2017-05-03 冰清 譯 冰清思語(yǔ)集

文章作者：John Rampton

文章來(lái)源：領(lǐng) 英

翻 ? ?譯：冰 清

Since Spring has finally sprung, it's time to do a little spring cleaning. And what better place to start than with the people in your life?

春天終于到來(lái)，是時(shí)候來(lái)個(gè)大掃除了。還有什么比清掃一下你的朋友圈作為更好的開(kāi)始呢？

This has been something I try to do each year. While it's not always easy, it's necessary for me to become more successful at the many tasks I have to complete in my life.

這是我每年都嘗試做的事情，盡管并不容易，但是很有必要，它可以使我必須要完成的人生使命變得更加順利。

Whether it's a family member, friend, or colleague, there are certain people in your life that you need to avoid, or at least limit your time with. I'm not saying you have to become a loner. But you should reevaluate your relationships if you want to become successful. Remember, emotions，both good and bad， are contagious.

無(wú)論是家人、朋友還是同事, 你生活中的某些人, 你確實(shí)需要回避, 或者至少限制和他們相處的時(shí)間。我不是說(shuō)你必須成為獨(dú)來(lái)獨(dú)往的人，但如果你想成功, 就應(yīng)該重新評(píng)估你的人際關(guān)系。記住,無(wú)論是積極情緒還是消極情緒都會(huì)相互傳染。

Keep in mind, this isn't meant to be heartless (though it may feel that way at times), but to build you up in the long term.

What kinds of people should you avoid? Here are nine of the most toxic personalities.

同時(shí)記住，這并非讓你要做一個(gè)冷血?jiǎng)游铮ūM管有時(shí)確實(shí)會(huì)有這種感覺(jué)），而是讓你放眼長(zhǎng)觀，做一個(gè)更好的自己。

你應(yīng)該和哪些人保持距離呢？和以下這九種自帶病毒之人。

1. The control freak.控制狂

While there are times when you need to take the reigns of a project or situation, successful people realize they need the assistance of others to achieve their goals. But a control freak is set in his ways and unwilling to bend -- even if that means making you miss a deadline or stay several hours after work to meet his demands. He's bossy, manipulative, a perfectionist, obsessed with details, and he targets those who won't stand up for themselves.

當(dāng)你需要接管一個(gè)項(xiàng)目或者處理某種情況的時(shí)候，明智的人善假于物，利用別人的幫助達(dá)成目標(biāo)。但是控制狂卻一意孤行，不愿委曲求人，這就意味著你在截止期限時(shí)依舊無(wú)法完成任務(wù)或者要多加幾個(gè)小時(shí)的班來(lái)滿足他的要求。他專橫, 善于控制他人,力求完美, 癡迷于細(xì)節(jié), 他專門對(duì)付不堅(jiān)守自己立場(chǎng)的人。

2. The loser 失敗者

Brian Tracy one said, "Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, 'What's in it for me?'"

As a rule, successful people don't associate themselves with losers. The reason? They can hold you back from reaching your full potential, damage your reputation, and bring out the worst in you. Instead, they surround themselves with people who are positive, hard-working, and push you to be your best.At the same time, don't confuse failing and being a failure. Those who fail move forward after learning from their mistakes, while being a failure means that you're permanently in the same position.

Brian Tracy曾說(shuō)“成功者總是找機(jī)會(huì)幫助別人，失敗者總是問(wèn)，這和我有什么關(guān)系？”從規(guī)則上講，成功人士不喜歡與失敗者有任何社交聯(lián)系，為什么？因?yàn)槭≌邥?huì)阻礙你發(fā)掘自己的潛力，損害你的名譽(yù)，給你帶來(lái)最壞的負(fù)能量。相反，成功者喜歡那些積極上進(jìn)，善于吃苦的人，因?yàn)檫@些人能促使你成為最好的自己。同時(shí)，不要混淆失誤與失敗的概念。如果一個(gè)人因?yàn)槭д`沒(méi)有成功，可以從失誤中吸取教訓(xùn)，繼續(xù)前進(jìn)，如果一個(gè)人自認(rèn)失敗者，就意味著永遠(yuǎn)在同一個(gè)位置裹足不前。

3. The time sucker.時(shí)間殺手

Have you been stuck in a conversation with someone who keeps talking and talking? At first, this may not seem like a bad deal, but these people are known as time suckers.

The problem with these people, even if they're positive and upbeat, is that they're taking up too much of your time. Instead of letting you get back to work, they keep you trapped in conversation. While I don't cut these people out of my life, I tend to try and spend much less time with them.

你有沒(méi)有被困在一場(chǎng)談話里，對(duì)方聊得無(wú)休無(wú)止令你無(wú)法抽身？表面看著并非壞事，但其實(shí)這些人就是時(shí)間殺手。

因?yàn)椋词顾麄兊恼勗捠欠e極的，樂(lè)觀的，也在占用你大量的時(shí)間，他們知道你要工作但就是拖住你不讓你工作，你困在這場(chǎng)局面中心急如焚。雖然我并不排斥這類人，但是還是盡量少花時(shí)間和他們相處。

4. The entitled.老資格

These people don't believe in hard work and sacrifice because they think their success should be given to them. This can be detrimental to your own motivation because: why should you hustle when they don't? Additionally, entitled individuals have a knack for talking you out of your dreams and ambitions. I personally can't stand these people and tend to run in the opposite direction whenever I spot one.

這類人從不信奉努力精神和犧牲精神，而是堅(jiān)信有朝一日成功會(huì)主動(dòng)垂青于他們。他們會(huì)削減你的斗志，令你不禁會(huì)想：為何我這么拼命努力他們卻坐享其成，此外，老資格會(huì)旁敲側(cè)擊的勸你放棄你的夢(mèng)想和雄心。就我而言，我無(wú)法忍受這些人，當(dāng)他們朝我走來(lái)的時(shí)候我會(huì)有意繞開(kāi)。

5.The perpetual victim 永遠(yuǎn)的受害者

This is the person who blames others for their failures or shortcomings and believes they weren't afforded the same opportunities. Even worse? They never hold themselves accountable for their lack of success and always have excuses.Being around this type of negative energy will only drag you down.

這種人永遠(yuǎn)都在指責(zé)別人，認(rèn)為是別人造成了他們的失敗或者缺陷，并認(rèn)定自己不會(huì)擁有和別人同樣的機(jī)會(huì)。更糟糕的是，他們從不會(huì)在自己身上找原因，而是將不能成功歸咎于各種借口。

圍繞在這種充滿負(fù)能量的人周圍，你也會(huì)被他們拖垮。

6. The downer.事事沮喪者

know who this individual is. It's a beautiful sunny day, they just got paid, and they still have something to complain about -- they're getting sunburn or they pay too much in taxes. These types of people are emotionally draining. And, like perpetual victims, their negative energy will only stress you out.

你知道這種人是什么情況。享受著風(fēng)和日麗的天氣，又剛剛領(lǐng)了薪水，但是他們依舊有事情抱怨——被陽(yáng)光曬黑了，或者繳稅太多了，生活中的點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滴滴都可以影響他們的情緒，就像永遠(yuǎn)的受害者一樣，他們的負(fù)能量同樣會(huì)帶給你負(fù)面情緒。

7. The chronic liar.習(xí)慣性撒謊者

"Lying is part and parcel of everyday life," says Robert Feldman, PhD., professor of psychological and brain sciences and deputy chancellor at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. But,when the lying gets out of control, it can become a problem.Successful people surround themselves with people who are honest and provide truthful feedback. Even if it's something you don't want to hear, that honest feedback is more valuable than the lie, since it can help you correct a problem or negative habits that you've never noticed before.

“撒謊是生活的一部分，” 馬薩諸塞大學(xué)阿默斯特分校的心理和腦科學(xué)教授兼副院長(zhǎng)Robert Feldman如是說(shuō)，但是如果撒謊已經(jīng)到自己無(wú)法控制的地步，就肯定有問(wèn)題。

成功人士會(huì)讓自己置身在誠(chéng)實(shí)信用，能給他們提供真實(shí)反饋的人周圍。即使有時(shí)忠言逆耳，但也比虛假的反饋更有價(jià)值，因?yàn)檎鎸?shí)的反饋能幫你找出問(wèn)題，改正錯(cuò)誤或者改正你之前從未察覺(jué)的壞習(xí)慣。

8. The party animal.派對(duì)狂

Sure, spending a Saturday night with a party animal can be fun -- occasionally. But party animals want to go out every night of the week, which means you wake up in the morning exhausted and hung over. How long do you think you can maintain that lifestyle?If you want to remain productive and save a ton of money, limit your exposure to party animals. It's cool to blow off some steam or celebrate once in awhile, but not every night.

當(dāng)然，偶爾在周六的晚上和派對(duì)狂們?cè)谝黄鹂駳g也是很大的樂(lè)趣，但是派對(duì)狂每天晚上都要搞聚會(huì)，這就意味著每天早晨起來(lái)都是筋皮力盡，半睡半醒。這樣的生活方式你以為你可以持續(xù)多久？

如果你想保持戰(zhàn)斗力，節(jié)省開(kāi)支，就限制自己少去參加派對(duì)，偶爾出去舒緩一下壓力或者慶祝一下，但不是每天晚上。

9.The critic批判主義者

There's nothing wrong with a little bit of criticism. But only if it's constructive. After all, when done correctly, this type of feedback can help you correct a weakness. Constant criticism, on the other hand, is not healthy or helpful. As Florence Isaacs, author of Toxic Friends/True Friends, explains, "Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don't give anything back."

適度批判無(wú)可厚非，只要這種批判具有建設(shè)性。畢竟，如果正戳中你的軟肋，這種反饋可以幫助你指正缺點(diǎn)，認(rèn)識(shí)自我。但是，從另一方面，無(wú)休止的批判不健康也無(wú)益處?！队卸九笥?真心朋友》一書(shū)的作者Florence Isaacs解釋說(shuō)，“有毒朋友給你施加壓力，利用你，不靠譜，過(guò)分苛刻，只索取不付出”。

警告

“有毒朋友”就在身邊

　　 紐約的瓊森曾深受“有毒朋友”的困擾。他說(shuō)：“他們表面上與你很親近，實(shí)際上卻是要和你一較高下。在酒吧里，他們會(huì)笑著對(duì)你說(shuō)，‘見(jiàn)到你真開(kāi)心，雖然你工作近來(lái)不大順利，但看到你還能喝酒總是件好事。’對(duì)于這種假友誼還是趁早結(jié)束的好?！?/p>

　　 杭州的太先生也深有感觸：“我的朋友經(jīng)常讓我陪他在酒吧呆到很晚，我覺(jué)得反正自己也無(wú)事做，所以經(jīng)常陪他，聽(tīng)他抱怨?？晌业慕ㄗh他從來(lái)聽(tīng)不進(jìn)去，陪他卻弄得我精疲力竭 。后來(lái)，我很少再跟他聯(lián)系了?！?/p>

　　 “有毒朋友”這個(gè)詞，現(xiàn)已得到美國(guó)心理學(xué)會(huì)認(rèn)可，并且變得很流行，甚至成了奧普拉脫口秀節(jié)目（美國(guó)著名的電視節(jié)目）的主題，《有毒朋友，真心朋友》等相關(guān)書(shū)籍也登上了 美國(guó)暢銷書(shū)排行榜。

　　 越來(lái)越多美國(guó)人意識(shí)到，朋友可能是讓他們感到不快樂(lè)的根源，專業(yè)的心理咨詢治療師的人數(shù)也在迅速增加。多年來(lái)，美國(guó)的咨詢師一直在指導(dǎo)人們?nèi)绾涡扪a(bǔ)朋友、情人、親人之間的裂痕。如今，向他們求助的人卻想知道，該如何擺脫正在毀掉自己生活的“有毒朋友”？

專家建議

　 　定期清理朋友圈

　　 獲取友誼是人的天性，我們只要在交往就會(huì)有朋友，也難免會(huì)出現(xiàn)“有毒朋友”。

　　 上海的心理咨詢師顧愷頡說(shuō)：“人們常說(shuō)患難之中見(jiàn)真情，實(shí)質(zhì)上應(yīng)該說(shuō)是患難之中見(jiàn) 真性。人們?cè)诳嚯y面前，相同的遭遇，相同的心境，不免會(huì)生同病相憐之心，自然而然會(huì)走 到一起，互相給予支持。而這就是我們稱的友誼或友情?！?/p>

　　 盡管獲得友誼是人的本能，但我們也要抵制各種不良的友誼誘惑。顧愷頡建議，交友不 能盲目、泛濫，預(yù)防“有毒朋友”的最理性解決辦法是：定期靜下心來(lái)，好好盤(pán)點(diǎn)清理自己的朋友圈。

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