在美劇 Glee 中，亞裔男孩Mike說考試成績"A?"對于亞裔家庭來說相當(dāng)于"F"，這就是“Asian F”的出處。“虎爸虎媽”“數(shù)學(xué)好”這些刻板印象一直阻礙著亞裔族群融入主流文化。雖然隨著時(shí)代的進(jìn)步和亞裔群體自身的努力在不斷的好轉(zhuǎn)，仍然會遇到一些讓他們感到被冒犯，被特殊化的情況。亞裔女生 Canwen 這一次就來分享她的成長故事。

My name is Canwen, and I play both the piano and the violin. I aspire to some day be a doctor, and my favorite subject is calculus.

我的名字是Canwen，我即會彈鋼琴也會彈小提琴。我希望未來某一天可以成為一名醫(yī)生，我最喜歡的科目是微積分。

My mom and dad are tiger parents, who won't let me go to sleepovers, but they make up for it by serving my favorite meal every single day. Rice.

我媽和我爸是虎媽和虎爸，他們從不允許我通宵玩耍，但作為補(bǔ)償，他們每天會給我提供我最愛的食物---大米。

And I'm a really bad driver. So my question for you now is, "How long did it take you to figure out I was joking"?

我是一個(gè)技術(shù)很差的司機(jī)。所以我現(xiàn)在想問你們一個(gè)問題："你們花了多長時(shí)間才看出我是在開玩笑的。"

As you've probably guessed, today I am going to talk about race and I'll start off by sharing with you my story of growing up Asian-American.

現(xiàn)在你們可能會猜測，我今天是來談?wù)摲N族問題的，我會首先你們分享我作為華裔美國人成長的故事。

I moved to the United States when I was two years old, so almost my entire life has been a blend of two cultures.

當(dāng)我兩歲的時(shí)候我搬到美國，幾乎我的整個(gè)生活就是兩種文化的混合。

I eat pasta with chopsticks. I'm addicted to orange chicken, and my childhood hero was Yao Ming.

我用筷子吃意大利面。我超級愛吃橙子雞，我幼時(shí)的偶像是姚明。

But having grown up in North Dakota, South Dakota, and Idaho, all states with incredible little racial diversity, it was difficult to reconcile my so-called exotic Chinese heritage with my mainstream American self.

但是成長于南達(dá)科他州、北達(dá)科他州和愛達(dá)荷州，這些伴隨著一些難以置信的種族差異性的地方，對我來說，將所謂的外來的中國傳統(tǒng)與美國的主流文化協(xié)調(diào)為一致，是很困難的。

Used to being the only Asian in the room, I was self-conscious at the first thing people noticed about me was, that I wasn't white.

過去作為生活中唯一一個(gè)亞洲人，我自我意識到人們察覺的到我的第一件事情就是我不是白人。

And as a child I quickly began to realize that I had two options in front of me.

作為一個(gè)孩子我很快的開始意識到我面前有兩個(gè)選擇。

Conformed to the stereotype that was expected of me, or conformed to the whiteness that surrounded me. There was no in between.

遵守期望被遵守的老一套，或者遵守包圍著我的白人的這一套。并沒有折中的選擇。

For me, this meant that I always felt self-conscious about being good at maths, because people would just say it was because I was Asian, not because I actually worked hard.

對于我來說，這意味著我總是為我擅長于數(shù)學(xué)而感到不自在，因?yàn)槿藗儠H僅把這原因歸結(jié)為我是亞洲人，而并不是因?yàn)槲业呐ぷ鳌?/p>

It meant that whenever a boy asked me out, it was because he had the yellow fever, and not because he actually liked me.

這意味著不管任何時(shí)候有男生叫我出去玩兒，僅僅只是因?yàn)樗麗埸S色皮膚，而不是因?yàn)樗_實(shí)喜歡我。

It meant that for the longest time my identity had formed around the fact that I was different.

這意味著很長一段時(shí)間我的身份都會被冠以這樣一個(gè)名義那就是我是不同的。

And I thought that being Asian was the only special thing about me. These effects were emphasized by the places where I lived.

我認(rèn)為作為亞洲人這是我唯一獨(dú)特的東西。這些特點(diǎn)會被我所生活的地方加以強(qiáng)調(diào)。

Don't get me wrong. Only a small percentage of people were actually racist, or, even borderline racist, but the vast majority were just a little bit clueless.

不要誤解我。僅僅只有很小一部分人是真正的種族主義，或者，甚至是邊緣的種族主義，但大多數(shù)的人僅僅只是有點(diǎn)不明所以。

Now, I know you are probably thinking, "What's the difference"? Well, here is an example.

現(xiàn)在，我懂你可能會在想"有什么不同呢？"好的，讓我來舉個(gè)例子。

Not racist can sound like, "I'm white and you're not". Racist can sound like, "I'm white, you're not, and that makes me better than you".

非種族主義者可能會想："我是白人而你不是。"種族主義者可能會想，"我是白人，你不是，這樣一來我就比你優(yōu)秀。"

But clueless sounds like, "I'm white, you're not, and I don't know how to deal with that".

但是不明所以的人會想，"我是白人，你不是，我不知道該怎么處理這個(gè)問題。"

Now, I don't doubt for a second that these clueless people are still nice individuals with great intentions.

現(xiàn)在，我毫不懷疑的說，這些不明所以的人仍舊是有善良的意圖的好的個(gè)體。

But they do ask some questions that become pretty annoying after a while. Here are a few examples. "You're Chinese, oh my goodness, I have a Chinese friend, do you know him"?

但是不久之后他們確實(shí)會問一些很惱人的問題。這兒有幾個(gè)例子。"你是中國人，我的天呀，我有一位中國朋友，你認(rèn)識他嗎？"

"No. I don't know him. Because contrary to your unrealistic expectations, I do not know every single one of the 1.35 billion Chinese people who live on Planet Earth".

"不，我不認(rèn)識他。因?yàn)榕c你的不切實(shí)際的期望相反，居住在地球上的13億5千萬中國人我并不都認(rèn)識。"

People also tend to ask, "Where does your name come from"? , and I really don't know how to answer that, so I usually stick with the truth. "My parents gave it to me. Where does your name come from"?

人們也會問你"你的名字是哪來的？"我確實(shí)不知道該怎么回答這個(gè)問題，所以我通常會擺出事實(shí)。"我父母給我起的。你的名字又是怎么來的？"

Don't even get me started on how many times people have confused me with a different Asian person.

不要再讓我開始講有多少次人們將我和別的亞洲人搞混了。

One time someone came up to me and said, "Angie, I love your art work"! And I was super confused, so I just thanked them and walked away.

有一次某個(gè)人向我走來說，"Angie,我喜歡你的藝術(shù)作品。"我超級困惑，所以我僅僅只是向他道謝然后就走開了。

But, out of all the questions my favorite one is still the classic, "Where are you from"? , because I've lived in quite a few places, so this is how the conversation usually goes.

但是在所有問題中我最喜歡的一個(gè)還是這個(gè)最經(jīng)典的問題："你來自哪里？"因?yàn)槲乙呀?jīng)住過好幾個(gè)地方，所以我們的對話通常就會這樣進(jìn)行。

"Where are you from"? "Oh, I am from Boise, Idaho".

"你來自哪里？""奧，我來自愛達(dá)荷州的博伊西。"

"I see, but where are you really from"? "I mean, I lived in South Dakota for a while".

"我懂了，但是你真實(shí)來自哪里？""我的意思是，我在南達(dá)科他州待過一段時(shí)間。"

"Okay, what about before that"? "I mean, I lived in North Dakota".

"好，那你之前在哪?。?"我在北達(dá)科他州住。"

"Okay, I'm just going to cut straight to the chase here, I guess what I'm saying is, have you ever lived anywhere far away from here, where people talk a little differently"?

"好吧，我應(yīng)該直接切入主題了，我想我的意思是，你曾經(jīng)居住過某些離這里很遠(yuǎn)的地方嗎，那里的人們說話方式有些不同？"

"Oh, I know where you talking about, yes I have, I used to live in Texas".

"哦，我知道你說的是哪里了，是的，我曾經(jīng)居住在德克薩斯州。"

By then, they usually have just given up and wonder to themselves why I'm not one of the cool Asians like Jeremy Lin or Jackie Chan, or they skip the needless banter and go straight for the, "Where is your family from"?

到那時(shí)候，他們就會放棄追問然后自己思索，為什么我不像林書豪或者成龍是一個(gè)很酷的亞洲人，或者直接跳過那些不必要的調(diào)侃，直接問我，"你的家族來自哪里？"

So, just an FYI for all of you out there, that is the safest strategy. But, as amusing as these interactions were, often times they made me want to reject my own culture, because I thought it helped me conform.

所以，對于你們所有會面對這種問題的人來說這僅是一個(gè)參考，這是一個(gè)安全的策略。但是，和這些互動一樣搞笑的是，它們讓我時(shí)常的想拒絕我的文化，因?yàn)檫@樣能幫助我順應(yīng)新文化。

I distanced myself from the Asian stereotype as much as possible, by degrading my own race, and pretending I hated math. And the worse part was, it worked.

我盡可能的疏遠(yuǎn)了亞洲的定式傳統(tǒng)，降低我的考試成績，以及假裝我很討厭數(shù)學(xué)。最糟糕的的地方就是，這樣做居然有效。

The more I rejected my Chinese identity, the more popular I became. My peers liked me more, because I was more similar to them. I became more confident, because I knew I was more similar to them.

我越排斥我的中國人的身份，我就越受歡迎。我的同伴更喜歡我了，因?yàn)槲液退麄兏窳?。我變得更加自信，因?yàn)槲抑牢液退麄兏窳恕?/p>

But as I became more Americanized, I also began to lose bits and pieces of myself, parts of me that I can never get back, and no matter how much I tried to pretend that I was the same as my American classmates, I wasn't.

但是在我變得更加美國化的同時(shí)，我也開始丟失我自己的點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滴滴，我的一部分再也回不去了，不管我再怎么假裝我和我的同學(xué)一樣，但我終究是不同的。

Because for people who have lived in the places where I lived, white is the norm, and for me, white became the norm too.

因?yàn)閷τ诤臀揖幼≡谕坏胤降娜藖碚f，白色就是標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，對于我來說，白色也是標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。

For my fourteenth birthday, I received the video game The Sims 3, which lets you create your own characters and control their lives. My fourteen-year-old self created the perfect little mainstream family, complete with a huge mansion and an enormous swimming pool.

在我14歲生日的時(shí)候，我收到了模擬人生3這款電子游戲，它讓你創(chuàng)建你自己的角色并且控制他們的生活。14歲的我創(chuàng)建了一個(gè)完美的小主流家庭，用巨大的豪宅和巨大的游泳池加以完善。

I binge-played the game for about three months, then put it away and never really thought about it agai. Until a few weeks ago, when I came to a sudden realization. the family, that I had custom-designed, was white.

我瘋狂地玩兒了這個(gè)游戲三個(gè)月，然后就把它扔在一邊再也沒有想起來。直到幾個(gè)月之前我才突然意識到，那個(gè)家庭，我設(shè)計(jì)的那個(gè)家庭，是白人家庭。

The character that I had designed for myself, was white. Everyone I had designed was white. And the worst part was, this was by no means a conscious decision that I had made.

我給我自己設(shè)計(jì)的角色是白人。我設(shè)計(jì)的每一個(gè)人都是白人。最糟糕的是，這絕不是我做的有意的決定。

Never once did I think to myself that I could actually make the characters look like me. Without even thinking, white had become my norm too.

我甚至都沒有想過，我應(yīng)該把這個(gè)角色做的像我一點(diǎn)。甚至都不用多想，白色也成為了我的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。

The truth is, Asian Americans play a strange role in the American melting pot. We are the model minority. Society uses our success to pit us against other people of color as justification that racism doesn't exist.

事實(shí)是,華裔美國人在美國的大熔爐里扮演著奇怪的角色。我們是少數(shù)人的模范。社會利用我們的成功去對付其他有色人種，還聲稱種族主義并不存在。

But was does that mean for us, Asian Americans? It means that we are not quite similar enough to be accepted, but we aren't different enough to be loathed.

但是這對于我們意味著什么，華裔美國人民？這意味著我們并沒有相似到可以被接受的地步，也并沒有不同到被厭惡的地步。

We are in a perpetually grey zone, and society isn't quite sure what to do with us. So they group us by the color of our skin.

我們永遠(yuǎn)都處于灰色地帶，社會也不明確如何處理我們的問題。所以他們按我們的膚色來將我們分組。

They tell us that we must reject our own heritages, so we can fit in with the crowd. They tell us that our foreignness is the only identifying characteristic of us.

他們告訴我們我們必須拒絕自己的文化傳統(tǒng)，這樣我們才能做到迎合大眾。他們告訴我們"外國人特性"是我們唯一有辨識度的特征。

They strip away our identities one by one, until we are foreign, but not quite foreign, American but not quite American, individual, but only when there are no other people from our native country around.

他們一步一步的剝奪我們的特征，到我們變成是說外國也不太外國化，直說美國也不是很美國化的個(gè)體為止，直到我們周圍不再有來自我們本民族的人為止。

I wish that I had always had the courage to speak out about these issues. But coming from one culture that avoids confrontation, and another that is divided over race, how do I overcome the pressure to keep the peace, while also staying true to who I am?

我希望我總是有勇氣去說出這些問題。但是來自一個(gè)避免沖突的國家，所處的另一個(gè)國家又是種族分歧，我如何在仍然保持真我的同時(shí)，去克服這些壓力去維護(hù)和平。

And as much as I hate to admit it, often times I don't speak out, because, if I do, it's at the the risk of being told that I am too sensitive, or that I get offended too easily, or that it's just not worth it.

我超級討厭去承認(rèn)這些，好多次我都避而不提，因?yàn)槿绻艺f起，我就會面臨，被告知我太敏感，或者我太容易生氣，或者我這樣做不值得。

But I would point, are people willing to admit that? Yes, race issues are controversial. But that's precisely the reason why we need to talk about them.

但是我愿意指出，人們愿意去承認(rèn)嗎？是的，種族問題相當(dāng)有爭議。但是這恰恰是我們?yōu)槭裁葱枰ビ懻撍鼈兊脑颉?/p>

I just turned eighteen, and there are still so many things that I don't know about the world. But what I do know is that it's hard to admit that you might be part of the problem, that, all of us might be part of the problem.

我剛滿18歲，對于這個(gè)世界我還有好多未知的事情。但是我知道很難承認(rèn)，你可能處于這個(gè)問題中，我們每個(gè)人可能都是這個(gè)問題的一部分。

So, instead of giving you a step-by-step guide on how to not be racist towards Asians, I will let you decide what to take from this talk.

所以，比起給你們一步一步的指導(dǎo)如何不去歧視亞洲種族主義，我更愿意讓你們自己決定你們從講話中得到什么。

All I can do, is share my story. My name is Canwen, my favorite color is purple. And I play the piano, but not so much the violin. I have two incredibly supportive, hardworking parents, and one very awesome ten-year-old brother.

我所能做的，是分享我的故事。我是瞰文，我最喜歡的顏色是粉色。我彈鋼琴以及了解一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)小提琴。我有兩個(gè)難以置信的支援我的，努力工作的父母，和一個(gè)非常帥的10歲的弟弟。

I love calculus more than anything, despise eating rice, and I'm a horrendous driver. But most of all, I am proud of who I am.

我喜歡微積分勝于一切，除了吃大米以外，我是一個(gè)相當(dāng)差勁的司機(jī)。但是最重要的是，我以我為豪。

A little bit American, a little bit Chinese, and a whole lot of both. Thank you.

一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)美國化，一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)中國化，二者兼具的整體。謝謝。