來源：http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2303588/The-mother-says-having-children-biggest-regret-life.html
作者： Isabella Dutton
原標(biāo)題：
The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life
翻譯：七日狐貍 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處

Isabella Dutton, 57, says she wishes she had remained childless
“I resented the time my children consumed. Like parasites, they took from me and didn't give back”

My son Stuart was five days old when the realisation hit me like a physical blow: having a child had been the biggest mistake of my life.

Even now, 33 years on, I can still picture the scene: Stuart was asleep in his crib. He was due to be fed but hadn't yet woken.
I heard him stir but as I looked at his round face on the brink of wakefulness, I felt no bond. No warm rush of maternal affection.
I felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, for the worse.

57歲的Isabella Dutton說，她希望當(dāng)年沒要孩子。
“花費在孩子身上的時間，讓我感到厭煩。他們就像寄生蟲一樣，不斷的索取卻從未給予回報?！?/p>

我兒子Stuart剛出生五天。像被人猛擊了一下，我突然意識到：要孩子是目前為止我人生中最大的錯誤。

即使現(xiàn)在，33年過去了，我仍然清晰的記得當(dāng)時的場景：Stuart睡在他的嬰兒床里。該到給他喂奶的時間了，但他還沒醒。

我聽到他翻動的聲音，看到他剛剛從睡夢中醒來的圓圓的臉，毫無感覺。沒有泛濫的母愛的暖流。

對這個陌生的小家伙我只感到一種深深的隔膜，他闖入了我的婚姻生活，并且不可挽回的將它推向糟糕的一面。

Regrets: Isabella says she has always wished she never had Stuart (left) Jo (right), pictured here in 1986. But although she had always wanted to remain childless, she approached motherhood with diligence and devotion

后悔： Isabella說她一直都希望從未有過Stuart （左） Jo （右），照片攝于1986年。但盡管她一直都希望自己從未有過孩子，她還是盡職盡責(zé)的履行母親的責(zé)任。
I was 22 when I had Stuart, who was a placid and biddable baby. So, no, my feelings were not sparked by tiredness, nor by post-natal depression or even a passing spell of baby blues.

Quite simply, I had always hated the idea of motherhood. In that instant, any lingering hope that becoming a mum would cure me of my antipathy was dispelled.

I remember asking myself, 'Is he really mine?' He could, quite literally, have been anyone's baby. Had a kind stranger offered to adopt him at that moment, I would not have objected.

Still, I wished no harm on Stuart and invested every ounce of my energy in caring for him. Even so, I know my life would have been much happier and more fulfilled without children.

Two years and four months after Stuart was born, I had my daughter Jo. It may seem perverse that I had a second child in view of my aversion to them, but I believe it is utterly selfish to have an only one.

當(dāng)Stuart出生時，我22歲，他是個溫順乖巧的嬰兒。所以，我之所以有這些感覺并不是由于勞累，產(chǎn)后抑郁癥，或者是其他生完孩子后的抑郁引發(fā)的。

答案很簡單，我一直都討厭當(dāng)母親。只不過在那一刻，之前抱有任何一種關(guān)于“成為母親后就會自然產(chǎn)生母性本能”的幻想徹底破滅了。
我記得當(dāng)時問自己，“他真是我的孩子？”，毫不夸張的說，他可以是任何人的孩子。如果那時有個善良的陌生人提出要收養(yǎng)他，我肯定不會拒絕。

但我并不想傷害Stuart，并且我盡最大所能來照顧他。即便我知道如果沒有孩子的話，我會過的更加開心，富有成就感。

在Stuart出生兩年四個月后，我生了女兒Jo。我不想要小孩卻還生了第二個，這看起來似乎是矛盾的。但我覺得只要一個孩子過于自私。

Isabella Dutton would have been happier not having children

I felt precisely the same indifference towards her as I had to Stuart, but I knew I would care for Jo to the best of my ability, and love her as I'd grown to love him.

Yet I dreaded her dependence; resented the time she would consume, and that like parasites, both my children would continue to take from me and give nothing meaningful back in return.

Whenever I've told friends I wished I'd never had them, they've gasped with shock. 'You can't mean that?' But, of course, I do.
To some, my life before I had the children may have seemed humdrum and my job as a typist was, it's true, not much of a career. So what was the great sacrifice, you might think?

What I valued most in my life was time on my own; to reflect, read and enjoy my own company and peace of mind. And suddenly that peace and solitude wasn't there any more. There were two small interlopers intruding on it. And I've never got that peace back.

I don't know why I feel as I do. I'm one of five siblings and was raised in a happy family by loving parents. Dad was in the Army; Mum, whom he met while posted in Germany, brought us up in the West Midlands.

Mum and I were close; even as an adult I could always confide in her. My childhood was very happy and conventional. Like most little girls I played with dolls. But I never recall a time when I wanted those make-believe games of motherhood to become a reality.

對她的感覺如同我對Stuart一樣，毫無感覺，但是我知道我會盡最大所能去照顧她，努力去像學(xué)著愛他一樣愛她。

但她對我的依賴，讓我感到害怕，對將要花費在她身上的時間感到沮喪，就像寄生蟲一樣，我的兩個孩子不斷的從我身上吸取卻從未回報任何有價值的東西。

每當(dāng)我和朋友們說我希望我從未有過孩子時，他們都會震驚的倒吸一口氣說“你不會是說真的吧？”但是，當(dāng)然，我是認(rèn)真的。
或許對某些人來說，在生孩子前我的生活也是單調(diào)乏味的。我作為打字員的工作，也的確算不上什么事業(yè)。所以你或許會覺得，哪來的犧牲可言？

于我而言，屬于自我的時間，思考，閱讀，享受獨自一人的時光，頭腦中的片刻寧靜，這些對我而言意義非凡。但是頃刻間，那片寧靜和孤獨不復(fù)存在。有兩個小小的入侵者闖了進(jìn)來。我再也沒法享受那種平靜了。

我不知道為什么我會有這種感覺。我出生于一個有5個孩子的幸福大家庭，父母很疼愛我們。爸爸是軍人，在他被派到德國時遇到了媽媽，我們從小在西米德蘭茲郡長大。

我和媽媽很親近，即使成年后，我對她照樣無話不談。我的童年就像任何一個玩洋娃娃的小女孩一樣，循規(guī)蹈矩而又幸福。但我回想不起來曾經(jīng)有過片刻是渴望將這種母親角色扮演游戲變成現(xiàn)實的。

I know there are millions who will consider me heinously cold-blooded and unnatural, but I believe there will also be those who secretly feel the same.

It's just that I have been honest - some may contend brutally so - and admitted to my true feelings. In doing so I have broken a supposedly inviolable law of nature. What kind of mother, after all, wishes she hadn't had children?

I have never hidden the truth from my husband Tony, now 62.

我知道許多人會覺得我冷血，變態(tài)，可惡，但是我相信也會有一些人暗暗的感同身受。

或許對某些人來說很難，但我一向坦誠，忠實于自我的真實想法和感受。我這樣做打破了一個順理成章的自然法則。畢竟，哪種母親會希望她沒有過孩子呢？

我從未向我的丈夫Tony（62歲）隱瞞過這個事實。

From the moment we decided we would be spending the rest of our lives together, I confessed I didn't want to start a family.

We were childhood sweethearts. We met when I was 12 and he was 16; he was my first and only love. I was 19 when I walked up the aisle, a joyful bride anticipating a happy life with the man I adored.

But I knew even then children would be a sticking point. Tony wanted four. I didn't want any. We'd discussed the subject and I believe he thought I'd change my mind.

I suppose he imagined, as my friends started having babies, the urge to become a mum would overwhelm me. I hoped he'd change his mind.

從我們決定一起度過之后的人生那一刻起，我便吐露并不想組建家庭的想法。

我們是青梅竹馬的戀人。遇到他的那一年，我12歲，他16歲，他是我第一個也是唯一一個愛人。我19歲時嫁給了他，當(dāng)時我是一個被幸?；\罩的新娘，將要和自己所深愛的人開啟一段幸福人生。

自那時起我便知道孩子將會成為絆腳石。Tony想要四個孩子。我一個也不想要。我們討論過這個話題，我覺得他認(rèn)為我會改變主意的。

我猜想他當(dāng)時認(rèn)為當(dāng)我的朋友們開始有孩子以后，我就會有想當(dāng)一個媽媽的沖動了。我希望他之后會改變心意。

When we married, we bought the three-bedroom house in Coventry that remains our home today. Tony pursued his passion for sports; my interests were more insular. I loved knitting, dressmaking and reading, and joined a book club.

Tony worked then, as he still does, as a pattern maker in the car industry. I was a typist in an office for a telecoms company.

After a couple of years of marriage, Tony began to ask whether I was still adamant that I didn't want children. In the end I relented because I loved him and felt it would be unfair of me to deny him the chance to be a dad.

But there were provisos: if I was going to have children I knew absolutely - illogical as it may seem in view of my feelings - that I intended to raise them myself without any help from nannies or childminders.

This wasn't a way of assuaging my guilt, because I felt none. It was simply that, having brought them into the world, I would do my best for them.

I cannot understand mothers who insist they want children - especially those who undergo years of fertility treatment - then race back to work at the earliest opportunity after giving birth, leaving the vital job of caring for them to strangers.

我們結(jié)婚時，買了位于Coventry的三居室的房子，直到現(xiàn)在我們還住在那里。Tony一向愛好運動，我更喜歡安靜些的活動。我喜歡織毛線，做衣服，閱讀，并且加入了一個讀書俱樂部。

Tony那時在汽車廠里當(dāng)模型工，直到現(xiàn)在依然如此。我在一個電信公司下面的一間辦公室當(dāng)打字員。
結(jié)婚幾年后，Tony開始問我是否依然強(qiáng)烈反對要小孩。最后，我妥協(xié)了，因為我愛他，并且覺得因為我而剝奪了他當(dāng)父親的機(jī)會太不公平。

但是附帶條件是，如果我要孩子（盡管看起來似乎很不合邏輯，考慮到我并不想要孩子），我是打算靠自己撫養(yǎng)他們，而不是去雇保姆或者扔到托兒所。

我并不打算替自己開脫，因為我并不覺得自己有錯。很簡單，是我把他們帶到這個世界上來的，我就會為他們竭盡全力做到最好。

我實在無法理解一些母親，一面說自己多么想要孩子，尤其是其中一些人經(jīng)歷許多年的不孕不育治療，然后一生完孩子就立馬跑回去工作，把至關(guān)重要的養(yǎng)育孩子的任務(wù)交給陌生人。

Isabella holds Baby Jo and son Stuart in 1981 at Christmas
1981年圣誕，Isabella 抱著 Jo 和 兒子 Stuart（右）

Why have them at all if you don't want to bring them up, or can't afford to? And why pretend you wanted them if you have no intention of raising them? This hypocrisy is, in my view, far more pernicious and difficult to fathom than my own admission that my life would have been better without children.

And here, perhaps, is the nub of it: I would not take on the job of motherhood and do it half-heartedly. Unlike so many would-be mums I thought hard about the responsibilities of my role, and, I believe, if more women did before rushing heedlessly into it, they might share my reservations.

I was acutely aware that a child would usurp my independence and drain my finances. I felt no excitement as my due date approached. I had no compulsion to fill the nursery with toys, nor did I read parenting manuals or swap tips with friends. I focused on enjoying the last months of my freedom.

如果你不想撫養(yǎng)他們或者養(yǎng)不起的話，干嘛把他們生出來呢？如果你沒打算養(yǎng)他們，為什么要假裝說你想要孩子呢？在我看來，這種虛偽比干脆承認(rèn)我不想要孩子，沒有孩子我的人生會過的更好更加有害和難以理解。

或許，此處便是癥結(jié)所在：我并不想承擔(dān)起母親這份工作然后干的三心二意。不像許多的準(zhǔn)媽媽，我覺得這個角色的責(zé)任很重，并且，我相信，如果更多女性能夠在生孩子前多加思考的話，她們也會同意我的看法。

我很清醒的意識到孩子會影響我的獨立性，并且加重我的財政負(fù)擔(dān)。在我的臨產(chǎn)期快到來前，我并不感到興奮。我沒有要把育嬰室裝滿玩具的沖動，也不讀新手父母手冊或者和朋友們分享心得。我專注于享受最后幾個月的自由時光。

Tony and I had a strong marriage - after 37 years, we still do - and I did not dread the effect of the baby on our relationship. Sure enough, we maintained an active and fulfilling sex life and made a date night each Friday when Tony's parents babysat.

However, I did dread the encroachment of this demanding little being on my own independence.

So, in May 1979, Stuart was born, blue in the face as the cord was wrapped round his neck. While other mothers would be frantic with worry, I remained calm when the doctor whisked him away. I sent Tony back to work and for the next four hours I waited without any apprehension.

Tony和我的婚姻很穩(wěn)固，37年后，依然如此。我并沒有讓孩子拖累我們的關(guān)系。我們的性生活很和諧，每周五晚上當(dāng)Tony父母來幫忙看孩子時，我們都會出去約會。

然而，這個磨人的小家伙確實嚴(yán)重拖累我的獨立和自由，這讓我沮喪。

在1979年5月，當(dāng)Stuart出生時，臍帶纏住了他的脖子，他的臉色變的鐵青。當(dāng)醫(yī)生把他送去急救時，換作其他媽媽此時肯定被嚇傻了，我卻鎮(zhèn)定自若。我打發(fā)Tony回去工作，在那里等了四個小時，面無懼色。

'There is no doubt I grew to love Stuart very much, and indeed still do. But I wished I had never had him'
“毫無疑問，我越來越愛Stuart，現(xiàn)在依然如此。但如果可以重新選擇，我希望我從未有過他?！?/p>

I did not really think about Stuart at all, until Tony returned after work and asked where he was.

He was fine, of course, but when they wheeled him back into the ward I did not experience that sudden leap of the heart that new mums are expected to feel. Instead I sat down with a cup of tea and thought bleakly, 'What have I done?'

Back home, I resolved to breastfeed. I knew it would be best for Stuart and I think every mother should do it. But even during this intimate act, that elusive bond failed to form.

Stuart fed voraciously, every two hours. He seemed almost permanently attached to me, but the proximity of this suckling infant did not make me feel maternal.

I never wanted to hurt Stuart - I only wanted him to prosper and thrive. There is no doubt I grew to love him very much, and indeed still do. But I always wished I had never had him.

I told Tony, but if he was concerned, he didn't show it. He just said, 'Well we have him now. There's nothing we can do about it. You just have to get on with it as best you can.'

And that's exactly what I did. I believe I was a good mum, but never a doting one. When Stuart was three weeks old, I pushed him in his pram to the shops for the first time with our red setter Amber in tow. Outside the baker's I tethered the dog to the pram and left Stuart outside with Amber while I bought a loaf and cakes.

我甚至沒怎么想到Stuart，直到Tony下班后來問我他在哪。
當(dāng)然，他安然無恙，但是當(dāng)他們把他推回病房時，我并沒有新媽媽們應(yīng)該感受到的那種如釋重負(fù)。相反，我坐下來喝了一杯茶，大腦一片空白，“我到底做了什么？”

回家后，我決定母乳喂養(yǎng)。我知道這是對Stuart最好的，認(rèn)為每個媽媽都應(yīng)這么做。但是即使是在如此親密的接觸中，也沒有形成傳說中的什么紐帶。

Stuart胃口很大，每兩個小時都要喂一次。他看起來幾乎要永遠(yuǎn)和我黏在一起，但是這個在喝奶的小嬰兒的靠近并沒有讓我產(chǎn)生什么母性。

我從未想傷害Stuart，我只想他健康快樂。毫無疑問，我變的越來越愛他，現(xiàn)在仍然如此。但是我常希望并沒有生下他。

我告訴過Tony, 但是如果他為此感到擔(dān)憂的話，他并沒有表現(xiàn)出來。他只是說，“現(xiàn)在我們有他了。我們可沒有其他法子了。你只能盡最大所能去適應(yīng)這個現(xiàn)實了?！?/p>

我就是這么做的。我相信我是個好母親，但并不溺愛孩子。當(dāng)Stuart三周大的時候，我第一次推著他的嬰兒車帶著我們的紅色賽特犬Amber去逛商店。在面包店外面，我把狗拴在嬰兒車上，將Stuart和Amber留在外面，進(jìn)去買了個長面包和蛋糕。

It was not until I got home, made myself a cup of tea and started eating my cake, that I realised something was amiss. My dog wasn't there waiting for her usual titbit.

So the first thought that impinged on me was: where is Amber? I missed the dog before it even occurred to me that I'd left Stuart outside the shop.

I can't say, even then, that I was worried. I just rang the baker to check Stuart and the dog were still outside, retrieved them and came home.

At the baby clinic, other mums compared their babies' weight and boasted about milestones they'd reached, but I was not remotely interested in such inconsequential matters, so I only went to the clinic once. When people peered into Stuart's pram to coo over him and tell me what a lovely little chap he was, I thought, 'That's not true.' He was not a beautiful baby.

Meanwhile, Tony discharged his duties as a dad brilliantly. He helped with the nappies, bathed Stuart, and when we were out, it was Daddy he went to for comfort if he fell.

直到我回到家之后，給自己泡了一杯茶，開始吃我的蛋糕后，我才意識到有什么不對勁。我的狗沒像通常那樣過來要東西吃。
所以我腦海中閃過的第一個念頭是：“Amber在哪兒？” 我想到了狗，接著我才意識到我把Stuart留在店門口了。

即使那時，我也不能說，我很擔(dān)憂。我只是打電話給面包店老板看Stuart和Amber是不是還在外面，把他們找到然后回家。

在嬰兒門診，其他媽媽都在比較她們孩子的體重，互相吹噓他們又達(dá)到了一個人生中的里程碑了之類，我對這些無足輕重的小事毫無興趣，因此我只去過一次。當(dāng)人們靠近Stuart的嬰兒車去逗他，并跟我說他是個多么可愛的小家伙時，我心想，“他們只是裝作禮貌罷了”，他可一點都不漂亮。

在此期間，Tony很棒的履行了他當(dāng)父親的責(zé)任。他幫忙換尿布，給Stuart洗澡，當(dāng)我們一起出門時，如果他摔倒的話，他都會跑去找爸爸求安慰。

Then, when Stuart was 18 months, we planned the second baby I'd promised to have. But I felt no more thrilled by the prospect of becoming a mum again than I did first time around. When Jo was born in August 1981, I remember how joyously Tony and his family greeted the news that I'd had a little girl.

I did not share their jubilation. But there was nothing for it but to get on with the job of bringing her up.
I did this diligently, but it was Tony who was the effusive and demonstrative Dad.

當(dāng)Stuart18個月大時，我們在準(zhǔn)備要第二個小孩。我之前曾答應(yīng)過。但我一點也并不比第一次要當(dāng)媽媽時更加激動和興奮。當(dāng)Jo于1981年八月出生時，我記得Tony和他家人對于我生了個小女孩這個消息多么歡呼雀躍。

我絲毫感覺不到他們感受到的歡樂。但是除了好好承擔(dān)起撫養(yǎng)她長大這份工作之外也別無選擇了。

我孜孜不倦的做好這份工作，但是Tony這個爸爸才是充滿熱情，總是表達(dá)愛意的角色。

'I am a conscientious parent - yet perhaps I would have resented my children less had I not been'
He loved the children to distraction, and as soon as they were old enough, he took them to the sports club where Stuart became an accomplished footballer. Jo tagged along too and it became something of a joke that she even asked her dad to take her when she wanted to go to the loo.

We created a routine where I ran the home, and when Tony was off work he looked after the kids. And I jealously guarded my time free of the children.

On our summer holidays, Tony and I had our rigidly defined roles. I did not look after the children when he was around. So as they played football, sat glued to the Grand Prix or watched the golf, I would creep back to our chalet and immerse myself in a good book. Other mums were running around like headless chickens after their children, but in our household Tony took that role.

他愛孩子們愛到發(fā)狂，他們一到足夠的年紀(jì)，他便帶他們?nèi)⒓舆\動俱樂部，在那里，Stuart成了個很棒的足球運動員。Jo也跟著去，甚至當(dāng)她想去廁所時，她也讓她爸爸帶她去，這件事被我們當(dāng)成玩笑說了很久。

我們就這樣形成了一種默契，我在家收拾屋子，Tony下班后照看孩子。我小心的保衛(wèi)自己的時間不被孩子們打擾。

我們?nèi)蚁募境鲇螘r，Tony和我都按照各自的角色行事。當(dāng)他在的時候，我不需要照顧孩子。他們踢足球，看賽車或者看高爾夫時，我會鉆回我們的小屋，將自己沉浸在書本的世界里。其他的媽媽們像沒頭的雞一樣跟在她們的孩子后面，但在我們家，是Tony承擔(dān)這個角色。

We shared many happy times together; I did everything a good mother is supposed to. We had bucket-and-spade holidays on the Isle of Wight; there were endless sports events in which the children shone. I'm sure they would agree that they always felt secure and loved.

It was not that I seethed each day with resentment towards my children; more that I felt oppressed by my constant responsibility for them. Young children prevent you from being spontaneous; every outing becomes an expedition. If you take your job as a parent seriously, you always put their needs before your own.

Having children consigns you to an endless existence of shelling out financially and emotionally, with little or no return. It puts a terrible strain on your marriage and is perennially exhausting. And your job is never done.

我們一起度過了許多快樂的時光，我做了一個好媽媽應(yīng)該做的一切。我們?nèi)烟貚u（Isle of Wight，英國東南部島嶼，一處度假勝地）堆沙子城堡；那里有無數(shù)孩子們喜歡的活動。我很肯定我的孩子們也會同意這種說法，即他們一直是覺得安全和得到足夠的關(guān)愛的。

不，與其說我每天都很惱怒，對我的孩子們滿腔怨氣，倒不如說我更多的是被由他們帶來的持續(xù)不斷的責(zé)任壓的喘不過氣。有了孩子之后，你并不能想做什么就做什么，每次遠(yuǎn)足都變成了探險。如果你認(rèn)真對待為人父母這個工作，你總是得把他們的需求放在自己的需求之前。

有了孩子后，你得不斷的在財政上，情感上無止境的付出，卻很少或幾乎沒有回報。它使你的婚姻關(guān)系緊張，并且總是讓你筋疲力盡。而且你的工作永遠(yuǎn)不會結(jié)束。

I know my life with Tony would have been so much happier without children, less complicated and more carefree.

I don't believe either that Stuart or Jo sensed any coolness on my part, although Jo once said, 'You never tell me you love me, Mum.' And I didn't, it's true. But I reassured Jo that I did love her. She and Stuart just accepted that I wasn't demonstrative.

They grew, too, into well-adjusted adults. Stuart, 33, works in telecoms engineering as a supervisor.

He is married to Lisa, 37, a bank supervisor, and they have two lovely children. But before Stuart announced that he was to become a dad, he asked me if I'd like to become a granny. And I told him quite emphatically that I wouldn't: I didn't want my new-found freedom to be usurped by years of babysitting.

My controversial views didn't shock him. He has always known I am forthright; he knows, too, having got my two grandchildren, I would knuckle down to my grandmotherly duties and acquit myself well.

我知道我和Tony的人生如果沒孩子會更加快樂許多，簡單許多，更加無憂無慮。

我不覺得Stuart或者Jo會認(rèn)為我過于冷淡，盡管Jo曾經(jīng)說過，“你從未跟我說過你愛我，媽媽”。這是事實，我沒有。但是我安慰Jo道我的確愛她。她和Stuart也接受了我就是不善于表達(dá)情感的人。

他們漸漸長成了懂事有禮貌的成年人。

Stuart，33歲，在電信工程公司從事管理。
他娶了Lisa, 37歲，在銀行從事管理工作，他們有了兩個可愛的孩子。但是在Stuart告訴我他要當(dāng)爸爸了之前，他問我是否想當(dāng)奶奶。我很明白的告訴他我不想；我可不想剛剛找回來的自由又變成幾年的照顧小孩。

我這個容易引起爭議的回答并沒有嚇壞他。他一向知道我很直率，也知道，我有個兩個孫輩后，會好好的履行我身為奶奶的責(zé)任，并且會做好這份工作。

Jo, 31, shares my opinion about motherhood: she has never wanted children; perhaps my views have shaped hers.
It is her tragedy that eight years ago she developed multiple sclerosis and had to give up her job as a chef. She is now bed-bound and lives with Tony and me.

I am her full-time carer and if I could have MS instead of her, I gladly would. She knows I would do anything to relieve her suffering and that I will care for her as long as I am able. I am 57 now and as I approach old age, I have an ever-more dependent daughter.

Yet I would cut off my right arm if she or Stuart needed it.
And that, maybe, is the paradox. I am a conscientious and caring parent - yet perhaps I would have resented my children less had I not been.

Jo, 31歲，很認(rèn)同我對于母親這一角色的看法：她從未想過要孩子；或許我的觀點的確影響了她。

很不幸的，八年前，她得了多發(fā)性硬化癥，不得不放棄她當(dāng)廚師長的工作。她現(xiàn)在只能臥病在床，與tony和我住在一起。

我是她全天候的護(hù)工，如果我能選擇，我會毫不猶豫的替她得這個病。她知道我會做任何事來讓她少一些痛苦，我會盡我所能的照顧她。我現(xiàn)在57歲，在我年歲漸長的時候，我有個越來越依賴我的女兒。

但是如果Stuart或者Jo需要的話，我會毫不猶豫的砍下我的右胳膊。

或許，這就是矛盾之處。我是個認(rèn)真的，體貼的母親，但如果我不是這樣的母親的話，我或許也會對撫養(yǎng)孩子更少怨言。