她前天晚上在港口給自己買的。
In other words I couldn’t answer her,
? even though I deprived myself of the sea, the sun, the pleasure of being with
? Ciro, with Pino, with Clelia, with Lidia, with Marisa, with Sarratore.
? Thankfully Nella, at some point, came to keep me company on the terrace,
? bringing me an orzata. And when the Sarratores came back from the beach, they
? were sorry that I had stayed home and began celebrating me again. Lidia
? herself wanted to make a cake filled with pastry cream, Nella opened a bottle
? of vermouth, Donato Sarratore began singing Neapoli-tan songs, Marisa gave me
? an oakum seahorse she had bought at the Port the night before.
我心情好一些了，但還是一直想著莉拉和她遇到的麻煩，我過得那么好，那么多人為我慶祝生日。我用略帶夸張的語氣對(duì)他們說，我收到了好朋友的一封信，那個(gè)朋友需要我的幫助，因此我要提前回去?！白钔砗筇臁！蔽艺f，但我自己心里也沒底。實(shí)際上，我這么說只是為了聽到內(nèi)拉挽留我，說她覺得很遺憾；莉迪亞說西羅一定會(huì)特別想我；瑪麗莎也很失望；薩拉托雷用悲傷的聲音，大聲說：“你走了，我們?cè)趺崔k啊？”所有這些話都讓我很感動(dòng)，讓我的生日更加美好。
I grew calmer, yet I couldn’t get out of
? my mind Lila in trouble while I was so well, so celebrated. I said, in a
? slightly dramatic way, that I had received a letter from a friend, that my
? friend needed me, and so I was thinking of leaving before the appointed time.
? “The day after tomorrow at the latest,” I announced, but without really
? believing it. In fact I said it only to hear Nella say how sorry she was,
? Lidia how Ciro would suffer, Marisa how desperate she would be, and Sarratore
? exclaim sadly, “How will we manage without you?” All this moved me, making my
? birthday even happier.
最后，皮諾和西羅開始打瞌睡，莉迪亞和多納托帶他們?nèi)ニX?，旣惿瘞臀蚁吹?。內(nèi)拉對(duì)我說，如果我第二天早上要多睡一會(huì)兒的話，她可以早起準(zhǔn)備早餐，我沒答應(yīng)，說那是我的工作。所有人一個(gè)個(gè)都去睡覺了，就剩下我一個(gè)人。我在廚房角落里搭好小床，仔細(xì)看了看周圍，看有沒有蟑螂和蚊子，最后，我的目光落在了一把銅鍋上。
Then Pino and Ciro began to nod and Lidia
? and Donato took them to bed. Marisa helped me wash the dishes, Nella said
? that if I wanted to sleep a little later in the morning she would get up to
? make breakfast. I protested, that was my job. One by one, they withdrew, and
? I was alone. I made my bed in the usual corner, I looked around to see if
? there were cockroaches, if there were mosquitoes. My gaze fell on the copper
? pots.
莉拉的信是那么迷人，我看著那些銅鍋，心里覺得越來越不安。我記得莉拉很喜歡那些锃亮的銅鍋，清洗銅鍋時(shí)她總是擦得很仔細(xì)。四年前，莉拉講述堂·阿奇勒被人用匕首抹了脖子、血噴到了一張銅鍋上的情景，那不是一件偶然的事情?，F(xiàn)在，她賦予銅鍋一種咄咄逼人的感覺，就像她所面臨的難以抉擇的處境，她讓一把銅鍋炸開了，像一種暗示，就好像那口鍋忽然決定自己裂開。假如沒有她，我一個(gè)人能想象出那些事情嗎？我能不能賦予每樣?xùn)|西生命，讓這些東西順應(yīng)我的心思？我關(guān)上了燈，脫了衣服躺在了床上，手上拿著莉拉給我寫的信，還有尼諾的書簽——我那時(shí)候擁有的最珍貴的兩樣?xùn)|西。
How evocative Lila’s writing was; I
? looked at the pots with increasing distress. I remembered that she had always
? liked their brilliance, when she washed them she took great care in polishing
? them. On them, not coincidentally, four years earlier, she had placed the
? blood that spurted from the neck of Don Achille when he was stabbed. On them
? now she had deposited that sensation of threat, the anguish over the
? difficult choice she had, making one of them explode like a sign, as if its
? shape had decided abruptly to cede. Would I know how to imagine those things
? without her? Would I know how to give life to every object, let it bend in
? unison with mine? I turned off the light. I got undressed and got in bed with
? Lila’s letter and Nino’s blue bookmark, which seemed to me at that moment the
? most precious things that I possessed.
皎潔的月光從窗口灑進(jìn)來。我像往常一樣吻著那個(gè)書簽，想在微弱的月光下重讀莉拉寫給我的信。那些銅鍋在月光下熠熠生輝，桌子有些吱吱嘎嘎，天花板好像重重地壓下來了，夜風(fēng)帶來大海的氣息。莉拉的寫作水平又一次讓我覺得很屈辱：她能塑造那些形象，但我卻不能。我的眼睛模糊了。她沒有去上學(xué)，不再在圖書館借書，就已經(jīng)那么厲害。當(dāng)然，我很幸福，但那種幸福感同時(shí)讓我覺得罪惡和悲傷。
From the window the white light of the
? moon rained down. I kissed the bookmark as I did every night, I tried to
? reread my friend’s letter in the weak glow. The pots shone, the table
? creaked, the ceiling weighed oppressively, the night air and the sea pressed
? on the walls. Again I felt humbled by Lila’s ability to write, by what she
? was able to give form to and I was not, my eyes misted. I was happy, yes,
? that she was so good even without school, without books from the library, but
? that happiness made me guiltily unhappy.
我聽到腳步聲，看到薩拉托雷的影子進(jìn)了廚房，他沒穿鞋子，身上穿著天藍(lán)色的睡衣，我把床單拉起來。他走到水龍頭前，拿水杯喝了一杯水。他站在洗碗池前待了幾秒鐘，然后把杯子放了下來。他向我床邊走來，他在我的身邊彎下腰，胳膊肘放在床單邊上。
Then I heard footsteps. I saw the shadow
? of Sarratore enter the kitchen, barefoot, in blue pajamas. I pulled up the
? sheet. He went to the tap, he took a glass of water, drank. He remained
? standing for a few seconds in front of the sink, put down the glass, moved
? toward my bed. He squatted beside me, his elbows resting on the edge of the
? sheet.
“我知道你醒著?！彼f。
“I know you’re awake,” he said.
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“別管你那個(gè)朋友，你留下來吧?！?/p>
“Don’t think of your friend, stay.”
“她現(xiàn)在遇到麻煩，她需要我?！?/p>
“She’s in trouble, she needs me.”
“需要你的人是我。”他抗議說，然后吻了我的嘴唇，不像他兒子那么輕盈，他的舌頭撬開了我的嘴唇。
“It’s I who need you,” he said, and he
? leaned over, kissed me on the mouth without the lightness of his son, half
? opening my lips with his tongue.
我一動(dòng)不動(dòng)。
I was immobilized.
他輕輕扯開床單，充滿激情地吻著我，他用手探索著我的胸，在睡衣下?lián)崦业男?。他松開我的胸，把手伸向我的雙腿之間，用兩根手指按壓著我的內(nèi)褲。我不說話，一動(dòng)不動(dòng)，我被他的動(dòng)作嚇壞了，我一邊感到極其恐懼，同時(shí)又感覺到享受。他的胡子扎著我的上嘴唇，他的舌頭很粗糙。最后，他輕輕地離開了我的嘴唇，手也拿開了。
He pushed the sheet aside, continuing to
? kiss me with care, with passion, and he sought my breast with his hand, he
? caressed me under the nightgown. Then he let go, descended between my legs,
? pressed two fingers hard over my underpants. I said, did nothing, I was
? terrified by that behavior, by the horror it created, by the pleasure that I
? nevertheless felt. His mustache pricked my upper lip, his tongue was rough.
? Slowly he left my mouth, took away his hand.
“明天晚上，我們?cè)谏碁┥虾煤蒙€(gè)步，”他的聲音有些沙啞，“我很喜歡你，我知道你也非常喜歡我，是不是？”
“Tomorrow night we’ll take a nice walk,
? you and I, on the beach,” he said, a little hoarsely. “I love you and I know
? that you love me very much. Isn’t it true?”
我什么都沒有說。他又用嘴唇掠過我的嘴唇，低聲說了句晚安，站起身走出廚房。我還是一動(dòng)不動(dòng)地躺著，不知道過去了多長時(shí)間。我很想擺脫他的舌頭留給我的感覺，還有他的撫摸、他的手放在我身上的感覺，但那種感覺揮之不去。尼諾本來想事先告訴我的，他就知道會(huì)發(fā)生這樣的事情嗎？我對(duì)多納托·薩拉托雷產(chǎn)生了一種難以抑制的仇恨，對(duì)我自己也產(chǎn)生了一種鄙視，因?yàn)槲业纳眢w體味到快感。
I said nothing. He brushed my lips again? with his, murmured good night, got up and left the kitchen. I didn’t move, I? don’t know for how long. However I tried to distance the sensation of his? tongue, his caresses, the pressure of his hand, I couldn’t. Nino had wanted? to warn me, did he know what would happen? I felt an uncontainable hatred for? Donato Sarratore and disgust for myself, for the pleasure that lingered in my? body.?
現(xiàn)在說起來好像不是很真實(shí)：但自打記事起，一直到那個(gè)夜晚，我從來沒有過那種感覺，我不熟悉那種快感，所以覺得很意外。我保持那個(gè)動(dòng)作，不知道過了多少個(gè)小時(shí)。最后天剛亮，我起身收拾好自己全部的東西，把床拆了，然后寫了兩句感謝內(nèi)拉的話，就離開了那里。
However unlikely it may seem today, as
? long as I could remember until that night I had never given myself pleasure,
? I didn’t know about it, to feel it surprised me. I remained in the same
? position for many hours. Then, at first light, I shook myself, collected all
? my things, took apart the bed, wrote two lines of thanks to Nella, and left.
島上靜悄悄的，海水很平靜，大海的氣息迎面撲來。我用母親一個(gè)月前留給我的錢買了票，坐上了第一趟船。船離開碼頭，我看到淡淡的曙光籠罩著島嶼，島嶼距離我越來越遠(yuǎn)。我想，我終于有故事可以對(duì)莉拉講了，她一定沒經(jīng)歷過比這更值得記憶的事情。但我馬上想到我對(duì)薩拉托雷的憎惡，還有我對(duì)自己的厭惡，這讓我沒辦法開口。實(shí)際上，這是我第一次講述那個(gè)假期的意外收?qǐng)觥?/p>
The island was almost noiseless, the sea
? still, only the smells were intense. Using the money that my mother had left
? me more than a month before, I took the first departing ferry. As soon as the
? boat moved and the island, with its tender early-morning colors, was distant
? enough, I thought that I finally had a story to tell that Lila could not
? match. But I knew immediately that the disgust I felt for Sarratore and the
? revulsion that I had toward myself would keep me from saying anything. In
? fact this is the first time I’ve sought words for that unexpected end to my
? vacation.
36
我發(fā)現(xiàn)那不勒斯臭氣熏天，非常炎熱。對(duì)于我的變化——沒有青春痘了、曬得黝黑，我母親沒說一句話，只是譴責(zé)我提前回去了。
I found Naples submerged in a stinking,
? devastating heat. My mother, without saying a word about how I had
? changed—the acne gone, my skin sun-darkened—reproached me because I had
? returned before the appointed time.
“你做什么了？”她問，“你是不是表現(xiàn)得不好，你老師的親戚把你趕走了？”
“What have you done,” she said, “you have
? behaved rudely, did the teacher’s friend throw you out?”
我父親的態(tài)度不一樣，他眼睛亮晶晶的，說了很多好話，其中有一句他重復(fù)了上百遍，就是：“天吶！我有一個(gè)這么漂亮的女兒?！蔽业膸讉€(gè)弟弟用很鄙視的語氣說：
It was different with my father, whose? eyes shone and who showered me with compliments, the most conspicuous of? which, repeated a hundred times, was: “Christ, what a pretty daughter I? have.” As for my siblings, they said with a certain contempt,?
“真像個(gè)黑鬼?！?/p>
“You look like a negro.”
照鏡子時(shí)，我自己也覺得很驚異：太陽讓我的頭發(fā)變得金燦燦的，但我的臉、手臂和腿像是被深色的金油刷過一樣。在伊斯基亞島上時(shí)，那里的人都曬得黝黑，我淹沒在那兒的顏色中，我的變化讓自己非常適應(yīng)那個(gè)環(huán)境；但現(xiàn)在我回到了這個(gè)城區(qū)，在這里，每張臉、每條街道都展現(xiàn)出那種病態(tài)的慘淡，我覺得自己和環(huán)境有些格格不入。人們、居民區(qū)，還有車來車往、塵土飛揚(yáng)的大路，都讓我感覺像報(bào)紙上印的照片一樣黯淡模糊。
I looked at myself in the mirror and I
? also marveled: the sun had made me a shining blonde, but my face, my arms, my
? legs were as if painted with dark gold. As long as I had been immersed in the
? colors of Ischia, amid sunburned faces, my transformation had seemed
? suitable; now, restored to the context of the neighborhood, where every face,
? every street had a sick pallor, it seemed to me excessive, anomalous. The
? people, the buildings, the dusty, busy stradone had the appearance of a
? poorly printed photograph, like the ones in the newspapers.
我一有機(jī)會(huì)就跑去找莉拉。我在院子里叫她，她先從窗子探出頭來，然后從大門里出來了。她擁抱了我，吻了我的臉，說了很多恭維我的話，都是她之前從來沒說過的，那種公然表現(xiàn)出來的親密讓我很不適應(yīng)。她還是之前的她，但在一個(gè)多月的時(shí)間里，還是有了一些變化，她不再像一個(gè)女孩，而更像一個(gè)女人——一個(gè)至少十八歲的女人，那時(shí)候我覺得十八歲已經(jīng)很大了。那些舊衣服穿在她身上，看起來又短又窄，就好像她在很短的時(shí)間內(nèi)長大了，身體在衣服里呼之欲出。她比之前更高了，肩膀很端正，亭亭玉立，她的臉色很蒼白，脖子很細(xì)，看起來很嬌嫩，她的那種秀美是很罕見的。
As soon as I could I hurried to find
? Lila. I called her from the courtyard, she looked out, emerged from the
? doorway. She hugged me, kissed me, gave me compliments, so that I was
? overwhelmed by all that explicit affection. She was the same and yet, in little
? more than a month, she had changed further. She seemed no longer a girl but a
? woman, a woman of at least eighteen, an age that then seemed to me advanced.
? Her old clothes were short and tight, as if she had grown inside them in the
? space of a few minutes, and they hugged her body more than they should. She
? was even taller, more developed, her back was straight. And the pale face
? above her slender neck seemed to me to have a delicate, unusual beauty.
我感到她很不安，在路上走著的時(shí)候，有好幾次她的眼睛看著四周和身后，但她沒給我解釋原因。她只是說：“你跟我來?！彼屛遗闼ニ固胤仓Z家的肉食店。她挽著我的胳膊，我們到了店里。她說：“這件事情我只能和你一起做，幸虧你回來了，我以為我要等到九月底呢。”
She seemed nervous, she kept looking
? around on the street, behind her, but she didn’t explain. She said only,
? “Come with me,” and wanted me to go with her to Stefano’s grocery. She added,
? taking my arm, “It’s something I can only do with you, thank goodness you’ve
? come back. I thought I’d have to wait till September.”
我們從來都沒有那么親密地挽著手走路，我們氣喘吁吁地向小公園走去，非常幸福地相聚在一起。她跟我說，事情一天比一天糟糕。前一天晚上，馬爾切洛帶著點(diǎn)心和香檳到了家里，還送給她一顆鑲鉆戒指。為了避免當(dāng)著父母的面發(fā)生沖突，她當(dāng)時(shí)接受了，把戒指戴在了手指上，但在他離開之前，她毫不客氣地在門口把戒指還給了他。馬爾切洛抗議了一下，再次威脅了她，卻忽然失聲痛哭起來。費(fèi)爾南多和農(nóng)齊亞馬上發(fā)現(xiàn)出了狀況。她母親對(duì)馬爾切洛有好感：她喜歡馬爾切洛每天晚上帶來的好吃的，也很自豪家里擁有一臺(tái)電視機(jī)；費(fèi)爾南多覺得自己的苦日子到頭了，如果和索拉拉家攀上親，他的未來就有保障了。就這樣，馬爾切洛剛走，莉拉的父母就開始審訊她，問她發(fā)生了什么，比往常逼迫得更緊。最后的結(jié)果是：經(jīng)過那么長時(shí)間后，里諾第一次袒護(hù)了她。他叫喊著說，假如妹妹不愿意嫁給馬爾切洛那個(gè)混蛋，那她有充分的理由拒絕他。如果他們?cè)俦葡氯サ脑?，他?huì)把一切都燒掉，房子、鋪?zhàn)?，還有自己和全家。父子倆又打起來了，農(nóng)齊亞在中間勸架，鄰居都被吵醒了。不僅如此，里諾臨睡前非常激動(dòng)，他忽然就睡過去了，但過了一個(gè)小時(shí)，他又開始?jí)粲巍Ｋ麄冊(cè)趶N房發(fā)現(xiàn)了他，他正在一根接一根地點(diǎn)燃火柴，放在燃?xì)庠钌?，就好像看是不是漏氣?/p>
We had never walked those streets toward? the public gardens so close to one another, so together, so happy to see each? other. She told me that things were getting worse every day. Just the night? before Marcello had arrived with sweets and spumante and had given her a ring? studded with diamonds. She had accepted it, had put it on her finger to avoid? trouble in the presence of her parents, but just before he left, at the door,? she had given it back to him rudely. Marcello had protested, he had? threatened her, as he now did more and more often, then had burst into tears.? Fernando and Nunzia had immediately realized that something was wrong. Her? mother had grown very fond of Marcello, she liked the good things he brought? to the house every night, she was proud of being the owner of a television;? and Fernando felt as if he had stopped suffering, because, thanks to a close? relationship with the Solaras, he could look to the future without anxieties.? Thus, as soon as Marcello left, both had harassed her more than usual to find? out what was happening. Result: for the first time in a long, long time, Rino? had defended her, had insisted that if his sister didn’t want a halfwit like? Marcello, it was her sacrosanct right to refuse him and that, if they? insisted on giving him to her, he, in person, would burn down everything, the? house and the shoemaker’s shop and himself and the entire family. Father and? son had started fighting, Nunzia had got involved, all the neighbors had? woken up. Not only: Rino had thrown himself on the bed in distress, had? abruptly fallen asleep, and an hour later had had another episode of? sleepwalking. They had found him in the kitchen lighting matches, and passing? them in front of the gas valve as if to check for leaks.?
農(nóng)齊亞驚恐萬分，叫起了莉拉。她對(duì)莉拉說：“里諾真的想把我們都燒死。”莉拉跑去看了，她讓母親放心，說：“里諾還在做夢(mèng)，和他醒著時(shí)不一樣，他只是擔(dān)心有沒有漏氣?！彼迅绺鐜У搅舜采?，讓他接著睡。
Nunzia, terrified, had wakened Lila,
? saying, “Rino really does want to burn us all alive,” and Lila had hurried in
? and reassured her mother: Rino was sleeping, and in sleep, unlike when he was
? awake, he wanted to make sure that there was no gas escaping. She had taken
? him back to bed.
“我實(shí)在受不了了，”她最后說，“你不知道，我正在經(jīng)歷什么，我必須打破這個(gè)局面?！?/p>
“I can’t bear it anymore,” she concluded,
? “you don’t know what torture this is, I have to get out of this situation.”
她緊緊地?fù)肀Я宋遥秃孟裎夷芙o她能量。
She clung to me as if I could give her
? the energy.
“你現(xiàn)在很好，”她說，“你一切都很順，你應(yīng)該幫我?！?/p>
“You’re well,” she said, “everything’s
? going well for you: you have to help me.”
我回答說，她有什么事情盡管跟我說，我會(huì)全力以赴幫助她。她好像松了一口氣，拉著我的胳膊，低聲說：
I answered that she could count on me for? everything and she seemed relieved, she squeezed my arm, whispered,?
“你看?！?/p>
“Look.”
我遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)看到太陽底下一個(gè)紅色的、亮閃閃東西。
I saw in the distance a sort of red spot
? that radiated light.
“那是什么？”
“What is it?”
“你看不見嗎?！?/p>
“Don’t you see?”
“我看不清楚?！?/p>
I couldn’t see clearly.
“那是斯特凡諾買的新汽車?！?/p>
“It’s Stefano’s new car.”
那輛汽車停在肉食店門口，肉食店擴(kuò)張了，現(xiàn)在有兩個(gè)入口，里面擠滿了人。那些顧客在排隊(duì)等候的間隙，會(huì)用很羨慕的目光看著那輛車，那是財(cái)富和地位的象征。我們的小區(qū)從來都沒出現(xiàn)過這種車：敞篷車，用玻璃和金屬做成，那是闊人才有的車，索拉拉兄弟的“菲亞特1100”簡直沒法比。
We walked to where the car was parked, in
? front of the grocery store, which had been enlarged, had two entrances now,
? and was extremely crowded. The customers, waiting to be served, threw
? admiring glances at that symbol of well-being and prestige: a car like that
? had never been seen in the neighborhood, all glass and metal, with a roof
? that opened. A car for wealthy people, nothing like the Solaras’ 1100.
我走近那輛汽車看，這時(shí)候莉拉在陰涼處，很警惕地看著街道，就好像時(shí)刻防備著自己被強(qiáng)奸。在門檻那里，斯特凡諾探出頭來，身上的襯衣油乎乎的，他頭很大，額頭很高，讓人感覺有些比例失調(diào)，但并不難看。他穿過馬路，很熱情地跟我打了個(gè)招呼，說：
I wandered around it while Lila stood in? the shadows and surveyed the street as if she expected violence to erupt at? any moment. Stefano looked out from the doorway of the grocery, in his greasy? apron, his large head and his high forehead giving a not unpleasant sense of? disproportion. He crossed the street, greeted me cordially, said,?
“你看起來真棒，像個(gè)電影明星。”
“How well you look, like an actress.”
他看起來也很棒，像我一樣，他也被曬黑了，也許整個(gè)城區(qū)，只有我們倆看起來很健康。我對(duì)他說：
He, too, looked well: he had been in the
? sun as I had, maybe we were the only ones in the whole neighborhood who
? appeared so healthy. I said to him:
“你曬得真黑啊。”
“You’re very dark.”
“我放了一個(gè)星期的假?！?/p>
“I took a week’s vacation.”
“你去哪里了？”
“Where?”
“伊斯基亞島?！?/p>
“In Ischia.”
“我也在伊斯基亞?！?/p>
“I was in Ischia, too.”
“我知道。莉拉跟我說了：我在伊斯基亞找了你，但一直沒找到?！?/p>
“I know, Lina told me: I looked for you
? but didn’t see you.”
我用手指著汽車。
I pointed to the car.?
“真漂亮?！?/p>
“It’s beautiful.”
斯特凡諾的臉上泛起了一絲很有節(jié)制的得意，他指著莉拉，用充滿興趣的目光打量著她，對(duì)我說：
Stefano’s face wore an expression of? moderate agreement. He said, indicating Lila, with laughing eyes:?
“這是我給你朋友買的，但她一直不相信?！?/p>
“I bought it for your friend, but she
? won’t believe it.”
我看著莉拉，她在陰涼處，非常嚴(yán)肅，表情有些僵。斯特凡諾用有些諷刺的語氣對(duì)她說：“現(xiàn)在萊農(nóng)奇婭回來了，你打算怎么辦？”
?I? looked at Lila, who was standing in the shadows, her expression serious,? tense. Stefano said to her, vaguely ironic, “Now Lenuccia’s back, what are? you doing?”
莉拉用一種幾乎有些遭罪的語氣說：“我們走吧！但你要記住，你邀請(qǐng)的是她，而不是我，我只是給你們做伴的。”
Lila said, as if the thing annoyed her,
? “Let’s go. But remember, you invited her, not me: I only came along with the
? two of you.”
他笑了一下，回到商店里。
He smiled and went back into the shop.
“發(fā)生了什么事？”我有些迷茫地問。
“What’s happening?” I asked her,
? confused.
“我不知道?！彼卮鹫f。她想說她不知道自己具體在搞什么。她看起來像在算一道很難的數(shù)學(xué)題，但表情并不像往常那樣放肆，她看起來顯然很擔(dān)心，就好像正在做一個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)，但對(duì)結(jié)果并不是很確信?！耙磺卸奸_始于斯特凡諾買了這輛汽車?！彼龑?duì)我說，他開始就像開玩笑，但后來越來越嚴(yán)肅，他說買這輛車子是為了她，是為了能打開車門請(qǐng)她坐上去，至少一次?！斑@車只適合你坐?！彼沁@么對(duì)莉拉說的。從七月底他們把車子交付給他開始，他就一直請(qǐng)求她上去，但他的方式很客氣，并不煩人。他請(qǐng)求她先和阿方索坐上他開的車兜一圈，然后是和皮諾奇婭，最后和他母親，但她一直都回絕了。最后她終于答應(yīng)他了，她說：“等萊農(nóng)奇婭從伊斯基亞回來時(shí)，我再和你兜風(fēng)?！爆F(xiàn)在，我們?cè)谀抢?，該發(fā)生的事情總會(huì)發(fā)生。
“I don’t know,” she said, and meant that
? she didn’t know exactly what she was getting into. She looked the way she did
? when she had to do a difficult calculation in her head, but without her usual
? impudent expression; she was visibly preoccupied, as if she were attempting
? an experiment with an uncertain result. “It all began,” she said, “with the
? arrival of that car.” Stefano, first as if joking, then with increasing
? seriousness, had sworn to her that he had bought the car for her, for the
? pleasure of opening the door and having her get in at least once. “It was
? made just for you,” he had said. And since it had been delivered, at the end
? of July, he had been asking her constantly, not in an aggressive way, but
? politely, first to take a drive with him and Alfonso, then with him and
? Pinuccia, then even with him and his mother. But she had always said no.
? Finally she had promised him, “I’ll go when Lenuccia comes back from Ischia.”
? And now we were there, and what was to happen would happen.
“他知道馬爾切洛的事情嗎？”
“But he knows about Marcello?”
“他當(dāng)然知道?！?/p>
“Of course he knows.”
“然后呢？”
“And so?”
“他還是堅(jiān)持要那么做。”
“So he insists.”
“我很害怕，莉拉?！?/p>
“I’m scared, Lila.”
“你記不記得，我們做了多少讓人害怕的事情？我特意等你回來?！?/p>
“Do you remember how many things we’ve
? done that scared you? I waited for you on purpose.”
斯特凡諾回來時(shí)脫掉了白褂子，他頭發(fā)很黑，臉色也很黝黑，眼睛又黑又亮，他穿著白襯衣、黑褲子。他打開汽車門，坐到方向盤后，打開了車篷。他這么做是為了讓我坐到后排的位子上，但莉拉攔住了我，她自己坐在了后面。我很不自在地坐在了斯特凡諾旁邊。他馬上開動(dòng)車子，向新修建的小區(qū)方向開去。
Stefano returned without his apron, dark
? eyes, dark face, shining black eyes, white shirt and dark pants. He opened
? the car door, sat behind the wheel, put the top down. I was about to get into
? the narrow back space but Lila stopped me, she settled herself in the back. I
? sat uneasily next to Stefano, he started off immediately, heading toward the
? new buildings.
風(fēng)很涼爽，我覺得很舒服，我陶醉于汽車的速度，同時(shí)也陶醉于斯特凡諾·卡拉奇的身上散發(fā)出來的那種自信和平靜。我覺得，雖然莉拉沒說什么，但她已經(jīng)向我解釋了一切。事情就是這樣：那輛鮮紅色的跑車買來就是為了載著她兜風(fēng)的，這只是開始。事實(shí)上，盡管那個(gè)開車的年輕人知道馬爾切洛·索拉拉的事，他正在打破男人間的規(guī)矩，但并沒有明顯的不安。是的，我當(dāng)時(shí)在車上，忽然被卷進(jìn)了那件事，我的出現(xiàn)可以掩蓋他們之間的一些私密談話，甚至他們的關(guān)系。但這到底是怎樣的一種關(guān)系呢？當(dāng)然，這一圈兜下來，會(huì)發(fā)生一些比較重要的事。莉拉自己不知道，也不想告訴我那些具體的事情讓我理解。她是怎么想的呢？她不可能不知道，正在發(fā)生的事要比她從墨水瓶里向外甩紙片更糟糕。然而，極有可能，她也不知道自己具體要干什么。她就是這樣，會(huì)打破平衡，就是為了看到有沒有另一種方式可以重新恢復(fù)平衡。因此，我們坐在跑車上，頭發(fā)在風(fēng)中散開，斯特凡諾駕駛技術(shù)非常熟練，他心滿意足，我坐在他旁邊，就像是他的女朋友。我想著他說我像一個(gè)電影明星時(shí)的目光，想著是不是有一種可能性，就是他喜歡我超過喜歡我的朋友。我想著馬爾切洛·索拉拉可能會(huì)向他開槍，就覺得不寒而栗。他瀟灑自信的動(dòng)作，會(huì)像莉拉描述銅鍋一樣，不再那么牢不可破。
The heat dissipated in the wind. I felt
? good, intoxicated by the speed and by the tranquil certainties released by
? Carracci’s body. It seemed to me that Lila had explained everything without
? explaining anything. There was, yes, this brandsoaked bits of paper. And yet
? it might be that she wasn’t aiming at anything precise. She was like that,
? she threw things off balance just to see if she could put them back in some
? other way. So here we were racing along, hair blowing in the wind, Stefano
? driving with satisfied skill, I sitting beside him as if I were his
? girlfriend. I thought of how he had looked at me, when he said I looked like
? an actress. I thought of the possibility of him liking me more than he now
? liked my friend. I thought with horror of the idea that Marcello Solara might
? shoot him. His beautiful person with its confident gestures would lose
? substance like the copper of the pot that Lila had written about.
我們朝那些新建的樓房開去，就是為了避免經(jīng)過索拉拉酒吧前面。
We were driving among the new buildings
? in order to avoid passing the Bar Solara.
“我不在乎馬爾切洛是不是能看到我們，”斯特凡諾平靜地說，“但如果你在乎的話，那我們繞過去?！?/p>
“I don’t care if Marcello sees us,”
? Stefano said without emphasis, “but if it matters to you it’s fine like
? this.”’
我們鉆進(jìn)了隧道，向海邊方向開去。很多年之前我和莉拉一起走過那條路，就是后來下雨的那次。我提到了那次經(jīng)歷，她笑了，斯特凡諾想讓我們講講。我們講了那次出行的所有經(jīng)過，大家很開心，最后我們到了格拉尼里。
We went through the tunnel, we turned
? toward the Marina. It was the road that Lila and I had taken many years
? earlier, when we had gotten caught in the rain. I mentioned that episode, she
? smiled, Stefano wanted us to tell him about it. We told him everything, it
? was fun, and meanwhile we arrived at the Granili.
“你們覺得怎么樣？速度挺快的，是不是？”
“What do you think, fast, isn’t it?”
“非常快?！蔽覠崆榈卣f。
“Incredibly fast,” I said,
? enthusiastically.
莉拉沒有做任何評(píng)論。她看著四周，時(shí)不時(shí)會(huì)拍著我的肩膀，給我指那些房子，還有路上衣衫襤褸的人，就好像她得到了一個(gè)結(jié)論，一件我應(yīng)該馬上明白的事情。最后，沒有任何前言，她很嚴(yán)肅地問斯特凡諾：
Lila made no comment. She looked around,
? at times she touched my shoulder to point out the houses, the ragged poverty
? along the street, as if she saw a confirmation of something and I was
? supposed to understand it right away. Then she asked Stefano, seriously,
? without preamble,
“你真的和別人不一樣嗎？”
?“Are you really different?”
他在后視鏡里尋找她的眼睛。
He looked at her in the rearview mirror.
“和誰不一樣？”
?“From whom?”
“你知道的。”
“You know.”
他沒有馬上回答。過了一會(huì)兒，他用方言說：
He didn’t answer immediately. Then he? said in dialect,?
“你想讓我說實(shí)話嗎？”
“Do you want me to tell you the truth?”
“是的?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“我的出發(fā)點(diǎn)是那樣的，但我不知道事情會(huì)有什么結(jié)果?！?/p>
“The intention is there, but I don’t know
? how it will end up.”
我那時(shí)候才發(fā)現(xiàn)，莉拉一定是有很多事沒告訴我。那種充滿暗示的語氣證明了他們的關(guān)系很密切，他們已經(jīng)在其他時(shí)候交談過了，不是開玩笑，而是很嚴(yán)肅地談過了。我在伊斯基亞的那段時(shí)間到底錯(cuò)過了什么？我轉(zhuǎn)過身去看她，她沒有回答。我想是斯特凡諾的回答太模糊了，讓她有些煩躁。我看到她在陽光下瞇著眼睛，襯衣鼓鼓的，胸口在起伏，風(fēng)灌進(jìn)了她的衣服。
At that point I was sure that Lila must
? not have told me quite a few things. That allusive tone was evidence that
? they were close, that they had talked other times and not in jest but
? seriously. What had I missed in the period of Ischia? I turned to look at
? her, she delayed replying, I thought that Stefano’s answer had made her
? nervous because of its vagueness. I saw her flooded by sunlight, eyes half
? closed, her shirt swelled by her breast and by the wind.
“這地方要比我們那里還窮，”說完這些，她又笑著說，“你不要以為我忘了你想扎我舌頭的事?！?/p>
“The poverty here is worse than among
? us,” she said. And then, without connection, laughing, “Don’t think I’ve
? forgotten about when you wanted to prick my tongue.”
斯特凡諾點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。
Stefano nodded.
“那是另一個(gè)時(shí)代的事了?！彼f。
“That was another era,” he said.
“你那時(shí)候個(gè)子是我的兩倍高，真是欺軟怕硬?！?/p>
“Once a coward, always a coward—you were
? twice as big as me.”
他有些尷尬地微笑了一下，沒接她的話茬，加速向港口方向開去。這次兜風(fēng)不超過半個(gè)小時(shí)，我們向雷蒂費(fèi)洛區(qū)和加里波第廣場方向開去。
He gave a small, embarrassed smile and,
? without answering, accelerated in the direction of the port. The drive lasted
? less than half an hour, we went back on the Rettifilo and Piazza Garibaldi.
“你哥哥狀態(tài)不好。”我們快到小區(qū)跟前時(shí)，斯特凡諾說。他還是從后視鏡里看她，然后問：“櫥窗里展示的那雙鞋子，就是你們做的嗎？”
“Your brother isn’t well,” Stefano said
? when we had returned to the outskirts of the neighborhood. He looked at her
? again in the mirror and asked, “Are those shoes displayed in the window the
? ones you made?”
“做鞋的事情，你又不懂！”
“What do you know about the shoes?”
“里諾一直在說那雙鞋?！?/p>
“It’s all Rino talks about.”
“還有呢？”
“And so?”
“那雙鞋很漂亮?！?/p>
“They’re very beautiful.”
她瞇起了眼睛，好像眼睛快要閉上一樣。
She narrowed her eyes, squeezed them
? almost until they were closed.
“那你就買了吧?！彼猛ǔＤ欠N挑釁的語氣說。
“Buy them,” she said in her provocative
? tone.
“你們要賣多少錢？”
“How much will you sell them for?”
“你要和我父親談?！?/p>
“Talk to my father.”
斯特凡諾很果斷地掉頭了，我一下子撞在車門上，我們向修鞋的鋪?zhàn)臃较蜷_去。
Stefano made a decisive U turn that threw
? me against the door, we turned onto the street where the shoe repair shop
? was.
“你要做什么？”莉拉問，她滿臉驚恐。
“What are you doing?” Lila asked, alarmed
? now.
“你說讓我買了，我現(xiàn)在就去買?！?/p>
“You said to buy them and I’m going to
? buy them.”
