剛來Citrix時，邊總結(jié)別人的作品邊仿寫【工作總結(jié)】如何寫What's New?，F(xiàn)在寫得多了，不像之前那么費勁啦。但仍有不小的提升空間。與Martin（My Manager)的每周一小時的1:1上，我會拿一些作品（通常是我沒有十足把握的內(nèi)容）與他一起線上review，他會read out loud，并與我一起修訂，告訴我他之所以做這些修改。這是非常非常難得的機會，

除了管理職位外，他還是一位非常富有經(jīng)驗的writer，在Citrix做writer有20多年了。20多年前，Citrix的一位中國同事，建議他從localization轉(zhuǎn)做writer，他說這改變了他的命運。他是瑞典人，18歲來到美國。1：1 有時間有富余時，他會分享他的人生與投資經(jīng)歷（可以說是贏家了）。60出頭的他，單身，仍辛勤地工作著，日夜顛倒，為了照顧我們亞洲團隊不在夜晚開會。扯遠了...

我把before 與 after editing的內(nèi)容記錄總結(jié)下來，定期回顧，不斷提升。語言不斷投入時間，不斷學習提高，相信總會有進度。-- 語言時常讓我想放棄，但每到有所收獲時，又重新振作，繼續(xù)前進 for a better me.

經(jīng)過幾番與Jack公共編輯我的What's new, 我的體會是：1. 簡潔第一（這不是寫手冊，不需要按步驟每個入口都寫；不一定要用主動態(tài); 不一定要提到UI所有信息，提到關(guān)鍵字即可）2. 一定要寫對用戶的benefit. 3. 一定要細細體會后，用語言總結(jié)出來的話，不是機械地表面描述操作。4. 很多情況下，用表狀態(tài)的形容詞比用動詞好。比如available with XX vs that XX supports)

Before:

Add VMs to Azure AD security groups through the Full Configuration interface. An action, Azure AD security group: Create new, is now available on the Machine Catalog setup > Machine Identities page when Azure Active Directory joined is selected as the VMs' identity type.?Perform that action if you want to have the provisioned VMs automatically added to an Azure AD dynamic security group.

After:

Add VMs to Azure AD security groups through Full Configuration. An option,?Azure AD security group, is now available when you create Azure AD joined VMs. The option lets you add the VMs to a dynamic Azure AD security group.

Comments: Emphasize the user?task?instead of the page where the new option appears.

Before:?

Machine display name changed.?In the?Full Configuration?interface, machine display names are now changed?from the?form “DomainNetBIOS name\machine account” to “Full domain name\machine account”. This change ensures unique?machine identifiers when your environment has two or more domains that use the same NetBIOS name.

After:

Machine display name change.?In the Full Configuration interface, machine display names now change from the “DomainNetBIOS name\machine account” to the “Full domain name\machine account” form. This change ensures unique?machine identifiers when your environment has two or more domains that use the same NetBIOS name.

Comments:

1. Conciseness is more important than noun cluster.?

2. The XXX format (the format, XXX, ) vs the format XXX?

My wife Sally is healthy. (I have one than one wives. One of them, whose name is Sally, is health) -- The format XXX

My wife, Sally, is health. ( I have only one wife. Her name is Sally) -- The XXX format or the format, XXX,? ?

Before:?

More user?authentication methods support in non-SSO scenarios. Previously, with single sign-on disabled, users could log on to Citrix Workspace app and a session using different user accounts. Starting with this release, users can log on to them using user accounts or smart cards. For more information, see?Session launch credentials.

After:?

Support for more user?authentication methods in non-SSO scenarios. Previously, with single sign-on disabled, users could log on to Citrix Workspace app and to a session using different user accounts. Starting with this release, users can log on using user accounts or smart cards. For more information, see?Session launch credentials.

Comment:?

- Support for XXX vs XXX support: If XXX represents a lengthy phrase, use support for such as in the second version. Otherwise, use the latter, such as Windows 11 support.

- Adding the "to" makes the sentence parallel in structure and easy to understand.?

- Omitting "to them" because they refer to CWA and session, but pronouns often identify them to the nearest noun although sometimes we ignore this rule if it is easy for users to identify what the pronoun is referred to.?

Before:

Restart schedule support for single-session OS machines.?Previously, the restart schedule feature was available only for multi-session OS machines. You can now apply it to single-session OS machines. For more information, see?Create and manage restart schedules for machines in a delivery group.

After:

Restart schedule support for single-session OS machines.?Previously, the restart schedule feature was available only for multi-session OS machines. It's now also available for single-session OS machines. You can now create restart schedules for delivery groups containing single-session OS machines. For more information, see?Create and manage restart schedules for machines in a delivery group.

Comment:

We need to avoid abstract concept (such as apply in this case). Instead, providing instructional descriptions can make it more practical to readers. 而且，第一二句的對仗, 更好地讓用戶capture the differences. 改后版本后半部分提到如何achieve the goal briefly.?

Before:

Ability to import machine profiles from ARM template specs when creating machine catalogs in Microsoft Azure Resource Manager cloud environments. Previously, you could import machine profiles only from VMs you had created as machine profile VMs. With ARM template specs,? you can now share machine profiles across multiple subscriptions, which eliminates the need to create machine profile VMs in each subscription. For more information, see XXX.

After:

Ability to import machine profiles from ARM template specs. Previously, you could import machine profiles only from VMs you had created as machine profile VMs. Starting with this release, you can also import machine profiles from ARM template specs when creating machine catalogs in Microsoft Azure Resource Manager cloud environments. This enhancement allows you to share machine profiles across multiple subscriptions, which eliminates the need to create machine profile VMs in each subscription. For more information, see XXX.

Comment:

Short and clear are the rule of thumb. If the title is long, rewrite it.

Punchy and brief?! Sometimes leave out the mention of the new field name introduced in the new feature.?

Don't be afraid of losing some details: title is used to make the most important item outstanding from others.

No context no text. Judging from the keywords such as ARM template, users already have the context. So, in the title we can omit the long premise.

Before:

Info icon to notify you of an unverified hypervisor plug-in. When adding host connections in the Hosting node, in the Connection Type options, you can now see an info icon next to any hypervisor or cloud service whose hypervisor plug-in is not Citrix-verified. Clicking the info icon, you are informed to upgrade the hypervisor plug-in. For more information, see XXX.

After: 1st

Info icon to notify you of unverified hypervisor plug-ins. In the Hosting node > Connection Type options, you can now see an info icon next to any hypervisor or cloud service whose hypervisor plug-in is not Citrix-verified. After you hover over the info icon, the tooltip informs you to upgrade the hypervisor plug-in. For more information, see XXX. //Joy: the tooltip can't stand a thorough grammar review cos the tooltip is something that readers can't indicate.

After: 2nd

Info icon to notify you of unverified hypervisor plug-ins. When selecting a hypervisor or cloud service from the connection type list, you can now see an info icon next to it if its plug-in is not Citrix-verified. When you hover over the icon, a tooltip appears, informing you to upgrade the plug-in. For more information, see [Step 1. Connection](/en-us/citrix-virtual-apps-desktops-service/install-configure/connections.html#step-1-connection).

Comment:

To shorten the description part, Martin suggested stating the UI only instead of describing the action in UI. So the Italic words are omitted.

Avoid using passive voice.

The 2nd versions is based on Jack's edits. He omitted the entry point: Hosting node in the consideration that users are quite familiar with the usage. No context no text! --Sometimes, we can leave obvious things out.

Before:

Blade-style applies to Machine Catalogs and Policies nodes in Full Configuration. All nodes in Full Configuration now have blade-style wizards.

After:

Blade-style wizards applied to all nodes in Full Configuration. In this release, we applied blade-style wizards to the remaining Machine Catalogs and Policies nodes.

Comment:

To shorten the title and also focus on what readers really have interests in.

Before: Introduced a policy to automatically reattach VHDX disks in sessions

After: New policy to automatically reattach VHDX disks in sessions

Comment:

For headings, don’t use past tense to indicate what we did. That style is okay for tools but not for components/products.