? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? 前言
能體現(xiàn)中西文化差異的方面很多。教育、工作、信仰、習俗、飲食……很難籠統(tǒng)地一言以蔽之。
前幾日，乍聞一位同級中文系同學因忽罹重癥，溘然長逝，心中悵然。想到李白《春夜宴》中的牛衣醉月，秉燭夜游。想到歲月無常有痕。
來美數(shù)十載，走過許多陌生的路，淌過許多陌生的河，與許多朋友從陌生到知交，經(jīng)歷過許多異鄉(xiāng)生活的曲折平緩……這些都發(fā)生在我人生最燦爛的年華，說完全不變是不可能的。很多時候這些變化都是在潛移默化中，不知不覺地就發(fā)生了。
經(jīng)常有國內(nèi)的朋友會問：中西方差異到底是什么？總覺得這個問題不是不能回答，而在于差異說明了什么。
那天在舊金山轉(zhuǎn)機，看著機場內(nèi)大大小小的飛機，看著它們既有著相同的部分，比如動力的，滑翔的，控制的部分等等；但具體的零件又完全不同，你不能把一個空客的零件裝到波音的飛機上。但不同飛機上的零件不需一樣，只要每個零件在它的位置上，跟它的周圍結(jié)合成一個完整的整體，起到它的作用，那么零件各異的飛機就能翱翔天空。忽而覺得這就是回答。
地球村里有不同的社會、不同的文化、不同的人群。社會的進步的一個條件，在于有融合在環(huán)境中的個人。
最近這位校友的離去，讓我想起多年前的，亦是一位老友的過世?；蛟S從他的葬禮上，可以了解到一些我所知道的美國人與華人之間的文化差異——在華人的追悼會上，你只會聽到哭聲，笑聲的出現(xiàn)顯然是要遭白眼的。但在美國人的追思會上，有哭聲，也有笑聲。也許這可以用弘一法師臨終前的絕筆來概括——悲欣交集。
好友杰瑞，他不是偉人，卻有著小說般的戲劇人生。他家共有十五個兄弟姐妹，他排行第十三，下面還有兩個妹妹。他年紀比我們大了大約一輩吧，生于離這不遠的一個小地方。在這座城的通用電器分部工作了三十多年，從部門經(jīng)理的職位上退休。他一生結(jié)婚四次，第四任妻子是個華人，也是這個原因我們相識。
杰瑞為人和氣，朋友很多，卻常說我是他最好的朋友。他不單是這樣說，也是這樣做的。在他白血病去世前，留下遺言，讓我在他的追思會上致辭——
那天，到場的親朋好友很多，他們聽我致追思辭時，有時泣有時笑，笑多泣少。令我深感安慰的是，杰瑞的親友對我說，他們都非常喜歡這篇追思辭。他的一個姐姐說："It was perfect. Nothing could have been done to make it better. The family was very happy about it."。他的一個哥哥說："It was super duper great. It was classic."。
只是我至今也沒想明白，為何他要把這么特殊的任務(wù)交給我，一個只跟他認識了八年的中國人。須知參加他的追思會的有他兩任夫人，十多個兄弟姐妹、姐夫、嫂嫂、妹夫、三個親生孩子、一個繼子、無數(shù)的同事、朋友、鄰居、子侄輩的親戚等等。
下面就是我所致追思辭的原文以及譯文：
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Jerry's Eulogy? 懷念杰瑞
To Xiaodan, to Jason, Angela and Leandra, to Zhijian, to Mabel and his other siblings, to his other family members and friends.
小丹、杰森、安琪兒、莉安德拉、子建，梅寶，以及杰瑞的兄弟姐妹和至愛親朋們：
Today, we gather here to remember and celebrate the life of Jerry.? As a friend of Jerry for 8 years, I would like to talk about what I know about Jerry.
今天，我們聚到一起是為了緬懷我們的好朋友杰瑞，并恭賀他得以榮升天國。
我和杰瑞認識時間并不算長。的確，八年時間對于人的一生來說，實在短得可憐。但這些年我們相處得非常愉快。我很想跟你們說說我所認識的杰瑞。
Jerry was a very loving, caring and creative person.? Everyone loved him.? For all the dinners we had together, at his house, my house or other friends’ houses, he was always the center of the parties.
杰瑞是個充滿愛心，體貼，且富有創(chuàng)造性的哥們。可以這么說，和他生活在一起的人，都十分愛他。我們經(jīng)常在他家、我家、或是其他朋友們的家中聚會，而杰瑞必定是聚會上所有人的焦點。
He was a real gentleman.? He was always polite to all the people.? He loved babies and young kids.? He was the first person whom my young son could stay with besides my wife and me.
他是名副其實的紳士，對每一個人都彬彬有禮。他非常愛孩子們，哪怕是對小嬰兒也極具耐心。而且他還是除我和妻子外，第一個單獨照看小兒的人。
He was a genius in building and fixing just about anything.? For example, several years ago, he built a derby car track from the scratch.? I watched him add more and more features and decorations to it until it became a complete, beautiful track, with electronic sensor and timer.? And then several families and kids gathered together and had an exciting derby car race and party.
在制造和維修方面，他有著超常的天賦。幾年前，他從無到有建了一條derby car賽車道。我看著他慢慢地裝上每一個部件，他還將賽道裝飾得十分精致。不得不承認他真是個很有審美情懷的人。
那也是我見過的帶電子傳感器和計時器的完美賽道。有這么個大玩具，甭提孩子們玩得有多快樂了。
He also fixed many things and made all kinds of gifts for his friends.? Several years ago, the Christmas gift he gave me was a beautiful cooker he made.? We are still using it.
我們都是他天賦的受益者。幾年前，他給我們送了一個自制的大家伙當作圣誕禮物，大家能猜到是什么嗎？——一臺非常漂亮的燒烤爐。
至今，我們都還用著。
He was hard working and had very strong spirit to do difficult jobs.? He built a long rock wall for his house which was an incredibly tough job.? I went with him to the quarry a couple of times.? You need to pick the stones, come back and mix the cement, and put the rocks up piece by piece.? Man, I would never buy a house that needs me to build a rock wall.
他不懼臟也不怕累，越是苦活他越來勁兒。他在他房子的靠小坡的一側(cè)修了一道石圍墻。那對于我而說根本就是不可能完成的任務(wù)，他卻做到了，而且做得非常漂亮。
他在砌墻時，有幾次我去幫忙。我們先去石場挑選和購買石塊，運回，然后混著水泥，再將這些石塊一塊塊壘起來……
這太不人道了！說好的買新房子的欣喜呢？看著他的熱乎勁，我只好默默地說我見到了愚公。
He could embroider and that surprised me a lot.? He made a beautiful one - I think he made it for his mom - with a short quote: “You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough.” I like it a lot.
你們能想像得到嗎？杰瑞還會繡花。他總是一次又一次令我驚訝。
我見過他繡的一幅非常漂亮的刺繡，他說是繡給他母親的。那刺繡上有一段極短的引言：人生只有一次，但若無憾，一次足矣。
這句話，讓我感觸很深。
He could cook many delicious foods.? His ribs, chicken wings, and cakes were all very welcome.? Last year when his and my families were in China, he made and cooked us a pizza.? When we went to his house to have dinners in the past, he always remembered my son Howard was allergic to wheat and would cook some gluten free food.
他會做很多很好吃的東西，烤豬排、雞翅、蛋糕等等，而且大受歡迎。去年夏天，當他的和我的家人都在中國時，我到他家去，他自造了一個大皮薩。平常我們到他家里吃飯，他會記得我兒對小麥過敏，單獨為他準備了無麥的食物。
真難為他對每一個人都那么細心。
He was a very skillful driver, and probably also a crazy driver.? When Jerry drove his truck, full of rock within two inches of the rock wall, on the awfully uneven yard, it scared me.
還有你們可能不知道的！
他車技如神，或者神經(jīng)！看著杰瑞開著他的裝滿了大小巖石的皮卡，在離石墻只有兩英寸的在坑坑洼洼的院子里來回穿梭，真令人咂舌不已。
Once when he was driving, he had a can of beer between his two legs.? He told me, “Well, if a policeman stops us, you need to hold this beer.”? I said “OK” and wondered if we were really stopped and if the policeman smelled him drinking and I was holding the beer, would the policeman charge me with “feeding the driver alcohol”?
還有一次更瘋狂，卻也十分有趣的經(jīng)歷，我得好好跟大家說道說道。
有一次，他開車的時候，大腿間還夾著一聽啤酒。他對我說，哥們，如果我們被警察攔下來的話，這啤酒得你拿著才行。我答應(yīng)“好吧”的同時，心里在打鼓：如果真的被攔下，警察聞到他的酒氣，而啤酒又是在我的手里時，警察難道會指控我，說我膽大妄為，給司機喂酒？
He was also a lucky driver.? Once he drove on one side of the road near his house, but went over to the other side of the road and the truck rolled down to the bottom of the creek.? It was a miracle that he and Zhijian did not get hurt.? The truck had a lot of damage, but once again he showed his gift for fixing stuff.? He turned the garage into a body shop and repaired the whole truck.? He even added a sunroof to the top of the truck.? Probably to cover a big hole there.? The sunroof was pretty cool on sunny days, but it leaked when it rained.? Once I rode under it and got half my pants wet.? I don’t know if he fixed the leak later.
唉~說來他還真是個命大的家伙。
有一次他在家附近的路上開車，但不知怎么的就滑到了路的另外一側(cè)，并且連人帶車整個咕嚕咕嚕地翻到了谷底！非常奇跡的是車子已大面積損毀，他與坐在車里的子建（他的繼子)卻沒有受傷！
這回，他又再次顯擺了他修理破爛的天賦。他把他家的車庫改裝成車身板金工場，硬是又讓他搗鼓出一部完整的車來。而且他還在車頂上加了個天窗，用以掩蓋車頂上破了的大洞。不得不說那天窗酷斃了。大晴天的時候，那天窗拉風極了。只是下雨天就不怎么好使，因為它會漏雨。
有一次我開那車的時候，不巧就碰上了下雨，結(jié)果我半條褲子都濕了。也不知道后來杰瑞有沒有把這個洞補起來。
He did things fast- faster than you can imagine.? Once he found some water on the bathroom floor under the sink, he thought the water was coming from the pipes behind the wall.? Before you knew it, he already took out his tools and cut a 1 by 1 foot square out of the dry wall.? He then inspected the pipes behind the wall.? I was next to him.? I asked, “do you see anything wrong?”? He said, “no”.? I asked “is the pipe leaking?”? He said “no”.? I said “OK”.? He said, well, some kid had probably spilled water on the floor while washing his hands.? He then spent the rest of day fixing the dry wall.
杰瑞做事的速度，遠比你想象得要快得多。
有一回，他在浴室地板上發(fā)現(xiàn)了一些水，便認為水是從墻后的水管里流出來的。
大家都還沒反應(yīng)過來，他已將工具拿出，在水跡邊的墻上鑿開了一個1英尺見方的洞，然后檢查墻后的管道。
我當時就在他邊上。
我問他，看到什么問題了嗎？
他說沒有。
我又問，是管子漏了嗎？
他也說沒有。
然后他起身來說，有可能是孩子們洗手的時候把水灑在地板上了。
我一陣頭暈，伸手扶墻。
接下來他就花了小半天，重新修好那面被他撬壞了的墻。
There were so many times I, as well as other friends, asked Jerry for his opinions and ideas.? Once my company had a costume party and we had to dress up as cowboys.? I asked him and he lent me a hat, a shirt and a jacket.? Surprisingly at the end of the party, I was picked as the one who looked most like a cowboy and won a prize.? I still don’t believe he could turn an oriental guy into a western cowboy.
有很多次，我也和其他朋友一樣，向杰瑞征求他的想法和主意。
記得有一次是這樣的：公司要舉辦化妝舞會，我們要打扮成牛仔。他挑選了他的帽子，襯衫和夾克衫給我。非常不可思議的是，舞會最后，在眾多白人同僚中，我竟然被選為最像牛仔的，還拿了獎。我始終無法想像，他是如何把一副東方面孔變作西部牛仔的。
Jerry loved everyone around him.? He always praised his wife; he was very proud of his son Jason and his beautiful daughters. I still remember his excited and happy face when Angela surprisingly appeared at his birthday party at my house; he also told me he enjoyed playing with his stepson Zhijian; he told us he had a great time every time he came home after visiting his siblings; I knew he missed his parents, especially his mom; and he put his brother Fred’s name on the truck…
杰瑞愛他周遭的每一個人——
他經(jīng)常贊美他的妻子，也為他的兒子和漂亮的女兒而感到自豪。
我到現(xiàn)在還記得那次我們在我家中為他慶生時（因為是個驚喜生日派對，他來之前還不知道的），當（他的女兒）安琪兒突然出現(xiàn)時，他臉上那興奮和快樂的表情。
他告訴我，和子建一起生活他非常快樂。
每一次從他兄弟姐妹們家回來，他都非常開心。
我知道他非常想念他的父母，特別是想念他母親。
他還把他哥哥的名字——弗雷特，刻在他的車上……
Jerry loved to help others his did not know, too.? Every year in December he volunteered to deliver food to poor seniors.? For the past 6 or 7 years, I went with him to do so.? Some of those people lived alone, and were happy to see us, not only for the food but to have people to talk to.? One old lady could keep talking for half an hour without taking a break.? But Jerry was always very patient.? I’m sorry that Jerry won’t be able to deliver food to those seniors anymore. But I am sure he will help others in heaven if there are people needing help up there.
杰瑞幫人，有助無類。
每年十二月，他都自愿去給鰥寡老人送食物。過去的六、七年中，我都跟他一塊兒去。那些老人中有些人生活得很孤獨，所以見到我們?nèi)ザ紩芨吲d，并不僅因為我們給他們帶去食物，而且是有人去陪他們說說話。
有個老太太十分健談，可以一口氣講半小時不帶喘的，杰瑞卻總能很耐性地聽她說。
如今他已經(jīng)不能再給那些老人送去食物了，但是我相信他會在天堂里繼續(xù)幫助需要幫助的人……
Jerry was very handsome when he was young. I love the portrait of him in uniform when he was 20 or 30 years old.? I once borrowed it and put it in my office.? (Pointing to the picture) That is it.
我曾經(jīng)見過杰瑞二、三十歲時候的照片，照片上的他穿著軍裝，簡直帥爆了。我非常喜歡那張照片。有一次還向他借來掛在我的辦公室里。
就是那張。（指著照片道）
Jerry was not Einstein,? he was not the president of the United States, he never invented a spaceship, an apple never landed on his head to help him discover a physics law, but he was a unique person, a very special person, a wonderful person and he-was-our-best-friend!
杰瑞不是愛因斯坦，也不是美國總統(tǒng)，他沒發(fā)明宇宙飛船，也沒被蘋果砸在頭上而發(fā)現(xiàn)萬有引力。但他卻是個不尋常的人，一個非常獨特且十分精彩的哥們，他是我們最好的朋友。
As close friends, Jerry and I sometimes would just sit outside at night, watching the stars, talking about the times when we were young or something like that.? He told me when he was a kid, he used to climb a tree, and imagine that he could fly to the outside world.? I told him I would like to see the tree some time.
作為他的好友，有時候，我和杰瑞會坐在夜空下看星星。也說很多我們年輕時候的事情，或者隨便什么。他說他還是孩子的時候，經(jīng)常去爬樹，想象著能飛到外太空。我告訴他我希望能有機會到他家鄉(xiāng)看看那棵樹。
About three months ago, Jerry and I had a similar talk.? I said that today, we don’t know if we will live again in the future, say 200 years from now.? I said, however, two hundred years ago, no one on the earth (or even in the sky) knew that we would have a life now, either.? So not knowing what will happen doesn’t mean it won’t happen.? So maybe one day we would be friends again in future lives.
大約三個月前，我和杰瑞又在夜空下聊天。我說，今天我們可能不知道將來會怎樣，比如說200年后會如何?？墒牵?00年前，地球上（或者說天上地下）也沒有任何人知道我們現(xiàn)在的生活啊。所以現(xiàn)在不知道將來會發(fā)生什么，并不意味著它就不發(fā)生了。或許將來的某一天，我們還能再成為朋友。
May God bless the memory of Jerry.? And may God bless you all!
愿上帝保佑杰瑞
保佑你們，保佑所有的人
