I RENTED A FRIEND IN JAPAN, AND IT MADE ME A BETTER FRIEND

我在日本租了一個朋友，我自己卻逐漸變成了一個更靠譜的朋友

Money, we like to tell ourselves, can only purchase superficial pleasures. You can buy a $1,500 gold Tiffany paper clip, but not taste. You can pay staff to do your every bidding, but not to respect you. Wealth might help you find a wife, perhaps, but not true love. Money certainly can’t buy friendship.

我們總是告訴自己：金錢，你的名字叫膚淺。你可以買1500美金的蒂芙尼回形針，大氣都不喘一下。你也可以雇人幫你投標(biāo)，但人家壓根不把你當(dāng)回事。金錢可以幫你找老婆，但是買不到真愛。金錢當(dāng)然也就不可能買到一種叫友誼的東西。

In Japan, though, it can. Family Romance is a hugely successful company that rents out members of its 800-strong staff to act as its clients’ friends. Some pay for companionship over dinner, or a group to dress up in various outfits and pose for happy Instagram photos, or dates for a wedding. Others pay for the experience of having a boyfriend or girlfriend (without the physical intimacy), or they hire a groom and stage an entire fake wedding.

在日本，這卻可以成真。家庭浪漫是一家有800名可以假裝給客戶做朋友的員工。有些客戶會花錢請陪伴他們的人吃晚餐，也有的客戶花錢雇不同的人穿不同的外套和他們一起假裝拍氣氛融洽的社交圈照騙、參加約會或婚禮。有些人花錢體驗擁有男盆友/女票的感覺（不涉及親密舉動）；有的人雇傭一位新郎，舉辦整場假的婚禮。

After two weeks traveling in Japan with my friend and colleague Sarah Todd, we decided to hire a friend. Neither of us needed more companionship, per se. But we were curious—and skeptical—that such a service could truly replicate friendship. We figured that adding a paid friend to our duo would highlight the differences between our real relationship and whatever Family Romance could offer.

在日本旅行兩周后，我和朋友兼同事莎拉 托德決定租個朋友。我們倆其實都不缺陪伴。但是我們很好奇（也心存懷疑）這種服務(wù)是否真的能復(fù)制友誼。我們覺得加一位雇傭來的朋友在我們之間能夠幫助更加認(rèn)清真正的友誼和家庭浪漫公司提供的雇傭友誼。

Urala Fuji, 30, met us at a café in Shimokitazawa, a bohemian neighborhood of Tokyo filled with second-hand clothing stores. Over the next three hours, we chatted about our families, admired sketches (both Sarah and Urala draw in their spare time), tried on goofy sunglasses, complained about sexual harassment, and ate pastries shaped like Miyazaki’s anime character Totoro.

烏拉拉?富士，30歲，和我們在一個咖啡廳見面，城市是下北澤，這座城市具有波西米亞風(fēng)格并坐落于東京附近，以售賣二手服裝聞名。在接下來的三個小時，我們聊家常、談喜歡的素描（薩拉和烏拉拉在休閑時間自己創(chuàng)作的）、試戴形狀愚蠢的太陽鏡、抱怨性騷擾、吃了像宮崎駿創(chuàng)作的動漫人物龍貓的糕點。

At times, I forgot I was paying for Urala’s company. She didn’t feel like a close friend, but it was easy to believe Urala was an old acquaintance we’d looked up while in Japan. She seemed to genuinely like us, too. But, of course, that was her job.

有時，我會忘記我是花錢請來烏拉拉的。她不像是很親近的朋友，但是卻像我們在日本認(rèn)識的熟人。她似乎也真的喜歡我們。但當(dāng)然，這僅是她的工作。

“I want clients to think we’re dear friends,” says Urala. “It’s easy if the client is a girl. If it’s a boy, I do my best. It can be awkward.”

“我想讓客戶認(rèn)為我們是很好的朋友，”烏拉拉說?！叭绻蛻羰俏慌€好。如果是男生，我也會盡力。但是會有點尷尬?！?/p>

Before meeting Urala, I instinctively labeled her services “fake friendship.” But I couldn’t dismiss her company without first figuring out what constitutes a “real” friendship.

在遇到烏拉拉之前，我直覺的認(rèn)為她的工作是“裝朋友”。但是我不能一錘子買賣的否定她的公司，尤其是當(dāng)我自己都不知道“友誼”是如何構(gòu)成的情況下。

This is a surprisingly slippery task. Friends can be there for you in times of crisis, they can be great fun, and they can be regular sources of companionship. None of those qualities are essential to friendship, though. We all have friends who drive us mad, but we love them and would never walk away or stop caring. Some friends live on other sides of the globe and don’t speak for years, but their friendship is still unquestionably there, a thread waiting to be picked up when in the same city, or in a time of crisis.

這是個戰(zhàn)戰(zhàn)兢兢的任務(wù)過程。朋友是可以在你遭遇危機(jī)時依舊在身邊陪伴你的人、他們能帶給你巨大的快樂，也是最真實的陪伴形式。但這些都不是友誼最重要的。我們都有被朋友逼瘋的時刻，但是我們事后還是很愛他們，絕不會離開他們或停止對彼此的關(guān)心。一些朋友即使生活在地球的另一端、和我們幾年都沒有說話，他們間的友誼也依舊不會受到任何影響。你分分鐘可以在自己的城市接到探視的電話和危機(jī)時刻真正的關(guān)心。

Paid friends do not offer that indefinable, ever-present care. Instead, they take on the least pleasant elements of friendship, going along to events out of a duty to the client, rather than for their own enjoyment. Can we outsource the downsides of friendship to paid company?

花錢雇來的朋友則不會這樣，他們也不會展示那種關(guān)心。相反，他們總是將友情可能包含的淺層的體驗帶給你，給人一種履行職責(zé)的感覺，感覺他們自己在這個過程中也并不真正的開心。我們可以把友誼的缺點外包給付費公司嗎？

It might sound tempting but, I realized, doing so would leave us with no friends at all. The defining feature of friendship is that it’s not always pleasant. To be true friends with someone, sometimes you will go to Disneyland, or a ex’s wedding, or a dumb movie—not because you want to, but because your friend does. Sometimes you’ll accompany them to a nerve-wracking medical scan or a family member’s funeral. This isn’t about fun; it’s so much more.

這樣說可能不厚道，但是我覺得這樣雇傭朋友會最終讓我們沒有朋友的。友情本來就不是只有開心的部分。想做一名真正的朋友，你有時得去迪士尼樂園、參加前任的婚禮或看場腦殘的電影——這些可能不是你真正想做的，但卻是你朋友想讓你一起做的。有時，你可能會緊張兮兮地陪他們?nèi)メt(yī)院進(jìn)行身體掃描或參加親戚的葬禮。這些并不是很愉快的體驗但卻又意義深遠(yuǎn)。

Arguably, there’s an inverse relationship between the amount of fun and the strength of a friendship. The less fun you can have with someone, and still call them a friend, the closer the bond. We don’t gladly listen to the neuroticism or whining of people we don’t care about; nor do we reveal our own worries or over-analyze our love lives with acquaintances. Yes, this is “emotional labor,” but we do it gladly and willingly for those we care the most for.

可以說，擁有朋友意味著喜憂參半。有時你和一個人在一起時可能并不好玩，但是依舊想把對方當(dāng)做朋友，并且這會將這份友情建立的更深。我們不愿意聽一個人神神叨叨、啰啰嗦嗦，如果我們不太在乎那個人；我們也不太想和所謂熟人聊自己的憂慮和私人感情生活。是的，友情就是一種“情感的勞作”，但是我們對此心甘若怡并情愿為自己最在乎的人付出一切。

This is an essential truth that Aristotle remarked upon more than 2,000 years ago, pointing out that friendships based on pleasure or personal benefits were easily dissolved. “It is those who wish the good of their friends for their friends’ sake who are friends in the fullest sense,” he wrote in Nicomachean Ethics.

亞里士多德2000年前發(fā)現(xiàn)了一個真理，建立于愉悅和個人利益的友誼容易瓦解。“真正想讓自己朋友變好的人才是真朋友。”他在《尼古拉斯倫理學(xué)》中如是寫道。

At Family Romance, clients are free to indulge, often complaining about their colleagues or dating life. “I just listen, I don’t tell them my opinion,” says Urala. They’re paying to vent, after all. When you’re paying for someone’s time, you don’t have to worry about whether they’re having fun; you can focus on your own needs.

對于家庭浪漫公司而言，很多客戶可以在此放縱自己，他們經(jīng)常會抱怨自己的同事和感情生活?！拔抑皇莾A聽，不會給他們個人的建議?！睘趵f。他們只是花錢來發(fā)泄自己。如果你要花錢買他人的時間，你就不會在意對方是否開心，你只會關(guān)心自己的需求。

There’s significant stigma around mental illness in Japan, explains Urala, and many people are reluctant to seek professional support. She says she often plays the role of therapist to those who want to talk through negative feelings or have company when they’re down.

在日本，精神疾病的發(fā)病率很高，烏拉拉說，但是很多人卻不愿意尋求專業(yè)的治療。她說她經(jīng)常扮演的就是治療師的角色，她的客戶們會將消極的情緒向他們發(fā)泄出來。

Of course, the staff at Family Romance can’t help but emotionally respond to their clients. Urala mentions one client who seemed very nervous and repeatedly said she didn’t have any real friends. “I worry about her sometimes,” she says. Family Romance staff aren’t allowed to personally message clients, though, so Urala doesn’t know how she is.

當(dāng)然，在家庭浪漫上班的員工雖然不能幫助，卻的確可以給予自己客戶一種反饋。烏拉拉說她有一名客戶看上去特別緊張、一直重復(fù)說自己沒有朋友?！拔矣袝r挺擔(dān)心她的?！彼f。家庭浪漫公司禁止員工以個人名義私自給客戶發(fā)短信，所以烏拉拉也不知道那個妹子現(xiàn)在怎么樣了。

Family Romance roles can also involve deceit. In one case, says Urala, a man was pressuring his mistress to get an abortion, and the woman said she would only do so if he apologized to her in front of his father. The man hired an actor from Family Romance to play the role of his father when he met his mistress.

家庭浪漫公司提供的角色扮演也會涉及到欺騙。有一次，烏拉拉說一個男人想讓自己的情婦去做流產(chǎn)手術(shù)，但是情婦卻執(zhí)意要男子在他父親面前和自己道歉才去。這個男人就從家庭浪漫公司雇傭了一名男子扮作自己的父親，再去見他的情婦。

Another woman hired someone to play the role of father to her daughter. The girl has been seeing the actor intermittently for eight years, and she does not know he is not her real father. Urala acknowledges this is dangerous—Family Romance TV advertisements feature the man who plays her father, and she could well find out—but is uncertain about whether it’s immoral. “Sometimes the lie is kind,” she says.

另一名女子雇傭了一個人來扮演自己女兒的父親。她女兒八年間一直和這名男子間歇性見面，女孩并不知道該男子其實并不是自己的父親。烏拉拉說出了其中的風(fēng)險：家庭浪漫公司的電視廣告播出了該男子的鏡頭，女孩很可能會發(fā)現(xiàn)真相——但是這是否道德就不得而知了?！坝械闹e言也許是善意的?！彼f。

Spending time with a rented friend made me realize just how difficult it is to define friendship, and how these relationships can vary. There’s no one, neat picture of a healthy friendship, no contract or license or certificate, and no rulebook of how to behave or what to put up with. We simply trust that our friends value us and will be there even when we’re having a bad day. Especially when we’re having a bad day.

和真正的朋友一起度過的時間告訴我，對于真正友誼的定義是何其困難，友誼的種類是何其多樣。幾乎沒有標(biāo)準(zhǔn)健康的友情樣子、沒有相關(guān)的證照、沒有標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的行為規(guī)范。我們就是單純的相信，我的朋友會珍視我；當(dāng)我不開心時會陪著我。友誼的珍貴在困境時尤其明顯。

The formal arrangement that comes with Family Romance, the very act of paying, removes this crucial element of trust. You can count on someone showing up, acting friendly, and being a good listener if that is their job. But this certainty eradicates the delicate dance of hope and faith that is true friendship.

家庭浪漫公司提供的正規(guī)服務(wù)，這種需要花錢才能獲得的情感，其實缺乏了友情最為珍貴的信任元素。你可以依賴面前行為友善的傾聽者，因為那是他們的工作。但是這卻沒有了真正友誼帶來的希望和信任之光。

No doubt paid companionship can be fun, and even restorative. True friendship, though, is rewarding even when it’s kind of a pain.

花錢雇傭來的陪伴當(dāng)然可以很好玩，有時也有治愈性。但真正的友誼卻是即使身在痛苦中也會有有所收獲的。

安娜譯