You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.

生活中總會(huì)碰到很多難處理的事。

There's loss of opportunity: the job that doesn't work out, the illness or crime that changes everything in an instant.

有時(shí)錯(cuò)失機(jī)會(huì)：工作不合適，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬間改變。

There's loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.

有時(shí)尊嚴(yán)盡失：刻薄的偏見常常刺痛人心。

There's loss of love: the broken relationships that can't be repaired. And sometimes there's loss of life itself.

有時(shí)緣盡人散：親密關(guān)系一旦破碎就難重圓。有時(shí)不僅是生離，還要面臨死別。

Many of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.

你們當(dāng)中有些人已然歷經(jīng)刻骨的悲劇和苦難。

Last year, Radhika, winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.

去年大學(xué)獎(jiǎng)?wù)碌弥骼峡ㄔl(fā)表演講，動(dòng)情講述了母親突然去世的悲痛。

The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. But I want to talk about today is what you do next.

問(wèn)題不是這些事情會(huì)不會(huì)發(fā)生，它們遲早都會(huì)來(lái)的。我想說(shuō)的是發(fā)生之后怎么辦。

About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter when it hits you or how it hits you. The easy days ahead of you will be easy.

不管什么困難也不管具體什么時(shí)候遭遇，關(guān)鍵是怎樣從困境中振作起來(lái)。

It is the hard days—the days that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.

其實(shí)只有經(jīng)歷了真正難捱的日子，被逼到崩潰邊緣，你才能真正了解自己。

You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.

要發(fā)掘真實(shí)的內(nèi)心，不僅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奮起。

A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.

戴夫去世幾個(gè)星期后，我和我的朋友菲爾談?wù)撘粓?chǎng)要父親參加的親子活動(dòng)。

We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. But I cried to Phil. I said "But I want Dave".

戴夫不在了，我們只好找別人代替他。我哭著對(duì)他說(shuō)："但我只想要戴夫。"

Phil put his arm around me and said, "Option A is not available. So let's just kick the shit out of option B."

菲爾摟住我說(shuō)："A計(jì)劃不行了，將就將就用B計(jì)劃吧。"

We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do next?

我們總會(huì)碰到不盡如人意只能用B計(jì)劃的時(shí)候，問(wèn)題是：該怎么面對(duì)？

As a representative of Silicon Valley, I'm pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.

可能有點(diǎn)硅谷的職業(yè)病吧，我想說(shuō)走出挫折也要科學(xué)對(duì)待。

After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P's—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.

心理學(xué)家馬丁?塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究幾十年后發(fā)現(xiàn)，從苦難中振作起來(lái)關(guān)鍵是做到三點(diǎn)——不要過(guò)分自責(zé)（personalization）、不要過(guò)分解讀（ pervasiveness）以及不要以為傷痛永遠(yuǎn)不褪（permanence）。挺過(guò)生活中一次次打擊，才能慢慢磨煉出韌性。

The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events of our lives. The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.

不要過(guò)分自責(zé)，就是說(shuō)不要把悲傷的原因攬到自己身上。

This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.

承擔(dān)責(zé)任是應(yīng)該的，但是痛苦時(shí)不要過(guò)分情緒化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的壞事都是自己造成的。

When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.

戴夫去世后我就忍不住責(zé)怪自己。

He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia. I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.

他在幾秒鐘內(nèi)死于心臟病突發(fā)。我翻遍他的病歷尋找線索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不會(huì)死。

It wasn't until I learned about the three P's that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.

明白這三條原則之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎樣都救不了他這個(gè)事實(shí)。

His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease. I was an economics major; how could I?

他的醫(yī)生們沒發(fā)現(xiàn)他有心臟病，我一個(gè)學(xué)經(jīng)濟(jì)的又怎么可能發(fā)現(xiàn)呢？

Studies show that getting past personalization can make you stronger.

研究表明減少過(guò)分自責(zé)確實(shí)會(huì)讓人強(qiáng)大起來(lái)。

Teachers who have students who fail, who believe they can do better, revise their methods and have future classes that excel.

學(xué)生掛科之后老師與其后悔沒盡力，不如努力改進(jìn)教學(xué)方法幫助以后的學(xué)生取得好成績(jī)。

College swimmers who underperform at a race but believe they can do better do.

大學(xué)里游泳運(yùn)動(dòng)員成績(jī)不理想，但是只要堅(jiān)信可以游得更好，就能實(shí)現(xiàn)。

Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.

只有走出過(guò)分自責(zé)的陰影，才能盡快恢復(fù)，甚至督促自己做得更好。

The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.

第二條不要過(guò)分解讀，就是不要篤定壞事一定會(huì)影響生活中每個(gè)角落。

You know that song "Everything is awesome? This is the flip:"Everything is awful.

有一首歌叫《一切都是極好的》，反過(guò)來(lái)就是《一切都是可怕的》。

There's nowhere to hide from the all-consuming sadness.

人們常常會(huì)以為悲傷大過(guò)天，根本無(wú)處可逃。

The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my children back to their routine as soon as possible.

我跟兒童心理學(xué)家聊了之后，他讓我盡快恢復(fù)孩子們的日常習(xí)慣。

So ten days after Dave died, my kids went back to school and I went back to work.

戴夫去世十天后，他們回到學(xué)校，我則回到工作崗位。

I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a total haze.

我記得回去上班后頭一次開會(huì)，精神都是恍惚的。

Thinking "What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?"

我心里想的都是，"他們都在說(shuō)什么，這些小事有什么好說(shuō)的？"

And then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—the briefest of our seconds—I forgot about death.

但后來(lái)我加入討論，說(shuō)著說(shuō)著突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘記了死亡的悲痛。

That second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.

那短暫的一瞬讓我明白，生活中還有一些事沒那么糟糕。

My children and I were healthy. My friends and family some of whom with me today, were carring us quite literally.

畢竟，我跟孩子們都很健康，親朋好友都那么關(guān)心支持我們，那段時(shí)間真的多虧他們撐著我才沒垮。

The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.

失去伴侶往往會(huì)伴隨巨大的經(jīng)濟(jì)打擊，女性更是如此。

So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet and don't get the time they off need to care for their children.

許多單身母親和父親都在非常努力工作，沒什么時(shí)間照看孩子。

I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and not just a job I loved, but where I was encouraged you to spend all day on Facebook.

跟他們比我不用擔(dān)心經(jīng)濟(jì)來(lái)源，能抽出時(shí)間照顧孩子，而且我有一份很好的工作。

Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.

漸漸地，孩子們晚上能睡踏實(shí)了，哭鬧少了，又愿意玩了。

The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.

第三條是不要以為傷痛永遠(yuǎn)不褪，就是相信痛苦會(huì)一直繼續(xù)。

This is the ardest for me by far because for so long, it felt like the overwhelming grief we never leave.

戴夫去世后有幾個(gè)月，無(wú)論我做什么都能感覺到令人窒息的悲傷，而且從來(lái)沒有減輕的跡象。

We often project our current feelings out indefinitely.

我們總是覺得當(dāng)前不好的感覺會(huì)無(wú)限延伸。

We are anxious—and then we are anxious that we're anxious. We are sad—and then we are sad that we're sad.

我們感到焦慮，然后因?yàn)榻箲]而焦慮；感到傷心，然后因?yàn)閭亩鴤摹?/p>

Instead, we should accept our feelings—but konw that they will not last forever.

實(shí)際上，我們應(yīng)該誠(chéng)實(shí)面對(duì)自己的感覺，然后認(rèn)清事實(shí)，其實(shí)所有感覺都不會(huì)永遠(yuǎn)持續(xù)。

My rabbi above people actually told me and this is a quote that I should "lean in to the suck", not what I meant when I said "lean in.

我的拉比（猶太教里的精神導(dǎo)師——譯者注）說(shuō)，時(shí)間會(huì)治愈一切，我也得學(xué)會(huì)"向前一步"，不過(guò)我寫書時(shí)說(shuō)的"向前一步"其實(shí)不完全是這個(gè)意思。

None of you need me to explain the fourth P… which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.

其實(shí)還有第四個(gè)原則，就是美味的披薩，不用解釋了吧……

But I wish I had known about the three P's when I was your age. Because there were so many times they would have helped me.

言歸正傳，我真的很希望在你們這個(gè)年齡就知道這三條原則。許多時(shí)候，這些經(jīng)驗(yàn)都很有用。

Day one of my first job out of college, my new boss figured out that I didn't know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.

我大學(xué)畢業(yè)后做第一份工作時(shí)，老板發(fā)現(xiàn)我不會(huì)把數(shù)據(jù)錄入蓮花1-2-3（蓮花公司的電子表格軟件——譯者注）。

That's a spreadsheet—ask your parents.

蓮花1-2-3是個(gè)電子表格——你們的爸媽可能知道。

His mouth dropped open and he said in front of everyone, 'I can't believe you got this job without knowing that"—and then he left the room.

他張大嘴說(shuō)："連這個(gè)都不會(huì)，真不知道你怎么進(jìn)來(lái)公司的。" 然后就走出去了。

I was sure I was getting fired my very first twig of work.

晚上回家我覺得要被炒魷魚。

I thought I was terrible at everything… but really I was just terrible at spreadsheets.

然后覺得我什么事都做不好……但事實(shí)證明，我只是不會(huì)做電子表格而已。

Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that first week.

如果我當(dāng)時(shí)就能明白不要過(guò)分解讀，沒必要一時(shí)難過(guò)就否定一切，當(dāng)時(shí)就不會(huì)那么焦慮。

I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.

我跟男朋友提出分手時(shí)，要是明白痛苦并不會(huì)一直持續(xù)就好了。

It would've been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.

如果我當(dāng)時(shí)知道再難受也會(huì)慢慢緩解，如果我能誠(chéng)實(shí)面對(duì)自己，就會(huì)安慰很多，不過(guò)我都沒做到。

And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.

男朋友和我分手時(shí)，我要是懂得不要過(guò)分自責(zé)就好了。

Sometimes it's not you—it really is them. That guy really didn't showered.

有時(shí)真的不是我的錯(cuò)，錯(cuò)的是他們。說(shuō)了你可能都不信，這家伙從來(lái)不洗澡。

And all three P's ganged up on me when my twenties I got divorced.

我20多歲時(shí)第一次婚姻以離婚告終，這三條原則一條都沒做到。

At the time I thought that no matter what I else I did I was a massive failure.

當(dāng)時(shí)的感覺是不管我做成過(guò)什么，最后還是一敗涂地。

The three P's are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.

這三條原則針對(duì)的是我們遇到許多事情后常見的反應(yīng)，不管是事業(yè)上，個(gè)人生活里，還是人際關(guān)系中。

You're probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.

沒準(zhǔn)你現(xiàn)在就正在經(jīng)歷一些挫折。

But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can correct.

不過(guò)，如果你能清醒地發(fā)現(xiàn)陷阱，還有自救的機(jī)會(huì)。

Because just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are things you can do to help kick it into gear.

我們的身體里都有免疫系統(tǒng)，其實(shí)大腦里也有精神免疫系統(tǒng)，只是要用點(diǎn)辦法才能啟動(dòng)。

One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.

有一天，我的心理學(xué)家朋友亞當(dāng)?格蘭特建議我換個(gè)角度思考，想象事情可能會(huì)更糟糕。

This was completely counterintuitive; I would have thought that getting through something like death was about finding every positive thoughts I could.

剛一聽讓人挺難接受的。這看起來(lái)似乎像是努力尋求積極的想法來(lái)平復(fù)。

"Worse?" I said to him. "Are you crazy? How could things be worse?

"更糟？"我說(shuō)。"開玩笑嗎？都這樣了還能怎么糟。"我說(shuō)。

He lookes at me and said: "Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while driving your children.

他回答道："想象一下戴夫開車時(shí)突發(fā)心臟病，孩子們也都在車?yán)铩?

The minute he said it, I felt overwhelmingly gratitude that my chilredn were alive.

天吶！那一刻，我突然很感激孩子們都沒事，還健康地活著。

And that gratitude overtook some of the grief.

感激之后悲傷也減輕了一點(diǎn)。

Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.

常懷感激之情是走出悲傷的關(guān)鍵。

People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are healthier and happier .

多花點(diǎn)時(shí)間列出值得感恩的事，就會(huì)更快樂(lè)也更健康。

My New Year's resolution this year is to before I go to bed write down three moments of joy.

我今年的新年決心就是，每天晚上睡覺前寫下三件當(dāng)天高興的事。

And this really simple practice has changed my life. Because no matter what happens each day, I go to bed thinking of something cheerful.

做起來(lái)其實(shí)不難，但已經(jīng)改變了我的生活。因?yàn)椴还苊刻彀l(fā)生了什么，我睡覺的時(shí)候都在想著快樂(lè)的事。

Try it. Try it tonight when you have so many things to be joyful for— although maybe do it before you go to Kip's and don't remember what they are.

今晚開始試一下吧，今天肯定就有很多開心的事可以列。希望今晚你們臨睡前都還記得。