續(xù)接：自深深處——王爾德致波西的信（九）
作者簡介及相關(guān)背景介紹請參閱：
作者：奧斯卡·王爾德
譯文：真念一思
配樂：Caliburn（石中之劍，編曲：Medwyn Goodall?）
舒緩 優(yōu)美 寧靜的天籟......人在得意時，總有人阿諛奉承你，精神賄賂你。開始，你可能有所警覺，時間一久，習(xí)以為常，忘乎所以，以為自已才華蓋世，可以左右乾坤。其實(shí)，在茫茫人海中，我們每個人，只是微塵。暴風(fēng)雨會在不經(jīng)意間，忽然降臨....（來自音樂網(wǎng)評）
Our friendship really begins with your begging me in a most pathetic and charming letter to assist you in a position appalling to anyone, doubly so to a young man at Oxford: I do so.
You send me a very nice poem, of the undergraduate school of verse. I reply by a letter of fantastic literary conceits like a passage from one of Shakespeare's sonnets, transposed to a minor key. It can only be understood by those who have read the Symposium of Plato. It was, let me say frankly, the sort of letter I would write to any graceful young man of either University who had sent me a poem of his own making, certain that he would have sufficient wit or culture to interpret rightly its fantastic phrases.
我們的友誼，其實(shí)是始于你的一封極其可憐而又可愛的信，求我在你危難之際幫你一把。你當(dāng)時的那種情形對任何人，尤其是對一個就讀于牛津大學(xué)的年輕人來說，倍加可怕：于是我?guī)土四恪?br>
你寄給我一首很好的詩，來自本科學(xué)院詩集。在回信中，我用了些巧妙的文學(xué)意象，就像是引自莎士比亞十四行詩中的一段，被轉(zhuǎn)為了小調(diào)似的。只有那些讀過柏拉圖的《會飲篇》（見注釋）的人，才能真正理解其中內(nèi)涵。那信，坦白地說，我可能會寫過任何一位高雅的青年，無論他來自哪所大學(xué)，要是他寄給我一首他自己寫的詩的話。當(dāng)然，他必須有足夠的才智或文學(xué)修養(yǎng)，能正確地理解信中那些奇妙的段落。
Look at the history of that letter!
It passes from you into the hands of a loath some companion: from him to a gang of blackmailers: copies of it are sent about London to my friends, and to the manager of the theater where my work is being performed:? every construction but the right one is put on it.
This forms the basis of your father's worst attack. I produce the original myself in Court to show what it really is: it is denounced by your father's Counsel as a revolting and insidious attempt to corrupt innocence: it forms part of a criminal charge. The Judge sums up on it with little learning and much morality. I go to prison for it. That is the result of writing you a charming letter.
看看那封信是如何流轉(zhuǎn)的吧！
先是經(jīng)你傳到了你的一個不太討人喜歡的同伴手里，又通過他傳到一個敲詐團(tuán)伙的惡棍那里，各種副本在倫敦到處散播，有的寄給了我的朋友，還有的到了正上演我作品的劇院經(jīng)理處，人們添油加醋，卻沒有一個是真的。
這封信成了你父親對我進(jìn)行最惡毒攻擊的基礎(chǔ)：我自己在法庭出示原信，說明真相，卻被你父親的辯護(hù)律師指為，這是一個令人厭惡的，意在腐化純真青年的陰險企圖，而構(gòu)成了刑事指控一個組成部分。法官更多的是出于道義而并非學(xué)識，做出了結(jié)案陳詞。我因此而進(jìn)了監(jiān)獄。這就是我詞情并茂地給你寫了那封信的下場。
But, I need not go on with instances of the stange Doom you seem to brought on me in all things big or little. Of course you had your illusions, lived in them indeed. You thought, that your devoting yourself to me, to the entire exclusion of your family, was a proof of your wonderful appreciation of me.
You thought that in sending a lawyer's letter to your father to say that, rather than sever your eternal friendship with me, you would give up the allowance of that making you, you were realising the very chivalry of friendship. But your surrender of your little allowance did not mean that you were ready to give up even one of your most super fluousluxuries, or was merely a pretence of bravado gave you a plausible reason to live at my expense.
You thought again that in attacking your own father with dreadful letters, abusive telegrams, and insulting postcards you were fighting your mother's battles, avenging the no doubt terrible wrongs and sufferings of her married life.
但是我沒有必要列出所有或大或小的事情，來作為你帶給我的這奇特命運(yùn)的例證。當(dāng)然，你有你的幻想，并深陷其中。你認(rèn)為你完全背叛了你的家庭，把你自己奉獻(xiàn)給我，就是你對我有美好情感的明證。
你認(rèn)為在發(fā)給你父親的律師函中說這些，并不是想斷絕你我之間的永恒友情，你將放棄在這樁訴訟案中所獲得的補(bǔ)償，以體現(xiàn)你出于友情的翩翩騎士風(fēng)度。但是你放棄你那點(diǎn)補(bǔ)償，并不意味著你真的準(zhǔn)備放棄，你的哪怕是其中一項(xiàng)奢華享受，這不過是一個狡猾的借口，給了你一個要依靠我的錢來生活的冠冕堂皇的理由。
你還認(rèn)為，用那些令人厭惡的信件、充滿謾罵性言詞的電報和侮辱性語言的明信片來攻擊你的親生父親，是為你母親而復(fù)仇的戰(zhàn)斗，是為她在她的婚姻生活中所遭受到的，無疑是可怕的不幸與折磨的報復(fù)。
It was an illusion, one of your worst.
The way for you to avenged your mother's wrongs was by being a better son to your mother: by not making her afraid to speak to you, by not signing bills the payment of which devolved on her; by being gentler to her, and not bringing sorrow into her days.
I also had my illusions. I thought life was going to be a brilliant comedy, and that you were to be one of many graceful figures in it.
The Pall Mall Gazette, describing the dress-rehearsal of one of my plays, spoke of you as following me about like a shadow.
The memory of our friendship is the shadow that walks with me here, it follows me into the prison-yard and makes me talk to myself as I tramp around; each detail each dreadful moment I am forced to recall: every strained note of your voice, every twitch of your nervous hands, every bitter word, every poisonous phrase.
There is, I know, one answer to all that I have said. You loved me. Yes I know you did. No matter what your conduct to me was I always felt that at heart you really did love me.
這是一種幻想，是你最糟糕的幻想之一。
你以為，你為報復(fù)你母親的不幸而選擇這樣的方式，是一個你母親的好兒子的作為：是要讓她不再害怕對你訴說一切，是讓她可以不必再簽收那些轉(zhuǎn)嫁給她的賬單，是對她更加溫柔以待，是讓她今后的日子不再悲傷。
我也有我的幻想，我以為生活將會是一個光輝燦爛的喜劇，而你是那劇中眾多美好角色中的一個。蓓爾美爾街報刊登了一則關(guān)于我的一部戲彩排的報道，說你與我如影隨形。而關(guān)于我們友情的回憶，也如同我的影子一樣在這里，它隨我進(jìn)入監(jiān)獄，使我在四處漂泊中常常自言自語。我強(qiáng)迫自己去回憶我們交往的每一個細(xì)節(jié)，每一個危機(jī)時刻，你緊張時聲音的每一次顫抖，你焦慮時雙手的每一次痙攣，每一個尖酸的用詞，每一段惡毒的言語。
但我知道，只有一個答案，可以解釋我上述的所有情形。那就是：你愛我。是的，我知道你愛我。無論你怎樣對待我，我依然能從內(nèi)心深處感受到，你是真的愛我……（待續(xù)）
注釋：
《會飲篇》是古希臘哲學(xué)家柏拉圖的一篇對話式作品，于公元前385年左右寫成，是一段關(guān)于對愛的本質(zhì)的作品，以演講和對話的形式寫成，被學(xué)者們普遍認(rèn)為《會飲篇》是柏拉圖最偉大的兩篇對話之一。篇中描寫悲劇家阿伽松為了慶祝自己的劇本獲獎，邀請了幾位朋友到家中會飲、交談。參加者有修辭學(xué)家斐德羅、喜劇家阿里斯托芬、哲學(xué)家蘇格拉底等人。整篇對話主要由六篇對愛神厄洛斯的頌辭組成。文章中，柏拉圖想討論的是一種超越性和時間的愛情，想找出愛情的本質(zhì)是什么，但最終沒有得到確切的答案。但看柏拉圖的文章是就要有這樣的準(zhǔn)備——講的很有道理，卻不一定是你想要的答案，當(dāng)然這也是其思想的美麗之處，沒有現(xiàn)成的答案，真正的答案需要自己去思考。
圖片及注釋文字來自網(wǎng)絡(luò)，向原作者致敬致謝！
題圖詩：廬陽第一怪
? ? 穿波天池撒云網(wǎng)，凡種俗類不入艙。
? ? 但憑真念遨霄宇，不教一思墮滄桑。
? ? ? ? ? ———\ 一絲怪念組合????
? ? （感謝廬陽第一怪配詩鼓勵支持?。?/b>
題圖詩：蠻力
? ? ? ? 山水兩重天，一艘捕魚船。
? ? ? ? 悠閑看風(fēng)景，晚霞醉天邊。
? ? ? （感謝蠻力配詩鼓勵支持?。?/b>
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