Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
今天，我出去跑步來(lái)著，中間給女朋友發(fā)了個(gè)照片，結(jié)果她認(rèn)為我的圖是批的。老子只是想保持體型好不好。(欠日的)FML
Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML
今天，一個(gè)頭像是坐在一輛自行車(chē)上的孩子加了我的微博(facebook)，并留言說(shuō)我是“大胖屁股”。我從他的照片里面看到其實(shí)就是我們家隔壁的小孩，于是我讓我老公去告訴他的父母這個(gè)孩子多么討厭。我老公回來(lái)之后告訴我，這個(gè)孩子的爸爸就是是昨天留言說(shuō)我像一只“嘰嘰喳喳的麻雀”的人。 （真是嗶了狗了）FML
Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML
今天，我去健身房鍛煉身體。當(dāng)我在跑步機(jī)上跑步的時(shí)候，老子的啤酒肚對(duì)著緊急停車(chē)按鈕推了兩次。FML
Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML
今天，我打算在自己家附近進(jìn)行一次慢跑，開(kāi)的時(shí)候一直很棒，直到突然之間感到了洶涌的屎意。當(dāng)時(shí)離家只有20分鐘，我就想忍到家得了，拉在路邊挺不好的。結(jié)果我錯(cuò)了，如果不是我?guī)е瞧谌盏膱?bào)紙的話，現(xiàn)在后果肯定不堪設(shè)想。FML
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
今天，我和我的狗玩拔河。結(jié)果丫居然撒嘴了，結(jié)果我就碰到嘴了，到現(xiàn)在嘴唇還是腫的。FML(臥槽)
Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML
今天，在酒吧工作的時(shí)候一個(gè)美女抓了一下我的胸肌，跟我講你的肌肉真的太迷人了。老子居然尷尬的說(shuō)了聲：“謝謝……”然后低著頭走開(kāi)了。說(shuō)好的調(diào)情呢，臥槽，F(xiàn)ML
