? ? ? ? 今天工作上遇見個難纏的人，因為一點小事不爽就被情緒帶著跑，給我打了不下十個電話，我頓時有種雙方已經(jīng)分手，男生還被前女友糾纏不休的感覺。這促使我思考擺脫情緒控制的對策，也越來越理解理性思考的重要性，很多時候至少要想明白你的目的是什么。
? ? ? ? 理論總是抽象的，回歸到兒童教育上，都是如何做。這里分享一封真實的郵件，坐標美國，是幼兒園老師給一位爸爸的郵件，里面給出了多種處理兒童情緒的建議?；?個小時編輯翻譯，但愿對大家有幫助。（以下為郵件）
? ? ? ? 你好，詹尼佛！接著我們之前的談話，這兒有一些方法能幫助麥克斯（和所有的朋友們）在學校緩解憤怒和傷心的情緒。
? ? ? ? 用語言表達
? ? ? ? 當麥克斯憤怒地抱著手臂說不的時候，我們請他用語言來告訴我們怎么了，有什么我們能幫助他的。有時候我們甚至會說“我們不明白你的意思，你能用語言告訴我嗎？那樣我才知道要怎么幫你 ”。有時他還是會拒絕表達他的感受，也不愿意告訴我們是什么事兒讓他覺得傷心難過。那我們可以告訴他，只有等他準備好告訴我們的時候，我們才能幫到他。這種方法可以加強正面行為，而不是負面行為。
? ? ? ? 承認感受
? ? ? ? 有時候承認他們的感受和幫助他們解決情緒同樣重要。當他們叨叨自己的感受時，我們可以這樣幫他們承認感受：“我明白你現(xiàn)在很生氣/很難過，謝謝你用語言告訴我?！?/p>
? ? ? ? 共同處理
? ? ? ? 當我們聽他說完自己的感受，我們可以說些“我們怎么幫你你會覺得好點呢？”之類的話，大部分這個年齡段的孩子腦子里都沒有對策，因為他們還在情緒中，這時候我們就能給他一些建議了。
? ? ? ? 舒緩情緒的對策
? ? ? 在學校我們有本“感受書”，里面講述人們?nèi)绾巫兊蒙鷼夂蛡?，也講到生氣難過是可以的，但是尖叫、傷害別人和摔東西是不可以的。還有一些“感受卡”，上面有圖片描述做什么事能覺得好一些（比如看書、抱抱、坐一會兒、深呼吸、數(shù)數(shù)、玩玩具等等）。
? ? ? ? 提供選擇
? ? ? ? 有時孩子們失控的時候會感到憤怒，可以給他們提供一些合理的選擇（比如我們有感受卡你要不要），這樣可以很好地幫他們恢復到更好的狀態(tài)。這個好處在于孩子選出的任何一個選擇都是合適的，而孩子通過做選擇也能有掌控和自由的感受。比如如果你對麥克斯說“我知道你生氣，你想要抱抱還是自己待會兒？”或者“等樂高玩具的時間里，你想玩這個拼圖還是想玩橡皮泥？”也有些時候一些基本的事麥克斯都不想做（比如因為外面下雪要穿外套）我們就對他說“你自己穿還是我給你穿”意思是他能選擇他自己穿或者你幫他穿，如果他不回答，就說明你可以幫他穿。
? ? ? ? 休息一會兒
? ? ? ? 休息一會兒也是個我們會用的對策。如何孩子看上去無比生氣或難受，并且不想談論或接受幫助，我們會請他去休息一會兒，到舒服的閱讀角坐一會兒，讓身體冷靜一下。有時候我們就是需要精神上放松一下，來緩解環(huán)境產(chǎn)生的這些強烈情緒。有時麥克斯生氣會自己解決，他會說“我要去舒服角落待一會兒”，我特別開心他學會了應對的技能。他甚至還會說“我好了”，意思是他平靜了，可以參與到課堂中來了。
? ? ? ? 當麥克斯生氣時，在課堂中最有效的辦法是給他一些空間去舒服角待會兒。我覺得這能讓他放松一些，看一會兒小伙伴們玩，然后他又可以開心地回到我們的課堂中來。
? ? ? ? 有時候一個對策在一段時間會比其他策略更好用，所以多準備些策略總是好的。希望這些對你有所幫助！
Hi Jennifer,
To continue our conversation from earlier here are some ways we support Max (and all friends) when he is feeling angry or sad at school.
-Using your words.
When Max folds his arms angrily or says no, we ask him to please tell us to use his words to tell us what is wrong and how we can help. Sometimes we even add saying, "we don't understand what that means, please use your words so we can understand and help you." Sometimes if he still refuses to talk to us about his feelings or what action may have happened to make him upset we tell him that when he is ready to tell us that is when we can help. That way we are enforcing positive behavior instead of negative.
-Acknowledging feelings.
Sometimes it is just as equally important to validate their feelings as it is to help them to solve them. When he verbalizes his feelings we will acknowledge them by saying something like "I understand you feel sad/angry. Thank you for using your words to tell me how you feel."
-Working together
After we hear from him how he is feeling, we then say something along the lines of "what can we do to help you feel better?" Most times children at this age may not have a strategy in mind because they are consumed by their emotions still. This is when we can help to make suggestions.
-Strategies to feel better
At school we have a "feeling book" that talks about how people get upset or angry and how "it's okay to feel upset sometimes, but it is never okay to scream, hurt others, or break things". Then there are "feeling cards" that have pictures of things to show how they can feel better (such as looking at a book, getting a hug, sitting, breathing, counting, playing with play doh etc.)
-Giving choices
Sometimes children can feel angry if they feel a lack of control, giving a few appropriate choices (like we have with the feeling cards) can greatly help them bounce back to a better self. What's great about this is that the caregiver is giving options where either one the child picks is appropriate, and the child feels a sense of control and freedom by making the choice. For example if you said to Max "I know your upset, would you like a hug or some space" or "would you like to use this puzzle or the play doh while you are waiting for the legos?" There are also times that if Max is refusing to do something that is essential (such as putting on a coat because it is snowing outside) we tell him"you or me." This means that he can choose whether he will put it on or you for him. If he doesn't answer that means you can do it.
-Taking a break is also another strategy we use. If a child seems overwhelmed with anger or sadness and is not willing to talk about it or receive help we ask them to please take a break and have a seat in our cozy book corner to help them calm their bodies. Sometimes we all just need a moment to ourselves to mentally take a break from the environment that may be causing these high emotions. Max will sometimes seek this out himself when he seems angry, he will say "i'm going to the cozy corner" which is great to see he is learning coping skills! He'll even say at times "I'm ready" meaning he feels at peace again to participate in the classroom.
When Max is angry what seems to be most effective to help him in the classroom is having some space in the cozy corner. I think this allows him to take a break and watch his friends for some minutes and then he seems to happily bounce back to our work cycle.
Sometimes one strategy works in a moment more than another, so it's always great to have a bag full of strategies. I hope this helps!
