Learned helplessness is thinking that you cannot help yourself,even if you can.
習(xí)得性無助是認(rèn)為你無法幫助自己，在你明明可以的時(shí)候。

It is a felling that we have run out of choices-even if we have not.
感覺就像我們失去了選擇，即使實(shí)際情況并不是這樣。

Either because we do not see them at all ,or refuse to accept them as choice.
要么對(duì)它們視而不見，要么不承認(rèn)它們是真正的選擇。

Hence we cannot move.But we want to.We are stuck.Energy is wasted.We are more stuck....
因此我們不能行動(dòng)。但是我們又想有所行動(dòng)。我們被陷住了。精力被浪費(fèi)。導(dǎo)致我們被陷住的更多....

So it means you CAN act.But you won't!!
所以這意味著你可以采取行動(dòng)，但是你不會(huì)??！

Note:I am not a psychologist.Nor am I going to present a step by step 'technique' to get rid of learned helplessness.But I will present my own understanding of it - which might help a lot
注：我不是一個(gè)心理學(xué)家。我不是準(zhǔn)備提出一步接一步的'技術(shù)'來讓習(xí)得性無助的人獲得解脫。而是提出我自己的一些理解-可能幫助并不大。

But why would we do this to ourselves?
我們究竟怎樣才能幫助自己呢？

Because the fear of failure is so high,that we come up with excuse not to try.
因?yàn)閷?duì)失敗的恐懼如此之高，所以我們找不到開始的理由。

But isn't this true for everybody? We all are afraid of failure,but have to try.
但是不是每個(gè)人都這樣呢？我們都害怕失敗，但是又必須去做。

Yes,it is.But in this case the fear is much more deep rooted because:
是的。但是在這個(gè)案例中，恐懼更加根深蒂固，因?yàn)椋?br> a)The chances of failure are perceived as extremely high("I tried so many times and failed","I just could not")
a)失敗的機(jī)會(huì)極其高("我嘗試了這么多次還是失敗了","我就是做不到")
b)The perceived experience of failure is extremely soul wrenching.For instance,the perceived negative experience in losing in a race VS being a victim of sexual abuse is hugely different.Or in losing in something that your identity is strongly tied with.Then your perceived experience of that failure is much higher.For instance,the emotional impact exprienced a straight A student getting A student getting an F,vs a C/D student getting an F.
b)失敗的經(jīng)歷是靈魂的折磨。舉個(gè)例子，在跑步比賽中失利和成為一個(gè)性虐待的受害者是有巨大的區(qū)別的.或者失去與你身份緊密聯(lián)系在一起的東西。到那個(gè)時(shí)候你關(guān)于失敗的感知體驗(yàn)會(huì)格外的高。比如，一個(gè)一直得A的學(xué)生得了一個(gè)F，和一個(gè)經(jīng)常得C/D的學(xué)生得了一個(gè)F。

Even succeeding dose not seem worth the risk of facing failure yet again.One dose not even want to try.
甚至成功都比不上失敗帶來的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。一個(gè)人甚至不愿意去嘗試。

The experience has been so traumatic,and the feeling of helplessness and hence the shame is so high, that we just give up.But "giving up" is also "bad".We want to get rid of the ugly inward felling(dissonance)...
這種體驗(yàn)是如此的有傷害性，這種無助和羞辱的感覺是如此之高，以至于我們只好放棄。但是“放棄”也是“不好”。我們想要擺脫這種內(nèi)心丑陋的感覺（不一致）...
The justifications start kicking in...
各種想法開始涌入...
"I just CANNOT","If that happened to me,it must be my fault","If I could have ,I would have","I want to,but I lack talent","I want to ,but just do not have the time...","I want to ,but my spouse is not supportive...","I could have,had my parents been more supportive when I was young","I want to ,but it's harder than you think...".
“我就是做不到”，“如果這件事情發(fā)生在我身上，那肯定是因?yàn)槲业腻e(cuò)誤，”“如果我可以的話，我就會(huì)去做”，“我想做，但是我缺乏天分”，“我想做，我僅僅是沒有時(shí)間...","如果我父母在我年前的時(shí)候多給我點(diǎn)支持，我就做成了”，“我想做，但是這件事請(qǐng)沒有你想的那么簡(jiǎn)單..."

The actual justifications do not matter.We all have them in differing degrees,And sometimes,they are even true!
這些理由不是問題。我們或多或少都會(huì)有，而且有些時(shí)間，它們就是真實(shí)存在的！

The indicator of learned helplessness is in the refusal to try and overcome those justifications. Because often...
習(xí)得性無助的指標(biāo)就是拒絕嘗試和戰(zhàn)勝這些想法。因?yàn)榻?jīng)常...

Circumstances an abilities change

• You were small when you were first abused,but now you are a grown adult.

• 你第一次被虐待的時(shí)候還是個(gè)孩子，但是現(xiàn)在你已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大成人了.

• Your children did not allow you time for guitar lessons,but now they have grown up.
  *你為了孩子放棄了吉他課程，但是現(xiàn)在他們已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大了。

*You were dependent on your parents then,but now you have a job
*你曾經(jīng)依靠父母生活，但是現(xiàn)在你已經(jīng)有了一份工作。

• Losing now might not be that a big deal compared to when you were 16.So it's OK to play along.
  *在你16歲的時(shí)候，浪費(fèi)時(shí)間看起來不是什么大事情。但是現(xiàn)在是時(shí)間獨(dú)擋一面了。

• Investing $100 when you were 20 was much more riskier than investing $100 when you are 30.
  *你在30歲的時(shí)候投資100美元比你20歲的時(shí)候風(fēng)險(xiǎn)喲要小多了。

Because learned helplessness is more about avoiding failure,than wanting to succeed.
因?yàn)榱?xí)得性無助是害怕失敗大于想要成功。

And because we don't try,we never win.This reaffirms our justifications.Se we are stuck even more.
正是因?yàn)槲覀儧]有嘗試，所以我們不曾勝利。在此重申我們的理由。我們陷得更深。

How can we come out of this vicious circle?
我們?cè)鯓硬拍芴映鲞@個(gè)怪圈呢？

1-Stop deciding,start choosing

1-停止決策，開始選擇

You might have a 100 justifications why you cannot succeed.Which may or may not be true.Not in your control either.But YOU ARE CHOOSING to not try,and find out.And that is what keeps you stuck.
你可能有100個(gè)不能成功的理由。不論它們成不成立。它們也不在你的控制范圍。但是你現(xiàn)在選擇了不去嘗試，去放棄。這就是你被困的原因。

Instead try rephrasing your self-beliefs:
試著替換你自己內(nèi)心的想法:

*"I just CANNOT","If i could have,I would have"，“I want to,but I lack talent"--> "So I choose to learn.Let me choose 3 things to do that..."
*"我就是做不到","如果我能做，我肯定就做了"，“我想做，但是我能力不夠"--> "所以我選擇去學(xué)習(xí)，讓我選3件事情來做..."

*"I want to,but just do not have the time..."--> "I do not have the time. I still choose to learn the guitar.What can I let go to make time?"OR"I choose not to learn the guitar and use that time for the family".'Giving up' also becomes a choice.
*"我想做，但是我沒有時(shí)間..."--> "我沒有時(shí)間。我仍然選擇去學(xué)吉他。我怎么才能搞到時(shí)間呢？"或者"我不學(xué)吉他了我要用這些時(shí)間來陪我的家人"?！胺艞墶币喑蔀榱艘环N選擇。

*'' I want to ,but my spouse is not supportive..."-->"OK,my spouse is not supportive.But I still want to.What can I do now to make this work? I Choose to..."
*" 我想做，但是我的妻子不支持我..."-->"好吧，我的妻子不支持我。但是我還是想把這件事情做成。我現(xiàn)在能為這件事情做點(diǎn)什么呢？我選擇..."

*"I could have,had my parents been more supportive when I was young"-->"OK,so I have lost time.But I still want to.So I choose to..."OR"OK,so I have lost time.And I no longer want to.So I choose to..."
"我可以做到，如果我小的時(shí)候我父母能支持我的話"-->"好吧，我已經(jīng)錯(cuò)過時(shí)間了。但是我還是想做，所以我選擇..."或者"好吧，我已經(jīng)錯(cuò)過時(shí)間了，而且我現(xiàn)在也不太想做這件事情了，所以我選擇..."

*"I want to,but it's harder than you think..."-->"OK,it's not as easy as I thought.But I still want it.I am choosing to still try.How do I change my plan accordingly to address these new challenges?"
*"我想做，但是這件事情沒有你想的那么簡(jiǎn)單..."-->“好吧，這沒有我想的那么簡(jiǎn)單。但是我還是想做。我選擇繼續(xù)嘗試。我要怎樣修改我的計(jì)劃才能趕上現(xiàn)在的改變呢？"

The point is not whether you choose to try or choose to give up.
重點(diǎn)不是選擇嘗試和放棄。

The point is whether you see yourself as a helpless victim who "Had no other option but to...",or as someone in control who" Made a conscious(sometimes difficult) choice and OWNED it"

重點(diǎn)是你把自己看成一個(gè)“沒有其他的選擇除了...”，還是一個(gè)“做了一個(gè)有意識(shí)的（有時(shí)候是困難的）選擇而且擁有它”

2-Even giving up can be a choice.Then it becomes 'Letting go'

2-甚至放棄也能成為一個(gè)選擇。這樣它就變成了‘讓它去吧’

Remember helplessness is not about which direction you take,but about feeling stuck.Energy is locked in,wasted.
記住無助是因?yàn)槟愀杏X到被困住了而不是因?yàn)槟氵x擇的方向。精力被困住了，浪費(fèi)了。

A victim 'gives up'.A chooser 'Let goes'. Energy is freed up and diverted.
受害者‘放棄’.選擇者‘讓它走’.能量變的自由和移動(dòng)。

“Letting go" does not mean that it's the right thing,or that all the consequences will be sweet.It means that it's the needed thing,and the bitter consequences in the short term will be worth it in the long term.Energy will not be wasted further.Most people stay stuck here for a long time and drain themselves out(Depression)

"讓他走”并不意味著就是正確的決定，或者所有的結(jié)果都是甜蜜的。這意味著這是需要做的事情，而且長(zhǎng)痛不如短痛。精力不會(huì)被浪費(fèi)。大部分人在這個(gè)地方會(huì)困很久直到耗干了精力，變得抑郁。

We are always making choices
我們一直在做出選擇

• Helplessness is about explaining"Why am I stuck?"and hence choosing to remain stuck
  *無助是解釋“為什么我陷住了”和選擇了被困住

*Choosing is about asking "How do I become unstuck?" and hence
choosing to act.
*選擇是問“我怎樣才能擺脫？”而選擇行動(dòng)

Note that we are making choices either way-whether we acknowledge it or not.The helplessness is learnt for a reason(to avoid the shame of failure)
記住我們一直在做出選擇-不管我們有沒有注意到它。無助是學(xué)到的一個(gè)理由（避免失敗的羞辱）

But the ensuing pain of being stuck in unhealthy patterns inevitably brings us to a point where we are forced to accept that we should act.
但是被困住的疼痛是一個(gè)不健康的形式把我們帶到一個(gè)我們必須做出選擇的一個(gè)點(diǎn)。

It would seem everybody lives happily ever after.But the real problem begins now！！
似乎每個(gè)人都在過著幸福的生活。但是真正的問題才剛剛開始。

It is more interesting to know how we FOOL ourselves into thinking that we ARE acting-without actually doing so.
有趣的是知道我們是怎么愚弄自己的，當(dāng)我們?cè)谛袆?dòng)的時(shí)候-除了真的要做這個(gè)。

How we really fool ourselves
我們是怎樣愚弄自己的
False action #1-"I have no choice but to...."
案例#1-“我除了做這個(gè)別無選擇...."
That's not a choice-that's force.It's like 'choosing' to say "I love you" because someone put a gun to your head.Saying 'yes',knowing it won't work out anyway.Like driving with your brakes on.
那不是選擇-那是被迫。這就像我“選擇”說“我愛你”是因?yàn)橛腥四弥鴺屩钢业念^。
說‘是’，知道它不工作了反正。就像是開車沒有剎車。

Failure is inevitable.Not because you were not good enough.But because you were convinced you would fail.
失敗是不可避免的。不是因?yàn)槟悴粔蚝谩６且驗(yàn)槟阆嘈拍銜?huì)失敗。

Fales action #2-"Now I know where the problem lies....which means I have started acting!!"
This is the intellectualization phase.Where we research the problem,understand it,dissect it,label it,go into nuances,perform root cause analysis,find the exact names.But do not act.
案例 #2-"現(xiàn)在我知道問題出在哪了... 這意味著我已經(jīng)開始行動(dòng)了！！"

Fales action#3-"Now I know where the solution lies....which means I have started acting!!"
案例 #2-"現(xiàn)在我知道解決方案是什么了....這意味著我已經(jīng)開始行動(dòng)了??！"
Maybe I help OTHERs to act,maybe I write awesome Quora answers on acting.Every upvote acts as validation that I am moving.If I can help a 100 people move,if 200 people are appreciating me for moving-it must prove that I am moving too,right?
可能我?guī)椭鷦e人去行動(dòng)，可能我寫了一篇關(guān)于行動(dòng)的好答案。每一個(gè)點(diǎn)贊都確認(rèn)著我在行動(dòng)。如果我能幫助100個(gè)人行動(dòng)，如果200個(gè)人在欣賞我的行動(dòng)-這肯定能證明我也在行動(dòng)，對(duì)嗎？

The underlying problem is this:
潛在的問題是：
I am still afraid to act.So I will put in a lot of sincere effort,analysis,thought,study...to PROVE that I am acting.
我依然害怕行動(dòng)。所以我要找一大堆真誠的努力，分析，思考，學(xué)習(xí)...來證明我在行動(dòng)。

In reality,I am doing just that:"Acting"(Pretending)
實(shí)際上，我做到的僅僅是：“行動(dòng)”（假裝）

Choosing Vs Acting
選擇和行動(dòng)
Understanding the problem is important to narrow down on the possible solutions.Evaluating the solutions is important to choose the best one.
理解這個(gè)文檔的關(guān)鍵是縮小可能的解決方案。選擇最好的一個(gè)是評(píng)價(jià)方案的重要的方式。

But that stil does not mean you have acted on your choice.
但是這依然不代表你履行了你的選擇。

There is only one way to find out if you are taking action...or just 'acting' as if you are.
只有一種方式來證明你是在采取行動(dòng)...或者只是“行動(dòng)”像你如果的那樣。

Ask yourself:Are you moving?
問自己：你在行動(dòng)嗎？

Have you come closer to your goal?:In terms of days,knowing the end date
你真的接近你的目標(biāo)了嗎？要記得最后的日期。

Do you know what the goal is?:Getting a divorce?Leaving your house? Breaking up?Changing your job?Quitting smoking？
你知道你的目標(biāo)是什么嗎？離婚？離開你的住所？分手？換工作？戒煙？

Do you know exactly how the end point looks like?
*"Divorce" means "signing the papers and getting a court decree",not "telling your partner you will do it".
你確切的知道你要達(dá)到的那個(gè)終點(diǎn)是什么嗎？
*“離婚”意味著“簽署文件和獲得法院判決”，不是“告訴你的父母你準(zhǔn)備做這個(gè)".

*"Leaving your house"means"Picking your bags and moving into another house you have arranged" not "Beginning to hunt for a new house"
*"離開你的房子”意味著“背上你的背包到另外一個(gè)你安排好的房子”不是“開始尋找另外一個(gè)新的房子”

*"Changing jobs" does not mean taking career counselling.It means "resigning from your current job and accepting the offer letter for a new one"
*"換工作"不是說尋找職業(yè)指導(dǎo)。它意味著“辭掉你現(xiàn)在的工作并接受一個(gè)新的offer"

*"Breaking up" means "Telling your partner so,and then cutting contact".Not "Thinking about it"
*“分手”是“告訴你的另一半，然后分割清楚”。不是“考慮一下它”

Have you given yourself any end date? Or are you always pushing it due to "reasons you cannot help"?
你給自己設(shè)立最后期限了嗎？還是你經(jīng)常把它延期因?yàn)槟承澳憧刂撇涣Φ脑颉保?/p>

Choosing is about knowing the direction.This is the complex part.
選擇是知道方向。這是復(fù)雜的部分。

Moving is about knowing the destination and estimating when you will get there. This might be hard but never complex.
行動(dòng)是知道你要去的方向。這可能會(huì)困難但是從來不復(fù)雜。

But if you are avoiding movement,it probably DOES seem complex.
但是如果你逃避它，你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)它看起來很復(fù)雜。

Do you take a long time to explain why you have NOT moved ahead? Do you need to explain? If the other person does not agree - do you feel angry? Later on,do you feel guilty?
你花時(shí)間來解釋為什么你沒有一直向前前進(jìn)嗎？你需要解釋嗎？如果某些人并不同意-你會(huì)生氣嗎？事情過去之后，你會(huì)內(nèi)疚嗎？

Then my friend,you are probably 'trying to move'-but not actually 'moving'.Stop justifying ,stop fooling,start moving.
所以我的朋友，你可能是“嘗試行動(dòng)”-但不是真正的‘行動(dòng)’。停止證明，停止自欺欺人，開始行動(dòng)。