Modern love

新時(shí)代的戀愛(ài)

Online dating has changed the search for a mate, for better more than for worse

網(wǎng)戀改變了尋找另一半的方式，變得更好而非更差

THE internet has transformed the way people work and communicate. It has upended industries, from entertainment to retailing. But its most profound e?ect may well be on the biggest decision that most people make—choosing a mate.

互聯(lián)網(wǎng)重新定義了人們之間交流的方式。它顛覆了傳統(tǒng)產(chǎn)業(yè)，從娛樂(lè)產(chǎn)業(yè)到零售產(chǎn)業(yè)。但是它最大的影響或許體現(xiàn)在大多數(shù)人所能做的最重要的決定，也即是選擇結(jié)婚對(duì)象。

In the early 1990s the notion of meeting a partner online seemed freakish, and not a little pathetic. Today, in many places, it is normal. Smart phones have put virtual bars in people’s pockets, where singletons can mingle free from the constraints of social or physical geography. Globally, at least 200m people use digital dating services every month. In America more than a third of marriages now start with an online match-up. The internet is the second-most-popular way for Americans to meet people of the opposite sex, and is fast catching up with real-world “friend of a friend” introductions.

在九十年代早期網(wǎng)戀的觀念看起來(lái)就顯得怪異，甚至有些病態(tài)?，F(xiàn)今，在許多地方，這已然成為常態(tài)。智能手機(jī)將虛擬酒吧放入人們的口袋中，單身人士可以無(wú)視社會(huì)或者地理位置上的束縛。從全球而言，至少兩億人每月都在使用網(wǎng)戀服務(wù)。在美國(guó)，有超過(guò)三分之一的婚姻開(kāi)始于網(wǎng)上戀愛(ài)。網(wǎng)絡(luò)是目前美國(guó)人第二受歡迎的結(jié)識(shí)異性的方式，并且，網(wǎng)絡(luò)可能很快將取代朋友介紹，成為美國(guó)人覓偶的主要途徑。

Digital dating is a massive social experiment, conducted on one of humanity’s most intimate and vital processes. Its e?ects are only just starting to become visible (see Brie?ng).

網(wǎng)戀是一項(xiàng)巨大的社會(huì)試驗(yàn)，試驗(yàn)的對(duì)象是人類(lèi)最親密和重要的關(guān)系。試驗(yàn)的結(jié)果正慢慢開(kāi)始顯現(xiàn)出來(lái)。

When Harry clicked on Sally

當(dāng)莎莉“選中”哈利

Meeting a mate over the internet is fundamentally di?erent from meeting one o?ine. In the physical world, partners are found in family networks or among circles of friends and colleagues. Meeting a friend of a friend is the norm. People who meet online are overwhelmingly likely to be strangers. Asa result, dating digitally o?ers much greater choice. A bar, choir or o?ce might have a few tens of potential partners for any one person. Online there are tens of thousands. This greater choice—plus the fact that digital connections are made only with mutual consent—makes the digital dating market far more e?cient than the o?ine kind. For some, that is bad news. Because of the gulf in pickiness between the sexes, a few straight men are doomed never to get any matches at all. On Tantan, a Chinese app, men express interest in 60% of women they see, but women are interested in just6% of men; this dynamic means that 5% of men never receive a match. In o?ine dating, with a much smaller pool of men to ?sh from, straight women are more likely to couple up with men who would not get a look-in online.

在網(wǎng)絡(luò)上約會(huì)和現(xiàn)實(shí)中約會(huì)存在根本性的不同。在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中，伴侶通過(guò)家庭關(guān)系或者朋友圈、同事關(guān)系而建立。其常態(tài)就是和朋友的朋友見(jiàn)面。在網(wǎng)絡(luò)上認(rèn)識(shí)的人幾乎完全就是陌生人。因此，網(wǎng)戀的選擇范圍更加巨大。對(duì)個(gè)人而言，酒吧，合唱團(tuán)或者辦公室可能有幾十個(gè)潛在的伴侶選擇。而網(wǎng)絡(luò)上有幾萬(wàn)個(gè)。這種巨大的選擇范圍，更不用說(shuō)網(wǎng)戀是基于雙方都認(rèn)可的前提之下，使得網(wǎng)絡(luò)戀愛(ài)的效率遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)高于線下。對(duì)某些人而言，這是個(gè)壞消息。因?yàn)椴煌詣e之間的在選擇另一半時(shí)因挑剔產(chǎn)生的鴻溝，使得某些“男性配角”注定無(wú)法找到合適的另一半。在中國(guó)一個(gè)名為“探探”的軟件上，男人對(duì)他們看到的 60% 女性表現(xiàn)出了興趣，而女性只對(duì) 6% 的男性表示出興趣；這種對(duì)比意味著 5% 的男性無(wú)法獲得配對(duì)。在線下約會(huì)中，由于男人的基數(shù)少，“女性配角”會(huì)更加傾向于看中那些她們?cè)诰W(wǎng)上看不上眼的男性。