An audiobook that I recently listened to:

1. Sort out the three converstaion

- "What happened" conversation

- Feeling conversation (need to listen/read hardly underneath the words to fully understand the feeling)

- Identity conversation (who we are and how we see ourselves; how does what happened affect my self-esteem)

2. Stop arguing about who's right: explore each other's stories (learn to look at things from another person's perspective)

3. Don't assume they mean it: disentangle intent from impact

- Bad intention --> bad impact

- Good intention --> bad impact

- Our assumption about intention is often wrong. Accusing other for bad intention always create defensiveness.

- Good intention don't sanitize bad impact.

- Always hole your view as a hypothesis

4. Abandon blame: Map the contribution system (take responsibilities for own action and admit mistake)

- Focus on blame hinders problem-solving

- Blame can leave a bad system undiscovered

- Don't avoid problems by being waiting, complaining to third party and unapproachable