? ? ? ? 偉大的父母說話算數(shù)。
? ? ? ? 這個(gè)原則有兩層含義：不要制定你不能執(zhí)行的規(guī)則；履行你的承諾。
? ? ? ? 要讓孩子知道你是說話算數(shù)的，這一點(diǎn)很重要。這能夠建立相互的信賴和尊重，為良好的親子關(guān)系打下基礎(chǔ)（參考第74個(gè)策略）。
? ? ? ? 因此，如果你告訴你的學(xué)步兒孩子，如果她再從貨架上把東西拉下來，你就會(huì)離開雜貨店，那么你就要準(zhǔn)備好執(zhí)行到底（參考策略53）。同樣地，如果你告訴你五歲的孩子必須先穿好外套和鞋子再去打棒球賽，但他卻故意不穿就跑，那么你就要把棒球賽取消（但是首先要確認(rèn)他聽到了你的要求；參考策略29）。
? ? ? ? 說話算數(shù)還有另一個(gè)讓人滿意的作用，就是減少孩子對(duì)界限的試探。如果他們知道你說到做到，這意味著你的行為是可預(yù)測(cè)的，那么，他們就不用浪費(fèi)時(shí)間和努力來看看你是不是認(rèn)真的（參考策略34）。
? ? ? ? 出于同樣的理由，兌現(xiàn)你的承諾也同樣重要。比如，如果你告訴孩子，再過五分鐘你就會(huì)離開電腦來為他讀書，那你就要準(zhǔn)備好五分鐘后停下來并且兌現(xiàn)你的承諾。如果你總是讓他走開，或者推遲時(shí)間（“再過幾分鐘就好了，親愛的”），那你的孩子可能最后會(huì)對(duì)你的承諾持懷疑的態(tài)度。
? ? ? ? 試試這個(gè)：要注意你對(duì)孩子的承諾。無論是承諾一起做事情（“我完成這個(gè)電子郵件后就來跟你一起打籃球”）還是宣布違反規(guī)則的后果（“如果你再私自從貨架上拿東西，我們就要立刻離開雜貨店”）。
? ? ? ? 要確定執(zhí)行你所說的（如果實(shí)在不能執(zhí)行，要承認(rèn)你的承諾，并且仔細(xì)地解釋你不能執(zhí)行的理由）。
1
Great parents
do what they say they are going to do
THIS PRINCIPLE IS twofold:
Don’t make rules you can’t or won’t enforce.
Keep your commitments.
It’s important for kids to know that you mean what you say. This builds mutual trust and respect, which are the cornerstones of a great parent–child relationship (see also #74).
So if you tell your toddler that you will leave the grocery store if she pulls one more item off the shelf, then you must be prepared to follow through (see also #53). Similarly, if your five-year-old intentionally scampers away after you tell him that he cannot go to the baseball game unless he puts his coat and shoes on right now, then the baseball game must be skipped. (But first be sure he really heard your request; see #29.)
Doing what you say you will do also has the pleasant side effect of minimizing how much testing of boundaries your kids will do. If they expect you to do what you say you will do—that is, you are predictable—then it becomes not worth their time and effort to see if you really mean it (see also #34).
For the same reason, it’s equally important to keep your commitments. If you tell your child you will get off your computer in five minutes to read to him, for example, then be prepared to stop at that time and follow through on what you said. If you keep putting him off or changing the timeline (“Just a few more minutes, honey”), your child may eventually become skeptical when you make a commitment to him.
TRY THIS: Pay careful attention to the commitments you make to your kids, whether you are committing to do something together (“I’ll play basketball with you after I finish this e-mail”) or specifying a consequence for breaking a rule (“If you take something else off the shelf without asking, we are leaving the grocery store”).
Be sure to follow through on what you’ve said (or acknowledge your commitment and explain carefully the reasons why you could not follow through).
