We Are All Negotiators 我們都是談判家

All of us negotiate many times a day. We negotiated as children for things we wanted: attention, special treats, and raises to our weekly allowance of spending money. We negotiate as adults for much more complex sets of desires that, when you examine them closely, often come down to the same things we negotiated for as children. Negotiation is a basic, special form of human communication, but we are not always aware that we are doing it. A single definition that can help us recognize negotiation when it happens is the following: A negotiation is an interactive communication process that may take place whenever we want something from someone else or another person wants something from us. We negotiate at kitchen tables as often as we do at bargaining tables. But our personal relationships and professional roles sometimes make complete cooperation and even sacrifice, rather than negotiation, the “right” answer to many requests. When a winter storm knocks out the electric power in our community and a neighbor calls asking for help, we do not stop to haggle with him—we respond. If our work calls on us to deliver uncompromising customer service and a customer needs something, we accommodate. But notice something. Even these obvious examples of situations that do not seem to involve negotiation arise within the context of ongoing relationships that are characterized by deeply embedded norms of reciprocity. If our neighbor is known for his loud, late-night parties and never responds when we ask him to quiet down, his appeal for help in the storm may have to wait until we have taken care of others. And the customers we serve give us more business the better we serve them. There is a quid pro quo. So situations that involve pure cooperation and sacrifice with no thought of reciprocal accommodation are, in fact, relatively rare occasions. The rest of the time, we are involved in some sort of negotiation, broadly defined.

我們每天都要談判好多次。作為孩子，我們?yōu)榱宋覀兿胍臇|西進行談判：關注，特殊的待遇，增加每周的零花錢。作為成年人，我們會為了更復雜的欲望而進行談判。然而，當你仔細觀察這些所謂復雜的欲望之時，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，這些欲望和孩子的談判的內容大同小異。談判是人類基本而特殊的溝通方式，但是我們對此卻不自知。一個能讓我察覺到我們在進行談判的定義是：談判是當我們想要從他人那里獲得一些東西或者他人想從我們這里獲得一些東西時相互溝通的過程。我們在飯桌上談判的次數(shù)和在談判桌上談判的次數(shù)一樣多。但是出于私人關系和專業(yè)形象，有時候表現(xiàn)得完全配合，甚至有時做出犧牲，而不是進行談判，以正確應對各種需求。當寒冬的暴風雪將社區(qū)的電力系統(tǒng)摧毀，我們的令居向我們尋求幫助之時，我們不會和他們爭論 --- 而是積極回應。當我們的工作需要我們在客戶需要我們幫助時積極提供服務，我們會做出妥協(xié)，給與服務。但是要注意。即使這些具有代表性的例子，二者之間的談話內容沒有任何談判因素，但是實際上他們的關系之間隱含著互惠原則。如果我們的鄰居十分吵鬧，夜夜笙歌，而對我們要他們安靜點的要求從不做出回應的話，他在暴風雪來臨，請求幫助的要求之時，我想，等到我們幫助完其他需要幫助的人之后，才會對其請求做出回應。在商業(yè)里，也是一樣。我們給客戶提供更好的服務，而客戶會給我們更多的生意。每段關系之間，都有交換條件。所以，那些沒有互惠原則的妥協(xié)，僅僅只是單純的合作和犧牲的情況很少。大部分情況下，我們進行的談判，都是廣義上帶有互惠原則的談判。