我活著，卻不活在自己里
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? --圣十架約翰（雪辰譯）
我活著卻不活在自己里
在歲月的流逝中等待著
死去，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)死
我不再活在自己里面
沒(méi)有上主，我不能活著
若我不能夠?qū)⒆约航桓端?/p>
那么活著意味著什么呢？
一千種苦痛中的死
在歲月的流逝中等待著
死去，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)死
我在自己里的此生
我看是強(qiáng)盜的人生，
因此是不斷的死，沒(méi)有出路
直到你與我同在
上主啊，求聆聽我，我所說(shuō)的是真實(shí)的：
我不想要我自己的人生
死去，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)死
若是生命遠(yuǎn)離你
我要在這里度過(guò)怎樣的人生
死是如此丑陋和嚴(yán)峻
比任何形式的苦痛更糟糕
我無(wú)比自憐--然而我的命運(yùn)確是
我必須守著這個(gè)謊言
死去，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)死
魚從海里被打撈上來(lái)，
并不是毫無(wú)指望
他會(huì)在短時(shí)間死去
并將永獲釋放
但有什么能夠比擬我的苦痛人生
它將是怎樣在重復(fù)的陣痛中死去
活得越久，死的經(jīng)驗(yàn)越多
我的上主，請(qǐng)將我從死亡中救贖
賜予我生命；可是現(xiàn)在
你用繩子將我嚴(yán)嚴(yán)困鎖
我祈求你松開繩索
看我是怎樣在死中見(jiàn)到你，我的上主
我在地上粉身碎骨
死去，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)死
當(dāng)我開始感到釋放
因在圣事中見(jiàn)到你
我卻落進(jìn)更深的不滿足
失去了你甜蜜的同在
諸事都在擠壓著我的悲傷：
我渴望 -- 卻不能夠 --靠近你
死去，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)死
主啊，我雖找到自己的喜樂(lè)，
就是盼望有一天會(huì)見(jiàn)到你
但又發(fā)覺(jué)我會(huì)失去你
這使我的痛苦加倍地嚴(yán)酷
因此我住在最黑暗的恐懼里面
在歲月的流逝里期盼等待
死去，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)死
死神將激動(dòng)我哭泣
我也為自己的生命悲哀：
有一天我會(huì)偏離正路
跌倒并不斷犯罪
哦天父上帝，當(dāng)這一切發(fā)生時(shí)
我會(huì)誠(chéng)實(shí)無(wú)偽地說(shuō)：
我活著，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)死
I Live yet do not Live in Me
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? --by St. John of the Cross
I live yet do not live in me,
am waiting as my life goes by,
and die because I do not die.
No longer do I live in me,
and without God I cannot live;
to him or me I cannot give
myself, so what can living be?
A thousand deaths my agony
waiting as my life goes by,
dying because I do not die.
This life I live alone I view
as robbery of life, and so
it is a constant death — with no
way out until I live with you.
God, hear me, what I say is true:
I do not want this life of mine,
and die because I do not die.
Being so removed from you I say
what kind of life can I have here
but death so ugly and severe
and worse than any form of pain?
I pity me — and yet my fate
is that I must keep up this lie,
and die because I do not die.
The fish taken out of the sea
is not without a consolation:
his dying is of brief duration
and ultimately brings relief.
Yet what convulsive death can be
as bad as my pathetic life?
The more I live the more I die.
When I begin to feel relief
on seeing you in the sacrament,
I sink in deeper discontent,
deprived of your sweet company.
Now everything compels my grief:
I want — yet can’t — see you nearby,
and die because I do not die.
Although I find my pleasure, Sir,
in hope of someday seeing you,
I see that I can lose you too,
which makes my pain doubly severe,
and so I live in darkest fear,
and hope, wait as life goes by,
dying because I do not die.
Deliver me from death, my God,
and give me life; now you have wound
a rope about me; harshly bound
I ask you to release the cord.
See how I die to see you, Lord,
and I am shattered where I lie,
dying because I do not die.
My death will trigger tears in me,
and I shall mourn my life: a day
annihilated by the way
I fail and sin relentlessly.
O Father God, when will it be
that I can say without a lie:
I live because I do not die?
說(shuō)明：以上是英譯版，原文是西班牙語(yǔ)
