人物表
INDEX OF CHARACTERS
?賽魯羅一家（鞋匠的家人）
The Cerullo family (the shoemaker’s
? family):
費(fèi)爾南多·賽魯羅：鞋匠，莉拉的父親。
Fernando Cerullo, shoemaker, Lila’s
? father.
農(nóng)齊亞·賽魯羅：莉拉的母親。
Nunzia Cerullo, Lila’s mother.
拉法埃拉·賽魯羅：所有人都叫她莉娜，只有埃萊娜叫她莉拉。她生于1944年8月，年紀(jì)輕輕就嫁給了斯特凡諾·卡拉奇，在伊斯基亞島度假時(shí)，她愛(ài)上了尼諾·薩拉托雷，并為之離開(kāi)了丈夫。她和尼諾的同居生活失敗，兒子詹納羅出生之后，她發(fā)現(xiàn)艾達(dá)·卡普喬懷了斯特凡諾的孩子。莉拉徹底離開(kāi)了丈夫，她和恩佐·斯坎諾搬到那不勒斯郊區(qū)圣約翰·特杜奇奧居住，幾年之后，她又和恩佐、詹納羅搬回城區(qū)。六十六歲時(shí)，她從那不勒斯消失，沒(méi)有留下任何痕跡。
Raffaella Cerullo, called Lina, or Lila.
? She was born in August, 1944, and is sixty-six when she disappears from
? Naples without a trace. At the age of sixteen, she marries Stefano Carracci,
? but during a vacation on Ischia she falls in love with Nino Sarratore, for
? whom she leaves her husband. After the disastrous end of her relationship
? with Nino, the birth of her son Gennaro (also called Rino), and the discovery
? that Stefano is expecting a child with Ada Cappuccio, Lila leaves him
? definitively. She moves with Enzo Scanno to San Giovanni a Teduccio, but
? several years later she returns to the neighborhood with Enzo and Gennaro.
里諾·賽魯羅：莉拉的大哥，也是鞋匠。他和斯特凡諾的妹妹——皮諾奇婭·卡拉奇結(jié)婚，生了兩個(gè)孩子。莉拉的第一個(gè)孩子——詹納羅后來(lái)也叫里諾。
Rino Cerullo, Lila’s older brother. He is
? married to Stefano’s sister, Pinuccia Carracci, with whom he has two sons.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?格雷科一家（門房的家人）
The Greco family (the porter’s family):
埃萊娜·格雷科：也叫萊農(nóng)奇婭，或者萊農(nóng)。她出生于1944年8月，是我們正在讀的這本小說(shuō)的作者。小學(xué)畢業(yè)之后，她繼續(xù)讀書，學(xué)業(yè)一帆風(fēng)順，成績(jī)優(yōu)異，后來(lái)上了比薩高等師范，并在那里結(jié)識(shí)了彼得羅·艾羅塔，幾年后與之結(jié)婚，搬到佛羅倫薩居住。他們生了兩個(gè)女兒：黛黛和艾爾莎，但埃萊娜對(duì)婚姻很失望。她和童年時(shí)暗戀的人——尼諾·薩拉托雷開(kāi)始了一段感情，為他離開(kāi)了丈夫和兩個(gè)孩子。
Elena Greco, called Lenuccia or Lenù.
? Born in August, 1944, she is the author of the long story that we are
? reading. After elementary school, Elena continues to study, with increasing
? success, obtaining a degree from the Scuola Normale, in Pisa, where she meets
? Pietro Airota. She marries him, and they move to Florence. They have two
? children, Adele, called Dede, and Elsa, but Elena, disappointed by marriage,
? begins an affair with Nino Sarratore, with whom she has been in love since
? childhood, and eventually leaves Pietro and the children.
佩佩、詹尼和埃莉莎：埃萊娜的弟弟妹妹。盡管埃萊娜反對(duì)，妹妹埃莉莎還是和馬爾切洛·索拉拉同居了。
Peppe, Gianni, and Elisa, Elena’s younger
? siblings. Despite Elena’s disapproval, Elisa goes to live with Marcello
? Solara.
埃萊娜的父親：市政府門房。
The father, a porter at the city hall.
母親：家庭主婦。
The mother, a housewife.
?卡拉奇一家（堂·阿奇勒的家人）
The Carracci family (Don Achille’s
? family):
堂·阿奇勒·卡拉奇：黑幫成員，放高利貸，后來(lái)被人殺死。
Don Achille Carracci, dealer in the black
? market, loan shark. He was murdered.
瑪麗亞·卡拉奇：堂·阿奇勒的妻子，斯特凡諾、皮諾奇婭和阿方索的母親，斯特凡諾和艾達(dá)·卡普喬生的女兒起名叫瑪麗亞。
Maria Carracci, wife of Don Achille,
? mother of Stefano, Pinuccia, and Alfonso. The daughter of Stefano and Ada
? Cappuccio bears her name.
斯特凡諾·卡拉奇：已故的堂·阿奇勒的兒子，商人，莉拉的第一任丈夫。他對(duì)于和莉拉糟糕的婚姻生活很不滿，就和艾達(dá)·卡普喬開(kāi)始了一段婚外戀，后來(lái)和她同居。他有兩個(gè)孩子：詹納羅和瑪麗亞，詹納羅是莉拉生的，瑪麗亞是艾達(dá)生的。
Stefano Carracci, son of Don Achille,
? shopkeeper and Lila’s first husband. Dissatisfied by his stormy marriage to
? Lila, he initiates a relationship with Ada Cappuccio, and they start living
? together. He is the father of Gennaro, with Lila, and of Maria, with Ada.
皮諾奇婭：堂·阿奇勒的女兒，她和莉拉的哥哥里諾結(jié)婚了，生了兩個(gè)孩子。
Pinuccia, daughter of Don Achille. She is
? married to Lila’s brother, Rino, and has two sons with him.
阿方索：堂·阿奇勒的兒子，和瑪麗莎·薩拉托雷訂婚很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間之后，不得不娶了她。
Alfonso, son of Don Achille. He resigns
? himself to marrying Marisa Sarratore after a long engagement.
?佩盧索一家（木匠的家人）
The Peluso family (the carpenter’s
? family):
阿爾佛雷多·佩盧索：木匠，Communist員，后來(lái)死在監(jiān)獄。
Alfredo Peluso, carpenter and Communist,
? dies in prison.
朱塞平娜·佩盧索：阿爾佛雷多忠誠(chéng)的妻子，丈夫死后，她自殺身亡。
Giuseppina Peluso, devoted wife of
? Alfredo, commits suicide after his death.
帕斯卡萊·佩盧索：阿爾佛雷多和朱塞平娜的長(zhǎng)子，泥瓦匠，Communist積極分子。
Pasquale Peluso, older son of Alfredo and
? Giuseppina, construction worker, militant Communist.
卡梅拉·佩盧索：也叫卡門，帕斯卡萊的妹妹，她和恩佐·斯坎諾訂婚。但后來(lái)和在大路上的加油站工作的一個(gè)男人結(jié)了婚，生了兩個(gè)孩子。
Carmela Peluso, called Carmen. Pasquale’s
? sister, she was the girlfriend of Enzo Scanno for a long time. She
? subsequently marries Roberto, the owner of the gas pump on the stradone, with
? whom she has two children.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?卡普喬一家（瘋寡婦的家人）
The Cappuccio family (the mad widow’s
? family):
梅莉娜：寡婦，莉拉母親農(nóng)齊亞的一個(gè)親戚，曾是多納托·薩拉托雷的情人，因?yàn)檫@段情感，梅莉娜幾乎喪失了理智。
Melina, a widow, a relative of Nunzia
? Cerullo. She nearly lost her mind after her relationship with Donato
? Sarratore ended.
梅莉娜的丈夫：菜市場(chǎng)卸貨工，死因不明。
Melina’s husband, who died in mysterious
? circumstances.
艾達(dá)·卡普喬：梅莉娜的女兒，一直是帕斯卡萊·佩盧索的女朋友，后來(lái)成為斯特凡諾·卡拉奇的情婦，懷孕后，開(kāi)始和斯特凡諾同居，瑪麗亞是他們的女兒。
Ada Cappuccio, Melina’s daughter. For a
? long time the girlfriend of Pasquale Peluso, she becomes the lover of Stefano
? Carracci, and goes to live with him. From their relationship a girl, Maria,
? is born.
安東尼奧·卡普喬：艾達(dá)的哥哥，技工，曾是埃萊娜的男朋友。
Antonio Cappuccio, her brother, a
? mechanic. He was Elena’s boyfriend.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?薩拉托雷一家（鐵路職工兼詩(shī)人的家人）
The Sarratore family (the railway-worker
? poet’s family):
多納托·薩拉托雷：情場(chǎng)老手，行為不檢點(diǎn)，曾是梅莉娜·卡普喬的情人。埃萊娜在年少時(shí)，為了化解莉拉和尼諾在一起之后帶給她的傷痛，曾在海灘上委身于他。
Donato Sarratore, a great womanizer, who
? was the lover of Melina Cappuccio. Elena, too, at a very young age, gives
? herself to him on the beach in Ischia, driven by the suffering that the
? relationship between Nino and Lila has caused her.
莉迪亞·薩拉托雷：多納托的妻子。
Lidia Sarratore, wife of Donato.
尼諾·薩拉托雷：多納托和莉迪亞五個(gè)孩子中的老大，他和莉拉保持了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間的秘密情人關(guān)系。之后，他和埃利奧諾拉結(jié)婚，生了一個(gè)兒子，叫阿爾伯特，但后來(lái)和埃萊娜發(fā)展了一段婚外戀，這時(shí)候埃萊娜已經(jīng)有兩個(gè)女兒了。
Nino Sarratore, the oldest of the five
? children of Donato and Lidia, has a long secret affair with Lila. Married to
? Eleonora, with whom he has Albertino and Lidia, he begins an affair with
? Elena, who is also married and has children.
瑪麗莎·薩拉托雷：尼諾的妹妹，和阿方索·卡拉奇結(jié)婚，后來(lái)成為米凱萊·索拉拉的情婦，為米凱萊生了兩個(gè)兒子。
Marisa Sarratore, sister of Nino. Married
? to Alfonso Carracci. She becomes the lover of Michele Solara, with whom she
? has two children.
皮諾、克萊利亞以及西羅：多納托和莉迪亞后面的幾個(gè)孩子。
Pino, Clelia, and Ciro Sarratore, younger
? children of Donato and Lidia.
?斯坎諾一家（賣水果的一家人）
The Scanno family (the
? fruit-and-vegetable seller’s family):
尼科拉·斯坎諾：賣水果的男人，死于肺炎。
Nicola Scanno, fruit-and-vegetable
? seller, dies of pneumonia.
阿孫塔·斯坎諾：尼科拉的妻子，死于癌癥。
Assunta Scanno, wife of Nicola, dies of
? cancer.
恩佐·斯坎諾：尼科拉和阿孫塔的長(zhǎng)子，很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間里都是卡門·佩盧索的男朋友，但后來(lái)他服完兵役就和卡門分手了。當(dāng)莉拉決定徹底離開(kāi)斯特凡諾時(shí)，他把莉拉還有她的孩子接到圣約翰·特杜奇奧居住。
Enzo Scanno, son of Nicola and Assunta,
? also a fruit-and-vegetable seller. He was for a long time the boyfriend of
? Carmen Peluso. He takes on responsibility for Lila and her son, Gennaro, when
? she leaves Stefano Carracci, and takes them to live in San Giovanni a
? Teduccio.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?索拉拉一家（他們家有一家酒吧兼點(diǎn)心房）
The Solara family (the family of the
? owner of the Solara bar-pastry shop):
西爾維奧·索拉拉：索拉拉酒吧和點(diǎn)心房的老板。
Silvio Solara, owner of the bar-pastry
? shop.
曼努埃拉·索拉拉：西爾維奧的妻子，放高利貸的，年紀(jì)很大，被殺死在自家門口。
Manuela Solara, wife of Silvio,
? moneylender. As an old woman, she is killed in the doorway of her house.
馬爾切洛和米凱萊：西爾維奧和曼努埃拉的兒子，馬爾切洛愛(ài)上了莉拉，遭到拒絕，多年以后和埃萊娜的妹妹埃莉莎同居。米凱萊和糕點(diǎn)師傅的女兒吉耀拉結(jié)婚，和她生了兩個(gè)兒子，瑪麗莎·薩拉托雷是他的情婦，為他生了兩個(gè)兒子，但他一直對(duì)莉拉懷有一種病態(tài)的迷戀。
Marcello and Michele Solara, sons of
? Silvio and Manuela. Rejected by Lila, Marcello, after many years, goes to
? live with Elisa, Elena’s younger sister. Michele, married to Gigliola, the
? daughter of the pastry maker, takes Marisa Sarratore as his lover, and has
? two more children with her. Yet he continues to be obsessed with Lila.
?斯帕紐洛一家（糕點(diǎn)師傅的家人）
The Spagnuolo family (the baker’s
? family):
斯帕紐洛先生：索拉拉酒吧和點(diǎn)心房的糕點(diǎn)師傅。
Signor Spagnuolo, pastry maker at the
? Solaras’ bar-pastry shop.
羅莎·斯帕紐洛：糕點(diǎn)師傅的妻子。
Rosa Spagnuolo, wife of the pastry maker.
吉耀拉·斯帕紐洛：糕點(diǎn)師傅的女兒，米凱萊·索拉拉的妻子，為他生了兩個(gè)兒子。
Gigliola Spagnuolo, daughter of the
? pastry maker, wife of Michele Solara and mother of two of his children.
其他孩子。
Other children.
?艾羅塔一家
The Airota family:
圭多·艾羅塔：古希臘文學(xué)教授。
Guido Airota, professor of Greek
? literature.
阿黛爾·艾羅塔：圭多·艾羅塔的妻子。
Adele Airota, his wife.
馬麗婭羅莎·艾羅塔：艾羅塔教授的大女兒，在米蘭大學(xué)教藝術(shù)史。
Mariarosa Airota, their daughter,
? professor of art history in Milan.
彼得羅·艾羅塔：年輕有為的大學(xué)老師，埃萊娜的丈夫，黛黛和艾爾莎的父親。
Pietro Airota, a very young university
? professor, Elena’s husband and the father of Dede and Elsa.
?幾位老師
The teachers:
費(fèi)拉羅：小學(xué)老師，兼任圖書館管理員。
Ferraro, teacher and librarian.
奧利維耶羅：小學(xué)女老師。
Maestra Oliviero, teacher.
杰拉切：中學(xué)老師。
Professor Gerace, high-school teacher.
加利亞尼：高中老師。
Professor Galiani, high-school teacher.
?其他人物
Other characters:
吉諾：藥劑師的兒子，埃萊娜的第一任男朋友，城區(qū)法西斯團(tuán)伙的頭目，在自家的藥店前遭到暗殺。
Gino, son of the pharmacist; Elena’s
? first boyfriend.
內(nèi)拉·因卡爾多：奧利維耶羅老師的表姐。
Nella Incardo, the cousin of Maestra
? Oliviero.
阿爾曼多：醫(yī)生，加利亞尼老師的兒子。他和伊莎貝拉結(jié)婚，有一個(gè)兒子叫做馬爾科。
Armando, doctor, son of Professor
? Galiani. Married to Isabella, with whom he has a son named Marco.
娜迪雅：女學(xué)生，加利亞尼老師的女兒，尼諾曾經(jīng)的女朋友，在政治活動(dòng)中，和帕斯卡萊·佩盧索走在一起。
Nadia, student, daughter of Professor
? Galiani, was Nino’s girlfriend. During a period of militant political
? activity, she becomes attached to Pasquale Peluso.
布魯諾·索卡沃：尼諾·薩拉托雷的朋友，繼承了他父親的一家香腸廠，后來(lái)在工廠里遭到槍殺。
Bruno Soccavo, friend of Nino Sarratore
? and the heir to a sausage factory. He is killed in his factory.
弗朗科·馬里：埃萊娜剛開(kāi)始上大學(xué)那幾年的男朋友。政治活動(dòng)積極分子，受到法西斯分子的伏擊，失去了一只眼睛。
Franco Mari, Elena’s boyfriend during her
? first years at the university, has devoted himself to political activism. He
? loses an eye in a Fascist attack.
西爾維亞：女大學(xué)生，政治積極分子，和尼諾·薩拉托雷有過(guò)短暫交往，和他生了一個(gè)孩子米爾科。
Silvia, a university student and
? political activist. She has a son, Mirko, from a brief relationship with Nino
? Sarratore.
壯年 失蹤的孩子
MATURITY
1
一九七六年十月我離開(kāi)那不勒斯，一九七九年才回來(lái)。回到那不勒斯后，我一直盡量避免與莉拉聯(lián)系。我不想和她像之前那樣密切，但這并不容易，她想方設(shè)法介入我的生活，我無(wú)視她，承受她，容忍她。在那個(gè)艱難的時(shí)刻，她表現(xiàn)出要陪在我身旁，支持我，但我始終無(wú)法忘記她對(duì)我的鄙夷。
From October 1976 until 1979, when I
? returned to Naples to live, I avoided resuming a steady relationship with
? Lila. But it wasn’t easy. She almost immediately tried to reenter my life by
? force, and I ignored her, tolerated her, endured her. Even if she acted as if
? there were nothing she wanted more than to be close to me at a difficult
? moment, I couldn’t forget the contempt with which she had treated me.
我通過(guò)電話告訴她我和尼諾的事時(shí)，她在電話里對(duì)我大吼大叫，她說(shuō)：“你是個(gè)笨蛋！”她之前從沒(méi)用過(guò)這種語(yǔ)氣對(duì)我說(shuō)話，從來(lái)沒(méi)有過(guò)。如今我想，假如傷害我的只是這句話，我可能會(huì)很快平靜下來(lái)。事實(shí)上，除了那句罵我的話，她還提到了黛黛和艾爾莎，這一直讓我耿耿于懷。她告誡我說(shuō)：“你不想想，你這樣做，會(huì)對(duì)你的兩個(gè)女兒造成多大傷害！”我當(dāng)時(shí)沒(méi)太在意這句話，但隨著時(shí)間的流逝，這句話不斷在我耳邊響起，變得越來(lái)越有分量。對(duì)黛黛和艾爾莎，莉拉從來(lái)沒(méi)表現(xiàn)出一丁點(diǎn)兒興趣，幾乎可以肯定，她甚至都不記得她們的名字。有幾次，我在電話里提到她們有趣的童言童語(yǔ)，莉拉會(huì)很快岔開(kāi)話題，說(shuō)起其他事情。在馬爾切洛·索拉拉家里，莉拉第一次見(jiàn)到她們時(shí)，她只是漫不經(jīng)心地看了她們一眼，說(shuō)了幾句客套話，根本就沒(méi)注意到她們得體的衣著，梳得整整齊齊的頭發(fā)，盡管年齡小，但兩個(gè)小姑娘已經(jīng)能很準(zhǔn)確表達(dá)自己的想法了。這兩個(gè)孩子是我生的，我養(yǎng)的，她們是我的一部分，莉拉作為我從小到大的好朋友，她應(yīng)該滿足一下我作為母親的虛榮，不考慮情誼，至少是出于禮貌，也應(yīng)該關(guān)注一下她們，但她連一句調(diào)侃都沒(méi)有，只是一副漠不關(guān)心的樣子。只有現(xiàn)在——肯定是出于嫉妒，因?yàn)槲液湍嶂Z在一起了——她才想起了我的兩個(gè)女兒。她想強(qiáng)調(diào)，我是一個(gè)糟糕透頂?shù)哪赣H，我正在犧牲兩個(gè)女兒的幸福，換取自己的幸福，我一想到這事兒就覺(jué)得很心煩。當(dāng)年，她離開(kāi)斯特凡諾時(shí)，她考慮過(guò)她的兒子嗎？她為了工廠的工作，把孩子寄放在鄰居家里，或者把孩子寄放在我這里，就像是為了擺脫他，她考慮過(guò)孩子的感受嗎？??！我是有我的過(guò)錯(cuò)，但作為母親，我絕對(duì)比她強(qiáng)。
Today I think that if it had been only
? the insult that wounded me—You’re an idiot, she had shouted on the telephone
? when I told her about Nino, and she had never, ever spoken to me like that
? before—I would have soon calmed down. In reality, what mattered more than
? that offense was the mention of Dede and Elsa. Think of the harm you’re doing
? to your daughters, she had warned me, and at the moment I had paid no
? attention. But over time those words acquired greater weight, and I returned
? to them often. Lila had never displayed the slightest interest in Dede and
? Elsa; almost certainly she didn’t even remember their names. If, on the
? phone, I mentioned some intelligent remark they had made, she cut me off,
? changed the subject. And when she met them for the first time, at the house
? of Marcello Solara, she had confined herself to an absentminded glance and a
? few pat phrases—she hadn’t paid the least attention to how nicely they were
? dressed, how neatly their hair was combed, how well both were able to express
? themselves, although they were still small. And yet I had given birth to
? them, I had brought them up, they were part of me, who had been her friend
? forever: she should have taken this into account—I won’t say out of affection
? but at least out of politeness—for my maternal pride. Yet she hadn’t even
? attempted a little good-natured sarcasm; she had displayed indifference and
? nothing more. Only now—out of jealousy, surely, because I had taken Nino—did
? she remember the girls, and wanted to emphasize that I was a terrible mother,
? that although I was happy, I was causing them unhappiness. The minute I
? thought about it I became anxious. Had Lila worried about Gennaro when she
? left Stefano, when she abandoned the child to the neighbor because of her
? work in the factory, when she sent him to me as if to get him out of the way?
? Ah, I had my faults, but I was certainly more a mother than she was.
2
那些年，類似這樣的想法，反復(fù)出現(xiàn)在我腦海里。關(guān)于黛黛和艾爾莎，莉拉只說(shuō)過(guò)那一句居心叵測(cè)的話，但她儼然成了我兩個(gè)女兒的律師，好像要捍衛(wèi)她們的權(quán)益。我每次只顧著自己，忽略她們時(shí)，我就感覺(jué)有必要向她表明：事情并非如此。也許那只是她一時(shí)說(shuō)的氣話，但我不知道她對(duì)于我的真實(shí)看法。我是不是一個(gè)好母親，她是唯一有發(fā)言權(quán)的人，假如她能介入這漫長(zhǎng)的敘述，假如她能修改我寫的文字，加入那些缺少的環(huán)節(jié)，去掉一些她不想讓人看到內(nèi)容，她也可以講述更多我的事情——我不想說(shuō)的事情，我說(shuō)不出來(lái)的事情。我真希望她能介入，從我開(kāi)始寫下我們的故事時(shí)，我就希望她能插手，但我要堅(jiān)持寫到最后再回頭證實(shí)，她有沒(méi)有改動(dòng)過(guò)這些文字。假如我現(xiàn)在就這么做的話，我一定會(huì)寫不下去。我寫了太長(zhǎng)時(shí)間了，我很疲憊。那么多年里紛紛擾擾，發(fā)生了大大小小的事情，經(jīng)歷了各種心境，要抓住主線是很難的：我要么回顧一下自己的故事，把那些和莉拉相關(guān)的、錯(cuò)綜復(fù)雜的事情篩選出來(lái)；或者退而求其次，講述發(fā)生在我身上的事，這樣寫起來(lái)容易一些。但我必須盡量避免這兩種情況：首先，我們倆關(guān)系的本質(zhì)決定了，只有通過(guò)我才能抵達(dá)她，如果我把自己放在一邊，最后的結(jié)果是，莉拉的痕跡會(huì)很少；其次，我也應(yīng)該避免過(guò)多講述那些我熱衷談?wù)摗⒌X(jué)得無(wú)關(guān)緊要的事情。她也許會(huì)對(duì)我說(shuō)：“說(shuō)吧！說(shuō)說(shuō)你現(xiàn)在的生活，誰(shuí)在乎我??！說(shuō)實(shí)話，你也不是很在乎吧！”她最后會(huì)總結(jié)說(shuō)：“我是一筆糊涂賬，錯(cuò)了又改，改了又錯(cuò)，根本不值得寫下來(lái)。算了，放過(guò)我吧，萊農(nóng)！我的事情都不值得用一個(gè)刪除號(hào)?！?/p>
Such thoughts became a habit in those
? years. It was as if Lila, who, after all, had uttered only that one malicious
? remark about Dede and Elsa, had become the defense lawyer for their needs as
? daughters, and, every time I neglected them to devote myself to myself, I
? felt obliged to prove to her that she was wrong. But it was a voice invented
? by ill feeling; what she really thought of my behavior as a mother I don’t
? know. Only she can say if, in fact, she has managed to insert herself into
? this extremely long chain of words to modify my text, to purposely supply the
? missing links, to unhook others without letting it show, to say of me more
? than I want, more than I’m able to say. I wish for this intrusion, I’ve hoped
? for it ever since I began to write our story, but I have to get to the end in
? order to check all the pages. If I tried now, I would certainly get stuck.
? I’ve been writing for too long, and I’m tired; it’s more and more difficult
? to keep the thread of the story taut within the chaos of the years, of events
? large and small, of moods. So either I tend to pass over my own affairs to
? recapture Lila and all the complications she brings with her or, worse, I let
? myself be carried away by the events of my life, only because it’s easier to
? write them. But I have to avoid this choice. I mustn’t take the first path,
? on which, if I set myself aside, I would end up finding ever fewer traces of
? Lila—since the very nature of our relationship dictates that I can reach her
? only by passing through myself. But I shouldn’t take the second, either.
? That, in fact, I speak of my experience in increasingly greater detail is
? just what she would certainly favor. Come on—she would say—tell us what turn
? your life took, who cares about mine, admit that it doesn’t even interest
? you. And she would conclude: I’m a scribble on a scribble, completely
? unsuitable for one of your books; forget it, Lenù, one doesn’t tell the story
? of an erasure.
那怎么辦呢？再次順著她的意思？接受這樣一個(gè)事實(shí)：成熟意味著停止展示自己，學(xué)會(huì)隱藏自己，甚至從這個(gè)世界上消失？我應(yīng)該承認(rèn)這樣一個(gè)事實(shí)：年歲越大，我對(duì)莉拉的了解就越少？
What to do, then? Admit yet again that
? she’s right? Accept that to be adult is to disappear, is to learn to hide to
? the point of vanishing? Admit that, as the years pass, the less I know of
? Lila?
今天早上，我克制著自己，強(qiáng)打起精神，坐到寫字臺(tái)前開(kāi)始寫作。我將要寫到我們的故事中最痛苦的一段，我想要通過(guò)文字實(shí)現(xiàn)一種平衡——我和她之間的平衡，這是在生活中，我和我自己之間都沒(méi)能達(dá)到的。
This morning I keep weariness at bay and
? sit down again at the desk. Now that I’m close to the most painful part of
? our story, I want to seek on the page a balance between her and me that in
? life I couldn’t find even between myself and me.
3
關(guān)于蒙彼利埃，我基本沒(méi)有關(guān)于這個(gè)城市風(fēng)光的任何記憶，就好像我從來(lái)都沒(méi)去過(guò)一樣，但我記得那里發(fā)生的所有一切。在賓館外面，尼諾參加研討會(huì)的宏偉大禮堂之外，如今，我看到的是一個(gè)刮風(fēng)的秋季，天高云淡。盡管如此，在我的記憶里，出于各種各樣的原因，這個(gè)城市的名字——蒙彼利埃，對(duì)我依然是一種逃離的象征。我當(dāng)時(shí)已經(jīng)出過(guò)一次國(guó)了，我和弗朗科去過(guò)巴黎，我的大膽讓自己都很振奮，但那時(shí)我感覺(jué)我的世界僅限于城區(qū)、那不勒斯，而這個(gè)世界的其他地方，我只能像郊游一樣淺嘗輒止。外面的氛圍，讓我可以想象自己永遠(yuǎn)不可能過(guò)上的生活。蒙彼利埃雖然遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)有巴黎那么激動(dòng)人心，但它給我的感覺(jué)是，我的世界的界限被打破了，變得更寬廣。僅僅是身處于蒙彼利埃，就讓我親眼看到，我的城區(qū)、那不勒斯、比薩、佛羅倫薩、米蘭，甚至整個(gè)意大利，都是這個(gè)世界很小的一部分，我對(duì)這些小地方感覺(jué)不滿是正常的?？缭竭吘呈且患浅Ｉ衿娴氖聝海两趧e的文化里，會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)之前以為是定局的事情，其實(shí)是暫時(shí)的。在蒙彼利埃，我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己之前目光短淺，還有寫作采用的語(yǔ)言很局限。那年我三十二歲，我明顯感覺(jué)到：作為母親和妻子，我的處境很逼仄。在蒙彼利埃，在沉迷于強(qiáng)烈愛(ài)情的那些天里，我第一次感覺(jué)到，我擺脫了那些年來(lái)一直束縛著我的東西，那些東西部分源于我的出身，部分是我通過(guò)學(xué)習(xí)構(gòu)建起來(lái)的束縛，還有我所選擇的生活帶來(lái)的羈絆，首先是我的婚姻。在那里，我明白了過(guò)去我的第一本書被翻譯成外語(yǔ)時(shí)我感到喜悅的原因，我也明白了我的書在意大利之外沒(méi)有市場(chǎng)的原因。相比而言，莉拉從來(lái)都沒(méi)離開(kāi)過(guò)那不勒斯，她甚至對(duì)圣約翰·特杜奇奧也心懷畏懼。假如在過(guò)去，我覺(jué)得這不容置疑——就像她通常做的那些選擇，可以使她轉(zhuǎn)敗為勝，但現(xiàn)在我覺(jué)得，那都是她思想局限的表現(xiàn)。我當(dāng)時(shí)的反應(yīng)，就像一個(gè)被羞辱了的人，想用同樣的話回敬對(duì)方：“親愛(ài)的，看看我現(xiàn)在，你沒(méi)看走眼吧？但我卻看錯(cuò)你了：你情愿一輩子都待在大路邊上，看著那些經(jīng)過(guò)的卡車?！?/p>
Of the days in Montpellier I remember
? everything except the city; it’s as if I’d never been there. Outside the
? hotel, outside the vast assembly hall where the academic conference that Nino
? was attending took place, today I see only a windy autumn and a blue sky
? resting on white clouds. And yet in my memory that place-name, Montpellier,
? has for many reasons remained a symbol of escape. I had been out of Italy
? once, in Paris, with Franco, and I had felt exhilarated by my own audacity.
? But then it seemed to me that my world was and would forever remain the
? neighborhood, Naples, while the rest was like a brief outing in whose special
? climate I could imagine myself as I would never in fact be. Montpellier, on
? the other hand, although it was far less exciting than Paris, gave me the
? impression that my boundaries had burst and I was expanding. The pure and
? simple fact of being in that place constituted in my eyes the proof that the
? neighborhood, Naples, Pisa, Florence, Milan, Italy itself were only tiny fragments
? of the world and that I would do well not to be satisfied with those
? fragments any longer. In Montpellier I felt the limitations of my outlook, of
? the language in which I expressed myself and in which I had written. In
? Montpellier it seemed to me evident how restrictive, at thirty-two, being a
? wife and mother might be. And in all those days charged with love I felt, for
? the first time, freed from the chains I had accumulated over the years—those
? of my origins, those I had acquired through academic success, those derived
? from the choices I had made in life, especially marriage. There I also
? understood the reasons for the pleasure I had felt, in the past, on seeing my
? first book translated into other languages and, at the same time, the reasons
? for my disappointment at finding few readers outside Italy. It was marvelous
? to cross borders, to let oneself go within other cultures, discover the
? provisional nature of what I had taken for absolute. The fact that Lila had
? never been out of Naples, that she was afraid even of San Giovanni a
? Teduccio—if in the past I had judged it an arguable choice that she was
? nevertheless able, as usual, to turn into an advantage—now seemed to me
? simply a sign of mental limitation. I reacted the way you do to someone who
? insults you by using the same formulations that offended you. You were wrong
? about me? No, my dear, it’s I, I who was wrong about you: you will spend the
? rest of your life looking out at the trucks passing on the stradone.
日子一天天過(guò)得飛快。研討會(huì)的組織者早就給尼諾在一家賓館里定了一個(gè)單間，因?yàn)槲液芡聿艣Q定陪他來(lái)，沒(méi)辦法換成一間擁有大床的房間，因此我們倆住在兩個(gè)房間。但每天晚上我洗了澡，打扮好自己，臉紅心跳地來(lái)到他的房間。我們一起睡覺(jué)，我們緊緊擁抱在一起，就好像害怕在睡夢(mèng)中會(huì)被什么東西分開(kāi)。早上，我們讓人把早餐送到床前，享受著在電影里看到的奢華生活，我們一直都在歡笑，我們?cè)谝黄鸷苄腋?。白天，我陪他去召開(kāi)研討會(huì)的大廳，那些發(fā)言的人總是用一種有些厭煩的語(yǔ)氣，念著一頁(yè)又一頁(yè)的稿子，但和他在一起讓我很振奮，我坐在他身邊，盡量不打擾他。尼諾很專心地聽(tīng)著那些發(fā)言，做筆記，時(shí)不時(shí)會(huì)在我耳邊說(shuō)一些風(fēng)趣話，還有甜言蜜語(yǔ)。我們和來(lái)自全世界各地的學(xué)者在一起吃午飯和晚飯，異國(guó)的名字，還有各種外語(yǔ)在耳邊此起彼伏。當(dāng)然了，那些最有名望的學(xué)者會(huì)單獨(dú)坐一桌，我們和一些年輕學(xué)者坐在一起。無(wú)論是在開(kāi)研討會(huì)時(shí)，還是在餐廳里，尼諾的活躍讓我很吃驚，他和當(dāng)學(xué)生的時(shí)期是多么不同??！他和大約十年前，在米蘭的書店里捍衛(wèi)我的那個(gè)年輕男人也不一樣了。他不再采用那種挑釁的語(yǔ)氣，他很自如地跨越了學(xué)術(shù)界的等級(jí)界限，他用一種帶著一絲嚴(yán)肅，同時(shí)又很客氣的語(yǔ)氣和別人聊天。他有時(shí)候用英語(yǔ)（說(shuō)得極好），有時(shí)候用法語(yǔ)（說(shuō)得不錯(cuò)）和別人說(shuō)話，非常瀟灑地展示著他對(duì)于數(shù)字和效率的熱愛(ài)。在短短幾個(gè)小時(shí)里，他贏得了所有人的好感，他們都拉著他說(shuō)話。大家都很喜歡他，這讓我感到很驕傲。
The days flew by. The organizers of the
? conference had reserved for Nino a single room in the hotel, and since I had
? decided so late to go with him, there was no way to change it to a double. So
? we had separate rooms, but every night I took a shower, got ready for bed,
? and then, with trepidation, went to his room. We slept together, clinging to
? each other, as if we feared that a hostile force would separate us in sleep.
? In the morning we had breakfast in bed, a luxury that I had seen only in
? movies; we laughed, we were happy. During the day I went with him to the
? assembly hall and, although the speakers read their endless pages in a bored
? tone, being with him was exciting; I sat next to him but without disturbing
? him. Nino followed the talks attentively, took notes, and every so often
? whispered in my ear ironic comments and words of love. At lunch and dinner we
? mixed with academics from all over the world, foreign names, foreign
? languages. Of course, the participants with bigger reputations were at a table
? of their own; we sat in a large group of younger scholars. But I was struck
? by Nino’s mobility, both during the events and at the restaurants. How
? different he was from the student of long ago, even from the youth who had
? defended me in the bookstore in Milan almost ten years earlier. He had
? abandoned polemical tones, he tactfully crossed academic barriers,
? established relations with a serious yet engaging demeanor. Now in English
? (excellent), now in French (good), he conversed brilliantly, displaying his
? old devotion to figures and efficiency. I was filled with pride at how well
? liked he was. In a few hours he had charmed everyone, and was invited here
? and there.
后來(lái)，在他發(fā)言的前一天晚上，他忽然沒(méi)那么愉快了。他變得很失禮，很難相處，我覺(jué)得他太緊張了。他說(shuō)他準(zhǔn)備的稿子很糟糕，好幾次都強(qiáng)調(diào)，寫作對(duì)于他來(lái)說(shuō)，不像對(duì)我而言那么容易。他還發(fā)火說(shuō)，他沒(méi)有足夠的時(shí)間準(zhǔn)備。我想，這是因?yàn)槲覀儚?fù)雜的處境讓他分心了嗎？我覺(jué)得很愧疚，我試著擁抱他，親吻他，讓他把稿子念給我聽(tīng)。他對(duì)我念了那幾頁(yè)紙，像一個(gè)充滿憂慮的小學(xué)生，他讓我變得心軟。我覺(jué)得，他的稿子并不比我在報(bào)告廳聽(tīng)的那些發(fā)言有趣，但我說(shuō)了很多贊揚(yáng)他的話，讓他平靜下來(lái)了。第二天早上，他用一種佯裝的激情念了稿子，大家都為他鼓了掌。晚上，有一個(gè)美國(guó)知名學(xué)者，邀請(qǐng)尼諾和他坐在一起，雖然我被拋下，但我并不難過(guò)。尼諾在我跟前時(shí)，我從不和其他人說(shuō)話，他不在我身邊，我不得不用費(fèi)勁的法語(yǔ)，和一對(duì)來(lái)自巴黎的男女聊天。我很快發(fā)現(xiàn)，他們的處境和我們差不多。兩個(gè)人都覺(jué)得，家庭讓人很壓抑，他們都忍痛離開(kāi)了自己的配偶和孩子，現(xiàn)在兩人都看起來(lái)很幸福。那個(gè)男的叫奧古斯汀，大約五十多歲，臉紅撲撲的，金色的大胡子，他天藍(lán)色的眼睛炯炯有神。女的叫科隆布，和我年齡差不多，三十歲出頭，她的頭發(fā)是黑色的、很短，臉很小，眼睛和嘴唇的妝容很精致，非常優(yōu)雅?？坡〔加幸粋€(gè)七歲的兒子，我一直和她聊天兒。
There was a single moment when he changed
? abruptly. The evening before he was to speak at the conference, he became
? aloof and rude; he seemed overwhelmed by anxiety. He began to disparage the
? text he had prepared, he kept repeating that writing for him wasn’t as easy
? as it was for me, he became angry because he hadn’t had time to work well. I
? felt guilty—was it our complicated affair that had distracted him?—and tried
? to help, hugging him, kissing him, urging him to read me the pages. He did
? read them, with the air of a frightened schoolboy, which touched me. To me
? the speech seemed as dull as the ones I had heard in the assembly hall, but I
? praised it and he calmed down. The next morning he performed with practiced
? warmth and was applauded. That evening one of the big-name academics, an
? American, invited him to sit with him. I was left alone, but I wasn’t sorry.
? When Nino was there, I didn’t talk to anyone, while in his absence I was
? forced to manage with my halting French, and I became friendly with a couple
? from Paris. I liked them because I quickly discovered that they were in a
? situation not very different from ours. Both considered the institution of
? the family suffocating, both had painfully left spouses and children, both
? seemed happy. He, Augustin, was around fifty, with a ruddy face, lively blue
? eyes, a bushy pale-blond mustache. She, Colombe, was a little over thirty,
? like me; she had very short black hair, eyes and lips drawn sharply on a tiny
? face, a charming elegance. I talked mainly to Colombe, who had a child of
? seven.
“再過(guò)幾個(gè)月，”我說(shuō)，“我大女兒就七歲了，她已經(jīng)上小學(xué)二年級(jí)了，學(xué)習(xí)非常好?！?/p>
“In a few months,” I said, “my older
? daughter will turn seven, but she’s going into second grade this year—she’s
? very bright.”
“我兒子也很聰明，想象力很豐富?！?/p>
“My son is extremely clever and
? imaginative.”
“你們分開(kāi)，他有什么反應(yīng)？”
“How did he take the separation?”
“沒(méi)什么問(wèn)題?！?/p>
“Fine.”
“他一點(diǎn)兒也不痛苦嗎？”
“He didn’t get even a little upset?”
“孩子和大人不一樣，大人思想很僵死，但孩子彈性很大，適應(yīng)能力很強(qiáng)?！?/p>
“Children aren’t rigid, the way we are:
? they’re flexible.”
她一直都在強(qiáng)調(diào)兒童的適應(yīng)能力，我覺(jué)得她是想讓自己放心。她補(bǔ)充說(shuō)：“在我們的環(huán)境里，父母分開(kāi)很普遍，孩子也都比較容易接受。”我正要說(shuō)，在我周圍，除了我一個(gè)朋友，沒(méi)有其他離婚的夫婦。但她忽然改變了語(yǔ)氣，開(kāi)始抱怨起那個(gè)孩子：“他很乖，但反應(yīng)很慢。”她感嘆說(shuō)，在學(xué)校里，老師說(shuō)他很不夠認(rèn)真。她那種毫不留情的語(yǔ)氣讓我很意外，她幾乎帶著敵意提到這些，就好像她兒子表現(xiàn)不好，是為了對(duì)她表示不敬，這讓我覺(jué)得很不安。她的情人應(yīng)該也意識(shí)到了這一點(diǎn)，他插了一句，用炫耀的語(yǔ)氣說(shuō)到了他的兩個(gè)兒子：一個(gè)十四歲，一個(gè)十八歲。他開(kāi)玩笑說(shuō)，這倆兒子喜歡所有女人，無(wú)論是小姑娘還是成熟女人。當(dāng)尼諾回到我身邊，兩個(gè)男人——尤其是奧古斯汀——說(shuō)了大部分發(fā)言人的壞話?？坡〔紟е环N有點(diǎn)輕浮的愉快，加入了他們的談話。幾個(gè)人一起抱怨、拆臺(tái)，這很快讓他們變得很親密。奧古斯汀整個(gè)晚上都在喝酒，說(shuō)了很多話，尼諾一張嘴，科隆布就會(huì)笑起來(lái)。最后，他們邀請(qǐng)我們一起開(kāi)車去巴黎。
She dwelled on the flexibility she
? ascribed to childhood; it seemed to reassure her. She added: in our world
? it’s fairly common for parents to separate, and children know it’s possible.
? But just as I was saying that I didn’t know other separated women, apart from
? one friend, her tone changed abruptly and she began to complain about the
? child: he’s smart but slow, she exclaimed, at school they say he’s unruly. I
? was struck by the change; she expressed herself without tenderness, almost
? bitterly, as if her son were behaving like that to spite her, and this made
? me anxious. Her companion must have noticed, and he interrupted, boasting
? about his two boys, fourteen and eighteen, and joking about how attractive
? they were to women, both old and young. When Nino returned, the two
? men—especially Augustin—began to criticize the speakers. Colombe joined in
? almost immediately, with a slightly artificial gaiety. The maliciousness soon
? created a bond. Augustin talked and drank a lot all evening, his companion
? laughed whenever Nino managed to say a word. They invited us to drive to
? Paris with them, in their car.
他們的邀請(qǐng)，我們沒(méi)答應(yīng)，也沒(méi)拒絕，但談?wù)摰胶⒆?，這讓我回到了現(xiàn)實(shí)。其實(shí)，我腦子里一直想著黛黛和艾爾莎，也想著彼得羅，他們就好像生活在一個(gè)平行世界里，在佛羅倫薩的廚房餐桌前坐著，在電視前，或者在床上，一動(dòng)不動(dòng)。忽然間，我的世界和他們的世界聯(lián)系起來(lái)了，我意識(shí)到，在蒙彼利埃的日子快要結(jié)束了，我和尼諾無(wú)法避免要回到各自的家里。我在佛羅倫薩，他在那不勒斯，我們不得不面對(duì)各自的婚姻危機(jī)。孩子們會(huì)和我團(tuán)聚，那是一種真實(shí)的身體接觸，我的感覺(jué)很強(qiáng)烈。這五天，我不知道她們?cè)趺礃恿?，我意識(shí)到她們的存在，這讓我感到一陣強(qiáng)烈的眩暈，那種思念讓人受不了。我并不是害怕未來(lái)怎么辦，我的未來(lái)已經(jīng)被尼諾占據(jù)了，這是絕對(duì)肯定的事，但我害怕馬上要到來(lái)的時(shí)刻，就是明天，后天。那時(shí)候已經(jīng)是半夜了，我沒(méi)法抑制自己。我想，這有什么要緊的呢，彼得羅總是不睡覺(jué)，我試著給家里打了電話。
The conversation about children, and that
? invitation that we didn’t say yes or no to, brought me back to reality. Until
? that moment Dede and Elsa, and also Pietro, had been on my mind constantly,
? but as if suspended in a parallel universe, motionless around the kitchen
? table in Florence, or in front of the television, or in their beds. Suddenly
? my world and theirs were back in communication. I realized that the days in
? Montpellier were about to end, that inevitably Nino and I would return to our
? homes, that we would have to face our respective marital crises, I in
? Florence, he in Naples. And the children’s bodies rejoined mine, I felt the
? contact violently. I had no news of them for five days, and as I became aware
? of that I felt an intense nausea, an unbearable longing for them. I was
? afraid not of the future in general, which now seemed inescapably occupied by
? Nino, but of the hours that were about to come, of tomorrow, of the day
? after. I couldn’t resist and although it was almost midnight—what’s the
? difference, I said to myself, Pietro is always awake—I tried to telephone.
經(jīng)過(guò)一通周折，才打通了電話。喂，我說(shuō)。喂，我又重復(fù)了一遍。我知道彼得羅在電話那頭，我叫了他的名字：“彼得羅，我是埃萊娜，兩個(gè)孩子怎么樣了？”這時(shí)候，電話斷了。我等了幾分鐘，讓接線員重新打過(guò)去。我下定決心要堅(jiān)持一個(gè)晚上，但這次彼得羅說(shuō)話了：
It was fairly laborious, but finally the
? call went through. Hello, I said. Hello, I repeated. I knew that Pietro was
? at the other end of the line, I called him by name: Pietro, it’s Elena, how
? are the girls. The connection was cut off. I waited a few minutes, then I
? asked the operator to call again. I was determined to continue all night, but
? this time Pietro answered.
“你想要干什么？”
“What do you want?”
“兩個(gè)孩子怎么樣了?！?/p>
“Tell me about the children.”
“她們?cè)谒X(jué)?！?/p>
“They’re sleeping.”
“我知道她們?cè)谒X(jué)，她們好嗎？”
“I know, but how are they?”
“這跟你有什么關(guān)系？”
“What is it to you.”
“她們是我的女兒。”
“They’re my children.”
“你把她們拋棄了，她們?cè)僖膊幌胱瞿愕呐畠毫??！?/p>
“You left them, they don’t want to be
? your children anymore.”
“是她們告訴你的？”
“They told you?”
“她們告訴了我母親。”
“They told my mother.”
“你讓阿黛爾來(lái)家里了？”
“You had Adele come?”
“是的?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“你告訴她們，我過(guò)兩天回去?！?/p>
“Tell them I’ll be home in a few days.”
“不，你別回來(lái)了。我、兩個(gè)孩子，還有我母親，我們都不想再看到你。”
“No, don’t come back. Neither I, nor the
? children, nor my mother wants to see you again.”
4
我哭了一場(chǎng)，后來(lái)我平靜下來(lái)了。我去找尼諾，我想告訴他我打電話的事兒，我想讓他安慰我。正要敲門時(shí)，我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)他在和人說(shuō)話，我猶豫了一下。我聽(tīng)見(jiàn)他在打電話，但聽(tīng)不見(jiàn)他在說(shuō)什么，我也聽(tīng)不出來(lái)他在說(shuō)什么語(yǔ)言，但我馬上想到，他正在給妻子打電話。因此，每天晚上他都會(huì)打電話給妻子？當(dāng)我回到我的房間里，為入睡做準(zhǔn)備，他單獨(dú)一個(gè)人時(shí)，會(huì)打電話給埃利奧諾拉？他們想找到一種沒(méi)有沖突的方式分開(kāi)？或者他們正在和解，在蒙彼利埃的這幾天結(jié)束之后，她會(huì)接受尼諾回到自己身邊？
I had a cry, then I calmed down and went
? to Nino. I wanted to tell him about that phone call, I wanted him to console
? me. But as I was about to knock on his door I heard him talking to someone. I
? hesitated. He was on the phone. I couldn’t understand what he was saying, or
? even what language he was speaking, but right away I thought that he was
? talking to his wife. So did this happen every evening? When I went to my room
? to get ready for the night and he was alone, he telephoned Eleonora? Were
? they looking for a way to separate without fighting? Or were they reconciling
? and, once the interlude of Montpellier was over, she would take him back?
我決定敲門，尼諾的聲音停了下來(lái)，一陣沉默，然后他又壓低了聲音，接著說(shuō)話。我變得很著急，又敲了一次門，他還是沒(méi)開(kāi)門。我不得不用力地敲了第三次，他才給我開(kāi)了門。門一開(kāi)，我就開(kāi)始指責(zé)他，我直接說(shuō)，他對(duì)我隱瞞他妻子的事兒。我叫喊著說(shuō)，我給彼得羅打電話了，我丈夫再也不讓我見(jiàn)兩個(gè)女兒，我的全部生活都搭進(jìn)去了，但他卻偷偷摸摸給埃利奧諾拉打電話。那是一個(gè)充滿矛盾和爭(zhēng)吵的夜晚，我們很難和好。尼諾用盡一切辦法想讓我平靜下來(lái)，他很神經(jīng)質(zhì)地笑著，他為彼得羅的態(tài)度感到憤怒，他吻了我，我推開(kāi)了他。他嘀咕了一句，說(shuō)我瘋了。但無(wú)論我怎么逼他，他都不承認(rèn)他在和妻子打電話，相反，他用兒子的性命發(fā)誓，說(shuō)離開(kāi)那不勒斯之后，就再也沒(méi)有和她打過(guò)電話。
I decided to knock. Nino broke off,
? silence, then he began talking again but lowered his voice. I became nervous,
? I knocked again, nothing happened. I had to knock a third time, hard, before
? he came to the door. I immediately confronted him, I accused him of hiding me
? from his wife, I cried that I had telephoned Pietro, that my husband didn’t
? want to let me see my children, that I was calling into question my entire
? life, while he was cooing on the telephone with Eleonora. It was a terrible
? night of quarreling; we struggled to make up. Nino tried everything to soothe
? me: he laughed nervously, he got angry at Pietro for the way he had treated
? me, he kissed me, I pushed him away, he said I was crazy. But no matter how I
? pressed him he never admitted that he was talking to his wife, in fact he
? swore on his son that since the day he left Naples he hadn’t talked to her.
“那你給誰(shuí)打電話?。俊?/p>
“Then who were you calling?”
“一個(gè)學(xué)者，也住在這家賓館。”
“A colleague here in the hotel.”
“半夜打？”
“At midnight?”
“就是半夜?！?/p>
“At midnight.”
“你撒謊！”
“Liar.”
“這是事實(shí)。”
“It’s the truth.”
我拒絕和他做愛(ài)，抵抗了很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間，但后來(lái)讓步了，因?yàn)槲液ε滤辉賽?ài)我。我獻(xiàn)身于他，就是為了不用考慮：這一切已經(jīng)結(jié)束了。
I refused for a long time to make love, I
? couldn’t, I was afraid that he no longer loved me. Then I yielded, in order
? not to have to believe that it was all already over.
第二天早上，我醒來(lái)后心情就很壞，這是五天的同居生活之后，我第一次感覺(jué)很糟糕。研討會(huì)已經(jīng)接近尾聲，我們要走了，但我不希望蒙彼利埃只是我生活中的一個(gè)插曲，我害怕回家，我害怕尼諾回他自己的家。奧古斯汀和科隆布建議我們一起坐車去巴黎，他們甚至說(shuō)，我們可以住他們家里，我對(duì)尼諾說(shuō)我想去。我希望他和我一樣，只想延長(zhǎng)那段時(shí)間，推遲回家，但他很遺憾地?fù)u了搖頭說(shuō)，這不可能，我們要回意大利。他提到了飛機(jī)、機(jī)票、火車和錢的問(wèn)題。我內(nèi)心很脆弱，我既失望又惱怒。我看得沒(méi)錯(cuò)，我想，他對(duì)我說(shuō)謊了，他沒(méi)有徹底和妻子斷絕關(guān)系。他真是每天晚上都和妻子講電話，在研討會(huì)結(jié)束之后，他很著急回家，連兩三天也不能耽擱，但我呢？
The next morning, for the first time in
? almost five days of living together, I woke in a bad mood. We had to leave,
? the conference was nearly over. But I didn’t want Montpellier to be merely an
? interlude; I was afraid to go home, afraid that Nino would go home, afraid of
? losing my children forever. When Augustin and Colombe again suggested that we
? drive to Paris with them, and even offered to put us up, I turned to Nino,
? hoping that he, too, wanted nothing more than the chance to extend this time,
? put off the return. But he shook his head sadly, he said: Impossible, we have
? to go back to Italy, and he talked about flights, tickets, trains, money. I
? was fragile, I felt disappointment and rancor. I was right, I thought, he
? lied to me, the break with his wife isn’t conclusive. He had talked to her
? every night, he had pledged to return home after the conference, he couldn’t
? delay even a couple of days. And me?
我想起了南泰爾的出版社，還有我寫的那個(gè)關(guān)于男人捏造女人的故事。直到那時(shí)候，我從來(lái)都沒(méi)和任何人說(shuō)起過(guò)我自己，我和尼諾也沒(méi)說(shuō)過(guò)這家出版社。那幾天里，我只是一個(gè)面帶微笑、一聲不吭的女人，晚上和那個(gè)年輕有為的那不勒斯教授睡在一起，一個(gè)總是粘著他，對(duì)他無(wú)微不至、百依百順的女人。但現(xiàn)在，我用一種佯裝的愉快語(yǔ)氣說(shuō)：“尼諾要回家去，我在南泰爾有點(diǎn)事兒；我有一本書正在出版——也可能已經(jīng)出來(lái)了，那是一本介乎于小說(shuō)和雜文之間的東西；我有點(diǎn)兒想和你們一起走，去出版社拜訪一下?！蹦莾蓚€(gè)人看著我，就好像只有在那時(shí)候，他們才真的認(rèn)識(shí)我一樣，他們問(wèn)我做什么工作。我對(duì)他們講了我的寫作，說(shuō)來(lái)說(shuō)去，我發(fā)現(xiàn)，科隆布認(rèn)識(shí)那家小出版社的主編，這時(shí)候我才發(fā)現(xiàn)，那并不是一家不起眼的出版社。我整個(gè)人很放松，我想，隨他去吧！我有些過(guò)于熱情地談到了我的寫作生涯，也許有些夸大其詞。我并不是說(shuō)給那兩個(gè)法國(guó)人聽(tīng)的，而是做給尼諾看的。我想讓他記著，我的生活很有成就，假如我有勇氣離開(kāi)我的兩個(gè)女兒和彼得羅，那我離開(kāi)他也能活，不是在一個(gè)星期之后，也不是在十天之后，馬上離開(kāi)他都可以。
I remembered the publisher in Nanterre
? and my short, scholarly story about the male invention of woman. Until that
? moment I hadn’t talked about myself to anyone, even Nino. I had been the
? smiling but nearly mute woman who slept with the brilliant professor from
? Naples, the woman always pasted to him, attentive to his needs, to his
? thoughts. But now I said with false cheer: It’s Nino who has to return, I
? have an engagement in Nanterre; a work of mine is about to come out—or maybe
? it’s already out—a half essay, half story; I just might leave with you, and
? stop in at the publisher’s. The two looked at me as if only at that moment
? had I actually begun to exist, and they went on to ask me about my work. I
? told them, and it turned out that Colombe knew well the woman who was the
? head of the small but—as I discovered at that moment—prestigious publishing
? house. I let myself go, I talked with too much vivacity and maybe I
? exaggerated a little about my literary career. I did it not for the two
? French people but, rather, for Nino. I wanted to remind him that I had a
? rewarding life of my own, that if I had been capable of leaving my children
? and Pietro, then I could also do without him, and not in a week, not in ten
? days: immediately.
尼諾聽(tīng)我說(shuō)完，很嚴(yán)肅地對(duì)科隆布和奧古斯汀說(shuō)：“好吧，假如不打擾你們的話，那我們就搭你們的順風(fēng)車?！钡覀儐为?dú)在一起時(shí)，他跟我說(shuō)了一通話，語(yǔ)氣很焦慮，內(nèi)容充滿激情。他說(shuō)，我應(yīng)該相信他，盡管我們的處境非常復(fù)雜，但一定能理清，為了把這些事情處理好，我們要先回家。我們不能從蒙彼利埃逃到巴黎去，然后不知道要逃到哪個(gè)城市。我們需要面對(duì)各自的家庭，才能最后生活在一起。忽然間，我覺(jué)得他說(shuō)得有道理，而且也很誠(chéng)懇。我腦子很亂，我擁抱了他，嘟噥著說(shuō)，好吧。然而，我們還是去了巴黎，我只想在外面多待幾天。
He listened, then he said seriously to
? Colombe and Augustin: All right, if it’s not a bother for you we’ll take
? advantage of the ride. But when we were alone he made me a speech anxious in
? tone and passionate in content, whose sense was that I should trust him, that
? although our situation was complicated we would surely untangle it, that to
? do so, however, we had to go home, we couldn’t flee from Montpellier to Paris
? and then to who knows what other city, we had to confront our spouses and
? begin our life together. Suddenly I felt that he was not only reasonable but
? sincere. I was confused, I embraced him, I murmured agreement. And yet we
? left for Paris; I wanted just a few more days.
5
我們?cè)诼飞献吡撕荛L(zhǎng)時(shí)間，風(fēng)很大，時(shí)不時(shí)會(huì)下雨，路上的風(fēng)景很黯淡，像生銹了一樣，但忽然間天會(huì)放晴，照得每樣?xùn)|西都熠熠生輝，然后又接著下雨。一路上，我都緊緊地挨著尼諾，有時(shí)候我會(huì)靠著他的肩膀睡覺(jué)，我又感覺(jué)到一種超乎尋常的幸福，幾乎是一種享受。我喜歡車?yán)锎蠹艺f(shuō)的外國(guó)語(yǔ)言，我很高興，我是奔著我寫的那本書去的，因?yàn)轳R麗婭羅莎的緣故，這本書會(huì)用另一種語(yǔ)言面世。真是一件很棒的事兒！有那么多了不起的事兒發(fā)生在我身上。我感覺(jué)，那本小書就像我撇出去的一顆石子兒，速度很快，我無(wú)法預(yù)測(cè)它的軌跡，小時(shí)候我和莉拉扔向那幫男孩子的石頭和這沒(méi)法兒比。
It was a long trip. There was a strong
? wind, and sometimes rain. The landscape had a rust-caked pallor, but at times
? the sky broke and everything became brilliant, starting with the rain. I
? clung to Nino and, now and then, fell asleep on his shoulder; I began again
? to feel, with pleasure, that I was far beyond my margins. I liked the foreign
? language that echoed in the car, I was pleased that I was heading in the
? direction of a book that I had written in Italian and that, thanks to
? Mariarosa, was being published first in another language. What an
? extraordinary fact—how many amazing things were happening to me. That little
? volume was like a rock that I had hurled along an unpredictable trajectory
? and at a speed that had no comparison with that of the rocks that as girls
? Lila and I had thrown at the gangs of boys.
但整個(gè)旅行并不是一帆風(fēng)順，我時(shí)不時(shí)會(huì)陷入憂傷。我很快就發(fā)現(xiàn)，尼諾和科隆布說(shuō)話時(shí)，用的語(yǔ)氣和跟奧古斯汀說(shuō)話時(shí)不一樣，更不用說(shuō)他經(jīng)常用手指尖觸碰她的肩膀?？吹剿麄?cè)絹?lái)越熟悉，我的心情越來(lái)越壞。當(dāng)我們到達(dá)巴黎時(shí)，我們的關(guān)系已經(jīng)很親密了，他們聊得熱火朝天，科隆布經(jīng)常笑，用一種不經(jīng)意的動(dòng)作整理頭發(fā)。
But the journey wasn’t always pleasant;
? sometimes I became sad. And I quickly formed the impression that Nino was
? talking to Colombe in a tone that he didn’t use with Augustin, not to mention
? that too often he touched her shoulder with his fingertips. My bad mood
? gradually worsened, as I saw the two of them were getting very friendly. When
? we arrived in Paris they were the best of friends, chatting away; she laughed
? often, smoothing her hair with a careless gesture.
奧古斯汀住在圣馬丹河旁的一套漂亮的房子里，科隆布剛剛搬過(guò)去和他一起住。他們給我們展示了晚上要住的客房，但沒(méi)讓我們?nèi)ニX(jué)。我感覺(jué)，他們好像害怕單獨(dú)在一起，他們說(shuō)個(gè)沒(méi)完沒(méi)了。我很疲憊，也很煩惱，是我想去巴黎的，但我感覺(jué)，身處那套房子，在陌生人家里，這是一件很荒謬的事情。我遠(yuǎn)離兩個(gè)女兒，尼諾也一點(diǎn)兒也不在意我。我們一到房間，我就問(wèn)他：
Augustin lived in a nice apartment on
? Canal Saint-Martin; Colombe had recently moved in. Even after they showed us
? our room, they wouldn’t let us to go bed. It seemed to me that they were
? afraid to be alone, they wouldn’t stop talking. I was tired and nervous; I
? was the one who had wanted to go to Paris, and now it seemed absurd to be in
? that house, among strangers, far from my daughters, with Nino paying scant
? attention to me. Once in the room I asked him:
“你喜歡科隆布？”
“Do you like Colombe?”
“她很熱情?！?/p>
“She’s nice.”
“我問(wèn)的是你喜不喜歡她?！?/p>
“I asked if you like her.”
“你想和我吵架嗎？”
“Do you want to quarrel?”
“不想?！?/p>
“No.”
“那你就考慮一下：我愛(ài)你，我怎么能喜歡科隆布？”
“Then think about it: how can I like
? Colombe if I love you?”
他語(yǔ)氣變得有點(diǎn)兒強(qiáng)硬，讓我有些害怕，我擔(dān)心我發(fā)現(xiàn)我們之間存在問(wèn)題。我想，他只是對(duì)我們很熱心的人態(tài)度很好，我睡了過(guò)去，但我睡得一點(diǎn)兒也不踏實(shí)。我忽然覺(jué)得自己是一個(gè)人睡在床上，我竭力想醒過(guò)來(lái)，但后來(lái)又睡了過(guò)去，過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，我又感覺(jué)到尼諾站在黑暗中，他說(shuō)，睡吧，我就睡著了。
It scared me when his tone became even
? slightly harsh; I was afraid I would have to acknowledge that something
? between us wasn’t working. He is simply nice to anyone who has been nice to
? us, I said to myself, and fell asleep. But I slept badly. At one point I had
? the impression that I was alone in the bed; I tried to wake up, but was drawn
? back into sleep. I emerged again sometime later. Nino now was standing in the
? dark, or so it seemed to me. Sleep, he said. I fell asleep again.
第二天，兩個(gè)主人陪我們?nèi)ツ咸?。尼諾一路上都在和科隆布開(kāi)玩笑，說(shuō)一些很曖昧的話，我盡量不在意這一點(diǎn)。假如我要時(shí)時(shí)刻刻監(jiān)視著他，那怎么能想著和他一起生活？當(dāng)我們到達(dá)了目的地，他對(duì)馬麗婭羅莎的朋友——出版社的女主編，還有她的另一個(gè)合作者也很殷勤，她們一個(gè)六十多歲，另一個(gè)四十多歲，都不像科隆布那么秀麗，我松了一口氣。我最后總結(jié)說(shuō)，他在女人面前就是這樣的，這里面沒(méi)有惡意，我終于覺(jué)得心里舒服些了。
The next day our hosts took us to
? Nanterre. The whole way Nino continued to joke with Colombe, to talk to her
? in an allusive way. I tried not to pay attention. How could I think of living
? with him if I had to spend my time watching him? When we reached our
? destination and he became genial and charming with Mariarosa’s friend, the
? owner of the publishing house, and her partner—one around forty, the other
? sixty—I drew a sigh of relief. It’s innocent, I concluded, he’s like that
? with all women. And finally I felt better.
那兩位女士對(duì)我很熱情，她們問(wèn)到了馬麗婭羅莎。我得知，我的那本書已經(jīng)上架了，而且已經(jīng)出現(xiàn)了一些評(píng)論。那個(gè)年老一些的女人給我看了那些評(píng)論，她對(duì)科隆布、奧古斯汀和尼諾不停說(shuō)，我的書收到的評(píng)論如此積極讓她也很吃驚。我看了那些文章，這里幾行，那里幾行，都是女性寫的——我從來(lái)都沒(méi)有聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)她們的名字，但科隆布和那兩位太太都知道，她們真的是不遺余力地在贊美那本書。我應(yīng)該感覺(jué)到高興，前一天我還不得不吹噓自己，但現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)不需要那么做了。但我發(fā)現(xiàn)，我沒(méi)法振奮起來(lái)，就好像從我和尼諾開(kāi)始相愛(ài)的那一刻起，我身上的那些精彩的事兒，還有將要發(fā)生的所有事兒都變得黯然失色。我很得體地表達(dá)了我的滿意，對(duì)于出版社的推廣計(jì)劃，我很淡然地說(shuō)了幾個(gè)“好的”。那個(gè)年紀(jì)大一點(diǎn)兒的女士說(shuō)：“您要早點(diǎn)再回來(lái)和我們會(huì)面，我們希望您能早點(diǎn)來(lái)?！蹦莻€(gè)年輕的女人補(bǔ)充說(shuō)：“馬麗婭羅莎跟我們說(shuō)了您的婚姻危機(jī)，我們希望您能順利渡過(guò)難關(guān)?！?/p>
The two women greeted me warmly, full of
? praise, and asked about Mariarosa. I knew that my volume had only just
? arrived in the bookstores, but already a couple of reviews had appeared. The
? older woman showed them to me; she seemed amazed herself at how positive they
? were, and, turning to Colombe, to Augustin, to Nino, she kept repeating it. I
? read the articles, two lines here, four there. They were written by women—I
? had never heard of them, but Colombe and the two women had—and they praised
? the book enthusiastically. I should have been pleased; the day before, I had
? been compelled to sing my own praises, and now I no longer needed to. Yet I
? found that I couldn’t feel excited. It was as if, since I loved Nino and he
? loved me, that love made everything good that happened to me and would happen
? to me nothing but a pleasant secondary effect. I showed my satisfaction
? graciously and gave a feeble assent to my publishers’ plans for promotion.
? You’ll have to return soon, the older woman exclaimed, or at least we hope
? so. The younger added: Mariarosa told us about your marital crisis; we hope
? you’ll come out of it without too much suffering.
這時(shí)候我發(fā)現(xiàn)，我和彼得羅婚姻破裂的事情，不僅僅把阿黛爾卷入其中，而且這個(gè)消息還傳到了米蘭，甚至是法國(guó)。我想，這樣最好，能讓我們分得痛快點(diǎn)兒。我對(duì)自己說(shuō)：該發(fā)生什么事兒就發(fā)生吧，我不應(yīng)該在擔(dān)心失去尼諾的憂慮中生活，我也不應(yīng)該為黛黛和艾爾莎操心。我很幸運(yùn)，尼諾一直都會(huì)愛(ài)我，我的女兒都還是我的女兒，一切都會(huì)理順的。
In this way I discovered that the news of
? the break between me and Pietro had reached not only Adele but Milan and even
? France. Better that way, I thought; it will be easier to make the separation
? permanent. I said to myself: I’ll take what’s mine, and I mustn’t live in
? fear of losing Nino, I mustn’t worry about Dede and Elsa. I’m fortunate, he
? will always love me, my daughters are my daughters, everything will work out.
6
我們回到了羅馬，告別前，我們信誓旦旦，一直在說(shuō)保證的話，尼諾回那不勒斯了，我回了佛羅倫薩。
We returned to Rome. We promised each
? other everything as we said goodbye, we did nothing but promise. Then Nino
? left for Naples and I for Florence.
我?guī)缀跏酋谥_尖回到家里的，我確信自己要面對(duì)人生中最艱難的時(shí)刻，但兩個(gè)女兒都?xì)g天喜地地迎接了我。在家里，我走到哪兒，她們都跟著我——不僅僅是艾爾莎，黛黛也跟著我，她們有些警惕，就好像一不留神，我就會(huì)消失。阿黛爾對(duì)我很客氣，她一次也沒(méi)提到我給我的家庭帶來(lái)的災(zāi)難。彼得羅很蒼白，他只是給了我一張紙，上面寫著幾個(gè)給我打了電話的人的名字（莉拉出現(xiàn)了四次），他嘟噥著說(shuō)，他要出一趟差，兩個(gè)小時(shí)之后他就消失了，跟他母親和兩個(gè)女兒都沒(méi)打招呼。
I returned home almost on tiptoe,
? convinced that one of the most difficult trials of my life awaited me.
? Instead the children greeted me with apprehensive joy, and began tagging
? after me through the house—not only Elsa but Dede, too—as if they were afraid
? that if they lost sight of me I would disappear again. Adele was polite and
? didn’t mention even once the situation that had brought her to my house;
? Pietro, very pale, confined himself to handing me a piece of paper with a
? list of phone calls for me (Lila’s name appeared at least four times),
? muttered that he had to go to work, and two hours later had disappeared,
? without even saying goodbye to his mother or the children.
過(guò)了幾天，阿黛爾才向我表明了她的態(tài)度：她希望我清醒一些，回到我丈夫的身邊。我用了幾個(gè)星期時(shí)間讓她明白，我既不想清醒，也不想回到我丈夫身邊。在這一段時(shí)間里，她從來(lái)都沒(méi)有抬高過(guò)嗓門，沒(méi)有失去耐性，也從來(lái)沒(méi)諷刺我和尼諾之間長(zhǎng)時(shí)間的、頻繁的通話。她對(duì)于南泰爾那兩位編輯的電話倒是很感興趣，她們告訴我那本書的進(jìn)展，還有在法國(guó)將要舉辦的讀者見(jiàn)面會(huì)的日期。法國(guó)報(bào)紙對(duì)我的好評(píng)沒(méi)讓阿黛爾驚訝，她說(shuō)，這本書在意大利一定會(huì)引起關(guān)注，在國(guó)內(nèi)報(bào)紙上肯定會(huì)有更多好評(píng)。尤其是，她一直在贊揚(yáng)我的智慧、文化和勇氣。現(xiàn)在彼得羅一直都不出現(xiàn)，她從來(lái)都沒(méi)說(shuō)什么捍衛(wèi)兒子的話。
It took a few days for Adele to manifest
? her opinion plainly: she wanted me to return to myself and to my husband. But
? it took several weeks to convince her that I really didn’t want either of
? those things. In that time she never raised her voice, never lost her temper,
? didn’t even comment sarcastically about my frequent long phone calls to Nino.
? She was more interested in the phone calls from the two women in Nanterre,
? who were keeping me informed of the progress of the book and of a calendar of
? engagements that would lead to a tour in France. She wasn’t surprised at the
? positive reviews in the French papers; she was sure that the book would soon
? get the same attention in Italy, she said that in our papers she would have
? been able to obtain better. Above all she insistently praised my
? intelligence, my education, my courage, and on no account did she defend her
? son, who, besides, was never around.
我排除了彼得羅真的需要出差離開(kāi)佛羅倫薩的可能。我馬上就發(fā)現(xiàn)——我?guī)е鴳嵟鸵唤z鄙夷察覺(jué)到，他把解決我們危機(jī)的任務(wù)，交到了他母親手里，他不知道躲在哪個(gè)角落里，去寫那本沒(méi)完沒(méi)了的書。有一次，我忍不住對(duì)阿黛爾說(shuō)：
I assumed that Pietro did not really have
? work obligations outside of Florence. Rather, I was immediately convinced,
? with rage and even a hint of contempt, that he had entrusted the resolution
? of our crisis to his mother and was holed up somewhere to work on his
? interminable book. Once, I couldn’t contain myself and I said to Adele:
“和你兒子一起生活，真是太難了?！?/p>
“It was really difficult to live with
? your son.”
“和任何一個(gè)男人一起生活都很艱難?！?/p>
“There’s no man it’s not difficult to
? live with.”
“相信我，跟他在一起尤其艱難。”
“With him, believe me, it’s been
? especially difficult.”
“你覺(jué)得和尼諾在一起，情況會(huì)好一些嗎？”
“You think it will go better with Nino?”
“是的?！?/p>
“Yes.”
“我已經(jīng)打聽(tīng)過(guò)了，他名聲不怎么好，米蘭有很多關(guān)于他的傳言?！?/p>
“I’ve asked around, the talk about him in
? Milan is very nasty.”
“我不需要知道米蘭的閑言碎語(yǔ)，我已經(jīng)愛(ài)他愛(ài)了快二十年了，對(duì)于他，我比任何人都了解，我可以不用聽(tīng)那些閑話?！?/p>
“I don’t need the talk of Milan. I’ve
? loved him for twenty years and you can spare me the gossip. I know more about
? him than anyone else.”
“你怎么那么喜歡說(shuō)你愛(ài)他呢。”
“How you like saying you love him.”
“我為什么不能說(shuō)？”
“Why shouldn’t I like it?”
“你說(shuō)得對(duì)，為什么不呢？我錯(cuò)了，戀愛(ài)的人都很盲目。”
“You’re right, why? I was wrong: it’s
? pointless to open the eyes of someone in love.”
從那時(shí)候開(kāi)始，我們就再也沒(méi)提到過(guò)尼諾。我把兩個(gè)孩子托付給她，自己跑到那不勒斯去，她連眼睛都不眨一下。我跟她解釋說(shuō)，從那不勒斯回來(lái)，我要去法國(guó)一個(gè)星期，她同樣眼睛都不帶眨一下。她只是有點(diǎn)兒話里帶刺地問(wèn)我：
From then on we stopped talking about
? Nino. And when I left the girls with her to rush to Naples she didn’t bat an
? eye. She didn’t bat an eye even when I told her that, when I returned from
? Naples, I would have to go to France and would be there for a week. She asked
? only, with a slightly ironic inflection:
“圣誕節(jié)你在吧？你會(huì)和兩個(gè)孩子一起過(guò)吧？”
?“Will you be here for Christmas? Will you be? with the children?”
這個(gè)問(wèn)題幾乎讓我有點(diǎn)兒生氣，我回答說(shuō)：
The question almost offended me, I
? answered:
“當(dāng)然了?！?/p>
“Of course.”
我收拾了行李，帶了一些精致的內(nèi)衣和高雅的裙子。盡管黛黛和艾爾莎很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間都沒(méi)有看到彼得羅了，但她們一直都沒(méi)問(wèn)起過(guò)她們的父親。這時(shí)候，我說(shuō)我要走了，她們的反應(yīng)很糟糕。黛黛對(duì)我嚷嚷——顯然不是她自己的話：“好吧，你走吧，你真的又丑又討厭！”我看著阿黛爾，希望她能介入，能逗她們一下，帶她們?nèi)ネ?，分散一下她們的注意力，但她什么也沒(méi)有做。她們看著我走到門口，就哭了起來(lái)。先是艾爾莎，她叫喊著說(shuō)：“我要和你一起去！”黛黛還在硬撐著，她對(duì)我表現(xiàn)得很漠然，也許是鄙視，但最后她也崩潰了，比妹妹還要絕望。她們都扯著我的衣服，想讓我放下行李，我不得不把她們的手拉開(kāi)，她們的哭聲一路上都在我耳邊回響。
I filled my suitcase mainly with elegant
? underwear and stylish dresses. At the announcement of my new departure Dede
? and Elsa, who never asked about their father, even though they hadn’t seen
? him for a long time, were extremely upset. Dede went so far as to yell words
? that were surely not hers: go, get out, you’re mean and hateful. I glanced at
? Adele, hoping that she would try to get her to play, and distract her, but
? she did nothing. When they saw me go to the door they began to cry. Elsa
? started it, shrieking, I want to come with you. Dede resisted, she tried to
? show me all her indifference, maybe even her scorn, but finally she gave in
? and became even more desperate than her sister. I had to tear myself away
? from them, they held on to my dress, they wanted me to leave the suitcase.
? Their cries pursued me to the street.
去那不勒斯的旅途好像無(wú)窮無(wú)盡，快要進(jìn)入城市時(shí)，我從車窗向外看，火車速度越來(lái)越慢，一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滑向了城區(qū)，我越來(lái)越不安。我看到那不勒斯城郊的糟糕境況：鐵軌兩邊的灰色房子、棚架、紅綠燈的光、石頭圍欄。火車進(jìn)站以后，我感覺(jué)和我息息相關(guān)的那不勒斯，我正在回歸的那不勒斯，已經(jīng)完全被尼諾取代了。我知道，他的處境比我還要糟糕，埃利奧諾拉已經(jīng)把他從家里趕了出去，對(duì)于他來(lái)說(shuō)，一切都成了暫時(shí)的。這幾個(gè)星期，他住在一個(gè)大學(xué)同事家里，一個(gè)距離大教堂幾步遠(yuǎn)的地方。我想，他要把我?guī)У侥睦?？我們?huì)做什么？尤其是，現(xiàn)在我們沒(méi)有任何具體的想法，我們要做什么樣的決定？我唯一感到明確的事情是：我的渴望火燒火燎，我迫不及待要見(jiàn)到他。我下了火車，擔(dān)心會(huì)發(fā)生什么意外的事情，使他不能來(lái)站臺(tái)上接我，但我看到他站在那里：那么高挑，在游客中非常顯眼。
The trip to Naples seemed very long.
? Nearing the city I looked out the window. As the train slowed down, sliding
? into the urban space, I was seized by an anxious exhaustion. I noticed the
? ugliness of the periphery, with the small gray apartment buildings beyond the
? tracks; the pylons, the lights of the signals, the stone parapets. When the
? train entered the station it seemed to me that the Naples I felt bound to,
? the Naples I was returning to, was now summed up only in Nino. I knew that he
? was in worse trouble than I was. Eleonora had thrown him out of the house;
? for him, too, everything had become provisional. For several weeks he had
? been staying at the house of a university colleague who lived near the Duomo.
? Where would he take me, what would we do? And, above all, what decisions
? would we make, since we hadn’t the least idea of a concrete solution to our
? situation? The only thing clear to me was that I was burning with desire, I
? couldn’t wait to see him. I got out of the train terrified that something had
? kept him from coming to meet me. But he was there: tall as he was, he stood
? out in the stream of travelers.
看到他之后，我平靜下來(lái)了，他在梅格麗娜區(qū)一家小賓館里開(kāi)了房。我看到，他沒(méi)有任何意圖要把我藏在他朋友家里，這讓我更放心了。當(dāng)天晚上，我們緊緊挨著，在沿海路上散步，他的手臂搭在我肩膀上，時(shí)不時(shí)會(huì)低下頭來(lái)吻我。我們?yōu)閻?ài)瘋狂，時(shí)間過(guò)得飛快。我盡一切努力，想說(shuō)服他和我一起去法國(guó)。他有些動(dòng)心，但最后退縮了，借口說(shuō)大學(xué)有很多工作。他從來(lái)都沒(méi)有提到過(guò)埃利奧諾拉和阿爾伯特，就好像提到他們，就會(huì)破壞我們?cè)谝黄鸬目鞓?lè)。我跟他講述了我兩個(gè)女兒的絕望，我說(shuō)，我們要盡快找到解決辦法。我對(duì)于他的情緒的任何變化都很敏感，我感覺(jué)他有些焦慮。我已經(jīng)無(wú)法回頭了，但我很擔(dān)心，他隨時(shí)會(huì)說(shuō)出這樣的話：我受不了了，我要回家。到了吃晚飯的時(shí)候，他跟我說(shuō)了他的心事。他忽然變得很嚴(yán)肅，他說(shuō)，有一個(gè)很煩人的消息。
This reassured me, and I was even more
? reassured to find that he had taken a room in a small hotel in Mergellina,
? thus showing that he had no intention of hiding me in his friend’s house. We
? were mad with love, the time flew. In the evening we walked along the sea
? clinging to each other; he put an arm around my shoulders, and every so often
? leaned over to kiss me. I tried in every way possible to persuade him to go
? to France with me. He was tempted, then retreated, taking refuge behind his
? work at the university. He never spoke of Eleonora or Albertino, as if the
? mere mention of them could ruin the joy of our being together. I instead told
? him about the girls’ desperation, I said we had to find a solution as quickly
? as possible. I felt he was nervous; I was sensitive to the slightest tension,
? I was afraid that at any moment he might say: I can’t do it, I’m going home.
? But I was wide of the mark. When we went to dinner he revealed what the
? problem was. He said, becoming suddenly serious, that there was some vexing
? news.
“說(shuō)來(lái)聽(tīng)聽(tīng)?！蔽倚÷曊f(shuō)。
“Let’s hear it,” I whispered.
“今天早上，莉娜給我打了電話?！?/p>
“This morning Lina called me.”
“哦?！?/p>
“Ah.”
“她想見(jiàn)我們。”
“She wants to see us.”
