? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?——選自The Week 網(wǎng)站（吉瑪譯）

Traffic upsets you. People upset you. Your job upsets you… Wrong, wrong and wrong.

堵車讓你煩躁，別人讓你不快，工作讓你心煩意亂......,錯了，錯了，錯了。

Actually, none of those things upset you. Your beliefs about them do. That’s what the ancient Stoic philosophers believed.

實際上，沒有任何事情可以擾亂你。但你卻認為都是它們的錯。這就是古代斯多葛派哲學(xué)家所信仰的。

FromThe Daily Stoic:

來自《日常斯多葛派》：

“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.” – Epictetus

“人們不受事物的干擾，而是被他們的觀點所影響?！薄Ｆた颂釄D

Let’s say you expect something to cost $90. Turns out it costs $80. You’re thrilled. But if you expect it to cost $30 and it costs $80, you want to murder someone. Price didn’t change. Your belief did. And that determined your reaction.

假設(shè)你原以為要花費90美元。結(jié)果只花了80美元。你會很興奮。但如果你原以為花費30美元，而它的價格是80美元，你就想殺人。價格沒有改變。變得是你的信念。它決定了你的反應(yīng)。

Oh, and science agrees with the Stoics here.Big time.Albert Ellis?was a psychologist and he took the ideas of the Stoics and weaponized them into some of the most effective therapies that professionals use today.

噢，科學(xué)也同意斯多葛學(xué)派的觀點。大時代。艾伯特·埃利斯是一名心理學(xué)家，他將禁欲主義的思想武裝成為一些現(xiàn)在專業(yè)人士使用的最有效的治療方法。

How big a deal wasAlbert??According to asurvey?of psychologists he was the 2nd most influential psychotherapist ever. Sigmund Freud came in third.?Here’s what Wikipedia?says?about his system:

艾伯特有多重要?一項對心理學(xué)家的調(diào)查顯示，他是有史以來最有影響力位列第二的心理治療師。西格蒙德·弗洛伊德名列第三。以下是維基百科對他系統(tǒng)性描述:

In general REBT is arguably one of the most investigated theories in the field of psychotherapy and a large amount of clinical experience and a substantial body of modern psychological research have validated and substantiated many of REBTs theoretical assumptions on personality and psychotherapy.

一般來說，REBT可以說是心理治療領(lǐng)域最具研究性的理論之一，大量的臨床經(jīng)驗和現(xiàn)代心理學(xué)研究已經(jīng)驗證和證實了許多REBT關(guān)于人格和心理治療的理論假設(shè)。

And Albert says your beliefs are what cause the majority of unhappiness, anger, and anxiety you experience.?Problem is, some of these beliefs are sneaky.

艾伯特說，你的信念造成了你所經(jīng)歷的大部分不快樂，憤怒和焦慮。問題是，其中一些信念是悄無聲息的。

You don’t even realize they’re there. If I told you that you believed them, you’d deny it. But they’re often dictating your reactions — and making you miserable in the process.

你甚至沒有意思到。如果我告訴你的信念，你會否認。但是他們常掌控你的反應(yīng)-并且在這個過程中讓你感到痛苦。

So what are some of the most common problematic beliefs Albert identified – and how do we fix them?

那么，阿爾伯特認定的最常見的問題信仰是什么呢？我們?nèi)绾谓鉀Q呢？

Let’s get to it…

讓我們來尋找答案......

#1:“This shouldn’t be happening!”

“應(yīng)該不會發(fā)生!”

This is the big one. Here’s?how Albert describes the #1 irrational belief we all too often hold:

這是最重要的。以下是阿爾伯特對我們常持有的一種非理性信念的描述:

“People and things should always turn out the way I want them to and if they don’t, it’s awful, terrible, and horrible, and that’s not fair.”

“人和事應(yīng)該總按我想要的方式發(fā)展，如果不是，那就太可怕了，太可怕了，太可怕了，這是不公平的?！?/p>

Sounds ridiculous. You would never say that, right? Problem is, you often believe it without realizing it.

聽起來很荒謬。你永遠不會這么說，對吧?問題是，你常常不自覺地有了這種信念。

Say I tell you this toaster over here almost never works. You try to use the toaster. It doesn’t work. Do you get furious and throw the toaster at me? No. Reality met expectations. No surprises. No emotional outburst. Now let’s apply that same logic in a different scenario…

我告訴你，這里的烤面包機幾乎沒有用。你試著用烤面包機。它沒用。你會生氣，然后把烤面包機扔給我嗎?不。現(xiàn)實符合預(yù)期。沒有驚喜。沒有情感的爆發(fā)?，F(xiàn)在讓我們將同樣的邏輯運用在不同場景中…

You know the world is not always a fair place, right? But then something unfair happens and… you go ballistic. Does that make sense? Nope.

你知道世界并不總是公平的，對吧?但不公平的事情發(fā)生了,…你會生氣。這講的通嗎??不。

If you really believed the world wasn’t always fair and the world promptly delivered some unfairness, you wouldn’t get all bent out of shape. Reality met expectations. But what you really believe is the world shouldn’t be unfair to you. And that, my dear friend, is crazy talk.

如果你真的相信這個世界并不總是公平的，那么當(dāng)你遇到不公平的時候，你就不會扭曲一切?，F(xiàn)實符合預(yù)期。但你真正相信的是世界不應(yīng)該對你不公。我親愛的朋友，這就是囈語。

Here’s?Albert:

阿爾伯特說道：

We know?the world is not fair, yet we still get overly upset when it’s unfair to us. We start thinking, very early on, that the world should be fair to us in particular… The “upsetness” doesn’t make the problem go away or solve anything (as a matter of fact, you probably make poorer decisions, and deal with others less effectively), but you don’t question your reaction because it seems so natural.

我們知道這個世界是不公平的，但是當(dāng)我們遇到不公平時，我們?nèi)匀桓械椒浅＞趩?。我們很早就開始認為世界對我們應(yīng)該是公平的，特別是......“失望”并不能使問題消失或者解決任何事情（事實上，你可能會做出差強人意的決定，不太有效處理事情），但是你不會質(zhì)疑你的反應(yīng)，因為這是天性。

So how do you stop getting angry when life (which you acknowledge is unfair) does exactly what you said it would (and acts unfairly)? You need to change that underlying belief — the one you didn’t know you had.

那么當(dāng)生活（你承認是不公平的）正如你所說的那樣（而且行為不公平）？你需要改變那個潛在的信念-你不知道自己擁有的那個信念。

Next time you find yourself getting upset, notice it. Pause. And then:

下次你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己不開心，注意這種情緒。停下來。接著：

Identify the underlying belief:?“Uh-oh. I’m believing that this unfair life must treat me fairly, aren’t I?”

認識潛在的信念：“哦。 我認為不公平的生活必須公平對待我，不是嗎？

Dispute that belief: “Is this belief rational?” No. Uh-uh. No way, no how.?????????????????

質(zhì)疑這個信念：“這個信念是否合理？”不，呃。 沒辦法，沒有。

Replace the belief: So what’s a more reasonable stance? “I would prefer to be treated fairly, but I know things aren’t always going to be to my liking. I’m not surprised and I’m not going to lose my cool.”????????????????????????????????????????????

更換信念：那么更合理的立場是什么？“我希望被公平對待，但我知道事情并不總是符合我的意愿。我并不感到驚訝，我不會沉不住氣?！?/a>

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

（要了解更多關(guān)于成功生活的科學(xué)，請查看我的暢銷書。）

Okay, so outside events aren’t always gonna go your way and holding an underlying belief that is aligned with that can make life’s ups and downs much easier to manage.好吧，外部事件并不總是按照你自己的方式發(fā)展，因此堅持一個與之相符的基本信念，可以更加容易的去管理生活的起起伏伏。

But what beliefs about your own behavior does Ellis say regularly cause you problems?

但什么是埃利斯所說的造成問題的與你行為有關(guān)的信念呢？

#2: “I Must Be Perfect.”?

“我必須是完美的?！?/b>

Here’s how Albert?describes it:

阿爾伯特是這樣描述的：

“I must not fail at important tasks and if I do it’s terrible and I can’t stand it.”

“我不能在重要的任務(wù)上失敗，我就不能忍受自己做得很糟糕?！?/p>

Again, you don’t always realize this is your underlying belief. If I asked, “Are you human and prone to error?” You’d say yeah. But then you make a mistake and totally freak out.Does not compute.

再說一遍，你往往不能意識到這是你的潛在信念。如果我問，“你是人嗎？容易出錯嗎？”你會說是的。 但是，當(dāng)你犯了一個錯誤，你會奔潰。不計。

If you really believed you were prone to error, you might be a little disappointed. You’d prefer to always get the A+. But you wouldn’t be surprised and get overly emotional. Remember, you don’t get angry when broken toasters act like broken toasters. You get angry when you expect broken toasters to act like working toasters.

如果你真的相信自己容易犯錯，你可能會有點失望。你更傾向于得到A+。但你不會感到驚訝，也不會過于情緒化。記住，當(dāng)你期望壞了的烤面包機壞了的時候，你不會生氣。當(dāng)你期望壞的烤面包機能夠正常使用，你會很生氣。

And getting rid of your perfectionist beliefs doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to become a slacker who half-asses everything. You can still be persistent. You just don’t have to hold silly beliefs that drive you nuts. Here’s Albert:

擺脫你的完美主義信念并不意味著你會突然變成一個懶鬼，對一切都持有半斤八兩的態(tài)度。你仍然可以堅持不懈。你不必持有那些讓你抓狂的愚蠢信念。艾伯特說道:

Searching for perfect solutions often will lead to stagnation and frustration. Perseverance, tolerance for less than perfection (but striving for it), the pursuit of improvement, and commitment to doing the very best you can, all are healthy, and most likely to yield the best results. Eliminating unreasonable demands for perfect solutions in no way reduces your commitment to doing or being the very best you can do or be.

尋找完美的解決方案常常會導(dǎo)致蕭條和沮喪。堅持不懈，不苛求完美(但追求完美)，追求進步，承諾盡你所能，一切都是健康的，最有可能產(chǎn)生最好的結(jié)果。消除完美的解決方案的不合理要求，它絕不能減少你盡自己所能的去你做或成為最好的事/人的承諾。

And if that’s not enough,?research?says perfectionism can kill you:

如果這還不夠，研究表明完美主義會至你于死地

Consistent with our hypotheses, findings demonstrated that risk of death was significantly greater for high scorers in perfectionism and neuroticism, compared to low scorers at the time of base line.

與我們的假設(shè)相一致，研究結(jié)果表明，在完美主義者和神經(jīng)質(zhì)者中，在同一時間基準下，相對于低得分者，高得分者的死亡風(fēng)險明顯更高。

So how do you deal with that pesky need to always be the best??Again, you have to dispute the underlying belief. Next time you’re aiming for 110% and getting worked up, take notice.

那么，你該如何處理那些想要成為最好的煩人需求呢?再一次，你必須要質(zhì)疑潛在的信仰。下次你的目標(biāo)是110%，并不開心的時候，你要注意了。

Ask yourself if the belief is rational (nope) and replace it with something more realistic: “I’m going to work on the project for the next three hours and do my best. The amount of effort I expend is under my control but people’s reaction to it isn’t.”

問問自己，這種信念是否合理，用更現(xiàn)實的信念來代替它:“我將在接下來的三個小時里繼續(xù)做這個項目，并盡我最大的努力。我所付出的努力是我所能控制的，但我不能控制人們的反應(yīng)?！?/p>

(To learn the seven-step morning ritual that will make you happy all day, click here.)

(學(xué)習(xí)7個步驟的早晨儀式，你會一整天都很開心，點擊這里。)

Okay, you’re disputing and replacing irrational beliefs. Maybe you’re not doing it perfectly at first — but we don’t have to be perfect, now do we?

好吧，你在質(zhì)疑和取代不合理的信仰。也許你一開始做得并不完美——但我們不必完美，對吧?

So what about when that irrational belief is like a song stuck in your head? And you just cannot make it stop?

那么，當(dāng)這種非理性的信念就像一首歌曲在你腦海中揮之不去時，會怎么樣??你不能阻止它嗎?

#3: “I Should Worry About This.”

“我應(yīng)該擔(dān)心。”

Here’s?Albert:

艾伯特說道:

“If I worry obsessively about some up-coming event or how someone really feels about me things will actually turn out better.”

“如果我過分擔(dān)心一些即將到來的事情，或者某人對我的真實感覺，事情會變得更好?！?/p>

Ridiculous, right? But sometimes that’s the belief we’re really holding.?We worry and worry and worry some more. And if we stop worrying, we beat ourselves up for not worrying enough. It’s like we think anxiety is a magic spell that, if chanted constantly, will actually prevent the dreaded thing from happening.

可笑,對嗎?但有時這就是我們真正持有的信念。我們擔(dān)心，擔(dān)心，過于擔(dān)心。如果我們不再擔(dān)心，我們就會因為不夠擔(dān)心而自責(zé)不已。就像我們認為焦慮是一種神奇的咒語，如果反復(fù)吟唱，就能真正阻止可怕的事情發(fā)生。

For the record, it won’t. And you already knew that. But if you believed it deep down, you wouldn’t be biting your nails so much. Broken toaster theory all over again.

正確的說，它不會。你已經(jīng)知道了。但是如果你相信它，你就不會那么擔(dān)心了。破碎的烤面包機理論。

So how do you make the worry song stop playing in your head? You know the answer here: dispute and replace the belief. But with anxiety, it can be trickier because worry seems to operate on autopilot in the background. Time to bring out the big guns…

那么，你如何讓焦慮的歌曲停止在你的腦海中播放呢?你知道答案:質(zhì)疑和取代信仰。但由于焦慮，這可能會更棘手，因為擔(dān)憂似乎是在幕后操控。時間能證明一切…

What is worrying? It’s your brain’s way of reminding you that something is a threat and needs to be dealt with. So what do you do if “dispute and replace” isn’t cutting it in the short term? Let your brain know you’re taking its reminders seriously.

令人擔(dān)憂的是什么?這是你的大腦提醒你某些東西是具有威脅性，需要處理的方法。那么，如果“質(zhì)疑和替換”并沒有在短期內(nèi)削減，你會怎么做?讓你的大腦知道你在認真對待它的提醒。

Schedule your worrying. Seriously. Make a “worrying appointment.” This works:

憂慮清單。嚴肅的。列出你的“憂慮時間”。這個項目：

For those concerned with shedding some of their anxieties, it seems planning a certain time every day to worry may help stop the stress-out cycle.?When people with adjustment disorders, burnout or severe work problems used techniques to confine their worrying to a single, scheduled 30- minute period each day, they were better able to cope with their problems, a new study by researchers in the Netherlands finds.

對于那些關(guān)心減輕自己的焦慮的人來說，似乎每天都計劃一段時間來擔(dān)心，有助于杜絕壓力的循環(huán)。一項由荷蘭研究人員開展的新研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，有調(diào)整障礙、倦怠或嚴重的工作問題的人，每天都安排30分鐘的時間來限制他們的焦慮，這種方法可以有助于他們更好地處理自己的問題。

Please make sure to tell co-workers, “I’d love to go to that meeting but 4PM is when I get all my worrying done for the day.”

請一定要告訴同事:“我很想去參加那個會議，但是下午4點是我一天中處于憂慮的階段?！?/p>

And don’t just worry during the appointment ?— dispute and replace. With practice, the worries will subside.

而且不要只是在規(guī)定時間內(nèi)憂慮——質(zhì)疑和替換。有了實踐，憂慮就會平息。

Behavioral therapies like this are the most scientifically proven treatments for anxiety.

這種行為療法是最經(jīng)科學(xué)證實的治療焦慮癥的方法。

(To learn 6 rituals from ancient wisdom that will make you happy, click here.)

(從古老的智慧中學(xué)習(xí)6個讓你快樂的習(xí)慣，點擊這里。)

So you can finally get that worry song to stop playing in your head. But how do we deal with those beliefs about our past that have shaped us? The?beliefs that we feel make us who we are?

所以你終于可以讓那首憂慮之歌在你的腦海里停止播放了。但是，我們?nèi)绾翁幚砟切┚哂杏绊懙倪^去信念呢?那些成就了我們的信念?

#4: “It’s because of my past.”

“因為我的過去。”

Albert?explains the belief like this:

阿爾伯特是這樣解釋信念:

“It was my past and all the awful things that happened to me when I was a child or in my last relationship or in my last job that causes me to feel and act this way now.”

“是我的過去和在童年或上段關(guān)系中，或者上一份工作中發(fā)生的所有可怕的事情，讓我有了現(xiàn)在這種感覺和行為?！?/p>

We make mistakes — often the same ones over and over — and we say it’s due to bad parenting. Or because we were teased in high school. Or because we dated the wrong people.

我們會犯錯誤——經(jīng)常會犯同樣的錯誤——我們說這歸咎于不良的教養(yǎng)?；蛘咭驗槲覀冊诟咧袝r被取笑過?；蛘咭驗槲覀兘煌隋e的人。

Yes, Albert acknowledged some traumas do leave lasting issues. But many, many people willingly accept more minor past problems as part of their identity and don’t really try to correct them.?Here’s?Albert:

是的，阿爾伯特承認一些創(chuàng)傷確實留下了一些永恒的問題。但是，很多人都愿意接受過去的小問題作為他們特性的一部分，并不是真的試圖糾正他們。阿爾伯特說道：

There is no question that our past experiences have the potential?to influence greatly our present behavior, if we let them… Past events won’t become any less real or valid; we can’t change the tapes of those events. We can, however, vigorously change how we think about them.

毫無疑問,過去的經(jīng)驗可能對我們現(xiàn)在的行為有著潛在的影響,如果我們讓他們…過去的事件不會不真實或有效;我們不能改變那些事件的發(fā)生。然而，我們可以積極地改變對他們的看法。

In most cases it’s not that the past event caused irrevocable damage; it’s that you are presently carrying an irrational belief about yourself that you took away from the event.

在大多數(shù)情況下，不是過去的事件造成不可挽回的損失;而是因為你現(xiàn)在對自己懷有一種不合理的信念，以至于你無法從這件事請中擺脫出來。

“I was bullied in school because I was weaker than the other kids. So I am a weak person.” And decades later you’re still running that buggy old code like it was the latest software update. Yeah, you may have had moments of weakness in the 4th grade. Does that mean you’re a weak person at 32?

“我在學(xué)校里被欺負，因為我比其他孩子弱。所以我是一個軟弱的人。”幾十年后，你仍然把那些老舊的代碼當(dāng)做最新更新的軟件運行。是的，你可能在四年級的時候有過虛弱的一段時間。這是不是意味著你在32歲的時候是一個軟弱的人?

Even though we’ve changed and our environment has changed, we cling to that outdated belief?and it affects how we feel. Then confirmation bias kicks in and we stop noticing evidence to the contrary — while maintaining a keen eye for everything that validates that irrational belief.

即使我們變了，環(huán)境也變了，我們?nèi)匀粓猿帜欠N過時的信念，它會影響我們的感覺。然后，確認偏見就開始了，相反的我們不再注意證據(jù)——同時保持敏銳的眼光去尋找那些能證明非理性信念的東西。

“I got nervous during that presentation today. It’s because I’m a weak person. Yeah, I killed 37 ninjas with my bare hands on the way from the parking lot to the office this morning, but that was just dumb luck. I’ve always been weak and I’ll always be weak.”

“今天的演講讓我很緊張。因為我是一個軟弱的人。是啊，今天早上我在從停車場到辦公室的路上，徒手殺了37個忍者，但那只是運氣而已。我一直都很虛弱，總是很虛弱。

FromThe CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians:

選自《The CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians》：

Because of how our filters (beliefs) are set up, we often notice instances that support the unhealthy beliefs more than we notice those that may support our opposite, healthy beliefs; however, that “evidence” almost always exists as well.

So how do we fix this? Of course, dispute and replace. But this one can be tricky because of confirmation bias.?We’re only noticing and remembering the times when the irrational belief seems to be true (nervous during presentation) and not the times when it’s proven false (single-handedly defeating hordes of expertly trained martial arts masters.) So you’re gonna need some help with this disputing process.

因為我們的過濾器(信念)建立起來的方式，相對于那些致辭我們的對立面的例子，我們更經(jīng)常注意到那些支持不健康信念的例子；然而，“證據(jù)”總是存在的。那么如何解決這個問題呢?當(dāng)然，質(zhì)疑和替換。但由于證實偏見，這個問題很棘手。我們只是在注意和記住那些非理性的信念似乎是真實的時候(在演講時的緊張)，而不是那些被證明是錯誤的時候(單槍匹馬擊敗了大批受過專業(yè)訓(xùn)練的武術(shù)大師)。所以在這個質(zhì)疑過程你需要一些幫助。

Sit down with an old friend and a piece of paper. Make your case. Write down all the events that happened over the years that prove your irrational belief true. “I am weak because…”

拿出一張紙和老朋友坐下來。說說你的情況。寫下這些年來所發(fā)生的一切，證明你的非理性信念是正確的?！拔沂擒浫?因為…”

When you’re done, list all the events that contradict the belief. “I am not weak because…”?And your friend gets to add to this list. You don’t get veto power over their contributions. Remember, you’re biased.

當(dāng)你完成的時候，列出所有與信念相悖的事情?！拔也卉浫?因為…”你的朋友可以添加到這個列表中。你不會否決他們的貢獻。記住,你是有偏見的。

From The CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians:

選自《The CBT Toolbox: A Workbook for Clients and Clinicians》：

One valuable tool involves forcing ourselves to look back over those very same periods of life purposefully looking to see the evidence that supports our healthy beliefs. You may want to rely on family members or friends who were around during each period of life to help you “notice” such evidence. Even if they share things they see as “counting” that you don’t think “should count” write them down anyway…

一個有價值的工具是迫使我們回顧那些相同的人生階段，有意識地尋找支持我們健康信念的證據(jù)。你可能想要依靠你的家人或朋友，他們在你生命的每段時間里幫助你“注意”這些證據(jù)。即使他們分享他們認為只是“流水賬”你不認為“應(yīng)該”寫下來呢…

If there is anything on the second list, then you are not cursed by your past forever — you’re cursed by an outdated belief that you still hold. Dispute and replace.

如果在第二張清單上有東西，那么你永遠不會被你的過去所詛咒——你會被你仍然持有的過時的信念所詛咒.質(zhì)疑和替換。

Are you weak at times? Probably. But that’s true of everyone. You’re human. Welcome to the party.

你有時軟弱嗎?可能。但每個人都是如此。你是人類。歡迎加入。

(To see the schedule that very successful people follow every day, click here.)

(查看成功人士每天遵循的時間表，請點擊這里。)

Okay, I now hold the underlying belief we’ve learned a lot about beliefs. Let’s round it all up — and learn the two words that signal you have some more disputin’ and replacin’ to do…

好了，我認為現(xiàn)在我們已經(jīng)學(xué)到了很多關(guān)于信念的東西。讓我們行動起——學(xué)習(xí)兩個單詞，這兩個單詞意味著你開始質(zhì)疑和替換......

Sum Up總結(jié)

Here are the 4 irrational beliefs that cause you a lot of problems:

以下是4種導(dǎo)致你有很多問題的非理性信念:

“This shouldn’t be happening!”: Do you really expect to always get what you want? No. But if you really believed that you wouldn’t be shouting.

“這不該發(fā)生的!“：你真的希望總是得到你想要的嗎?”?不。但如果你真的相信你不會大喊大叫。

“I must be perfect.”: Not possible. And it’ll kill you. You can control effort, not outcome. “I will do my best” is rational. “I must be the best” is not.

“我必須是完美的?！?不可能的。它會殺了你。你可以控制的是付出的努力，而不是結(jié)果。“我會盡我最大的努力”是理性的。“我一定是最好的”是不理性的。

“I should worry about this.”: Set a time to worry, to dispute, and to replace. This lets your brain know it doesn’t need to be reminding you 24/7.

“我應(yīng)該擔(dān)心這個”。:設(shè)定一個時間去擔(dān)憂，去質(zhì)疑，去取代。這讓你的大腦知道它不需要時時刻刻提醒你。

“It’s because of my past.”: If that’s really the case, then you should be in therapy. But your problems are rarely due to dire past traumas, they’re usually due to some outdated, irrational belief you still hold. Get a friend to help you dispute and replace.

“是因為我的過去。”如果真是這樣的話，那你應(yīng)該接受治療。但你的問題不歸咎于過去的痛苦，它們通常是你持有的一些過時的、不合理的信念所致。找個朋友幫你解決質(zhì)疑與替換。

You may have noticed two words that came up again and again: “should” and “must.” Albert Ellis hated those words. He felt they were at the core of so much of our emotional suffering.

你可能已經(jīng)注意到有兩個詞一次又一次地出現(xiàn):“應(yīng)該”和“必須”。艾伯特·埃利斯討厭這些詞。他覺得它們是我們情感痛苦的核心因素。

Both imply that the universe needs to bend to your will. And that’s not going to happen. “Prefer” all you like, but “should” and “must” are like shaking your fist at the sky when you don’t like the weather. It “should” be sunny? Well, it’s not.

兩者都暗示著宇宙需要屈從于你的意志。這是不可能的?！跋矚g”你喜歡的，但是“應(yīng)該”和“必須”就像你不喜歡天氣時，你徒手與天空抗?fàn)幰粯?。“?yīng)該”是晴天嗎?嗯,不是。

When you align your expectations with reality, you stay cool like Fonzie. And then you’re able to?do something that might help you get what you “prefer.”

當(dāng)你把你的期望與現(xiàn)實結(jié)合起來時，你就會像方奇一樣保持冷靜。然后你就能做一些可以幫助你得到你喜歡的東西的事情。

Whenever you hear yourself saying?“should” or “must”, it’s a sign you might be working off an irrational belief. Time to dispute and replace — unless you like being unnecessarily stressed and angry. I don’t.

每當(dāng)你聽到自己說“應(yīng)該”或“必須”的時候，這就表明你可能正在努力擺脫一種非理性的信念。質(zhì)疑和替換的時間——除非你喜歡不必要的壓力和憤怒。我不喜歡。

So out of supreme respect for Albert, I’m not going to say you “should” or “must” obey the above advice…

But doing so will make you much happier. That’s my underlying — and very rational — belief.

所以艾伯特得以最高的敬重,我不會說你“應(yīng)該”或“必須”遵守上述建議…

但是這樣做會讓你更快樂。這是我潛在的——也是非常理性的——信念。

Link:?Change these 4 beliefs would make you suprisingly happy