10
頭被打破之后，莉拉頭上包著繃帶，很驕傲地出去。若有人問她，她就會(huì)把繃帶解開，給別人看那道黑色的傷疤，傷疤邊緣有些發(fā)紅，從發(fā)際線那里伸出來。最后，她把這件事忘記了，如果有人盯著她看，看留在皮膚上的那道白色傷疤，她會(huì)惡狠狠地做個(gè)手勢(shì)，意思是說：看什么看！關(guān)你屁事！她對(duì)我什么也沒說，也從來沒有感謝過我給她遞石頭，用圍裙邊兒給她擦流出來的血。從那時(shí)候開始，我們開始比誰膽子大，這已經(jīng)和學(xué)校的事情沒什么關(guān)系了。
Lila went around proudly for a while,
? with her head bandaged. Then she took off the bandage and showed anyone who
? asked the black scar, red at the edges, that stuck out on her forehead under
? the hairline. Finally people forgot what had happened and if someone stared
? at the whitish mark left on her skin, she made an aggressive gesture that
? meant: what are you looking at, mind your own business. To me she never said
? anything, not even a word of thanks for the rocks I had handed her, for how I
? had dried the blood with the edge of my smock. But from that moment she began
? to subject me to proofs of courage that had nothing to do with school.
我們經(jīng)常在院子里見面。我們把各自的娃娃拿出來，假裝在自己玩，假裝無視對(duì)方的存在。后來我們就讓兩個(gè)娃娃一起玩，就好像看她們是不是很友好。那天我們坐在地下室的有破洞的通風(fēng)口旁邊，我們交換了娃娃，我拿著她的，她拿著我的。這時(shí)候，莉拉不動(dòng)聲色，把我的娃娃從通風(fēng)口的破洞那里扔了下去。
We saw each other in the courtyard more
? and more frequently. We showed off our dolls to each other but without
? appearing to, one in the other’s vicinity, as if each of us were alone. At
? some point we let the dolls meet, as a test, to see if they got along. And so
? came the day when we sat next to the cellar window with the curled grating
? and exchanged our dolls, she holding mine and I hers, and Lila abruptly
? pushed Tina through the opening in the grating and dropped her.
我感覺到一種無法承受的痛苦，我覺得賽璐珞娃娃是我擁有的最珍貴的東西。我知道莉拉很壞，但從來沒有想到她會(huì)做出這么邪惡的事情。對(duì)于我來說，我的玩偶是有生命的，地下室下面，居住著成千上萬個(gè)兇殘的動(dòng)物，現(xiàn)在娃娃在下面，這讓我無比的絕望。但在那時(shí)候，雖然我的眼里全是淚花，但我學(xué)會(huì)了一樣?xùn)|西——一樣后來我非常擅長(zhǎng)的本領(lǐng)，就是抑制我的絕望。莉拉用方言問我：
I felt an unbearable sorrow. I was
? attached to my plastic doll; it was the most precious possession I had. I
? knew that Lila was mean, but I had never expected her to do something so
? spiteful to me. For me the doll was alive, to know that she was on the floor
? of the cellar, amid the thousand beasts that lived there, threw me into
? despair. But that day I learned a skill at which I later excelled. I held
? back my despair, I held it back on the edge of my wet eyes, so that Lila said
? to me in dialect:
“你不在乎嗎？”
“You don’t care about her?”
我體會(huì)到一種極端的痛苦，但我覺得和她吵架，只會(huì)讓我更加痛苦。這兩種痛苦讓我喘不過氣來，一個(gè)已經(jīng)發(fā)生，就是我失去了玩偶，還有另一種可能的痛苦，就是失去莉拉。我什么話也沒有說，只是平靜地做了一件事情，就好像是很自然的事情，盡管我的舉動(dòng)并不自然，我知道我在冒險(xiǎn)，我只是把她的玩偶，她剛剛交給我的諾也扔到了地下室里。
I didn’t answer. I felt a violent pain,
? but I sensed that the pain of quarreling with her would be even stronger. I
? was as if strangled by two agonies, one already happening, the loss of the
? doll, and one possible, the loss of Lila. I said nothing, I only acted,
? without spite, as if it were natural, even if it wasn’t natural and I knew I
? was taking a great risk. I merely threw into the cellar her Nu, the doll she
? had just given me.
莉拉用很驚異的目光看著我。
Lila looked at me in disbelief.
“你怎么做，我就會(huì)怎么做！”我馬上大聲說，表面平靜，實(shí)際內(nèi)心極度恐懼。
“What you do, I do,” I recited
? immediately, aloud, very frightened.
“現(xiàn)在，你下去給我撿回來?！?/p>
“Now go and get it for me.”
“如果你把我的娃娃也撿回來?！?/p>
“If you go and get mine.”
我們一起下去了。那棟樓房的大門左邊有一道小門通往地下室，我們知道那道小門。那道門很破敗，其中一扇只有一個(gè)折頁(yè)支撐著，門上有一根鏈條把兩扇門鎖在一起。門縫很寬，隨便一個(gè)孩子都可以擠進(jìn)去。我們就是這么做的，我們心懷恐懼，把門推開到我們能進(jìn)去的寬度，我們的身體瘦小靈活，從門縫溜進(jìn)了地下室。
We went together. At the entrance to the
? building, on the left, was the door that led to the cellars, we knew it well.
? Because it was broken—one of the panels was hanging on just one hinge—the
? entrance was blocked by a chain that crudely held the two panels together.
? Every child was tempted and at the same time terrified by the possibility of
? forcing the door that little bit that would make it possible to go through to
? the other side. We did it. We made a space wide enough for our slender,
? supple bodies to slip through into the cellar.
莉拉先進(jìn)去了，然后是我。我們進(jìn)去之后，下了五個(gè)石頭臺(tái)階，進(jìn)到一個(gè)潮濕的地方。路面的高度有一個(gè)很小的孔，有光透進(jìn)來，但地下室里依然非常幽暗。
Once inside, we descended, Lila in the
? lead, five stone steps into a damp space, dimly lit by the narrow openings at
? street level.
我很害怕，想跟緊莉拉，但她好像很憤怒，一門心思地找她的玩偶，我們跌跌撞撞地向前走。我聽到鞋底下發(fā)出吱吱嘎嘎的聲音，那是玻璃、石子還有蟲子發(fā)出的聲音。周圍有一些東西，不知道是什么：黑的、圓的、方的，有的是尖的。從窗口透進(jìn)來的光，有時(shí)候會(huì)落在一些物體上面，我看到破椅子、臺(tái)燈支架、水果箱子、衣柜的架子和廢鐵。有一樣讓我非常害怕的東西，看起來像是一張軟塌塌的臉，上面有兩個(gè)巨大的玻璃眼睛，下巴那里有一個(gè)盒子一樣的東西，我看到這張臉掛在一個(gè)木質(zhì)晾衣架上，表情很沮喪，我叫喊起來，指給莉拉看。她轉(zhuǎn)過身，背對(duì)著我，慢慢走近那個(gè)東西，小心地伸出手，把那個(gè)東西從晾衣架上拿了下來，然后轉(zhuǎn)過身來。她把那個(gè)東西戴在自己的臉上，看不見她的眼睛，只看到兩只玻璃大眼睛，還有一張巨大的臉，眼眶里沒有眼珠子，也沒有嘴，只有黑色的長(zhǎng)下巴，在她胸前晃蕩。
?I? was afraid, and tried to stay close behind Lila, but she seemed angry, and? intent on finding her doll. I groped my way forward. I felt under the soles? of my sandals objects that squeaked, glass, gravel, insects. All around were? things not identifiable, dark masses, sharp or square or rounded. The faint? light that pierced the darkness sometimes fell on something recognizable: the? skeleton of a chair, the pole of a lamp, fruit boxes, the bottoms and sides? of wardrobes, iron hinges. I got scared by what seemed to me a soft face,? with large glass eyes, that lengthened into a chin shaped like a box. I saw? it hanging, with its desolate expression, on a rickety wooden stand, and I? cried out to Lila, pointing to it. She turned and slowly approached it, with? her back to me, carefully extended one hand, and detached it from the stand.? Then she turned around. She had put the face with the glass eyes over hers? and now her face was enormous, with round, empty eye sockets and no mouth,? only that protruding black chin swinging over her chest.
這個(gè)場(chǎng)景深深地刻在了我的記憶里，我不是很確信，但那時(shí)候我一定是發(fā)出了一聲恐懼的尖叫。她馬上對(duì)我說，那是一張面具，只是一張防毒面具——她爸爸是這么叫的，他們家的儲(chǔ)藏室里有一張一模一樣的。她的聲音有點(diǎn)兒回響，我還在發(fā)抖，嚇得直叫，很明顯地這讓她很快把那張面具摘了下來，扔到一個(gè)角落里，一陣噼里啪啦。從窗口透進(jìn)來的光線里，可以看到面具揚(yáng)起了很大的灰塵。
Those are moments which are stamped into
? memory. I’m not sure, but I must have let out a cry of real terror, because
? she hurried to say, in an echoing voice, that it was just a mask, an anti-gas
? mask: that’s what her father called it, he had one like it in the storeroom
? at home. I continued to tremble and moan with fear, which evidently persuaded
? her to tear the thing off her face and throw it in a corner, causing a loud
? noise and a lot of dust that thickened amid the tongues of light from the
? windows.
我平靜下來了。莉拉看了看四周，定位我們?nèi)酉碌倌群椭Z的那個(gè)窗口。我們沿著粗糙、因潮氣而結(jié)塊的墻壁向前走，在黑暗中尋找，但我們的玩偶不在那里。莉拉用方言不停地說：她們不在這里，不在這里，不在這里！她用手在地上翻找，那是我沒有勇氣做的事情。
I calmed down. Lila looked around,
? identified the opening from which we had dropped Tina and Nu. We went along
? the rough bumpy wall, we looked into the shadows. The dolls weren’t there.
? Lila repeated in dialect, they’re not there, they’re not there, they’re not
? there, and searched along the floor with her hands, something I didn’t have
? the courage to do.
經(jīng)過了漫長(zhǎng)的幾分鐘。有一瞬間，我好像忽然看到了蒂娜，我心跳加速，伸出手去拿，但那只是揉成一團(tuán)的報(bào)紙。她們沒在這里——莉拉又說了一遍，她向門口走去。我覺得很茫然，我不能一個(gè)人待在地下室里繼續(xù)尋找，但我也不想和她一起走開，因?yàn)闆]找到玩偶。
Long minutes passed. Once only I seemed
? to see Tina and with a tug at my heart I bent over to grab her, but it was
? only a crumpled page of old newspaper. They aren’t here, Lila repeated, and
? headed toward the door. Then I felt lost, unable to stay there by myself and
? keep searching, unable to leave if I hadn’t found my doll.
她站在臺(tái)階上說：
At the top of the steps she said:
“娃娃是被堂·阿奇勒拿走了，他放到了一個(gè)黑包里。”
“Don Achille took them, he put them in
? his black bag.”
就在那時(shí)候，我覺得我好像聽到了堂·阿奇勒的聲音，他像蛇一樣，在那些說不上名字的東西中間爬行，發(fā)出窸窸窣窣的聲音。莉拉已經(jīng)很靈活地從那道破門里鉆了出去，為了跟上她，我只能放棄了蒂娜。
And at that very moment I heard him, Don
? Achille: he slithered, he shuffled among the indistinct shapes of things.
? Then I abandoned Tina to her fate, and ran away, in order not to lose Lila,
? who was already twisting nimbly between the panels of the broken door.
11
她說的話我都相信。我簡(jiǎn)直可以想象，堂·阿奇勒那難以描述的身體在地下隧道里跑來跑去，他雙臂低垂，長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的手指，一手捏著諾的頭，另一只手提著蒂娜的頭。我非常痛苦。
I believed everything she told me. The
? shapeless mass of Don Achille running through the underground tunnels, arms
? dangling, large fingers grasping Nu’s head in one hand, in the other Tina’s.
? I suffered terribly.
我得了生長(zhǎng)熱，好了之后又病了，反反復(fù)復(fù)。我的感覺功能出了問題，有時(shí)候我感覺周圍的每樣?xùn)|西都加快了節(jié)奏，物體堅(jiān)實(shí)的表面在我的手指下面變得柔軟，抑或物體的表層腫脹，和內(nèi)部剝離開來。我覺得我自己的身體摸起來也好像是腫的，這讓我非常傷心。我覺得自己的臉頰圓得像球，手上長(zhǎng)滿了傷疤，耳垂就像熟透了的花楸果，手指上全是裂口，腳也腫得像圓面包一樣。
?I? got sick, had fevers, got better, got sick again. I was overcome by a kind of? tactile dysfunction; sometimes I had the impression that, while every? animated being around me was speeding up the rhythms of its life, solid? surfaces turned soft under my fingers or swelled up, leaving empty spaces? between their internal mass and the surface skin. It seemed to me that my own? body, if you touched it, was distended, and this saddened me. I was sure that? I had cheeks like balloons, hands stuffed with sawdust, earlobes like ripe? berries, feet in the shape of loaves of bread.?
走在路上或是在學(xué)校里，我覺得空間也發(fā)生了變化。我覺得自己被夾在了黑暗的兩極中間：一邊是地下的氣球不斷地膨脹，擠壓著房子的根基，以及兩個(gè)玩偶掉下去的地窖；還有一只氣球從上面壓下來，那是住在五樓的堂·阿奇勒，他偷了我們的娃娃。這兩只氣球的兩邊好像被鐵柵欄卡住了，在我的想象里，這道柵欄斜穿過房子、街道、鄉(xiāng)村、隧道、鐵軌，從上下兩側(cè)擠壓著這一切。我覺得自己，還有周圍每天遇到的人和事，一起被夾在了鐵欄里。我覺得嘴里很苦，一直覺得惡心疲憊，就好像周圍的一切都擠壓過來，越來越緊，我要被擠成一堆讓人作嘔的糊糊了。
When I returned to the streets and to
? school, I felt that the space, too, had changed. It seemed to be chained
? between two dark poles: on one side was the underground air bubble that
? pressed on the roots of the houses, the threatening cavern the dolls had
? fallen into; on the other the upper sphere, on the fourth floor of the
? building where Don Achille, who had stolen them, lived. The two balls were as
? if screwed to the ends of an iron bar, which in my imagination obliquely
? crossed the apartments, the streets, the countryside, the tunnel, the
? railroad tracks, and compressed them. I felt squeezed in that vise along with
? the mass of everyday things and people, and I had a bad taste in my mouth, a
? permanent sense of nausea that exhausted me, as if everything, thus
? compacted, and always tighter, were grinding me up, reducing me to a
? repulsive cream.
這場(chǎng)疾病很頑固，可能持續(xù)了好幾年時(shí)間，一直快到青春期。我剛生病時(shí)，出乎我預(yù)料的是，出現(xiàn)了我人生中的第一次告白。
It was an enduring malaise, lasting
? perhaps years, beyond early adolescence. But unexpectedly, just when it
? began, I received my first declaration of love.
我和莉拉還沒去樓上找堂·阿奇勒，我還沉浸在失去蒂娜的痛苦之中。我很不情愿地出門，去給家里買面包，是我母親打發(fā)我去的。那時(shí)候我正走在回家路上，手里緊緊攥著零錢，生怕丟掉。我低著頭，下巴抵著胸口在走路，我發(fā)現(xiàn)尼諾·薩拉托雷拉著他弟弟走在我后面。在夏天，尼諾的母親莉迪亞讓他出門時(shí)總是帶著皮諾，那時(shí)候皮諾不到五歲，尼諾不得不時(shí)時(shí)帶著弟弟。走到街角時(shí)，在距離卡拉奇家的肉食店不遠(yuǎn)的地方，尼諾一下子就趕上了我，但他沒有超過我，而是擋住了我的去路。他把我推到墻上，空出來的那只手，擋在了我的前面，不讓我逃走，另一只手拉著弟弟，他弟弟一聲不吭，看著他的壯舉。他氣喘吁吁地說了些我聽不懂的話。他臉色蒼白，開始時(shí)微笑著，后來變得嚴(yán)肅，最后又微笑了。他用學(xué)校里學(xué)到的意大利語對(duì)我說：
It was before Lila and I had attempted to
? climb the stairs to Don Achille’s, and my grief at the loss of Tina was still
? unbearable. I had gone reluctantly to buy bread. My mother had sent me and I
? was going home, the change clutched in my fist and the loaf still warm
? against my chest, when I realized that Nino Sarratore was trudging behind me,
? holding his little brother by the hand. On summer days his mother, Lidia,
? always sent him out with Pino, who at the time was no more than five, with
? the injunction never to leave him. Near a corner, a little past the
? Carraccis’ grocery, Nino was about to pass me, but instead of passing he cut
? off my path, pushed me against the wall, placed his free hand against the
? wall as a bar, to keep me from running away, and with the other pulled up
? beside him his brother, a silent witness of his undertaking. Breathlessly he
? said something I couldn’t understand. He was pale, and he smiled, then he
? became serious, then he smiled again. Finally he said, in school Italian:
“等我們長(zhǎng)大了，我要娶你?！?/p>
“When we grow up I want to marry you.”
然后他問我，在這之前我愿不愿意和他交往。
Then he asked if in the meantime I would? be engaged to him.?
他個(gè)子比我要高一些，很瘦，脖子很長(zhǎng)，有點(diǎn)兒招風(fēng)耳，他頭發(fā)蓬亂，目光很有神，眼睫毛很長(zhǎng)。他戰(zhàn)勝了自己的羞怯，鼓起很大勇氣向我告白，這讓我非常感動(dòng)。盡管我也想嫁給他，但我還是回答說：
He was a little taller than me, very
? thin, with a long neck, his ears sticking out a little from his head. He had
? rebellious hair, and intense eyes with long lashes. The effort he was making
? to restrain his timidity was touching. Although I also wanted to marry him, I
? felt like answering:
“不，我不能。”
“No, I can’t.”
他驚異地張大了嘴巴，皮諾這時(shí)候拽了他一把，我跑開了。
He was stunned, Pino gave him a tug. I
? ran away.
從那時(shí)候開始，每次我看到他都會(huì)繞開。盡管我覺得他非常帥，不知道有多少次，為了靠近他，我會(huì)接近他妹妹瑪麗莎，只是為了和他們一起走回家。很明顯，他選錯(cuò)了告白的時(shí)間，他不可能知道，我有多混亂，蒂娜的消失給我?guī)砹硕啻笸纯?，院子、樓房，還有城區(qū)都讓我喘不過氣來。
From that moment I began to sneak into a
? side street whenever I saw him. And yet he seemed to me so handsome. How many
? times had I hung around his sister Marisa just to be near him and walk part
? of the way home with them. But he had made the declaration at the wrong
? moment. He couldn’t know how undone I felt, how much anguish Tina’s
? disappearance had caused me, how exhausting the effort of keeping up with
? Lila was, how the compressed space of the courtyard, the buildings, the
? neighborhood cut off my breath.
他總是遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)看著我，有些膽怯。過了一陣子，他也開始回避我。有一陣子，他一定是擔(dān)心我把他向我告白的事告訴其他女生，尤其是他妹妹。大家都知道，恩佐向糕點(diǎn)師傅的女兒吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛表白時(shí)，她就是這么做的。恩佐知道之后非常生氣，在學(xué)校樓下和她大吵大鬧，說她是個(gè)騙子，還威脅說要用刀砍死她。我本來也想把這件事情告訴別人，但最后我誰也沒說。和莉拉成為朋友后，我也沒把這件事情告訴她，慢慢地，我自己也忘了。
?After giving me many long, frightened? glances from a distance, he began to avoid me, too. For a while he must have? been afraid that I would tell the other girls, and in particular his sister,? about the proposal he had made. Everyone knew that Gigliola Spagnuolo, the? daughter of the baker, had done that when Enzo had asked her to be his? girlfriend. And Enzo had found out and got angry, he had shouted outside? school that she was a liar, he had even threatened to kill her with a knife.? I, too, was tempted to tell everything, but then I let it go, I didn’t tell? anyone, not even Lila when we became friends. Slowly I forgot about it? myself.
等到過了一陣子，薩拉托雷全家搬家時(shí)，我才回想起這件事情。那天早上，賣菜女人阿孫塔的丈夫尼科拉出現(xiàn)在院子里，還有他們?cè)诔抢镔u菜用的那輛破馬車。尼科拉寬臉，藍(lán)眼睛，頭發(fā)和他兒子恩佐一樣，也是金色的。他除了賣菜，還會(huì)幫人家搬家。多納托·薩拉托雷、尼諾，還有莉迪亞把所有東西都搬了下來，有各種各樣的破玩意兒、床墊、家具，尼科拉把每樣?xùn)|西都放在馬車上。
It came to mind again when, some time
? later, the entire Sarratore family moved. One morning the cart and horse that
? belonged to Assunta’s husband, Nicola, appeared in the courtyard: with that
? same cart and that same old horse he sold fruit and vegetables with his wife,
? going up and down the streets of the neighborhood. Nicola had a broad
? handsome face and the same blue eyes, the same blond hair as his son Enzo.
? Besides selling fruit and vegetables, he was the mover. And in fact he,
? Donato Sarratore, Nino himself, and Lidia, too, began to carry things
? downstairs, all sorts of odds and ends, mattresses, furniture, and piled it
? on the cart.
樓里的女人，包括我母親，聽到院子里馬車的聲音，都從窗子探出頭來看。我也去看了，大家都很好奇。好像國(guó)家鐵路局給多納托分了一套新房子，在國(guó)家廣場(chǎng)附近?；蛘甙凑瘴夷赣H的說法，他們搬家是為了躲過梅麗娜的迫害，極有可能是他妻子強(qiáng)迫他搬家的，梅麗娜想搶她丈夫。我母親總能看到事情糟糕的一面，這讓我覺得厭惡。但事后我很快會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)，母親說得很有道理，她的那只斜眼好像生來就是為了窺探街區(qū)的秘密。梅麗娜會(huì)是什么反應(yīng)呢？我聽到有人說，梅麗娜和薩拉托雷生了一個(gè)孩子，后來被弄死了，我不知道這是不是真的。梅麗娜在破口大罵時(shí)，有沒有這種可能也會(huì)提到這件事情？
As soon as the women heard the sound of? wheels in the courtyard, they looked out, including my mother, including me.? There was a great curiosity. It seemed that Donato had got a new house? directly from the state railroad, in the neighborhood of a square called? Piazza Nazionale. Or—said my mother—his wife had obliged him to move to? escape the persecutions of Melina, who wanted to take away her husband.? Likely. My mother always saw evil where, to my great annoyance, it was sooner? or later discovered that evil really was, and her crossed eye seemed made? purposely to identify the secret motives of the neighborhood. How would? Melina react? Was it true, as I had heard whispered, that she had had a child? with Sarratore and then killed it? And was it possible that she would start? shouting terrible things, including that??
那時(shí)候，所有女人——大的小的——都站在窗前，也許是為了和這家人揮手告別，也有可能是為了看那個(gè)丑陋、干瘦的寡婦發(fā)怒的情景，我看到莉拉和她母親從窗子探出身。
All the females, big and small, were at
? the windows, perhaps to wave goodbye to the family that was leaving, perhaps
? to witness the spectacle of rage of that ugly, lean, and widowed woman. I saw
? that Lila and her mother, Nunzia, were also watching.
我在尋找尼諾的目光，但他好像在忙別的事情。就像往常這種時(shí)刻，沒有一個(gè)具體的原因，我覺得非常虛弱，覺得周圍的一切都開始變形。我想，他向我告白，可能是因?yàn)樗雷约阂吡?，在他離開之前，他要告訴我他的想法。我看到他忙前忙后，在搬裝滿東西的箱子，覺得很愧疚，我為自己曾經(jīng)拒絕他而感到痛苦，現(xiàn)在他像小鳥一樣飛走了。
I sought Nino’s gaze, but he seemed to
? have other things to do. I was then seized, as usual for no precise reason,
? by a weariness that made everything around me faint. I thought that perhaps
? he had made that declaration because he already knew that he would be leaving
? and wanted to tell me first what he felt for me. I looked at him as he
? struggled to carry boxes filled to overflowing, and I felt the guilt, the
? sorrow of having said no. Now he was fleeing like a bird.
最后，搬運(yùn)家具和其他零碎物品的隊(duì)伍停了下來。尼科拉和多納托把繩子扔上去，把馬車上的東西固定好。莉迪亞·薩拉托雷出來了，她一身節(jié)日的裝扮，頭上戴了一頂藍(lán)色的草帽，推著一輛童車，里面是她的小兒子，旁邊跟著兩個(gè)大一點(diǎn)的孩子：瑪麗莎和我差不多一樣大，克萊利亞六歲。我忽然聽到三樓傳來摔東西的聲音，幾乎同時(shí)，大家都聽到了梅麗娜的叫喊聲，那是一種非常揪心的痛苦叫喊，我看到莉拉用手堵住了耳朵。這時(shí)候，傳來了梅麗娜的女兒艾達(dá)悲痛的聲音，她一直用悲痛的聲音說：“媽媽，別這樣！媽媽！”
Finally the procession of furniture and? household goods stopped. Nicola and Donato began to tie everything to the? cart with ropes. Lidia Sarratore appeared dressed as if to go to a party, she? had even put on a summer hat, of blue straw. She pushed the carriage with her? youngest boy in it and beside her she had the two girls, Marisa, who was my? age, eight or nine, and Clelia, six. Suddenly there was a noise of things? breaking on the second floor. Almost at the same moment Melina began? screaming. Her cries were so tortured that Lila, I saw, put her hands over? her ears. The pained voice of Ada, Melina’s second child, echoed as she? cried, Mamma, no, Mamma.?
過了一會(huì)兒，我也把耳朵堵上了。這時(shí)候，忽然我看到有東西從窗口飛了出去，出于好奇，我把堵在耳朵上的手拿開了，想搞清楚發(fā)生了什么。梅麗娜并沒有喊出什么話，而是不停地叫喊：“啊！??！??！”就好像受傷了一樣。我看不見她扔?xùn)|西的手臂或者手，只能看到銅鍋、杯子、瓶子、盤子都從窗子飛了出來，好像它們是自己飛出來一樣。路上的莉迪亞·薩拉托雷則低頭疾走，她彎著腰，護(hù)著小推車，幾個(gè)孩子跟在她后面。多納托爬上馬車，趴在了他的東西上，尼科拉緊緊拉著馬嚼子，馬蹄子不安地踢動(dòng)著。從樓上扔下來的東西摔到了馬路上，彈起來，在馬腳下裂成碎片。
After a moment of uncertainty I, too,
? covered my ears. But meanwhile objects began to fly out the window and
? curiosity became so strong that I freed my eardrums, as if I needed clear
? sounds to understand. Melina, however, wasn’t uttering words but only aaah,
? aaah, as if she were wounded. She couldn’t be seen, not even an arm or a hand
? that was throwing things could be seen. Copper pots, glasses, bottles, plates
? appeared to fly out the window of their own volition, and in the street Lidia
? Sarratore walked with her head down, leaning over the baby carriage, her
? daughters behind, while Donato climbed up on the cart amid his property, and
? Don Nicola guided the horse by the bridle and meanwhile objects hit the
? asphalt, bounced, shattered, sending splinters between the nervous hooves of
? the beast.
我用目光搜尋著莉拉，看到一張和平時(shí)不一樣的臉，她滿臉迷茫。她應(yīng)該感覺到我在看她，于是很快從窗前消失了。那輛馬車出發(fā)了，馬車是挨著墻走的。他們和誰都沒告別，莉迪亞和四個(gè)幼小的孩子低著頭，走向鐵門。尼諾好像不想離開，好像那些易碎物品砸在地上，讓他覺得挺遺憾的。
I looked at Lila. Now I saw another face,
? a face of bewilderment. She must have realized that I was looking at her, and
? she immediately disappeared from the window. Meanwhile the cart started off.
? Keeping to the wall, without a goodbye to anyone, Lidia and the four youngest
? children slunk toward the gate, while Nino seemed unwilling to leave, as if
? hypnotized by the waste of fragile objects against the asphalt.
最后，我看到從窗口飛出來一個(gè)黑影，那是一把熨斗，純鐵的那種：把手和底座都是鐵的。還沒有失去蒂娜的時(shí)候，我用母親的熨斗和她做游戲，假裝那是暴風(fēng)雨中的一艘船。扔下來的那把熨斗和我母親的一模一樣，也像船，尖頭朝下飛出來了，“咚”的一聲，落在離尼諾幾厘米的地方，在地上砸了一個(gè)洞，差一點(diǎn)——真是差一點(diǎn)就要了他的命。
Last I saw flying out the window a sort
? of black spot. It was an iron, pure steel. When I still had Tina and played
? in the house, I used my mother’s, which was identical, prow-shaped,
? pretending it was a ship in a storm. The object plummeted down and with a
? sharp thud made a hole in the ground, a few inches from Nino. It nearly—very
? nearly—killed him.
12
從來沒有男生向莉拉表白，她從沒說自己為此感到很難過。不斷有男生向吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛表白，向我表白的人也很多。沒人喜歡莉拉，首先是因?yàn)樗莸孟裰窀鸵粯?，臟兮兮的，身上總是有傷；其次是因?yàn)樗彀头浅？瘫?，總是給人起一些侮辱性的綽號(hào)，喜歡在老師面前炫耀自己豐富的意大利語詞匯——很多沒人知道的詞匯。她一直和我們說一種粗俗的方言，夾雜著很多臟話，這扼殺了任何愛的萌芽。
No boy ever declared to Lila that he? loved her, and she never told me if it grieved her. Gigliola Spagnuolo? received proposals to be someone’s girlfriend continuously and I, too, was? much in demand. Lila, on the other hand, wasn’t popular, mostly because she? was skinny, dirty, and always had a cut or bruise of some sort, but also? because she had a sharp tongue. She invented humiliating nicknames and? although in front of the teacher she showed off Italian words that no one? knew, with us she spoke a scathing dialect, full of swear words, which cut? off at its origin any feeling of love.?
只有恩佐對(duì)她有所表示，假如那不算是示愛，那也可以算得上一種欣賞和尊敬的表示。那是恩佐把莉拉的頭打破之后很久，在他向吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛示愛之前的事。我記得，當(dāng)時(shí)我和莉拉走在大路上，他跟了上來，在我驚異的注視下，遞給了莉拉一個(gè)花楸果花環(huán)。
Only Enzo did a thing that, if it wasn’t
? exactly a request to be her boyfriend, was nevertheless a sign of admiration
? and respect. Some time after he had cut her head with the rock and before, it
? seems to me, he was rejected by Gigliola Spagnuolo, he ran into us on the
? stradone and, before my incredulous eyes, held out to Lila a garland of sorb
? apples.
“干嘛??？”
“What do I do with it?”
“可以吃呀……”
“You eat them.”
“生的？”
“Bitter?”
“你可以等熟了吃?！?/p>
“Let them ripen.”
“我不想要?！?/p>
“I don’t want them.”
“那你就扔了吧?！?/p>
“Throw them away.”
恩佐說完就轉(zhuǎn)身去干活了，我和莉拉笑了起來。我們很少說話，但每次一有什么事情，我們都會(huì)先笑起來。我用滿懷興趣的語氣對(duì)她說：
That was it. Enzo turned his back and
? hurried off to work. Lila and I started laughing. We didn’t talk much, but we
? had a laugh at everything that happened to us. I said only, in a tone of
? amusement:
“花楸果，我喜歡……”
“I like sorb apples.”
實(shí)際上我在說謊，我一點(diǎn)兒也不喜歡花楸果?；ㄩ惫€沒成熟時(shí)，我覺得那種紅里帶黃的顏色很誘人，在太陽底下，它們的果實(shí)很絢麗；但果子在陽臺(tái)上慢慢成熟時(shí)，就會(huì)變成褐色，很軟，就像小小的爛梨子一樣，皮很容易去掉，里面是顆粒狀的果肉，味道不錯(cuò)，但看起來爛糊糊的，讓我想起馬路上被車壓扁的老鼠，讓我一點(diǎn)胃口也沒有了。我說那句話只是想試探一下莉拉，我希望她把那些花楸果遞過來說：“你拿去吧！”如果她能把恩佐送給她的東西給我，我覺得那要比收到一件她自己的東西還讓我高興。但她沒有給我，我還記得她把那些花楸果帶回家，親自在窗戶上釘了一枚釘子，我看她把花楸果掛在上面，我有一種被背叛的感覺。
I was lying, it was a fruit I didn’t
? like. I was attracted by their reddish-yellow color when they were unripe,
? their compactness that gleamed on sunny days. But when they ripened on the
? balconies and became brown and soft like small wrinkled pears, and the skin
? came off easily, displaying a grainy pulp not with a bad taste but spongy in
? a way that reminded me of the corpses of rats along the stradone, then I
? wouldn’t even touch them. I made that statement almost as a test, hoping that
? Lila would offer them to me: here, take them, you have them. I felt that if
? she had given me the gift that Enzo had given her I would be happier than if
? she had given me something of hers. But she didn’t, and I still recall the
? feeling of betrayal when she brought them home. She herself put a nail at the
? window. I saw her hang the garland on it.
13
恩佐沒有再給莉拉送其他禮物。吉耀拉把恩佐向她求愛的事情弄得眾所周知，他們吵架之后，恩佐就很少出現(xiàn)了。盡管他在心算方面非常厲害，但他不想學(xué)習(xí)，老師沒有建議他參加升初中的考試，他也不覺得懊悔，反倒覺得很高興。他注冊(cè)了技工學(xué)校，實(shí)際上，他每天都在幫父母干活。他早上起得很早，和父親一起去蔬果市場(chǎng)，或者是用馬拉車?yán)乩锓N的菜來城區(qū)賣，他的學(xué)習(xí)生涯很快就結(jié)束了。
Enzo didn’t give her any other gifts.
? After the fight with Gigliola, who had told everyone about the declaration he
? had made to her, we saw him less and less. Although he had proved to be
? extremely good at doing sums in his head, he was lazy, so the teacher didn’t
? suggest that he take the admissions test for the middle school, and he wasn’t
? sorry about it, in fact he was pleased. He enrolled in the trade school, but
? in fact he was already working with his parents. He got up very early to go
? with his father to the fruitvegetable market or to drive the cart through the
? neighborhood, selling produce from the countryside, and so he soon quit
? school.
而我們幾個(gè)呢，五年級(jí)快結(jié)束時(shí)，老師說我們是可造之才，可以繼續(xù)學(xué)習(xí)。老師把我的父母、吉耀拉和莉拉的父母輪番叫到學(xué)校，告訴他們一定要支持我們繼續(xù)學(xué)習(xí)，除了小學(xué)畢業(yè)考試，我們還要參加中學(xué)升學(xué)的考試。我費(fèi)盡心機(jī)，想讓父親而不是母親去學(xué)校和老師談話。我母親走路一瘸一拐的，又是斜眼，最主要的是她總是怒氣沖沖；而我父親作為市政府的門房，懂得禮貌用語。但我的算計(jì)都落空了，后來是母親去的，她和老師談了，回到家時(shí)表情非常陰郁。
We, instead, toward the end of fifth
? grade, were told that it would be suitable for us to continue in school. The
? teacher summoned in turn my parents and those of Gigliola and Lila to tell
? them that we absolutely had to take not only the test for the elementary
? school diploma but also the one for admission to middle school. I did all I
? could so that my father would not send my mother, with her limp, her
? wandering eye, and her stubborn anger, but would go himself, since he was a
? porter and knew how to be polite. I didn’t succeed. She went, she talked to
? the teacher, and returned home in a sullen mood.
“老師想要錢，她說那個(gè)考試很難，要孩子補(bǔ)課?！?/p>
“The teacher wants money. She says she
? has to give some extra lessons because the test is difficult.”
“參加這些考試有什么用呢？”我父親問。
“But what’s the point of this test?” my
? father asked.
“讓她學(xué)習(xí)拉丁語?！?/p>
“To let her study Latin.”
“為什么？”
“Why?”
“因?yàn)槔蠋熣f她學(xué)得好?！?/p>
“Because they say she’s clever.”
“如果她學(xué)得好，那為什么還要上這些收費(fèi)的課呢？”
“But if she’s clever, why does the
? teacher have to give her lessons that cost money?”
“這樣一來，她的日子就好過些，我們的日子就難過了……”
“So she’ll be better off and we’ll be
? worse.”
他們討論了很久。一開始，我母親反對(duì)，我父親不是很確定，后來父親很慎重，開始支持我上學(xué)，母親做出了讓步，不像之前那么反對(duì)。最后他們決定讓我參加考試，但是有言在先，如果我不是特別出色的話，就要馬上退學(xué)。
They discussed it at length. At first my
? mother was against it and my father uncertain; then my father became
? cautiously in favor and my mother resigned herself to being a little less
? against it; finally they decided to let me take the test, but always provided
? that if I did not do well they would immediately take me out of school.
而莉拉的父母決定不讓她繼續(xù)上學(xué)。她母親農(nóng)齊亞不是很肯定，她想說服莉拉的父親，但他連商量的余地都沒有，還扇了里諾一個(gè)耳光，因?yàn)槔镏Z說這么做不對(duì)。莉拉的父母甚至不想去和老師談，但后來校長(zhǎng)叫他們?nèi)ィr(nóng)齊亞不得不去了。這個(gè)滿臉驚恐的女人拒絕了奧利維耶羅的提議，老師有些不悅，但還是盡量保持平靜。老師拿出了莉拉寫的精彩作文，還有解出的高難度算術(shù)題，甚至是課堂繪畫。莉拉無論畫什么，班上的女生都很喜歡，她巧妙地模仿喬托的畫法，她筆下的那些公主都很逼真：頭發(fā)、珠寶、衣服和鞋子，都是在書上看不到的，在教區(qū)的電影院里也看不到。當(dāng)她的提議被徹底拒絕之后，奧利維耶羅老師失去了耐性，她把莉拉的母親拉到了校長(zhǎng)跟前，就好像她是一個(gè)不遵守紀(jì)律的學(xué)生。但農(nóng)齊亞不能做出讓步，因?yàn)樗龥]有得到丈夫的許可，她一直不停地說“不”，直到自己、老師和校長(zhǎng)都精疲力竭。
Lila’s parents on the other hand said no.
? Nunzia Cerullo made a few somewhat hesitant attempts, but her father wouldn’t
? even talk about it, and in fact hit Rino when he told him that he was wrong.
? Her parents were inclined not to go and see the teacher, but Maestra Oliviero
? had the principal summon them, and then Nunzia had to go. Faced with the
? timid but flat refusal of that frightened woman, Maestra Oliviero, stern but
? calm, displayed Lila’s marvelous compositions, the brilliant solutions to
? difficult problems, and even the beautifully colored drawings that in class,
? when she applied herself, enchanted us all, because, pilfering Giotto’s
? pastels, she portrayed in a realistic style princesses with hairdos, jewels,
? clothes, shoes that had never been seen in any book or even at the parish
? cinema. When the refusal persisted, the teacher lost her composure and
? dragged Lila’s mother to the principal as if she were a student to be
? disciplined. But Nunzia couldn’t yield, she didn’t have permission from her husband.
? As a result she kept saying no until she, the teacher, and the principal were
? overcome by exhaustion.
第二天我們?nèi)W(xué)校時(shí)，莉拉用她通常的語氣對(duì)我說：“無論如何，我都要參加考試。”我相信她的話，禁止她做任何事情都是沒有用的，我們所有人都知道。她好像比我們所有女生都強(qiáng)大，她比恩佐、阿方索、斯特凡諾，還有她哥哥里諾都要強(qiáng)大，她比我們的父母、老師，還有可以把我們抓進(jìn)監(jiān)獄的憲兵更強(qiáng)大。盡管她外表看起來很脆弱，但是任何禁令在她面前都會(huì)失去效力。她知道如何跨越界限，但又不會(huì)真正承擔(dān)后果，最后人們會(huì)做出讓步。盡管很不情愿，人們還是不得不贊賞她。
The next day, as we were going to school,
? Lila said to me in her usual tone: I’m going to take the test anyway. I
? believed her, to forbid her to do something was pointless, everyone knew it.
? She seemed the strongest of us girls, stronger than Enzo, than Alfonso, than
? Stefano, stronger than her brother Rino, stronger than our parents, stronger
? than all the adults including the teacher and the carabinieri, who could put
? you in jail. Although she was fragile in appearance, every prohibition lost
? substance in her presence. She knew how to go beyond the limit without ever
? truly suffering the consequences. In the end people gave in, and were even,
? however unwillingly, compelled to praise her.
14
去堂·阿奇勒家是被禁止的事情，但她一樣決定去做，我跟著她去了。就是在那次，我認(rèn)為沒有任何東西能阻止她，她每次違背常規(guī)，總會(huì)有讓人驚異的結(jié)果。
We were also forbidden to go to Don
? Achille’s, but she decided to go anyway and I followed. In fact, that was
? when I became convinced that nothing could stop her, and that every
? disobedient act contained breathtaking opportunities.
我們想讓堂·阿奇勒把布娃娃還給我們。我們走上了樓梯，每上一級(jí)臺(tái)階，我都有轉(zhuǎn)身跑回院子的沖動(dòng)。我能感覺到莉拉緊緊拉著我的手，我很欣慰地想：她之所以那么做，是因?yàn)樗烙?jì)我沒有勇氣一直走到頂樓，其次，她通過拉我的手給自己打氣。就這樣，我們并肩向前走，我走在靠墻的那邊，她走在有扶手的那邊，我們的手緊緊地握著，汗津津的。我們走上了最后一段樓梯，來到了堂·阿奇勒家門前，我的心跳得很厲害，我從耳朵里都能聽到自己的心跳，但我安慰自己，那也可能是莉拉的心跳聲。從房子里傳出聲音，可能是阿方索、斯特凡諾或者皮諾奇婭的聲音。莉拉默不作聲，在門前待了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間，最后摁了門鈴。很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間都沒動(dòng)靜，后來我們聽到拖鞋的聲音，是瑪麗亞給我們開的門，她穿著一件褪色的綠色家居服。她說話的時(shí)候，我看到她嘴里的金牙亮晃晃的。她有些驚異，以為我們找阿方索。莉拉這時(shí)候用方言說：
We wanted Don Achille to give us back our
? dolls. So we climbed the stairs: at every step I was on the point of turning
? around and going back to the courtyard. I still feel Lila’s hand grasping
? mine, and I like to think that she decided to take it not only because she
? intuited that I wouldn’t have the courage to get to the top floor but also
? because with that gesture she herself sought the force to continue. So, one
? beside the other, I on the wall side and she on the banister side, sweaty
? palms clasped, we climbed the last flights. At Don Achille’s door my heart
? was pounding, I could hear it in my ears, but I was consoled by thinking that
? it was also the sound of Lila’s heart. From the apartment came voices,
? perhaps of Alfonso or Stefano or Pinuccia. After a very long, silent pause
? before the door, Lila rang the bell. There was silence, then a shuffling.
? Donna Maria opened the door, wearing a faded green housedress. When she
? spoke, I saw a brilliant gold tooth in her mouth. She thought we were looking
? for Alfonso, and was a bit bewildered. Lila said to her in dialect:
“不是，我們找堂·阿奇勒……”
“No, we want Don Achille.”
“說吧，什么事兒?！?/p>
“Tell me.”
“我們要跟他說……”
“We have to speak to him.”
那女人喊了一聲：
The woman shouted,?
“阿奇……”
“Achì!”
又聽到一陣腳步聲。
More shuffling.?
從暗處走來一個(gè)非常粗壯的男人，他上身長(zhǎng)下身短，胳膊也很長(zhǎng)，到膝蓋那里。他嘴上叼著煙，煙燃著，他粗聲粗氣地問：
A thickset figure emerged from the
? shadows. He had a long torso, short legs, arms that hung to his knees, and a
? cigarette in his mouth; you could see the embers. He asked hoarsely:
“誰??？”
“Who is it?”
“鞋匠的女兒，還有格雷科的大女兒……”
“The daughter of the shoemaker with
? Greco’s oldest daughter.”
堂·阿奇勒來到了亮光處，這是我們第一次清楚地看到他。他身上沒有礦石，也沒有亮晶晶的玻璃片，他的臉是肉長(zhǎng)的，臉很長(zhǎng)，頭發(fā)耷拉在耳朵上，腦袋中間光禿禿的。他眼睛很亮，眼里有血絲，嘴很大，嘴唇很薄，下巴很長(zhǎng)，中間有個(gè)窩。我覺得他很丑陋，但沒有我想象中的那么丑。
Don Achille came into the light, and, for
? the first time, we saw him clearly. No minerals, no sparkle of glass. His
? long face was of flesh, and the hair bristled only around his ears; the top
? of his head was shiny. His eyes were bright, the white veined with small red
? streams, his mouth wide and thin, his chin heavy, with a crease in the
? middle. He seemed to me ugly but not the way I imagined.
“說吧?！?/p>
“Well?”
“布娃娃的事?！崩蚶f。
“The dolls,” said Lila.
“什么布娃娃？”
“What dolls?”
“我們的布娃娃?！?/p>
“Ours.”
“這里沒有你們的布娃娃……”
“Your dolls are of no use here.”
“您從地窖里拿了我們的布娃娃?！?/p>
“You took them down in the cellar.”
堂·阿奇勒轉(zhuǎn)過頭，對(duì)房子里喊了一句：
Don Achille turned and shouted into the
? apartment:
“皮諾奇婭，你有沒有拿鞋匠女兒的布娃娃？”
“Pinù, did you take the doll belonging to
? the shoemaker’s daughter?”
“我沒有?！?/p>
“Me, no.”
“阿方索，你有沒有拿？”
“Alfò, did you take it?”
傳來一陣笑聲。
Laughter.
我不知道莉拉哪兒來的勇氣，她非常堅(jiān)定地說：
Lila said firmly, I don’t know where she
? got all that courage:
“布娃娃是您拿走的，我們看到了?！?/p>
“You took them, we saw you.”
這時(shí)候，他沉默了一下，問：
There was a moment of silence.
“你說是我拿的？”
“ ‘You’ me?”
“是的，您把娃娃放到了您的黑包里了?！?/p>
“Yes, and you put them in your black
? bag.”
那男人聽到最后這句，眉頭皺了起來，有些厭煩。
The man, hearing those words, wrinkled
? his forehead in annoyance.
我簡(jiǎn)直不敢相信，我們就站在那里，面對(duì)著堂·阿奇勒，莉拉用那種方式和他說話。他有些不安地看著莉拉，我們能隱約看到他身后的阿方索、斯特凡諾和皮諾奇婭，瑪麗亞在往桌上擺餐具。我簡(jiǎn)直不能相信他是一個(gè)普通人，個(gè)子有點(diǎn)低，有點(diǎn)禿頂，四肢不是很勻稱，但他是一個(gè)普通人，因此我時(shí)刻防備著他變形。
I couldn’t believe that we were there, in
? front of Don Achille, and Lila was speaking to him like that and he was
? staring at her in bewilderment, and in the background could be seen Alfonso
? and Stefano and Pinuccia and Donna Maria, who was setting the table for
? dinner. I couldn’t believe that he was an ordinary person, a little short, a
? little bald, a little out of proportion, but ordinary. So I waited for him to
? be abruptly transformed.
堂·阿奇勒重復(fù)了一遍莉拉的話，就好像他不明白那句話的意思：
Don Achille repeated, as if to understand
? clearly the meaning of the words:
“我拿了你們的布娃娃，我把娃娃放在黑包里了？”
“I took your dolls and put them in a
? black bag?”
我感覺到他沒有生氣，而是忽然間變得很痛苦，就好像確認(rèn)了一件他已經(jīng)知道的事情。他用方言說了一句什么，我沒聽明白。這時(shí)候，瑪麗亞喊道：
I felt that he was not angry but? unexpectedly pained, as if he were receiving confirmation of something he? already knew. He said something in dialect that I didn’t understand, Maria? cried,?
“阿奇，飯好了?！?/p>
“Achì, it’s ready.”
“我馬上來?！?/p>
“I’m coming.”
堂·阿奇勒把一只大手伸向了屁股后面的口袋里。我們的手握得緊緊的，覺得他肯定會(huì)掏出一把刀來，但他卻拿出一只錢包，他把錢包打開，看了一眼，然后給了莉拉一些錢，我不記得數(shù)目是多少。他說：
Don Achille stuck a large, broad hand in
? the back pocket of his pants. We clutched each other’s hand tightly, waiting
? for him to bring out a knife. Instead he took out his wallet, opened it,
? looked inside, and handed Lila some money, I don’t remember how much.
“你們拿去吧，去買布娃娃吧。”
“Go buy yourselves dolls,” he said.
莉拉抓過錢，拉著我跑下了樓梯。他從護(hù)欄探出身子，喊了一句：
Lila grabbed the money and dragged me
? down the stairs. He muttered, leaning over the banister:
“你們要記住，布娃娃是我送給你們的。”
“And remember that they were a gift from
? me.”
我一邊防備著從樓梯上摔下去，一邊用意大利語回答說：
I said, in Italian, careful not to trip
? on the stairs:
“祝您用餐愉快！晚安！”
“Good evening and enjoy your meal.”
15
過了復(fù)活節(jié)之后，吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛和我開始去老師家上課，為中學(xué)入學(xué)考試做準(zhǔn)備。老師就住在圣家教堂對(duì)面，她的窗子對(duì)著花園，從那里可以看到茂密的田野，還能看到鐵路上的一排電線桿。吉耀拉來我家窗戶底下叫我，通常我已經(jīng)做好準(zhǔn)備了。我喜歡上這種小課，我記得是一個(gè)星期兩次。在上完課之后，老師總是會(huì)給我們吃些心型點(diǎn)心，讓我們喝點(diǎn)兒汽水。
Right after Easter, Gigliola Spagnuolo
? and I started going to the teacher’s house to prepare for the admissions
? test. The teacher lived right next to the parish church of the Holy Family,
? and her windows looked out on the public gardens; from there you could see,
? beyond the dense countryside, the pylons of the railroad. Gigliola passed by
? my window and called me. I was ready, I ran out. I liked those private
? lessons, two a week, I think. The teacher, at the end of the lesson, offered
? us little heart-shaped cookies and a soft drink.
莉拉沒來過，因?yàn)樗改覆辉敢飧跺X給老師。我們已經(jīng)是好朋友了，莉拉一直對(duì)我說，她要參加中學(xué)入學(xué)考試，要和我在一個(gè)班上課。
Lila didn’t come; her parents had not
? agreed to pay the teacher. But, since we were now good friends, she continued
? to tell me that she would take the test and would enter the first year of
? middle school in the same class as me.
“書怎么辦？”
“And the books?”
“你可以借給我?！?/p>
“You’ll lend them to me.”
這時(shí)候，她用堂·阿奇勒的錢買了一本《小婦人》。她決定買這本書是因?yàn)樗x過，而且非常喜歡。我們上四年級(jí)時(shí)，奧利維耶羅老師給我們幾個(gè)成績(jī)比較好的女生一些書看，分給莉拉的是《小婦人》，還附上了一句話：“這本書是大人看的，但對(duì)你來說很合適?！崩蠋煼纸o我的書是《愛的教育》，關(guān)于這本書，她一個(gè)字也沒有說。在很短幾天里，莉拉把《小婦人》和《愛的教育》都看完了，她說《小婦人》寫得太棒了，《愛的教育》簡(jiǎn)直沒法比。但我沒時(shí)間讀《小婦人》，我在設(shè)定的還書期限之前很吃力地讀完了《愛的教育》。我讀書很慢，到現(xiàn)在還是這樣。莉拉把書還給奧利維耶羅老師時(shí)，她很懊悔沒再看一遍《小婦人》，另一個(gè)遺憾是她沒法和我交流，因?yàn)槲覜]看過。一天，莉拉在路上叫住我，我們一起去池塘邊，用一只金屬盒子把堂·阿奇勒給我們的錢裝起來埋在那里。我們拿了錢，到文具店里問老板娘約蘭達(dá)那些錢夠不夠買本《小婦人》。那家商店的櫥窗里一直陳列了一本《小婦人》，已經(jīng)被太陽曬得發(fā)黃了。她說錢夠了。我們一買來那本書，就一起在院子里看了起來，有時(shí)候是朗讀，有時(shí)候只是默讀。我們一起讀了好幾個(gè)月，看了那么多遍，后來那本書變得很臟，書脊脫落，書頁(yè)散開，裝訂線也開了，但那是屬于我們的書，我們非常喜歡它。那本書由我來保管，我把書藏在課本中間，因?yàn)槔蚶X得沒辦法把那本書放在自己家里，那段時(shí)間，他父親一看見她讀書就會(huì)發(fā)火。
Meanwhile, however, with the money from
? Don Achille, she bought a book: Little Women. She decided to buy it because
? she already knew it and liked it hugely. Maestra Oliviero, in fourth grade,
? had given the smarter girls books to read. Lila had received Little Women,
? along with the following comment: “This is for older girls, but it will be
? good for you,” and I got the book Heart, by Edmondo De Amicis, with not a
? word of explanation. Lila read both Little Women and Heart, in a very short
? time, and said there was no comparison, in her opinion Little Women was
? wonderful. I hadn’t managed to read it, I had had a hard time finishing Heart
? before the time set by the teacher for returning it. I was a slow reader, I
? still am. Lila, when she had to give the book back to Maestra Oliviero,
? regretted both not being able to reread Little Women continuously and not
? being able to talk about it with me. So one morning she made up her mind. She
? called me from the street, we went to the ponds, to the place where we had
? buried the money from Don Achille, in a metal box, took it out, and went to
? ask Iolanda the stationer, who had had displayed in her window forever a copy
? of Little Women, yellowed by the sun, if it was enough. It was. As soon as we
? became owners of the book we began to meet in the courtyard to read it,
? either silently, one next to the other, or aloud. We read it for months, so
? many times that the book became tattered and sweat-stained, it lost its
? spine, came unthreaded, sections fell apart. But it was our book, we loved it
? dearly. I was the guardian, I kept it at home among the schoolbooks, because
? Lila didn’t feel she could keep it in her house. Her father, lately, would
? get angry if she merely took it out to read.
里諾一直是護(hù)著她的，談到升學(xué)考試的問題時(shí)，他和父親之間經(jīng)常會(huì)爆發(fā)爭(zhēng)吵。里諾那時(shí)候已經(jīng)快十六歲了，脾氣很大，他開始要求父親給他付工錢，理由是：他早上六點(diǎn)起床，在店里一直工作到晚上八點(diǎn)，他要一份工資。但他的話讓父母都很氣憤，里諾有睡覺的地方，有飯吃，為什么還要錢呢？他的任務(wù)是減輕家里的負(fù)擔(dān)，而不是從家里拿錢。但他一直堅(jiān)持說，他那么賣命干活，一分錢都沒有，這實(shí)在不公平。這時(shí)候費(fèi)爾南多·賽魯羅強(qiáng)忍著怒火，回答他說：“我已經(jīng)付錢給你了，里諾，我把我的手藝交給你，已經(jīng)是很好的待遇了，你不僅僅會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)釘掌、縫邊、換鞋底，你爸爸會(huì)的所有手藝，遲早都要傳給你，你很快就會(huì)學(xué)會(huì)所有技藝，做出一雙完整的鞋?！钡@種傳授技藝的報(bào)償方式讓里諾很不滿意，所以他們經(jīng)常拌嘴，尤其是在吃晚飯的時(shí)候，他們開始談錢，然后為莉拉的事情吵架。
But Rino protected her. When the subject
? of the admissions test came up, quarrels exploded continuously between him
? and his father. Rino was about sixteen at the time, he was a very excitable
? boy and had started a battle to be paid for the work he did. His reasoning
? was: I get up at six; I come to the shop and work till eight at night; I want
? a salary. But those words outraged his father and his mother. Rino had a bed
? to sleep in, food to eat, why did he want money? His job was to help the
? family, not impoverish it. But he insisted, he found it unjust to work as
? hard as his father and not receive a cent. At that point Fernando Cerullo
? answered him with apparent patience: “I pay you already, Rino, I pay you
? generously by teaching you the whole trade: soon you’ll be able to repair a
? heel or an edge or put on a new sole; your father is passing on to you
? everything he knows, and you’ll be able to make an entire shoe, with the
? skill of a professional.” But that payment by instruction was not enough for
? Rino, and so they argued, especially at dinner. They began by talking about
? money and ended up quarreling about Lila.
“如果你付錢給我的話，我來供她讀書?！?/p>
“If you pay me I’ll take care of sending
? her to school,” Rino said.
“讀書？為什么要讀書，我讀過書嗎？”
“School? Why, did I go to school?”
“沒有?！?/p>
“No.”
“你讀書了嗎？”
“Did you go to school?”
“沒有。”
“No.”
“那為什么你妹妹要讀書？而且她還是女孩……”
“Then why should your sister, who is a
? girl, go to school?”
他們的爭(zhēng)吵基本上以里諾挨一記耳光收?qǐng)觯M管并非有意，但他對(duì)父親總是表現(xiàn)得很失敬，里諾一般不會(huì)流眼淚，他總是惡狠狠地請(qǐng)求父親原諒。
The matter almost always ended with a
? slap in the face for Rino, who, one way or another, even if he didn’t intend
? to, had displayed a lack of respect toward his father. The boy, without
? crying, apologized in a spiteful tone of voice.
父親和哥哥爭(zhēng)論的時(shí)候，莉拉一般會(huì)保持沉默。她從來都沒跟我說過她對(duì)自己父親的看法，我感覺我全身心地痛恨我母親，從內(nèi)心深處痛恨她，但她卻不恨他父親。她一直說父親很好，說他算賬時(shí)總是讓她來算；她說父親對(duì)別人說，女兒是整個(gè)街區(qū)最聰明的人；她說過命名日的時(shí)候，早上她父親會(huì)親自端一杯熱巧克力，還有四片餅干到她床前。但真沒辦法，他就是不接受莉拉繼續(xù)上學(xué)的事，因?yàn)樗慕?jīng)濟(jì)條件不允許：家里人口多，都靠一個(gè)小鋪?zhàn)羽B(yǎng)活，他有兩個(gè)沒嫁出去的姐姐，還有農(nóng)齊亞的父母要贍養(yǎng)。跟他說上學(xué)的事情，就像對(duì)墻說話一樣。莉拉的母親也基本贊同她父親的觀點(diǎn)，只有哥哥的想法不一樣，他站出來勇敢地和父親做斗爭(zhēng)。莉拉呢，因?yàn)槲也恢赖脑?，她總認(rèn)為哥哥能贏，他會(huì)拿到工資，掏錢供她讀書。
Lila was silent during those discussions.
? She never said so, but I had the impression that while I hated my mother,
? really hated her, profoundly, she, in spite of everything, wasn’t upset with
? her father. She said that he was full of kindnesses, she said that when there
? were accounts to do he let her do them, she said that she had heard him say
? to his friends that his daughter was the most intelligent person in the
? neighborhood, she said that on her name day he brought her warm chocolate in
? bed and four biscuits. But what could you do, it didn’t enter into his view
? of the world that she should continue to go to school. Nor did it fall within
? his economic possibilities: the family was large, they all had to live off
? the shoe repair shop, including two unmarried sisters of Fernando and
? Nunzia’s parents. So on the matter of school it was like talking to the wall,
? and her mother all in all had the same opinion. Only her brother had
? different ideas, and fought boldly against his father. And Lila, for reasons
? I didn’t understand, seemed certain that Rino would win. He would get his
? salary and would send her to school with the money.
“如果要付學(xué)費(fèi)的話，他會(huì)替我付的。”她向我解釋。
“If there’s a fee to pay, he’ll pay it
? for me,” she explained.
她很確信，哥哥會(huì)給她買課本的錢，甚至是買鋼筆、文具盒、水彩、世界地圖、圍裙和蝴蝶結(jié)的錢。她很愛自己的哥哥，她對(duì)我說，上完學(xué)之后，她想賺很多錢，唯一目的就是讓她哥哥成為整個(gè)街區(qū)最有錢的人。
She was sure that her brother would also
? give her money for the school books and even for pens, pen case, pastels,
? globe, the smock and the ribbon. She adored him. She said that, after she
? went to school, she wanted to earn a lot of money for the sole purpose of
? making her brother the wealthiest person in the neighborhood.
財(cái)富成為我們小學(xué)那幾年最關(guān)注的問題。我們談?wù)撨@個(gè)問題，就好像小說里描寫的尋寶故事。我們說：發(fā)財(cái)以后，我們做這個(gè)，我們做那個(gè)。聽起來好像財(cái)富就藏在街區(qū)的某個(gè)角落里，在保險(xiǎn)箱里，一打開就會(huì)金光閃閃，就等著我們找到它了。不知道為什么，后來事情發(fā)生了變化，我們開始把財(cái)富和上學(xué)聯(lián)系在一起。我們想如果自己努力讀書，這樣就可以寫書，可以靠寫書發(fā)財(cái)。對(duì)于我們來說，財(cái)富是一堆堆耀眼的金幣，存放在無數(shù)箱子里，只要好好學(xué)習(xí)，寫一本書，就可以得到這些財(cái)富。
In that last year of elementary school,
? wealth became our obsession. We talked about it the way characters in novels
? talk about searching for treasure. We said, when we’re rich we’ll do this,
? we’ll do that. To listen to us, you might think that the wealth was hidden
? somewhere in the neighborhood, in treasure chests that, when opened, would be
? gleaming with gold, and were waiting only for us to find them. Then, I don’t
? know why, things changed and we began to link school to wealth. We thought
? that if we studied hard we would be able to write books and that the books
? would make us rich. Wealth was still the glitter of gold coins stored in
? countless chests, but to get there all you had to do was go to school and
? write a book.
“我倆一起寫吧?！崩蚶幸淮握f，這個(gè)提議讓我很欣喜。
“Let’s write one together,” Lila said
? once, and that filled me with joy.
她產(chǎn)生這樣的想法，可能是因?yàn)樗l(fā)現(xiàn)《小婦人》的作者掙了好多錢，她把賺的錢分給了家人，但我不敢肯定。我們商量了一番，我說我們可以在入學(xué)考試之后開始寫。她表示同意，但她沒能等到那個(gè)時(shí)候。我和斯帕紐洛下午在老師家補(bǔ)習(xí)，我忙于學(xué)習(xí)，而她卻比較空閑，她開始一個(gè)人寫了，沒有等我，她要寫一篇小說。
Maybe the idea took root when she
? discovered that the author of Little Women had made so much money that she
? had given some of it to her family. But I wouldn’t promise. We argued about
? it, I said we could start right after the admission test. She agreed, but
? then she couldn’t wait. While I had a lot to study because of the afternoon
? lessons with Spagnuolo and the teacher, she was freer, she set to work and
? wrote a novel without me.
她把寫好的小說帶給我看時(shí)，我有些難過，但我什么也沒有說，我壓抑著自己的失望，表示很高興。那是在格子本上寫的十幾頁(yè)文字，折起來，用一個(gè)裁縫用的別針別了起來。在封面上，她用彩色筆畫了畫兒。我還記得那部小說的標(biāo)題叫《藍(lán)色仙女》，小說激情洋溢，里面有很多很生澀的詞匯。我說她可以讓老師看看，她不愿意，我再三請(qǐng)求她，她讓我?guī)Ыo老師看，其實(shí)我不是很確信，但我點(diǎn)頭同意了。
I was hurt when she brought it to me to
? read, but I didn’t say anything, in fact I held in check my disappointment
? and was full of congratulations. There were ten sheets of graph paper, folded
? and held together with a dressmaker’s pin. It had a cover drawn in pastels,
? and the title, I remember, was The Blue Fairy. How exciting it was, how many
? difficult words there were. I told her to let the teacher read it. She didn’t
? want to. I begged her, I offered to give it to her. Although she wasn’t sure,
? she agreed.
有一次，我在奧利維耶羅老師家里上課，我利用吉耀拉上廁所的機(jī)會(huì)，拿出了《藍(lán)色仙女》。我說那是莉拉寫的一個(gè)非常精彩的故事，她想讓老師看看。在過去的五年里，無論莉拉多調(diào)皮，老師都對(duì)她所做的一切充滿熱情，但那時(shí)候她只是冷冰冰地回答說：
One day when I was at Maestra Oliviero’s
? house for our lesson, I took advantage of Gigliola being in the bathroom to
? take out The Blue Fairy. I said it was a wonderful novel written by Lila and
? that Lila wanted her to read it. But the teacher, who for five years had been
? enthusiastic about everything Lila did, except when she was bad, replied
? coldly:
“你告訴賽魯羅，讓她好好準(zhǔn)備一下小學(xué)畢業(yè)考試，不要在那里浪費(fèi)時(shí)間?！彪m然她留下了莉拉的小說，但她把小說撇在桌子上，看都沒看一眼。
“Tell Cerullo that she would do well to
? study for the diploma, instead of wasting time.” And although she kept Lila’s
? novel, she left it on the table without even giving it a glance.
老師的態(tài)度讓我很迷惑。發(fā)生了什么事情？她生了莉拉母親的氣了嗎？她也在生莉拉的氣嗎？我朋友的父母沒有付錢給她，這讓她很窩火嗎？我不明白。幾天之后，我小心翼翼地問老師有沒有看《藍(lán)色仙女》。她用一種異乎尋常的語氣——非常隱晦，就好像只有我們倆才能真正理解——回答我：
That attitude confused me. What had
? happened? Was she angry with Lila’s mother? Had her rage extended to Lila
? herself? Was she upset about the money that the parents of my friend wouldn’t
? give her? I didn’t understand. A few days later I cautiously asked her if she
? had read The Blue Fairy. She answered in an unusual tone, obscurely, as if
? only she and I could truly understand.
“你知道什么是庶民嗎？格雷科?！?/p>
“Do you know what the plebs are, Greco?”
“是的，羅馬帝國(guó)的平民，當(dāng)時(shí)有庶民的民權(quán)保衛(wèi)者。”
“Yes, the people, the tribunes of the
? plebs are the Gracchi.”
“當(dāng)庶民是一件很糟糕的事情?！?/p>
“The plebs are quite a nasty thing.”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“假如一個(gè)人想一直做庶民，那他的孩子、孫子，都會(huì)命若草芥，不值一提。你不要管賽魯羅了，為你自己考慮吧?！?/p>
“And if one wishes to remain a plebeian,
? he, his children, the children of his children deserve nothing. Forget
? Cerullo and think of yourself.”
關(guān)于《藍(lán)色仙女》，老師一直什么也沒有說，后來莉拉問了我兩次，最后不了了之。她有些沮喪地說：
Maestra Oliviero never said anything
? about The Blue Fairy. Lila asked about it a couple of times, then she let it
? go. She said grimly:
“我一有時(shí)間，就重新寫一部小說，之前寫得太糟糕了?！?/p>
“As soon as I have time I’ll write
? another, that one wasn’t good.”
“寫得很好啊?！?/p>
“It was wonderful.”
“寫得太惡心了?！?/p>
“It was terrible.”
但她不再那么活躍，尤其是在上課的時(shí)候，有可能她意識(shí)到，奧利維耶羅已經(jīng)不再表?yè)P(yáng)她了。有時(shí)候莉拉表現(xiàn)得過于優(yōu)秀，甚至讓老師很煩。
But she became less lively, especially in? class, probably because she realized that the teacher had stopped praising? her, and sometimes seemed irritated by her excesses of virtuosity.?
每次競(jìng)賽的時(shí)候，莉拉還是勝出的那個(gè)，但不像之前那么肆無忌憚。在競(jìng)賽結(jié)束時(shí)，校長(zhǎng)會(huì)考考我們幾個(gè)沒被淘汰的人——也就是莉拉、吉耀拉和我，校長(zhǎng)親自出題，難度非常高。吉耀拉和我費(fèi)了很大的力氣，但沒有做出來。莉拉是最后一個(gè)投降的，她眼睛瞇成了一條縫，用一種羞怯的語氣——一種不常見的語氣，說她解不了這道題，題目本身可能有問題，但不知道是什么問題。奧利維耶羅老師破天荒地教訓(xùn)了她一通，她看著莉拉站在黑板前，手上拿著粉筆，非常單薄、蒼白，說了一連串非常刺耳的話。我覺得很難過，我受不了莉拉下嘴唇顫抖，快要失聲痛哭的樣子。
When it came time for the competition at
? the end of the year she was still the best, but without her old impudence. At
? the end of the day, the principal presented to those remaining in
? competition—Lila, Gigliola, and me—an extremely difficult problem that he had
? invented himself. Gigliola and I struggled in vain. Lila, narrowing her eyes
? to cracks, applied herself. She was the last to give up. She said, with a
? timidity unusual for her, that the problem couldn’t be solved, because there
? was a mistake in the premise, but she didn’t know what it was. Maestra
? Oliviero scolded her harshly. I saw Lila standing at the blackboard, chalk in
? hand, very small and pale, assaulted by volleys of cruel phrases. I felt her
? suffering, I couldn’t bear the trembling of her lower lip and nearly burst
? into tears.
最后，奧利維耶羅冷冰冰地總結(jié)道：“當(dāng)你不會(huì)做一道題時(shí)，你不能說這道題出錯(cuò)了，而是要說：‘我解不出來。’”
“When one cannot solve a problem,” the
? teacher concluded coldly, “one does not say, There is a mistake in the
? problem, one says, I am not capable of solving it.”
校長(zhǎng)一句話也沒有說，在我的記憶里，那天就這么結(jié)束了。
The principal was silent. As far as I
? remember, the day ended there.
